CONTENTS
Dedication
Acknowledgments
PART I: DON’T GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER
Chapter 1: Make Every Day a Friday
Chapter 2: Don’t Give Away Your Power
Chapter 3: Express Your Joy
Chapter 4: Bloom Where You Are Planted
Chapter 5: Enjoy The Journey
PART 2: KNOW WHAT TO IGNORE
Chapter 6: The Right Perspective
Chapter 7: Know What To Ignore
Chapter 8: Silencing The Voice Of The Accuser
Chapter 9: A No-Excuses Life
Chapter 10: You Can Have The Last Laugh
PART 3: LIVE WITHOUT CRUTCHES
Chapter 11: Living Without Crutches
Chapter 12: Don’t Live For The Approval Of Others
Chapter 13: Freedom From Competition
Chapter 14: Connecting With The Right People
PART 4: TRAVEL LIGHT
Chapter 15: Forgive So You Can Be Free
Chapter 16: Overcoming Discouragement
Chapter 17: Dealing With Unexpected Difficulties
Chapter 18: Don’t Have A Critical Spirit
Chapter 19: Seeing Through Eyes Of Love
PART 5: LAUGH OFTEN
Chapter 20: The Healing Power Of Laughter
Chapter 21: Smile, And The World Smiles With You
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to Victoria,
Jonathan, and Alexandra.
I cherish each of you. Your love, joy, and
happiness brighten my life, and I wake each
morning looking forward to another day spent
with you. You truly do make every day a Friday.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
It is fitting that this book is called Every Day a Friday
because I’ve learned that every day brings a deadline
when you are writing a book. Thanks to many
talented and hardworking people, we met all of our
deadlines and produced an inspiring and uplifting
book that I am very proud to offer.
As always, God guided me through the process with
help from my editor Rolf Zettersten at
FaithWords/Hachette and Hachette Chairman and
CEO David Young, along with leadership team
members Chris Murphy, Martha Otis, and Harry
Helm.
I am grateful also to my literary agents, Shannon
Marven and Jan Miller Rich at Dupree Miller &
Associates, who once again proved invaluable
throughout the entire process.
Special thanks go to Wes Smith, a true wordsmith,
whose speed at the keyboard is matched only by his
strong work ethic and good humor.
In this book I offer many stories shared with me by
friends, members of our congregation, and people
I’ve met around the world. I appreciate and
acknowledge their contributions and support. Some
of those mentioned in the book are people I have not
met personally and, in a few cases, we’ve changed
the names to protect the privacy of individuals. I give
honor to all of those to whom honor is due. As the
son of a church leader and a pastor myself, I’ve
listened to countless sermons and presentations, so
in some cases I can’t remember the exact source of a
story. Thanks to all who have touched my life with
their own. My intention in writing this book is to
pass on the blessings, and to God be the glory.
I offer special thanks also to all the pastors across the
country who are members of our Champions
Network, especially that group’s chairman, Pastor
Phil Munsey, and his wife, Jeannie, of Life Church in
Irvine, California.
I am indebted to the amazing staff of Lakewood
Church, whose service to God’s house makes every
day a joyous one for me. I am grateful to the loyal
members of Lakewood whose stories inspire me,
whose lives bless me, and whose loyalty humbles me.
I express my sincere appreciation to the thousands of
selfless individuals across America and around the
globe who generously support our ministry and
make it possible to bring hope to a world in need.
And I am thankful for the millions of fine people
worldwide who watch our services on television, via
the Internet, and through the podcasts. I consider
each of you to be a valued part of our Lakewood
family.
I am blessed to have a supportive family of wise and
talented people who help keep our ministry
humming along, including my brother Paul and his
wife Jennifer, my sister Lisa and her husband Kevin,
and my brother-in-law Don and his wife Jackelyn.
Inspiring and out-working us all is my mother, Dodie
Osteen, who serves as a wonderful example of
someone who finds happiness and joy in each and
every day.
PART 1
DON’T GIVE
AWAY
YOUR POWER
CHAPTER ONE
Make Every Day A Friday
John was ninety-two years old and blind, but he was
just as sharp as could be when his wife, Eleanor,
went to the Lord. He didn’t feel he should live alone,
so John decided to move into a nice seniors’ home.
On the morning of the move, he was up and fully
dressed by 8:00 a.m. As always, the elderly
gentleman looked impeccable, with his hair perfectly
combed and his face neatly shaven.
A cab picked him up and took him to the seniors’
home. John arrived early, as was his habit, and
waited more than an hour before a young aide,
Miranda, came to show him to his new room. As John
maneuvered his walker through the hallways,
Miranda described his room in great detail. She said
sunlight came in through a big window, and there
was a comfortable couch, and a nice desk area.
Right in the middle of her description, John
interrupted her and said, “I love it. I love it. I love it.”
Miranda laughed and said, “Sir, we’re not there yet.
You haven’t seen it. Hold on just a minute, and I’ll
show it to you.”
Happiness is a choice.
John said, “No, you don’t have to show it to me.
Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on
how the furniture is arranged. It depends on how my
mind is arranged. Happiness is something you decide
ahead of time.”
As wise old John understood, happiness is a choice.
When you wake up in the morning you can choose
what kind of day you want to have. You can choose to
be in a good mood, or you can choose to be in a bad
mood.
CHOOSE HAPPINESS
My purpose in writing this book is to help you
arrange your mind so that you choose happiness
each and every day. Whatever challenges you may
face, whatever circumstances are weighing you
down, you can choose your response. How you live
your life is totally up to you. It’s not dependent on
your circumstances. It’s dependent on your choices.
Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are as happy as
they’ve decided to be.”
Honest Abe would have enjoyed a recent study that
found happiness increases 10 percent on Fridays.
Why is that? People are excited about the coming
weekend, so they decide to be happier. They make up
their minds on Fridays to enjoy their lives more.
I challenge you to let every day be a Friday. Give
yourself permission to be happy every day. Not just
on the weekends. Not just when you have a special
event. Not just when you’re on vacation.
If you have the right mind-set, you can be just as
happy on Monday as you are on Friday. The
Scripture doesn’t say, “Friday is the day the Lord has
made.” It says, “This is the day the LORD has made”
(Psalm 118:24 NKJV; emphasis added).
This means Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and every
other day of the week. You can be happy even when
it’s raining, when you have to work late, or when you
have to do the dishes.
Why don’t you make up your mind to be happy every
day? You’ve heard the saying “TGIF. Thank God it’s
Friday.” For you and me it also should be, “TGIM.
Thank God it’s Monday.”
“TGIW. Thank God it’s Wednesday.”
“TGIS. Thank God it’s Sunday.”
Another study said there are more heart attacks on
Monday than on any other day. So many people just
decide that Monday is a stressed-out day. They suffer
the Monday morning blues.
When you wake up on Monday morning, don’t accept
those negative thoughts that come knocking on your
door, saying, It will be a hard day and a long week.
Traffic will be bad. I have so much work to do. I just
need to make it through the Monday morning blues.
Don’t buy into those thoughts.
Instead, say, “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve already
answered the door and almighty God, the Creator of
the universe, has sent me a hand delivery of joy. I
know this will be a great day!”
Decide that for you, there are no Monday morning
blues. Instead, choose the Monday morning dos by
saying, “I do have a smile. I do have joy. I do have
God’s favor. I do have victory.”
Yes, I know some days are more difficult than others.
But if you program your mind in a positive way, you
won’t have to drag through certain days just hoping
to get to Friday so you can finally enjoy life.
Faith is always in the present. Your attitude should
be: I’m excited to be alive at this moment. I’m excited
to be breathing today. I’m excited about my family,
my health, and my opportunities. I have plenty of
reasons to be happy right now.
HAPPINESS IS YOUR RIGHT
According to the authors of the Declaration of
Independence, our Creator gave each of us the right
to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Even the
British prime minister David Cameron recognized
this recently when he proposed polling all residents
each year to measure their GWB—General Well-
Being.
“Well-being can’t be measured by money or traded
in markets,” he said in an interview. “It’s about the
beauty of our surroundings, the quality of our
culture, and, above all, the strength of our
relationships.”
A researcher in Australia found that life goals and
choices have as much or more impact on happiness
than our body chemistry or genetic makeup. Another
study found that half of our happiness is determined
by factors other than biology. Ten percent is
connected to “life circumstances” and the other 40
percent is dependent on our life decisions.
It is your choice to be happy. Make up your mind to
enjoy this day, to have a blessed, prosperous,
victorious year. You may have some setbacks and
your circumstances may change, but don’t let that
change your mind. Keep it set on happiness.
It’s not what happens to you or what you have or
don’t have that is important; it’s how your mind is
arranged and the choices you make. When our
daughter, Alexandra, was just a little baby and I’d get
her out of her crib in the morning, she’d be so
excited to hear me coming, she’d start jumping up
and down. She’d give me a great big, full-body hug
with her arms and legs, then a big kiss.
Why was she so excited? She was just happy for the
dawning of a new day. Alexandra was excited to be
alive to have another day to enjoy. That’s the
excitement God has placed inside every one of us. We
should never forget how to celebrate each day. But so
often as we get older, we let the challenges of life
push us down and sadden our spirits.
We have to realize every
day is a gift from God.
We have to realize every day is a gift from God. Once
this day is gone, we can never retrieve it. If we make
the mistake of being negative, discouraged, grumpy,
or sour, we’ve wasted the day. Some people squander
year after year, being unhappy because somebody is
not treating them right, or because they are not
getting their way, or because their plans are not
working out as quickly as they would like. I’ve made
up my mind to not waste any more days. I’m
celebrating each as a gift from God.
PREPARE FOR VICTORY
We prepare for victory or defeat at the very start of
each day. When you get up in the morning, you have
to set your mind in the right direction. You may feel
discouraged. You may feel the blahs, thinking, I don’t
want to go to work today. Or I don’t want to deal with
these children. Or I’ve got so many problems.
If you make the mistake of dwelling on those
thoughts, you are preparing to have a lousy day.
You’re using your faith in the wrong direction. Turn
it around and say, “This will be a great day.
Something good will happen to me. God has favor in
my future, and I’m expecting new opportunities,
divine connections, and supernatural
breakthroughs.”
When you take that approach, you prepare for
victory, increase, and restoration. God says to the
angels, “Did you hear that? They’re expecting My
goodness. They’re expecting to prosper in spite of the
economy. They’re expecting to get well in spite of the
medical report. They’re expecting to accomplish
their dreams even though they don’t have the
resources right now.”
When you begin each day in faith, anticipating
something good, God tells the angels to go to work
and to arrange things in your favor. He gives you
breaks, lines up the right people, and opens the right
doors.
That’s what allows God to show up and do amazing
things. Sometimes you will see major improvements
in your life if you just make that minor adjustment.
You would not only have more energy, you would
also have a better attitude, and you would be more
productive. You would see new doors open. You
would meet new friends. You would get some of
those breakthroughs you’ve been praying for if you
would just get up in the morning and, instead of
preparing for defeat, prepare for victory. Prepare for
increase. Prepare for God’s favor.
You have to set the tone at the start of each day. If
you leave your mind in neutral, the negative
thoughts will start to come just by default.
Have you ever been lying in bed in the morning and
out of nowhere you’re reminded of all the mistakes
you made yesterday and all the problems in your
future? That’s the enemy trying to set your mind for
a negative, defeated, lousy day.
Don’t fall into that trap. The Scripture says, “Set your
minds and keep them set on what is above (the
higher things)” (Colossians 3:2 AMP). Be proactive.
Take the offensive. When you get up in the morning,
say along with David, “This is another day the Lord
has made. No matter how I feel, no matter what the
economy looks like, no matter what the medical
report says, I am choosing to rejoice. I choose to live
this day happy.”
Do you know what you’re really saying when you
take that approach? You are proclaiming: “I will not
allow anyone to steal my joy today. I will not allow
disappointments and setbacks to discourage me. I
will not focus on my problems and my mistakes. I’ve
made up my mind to enjoy this day.”
I have a friend being treated for cancer. He’s a young
man, very talented, very athletic. If he had not told
me, I would never have known anything was wrong
in his life. I’ve never once heard him complain. He’s
always friendly, upbeat, and enjoying life.
I asked him the other day how he could keep such a
good attitude during such a difficult time. He said,
“When I get up in the morning I ask myself, ‘Do you
want to be depressed today, or do you want to live
happy?’ and I choose to live happy.”
If you want to be happy, you have to be happy on
purpose. When you wake up in the morning, you
can’t just wait to see what kind of day you’ll have.
You have to decide what kind of day you’ll have. The
Scripture says in Psalm 30:5 that joy comes in the
morning. When you wake up each morning, God
sends you a special delivery of joy. When you get up
in faith and make the declaration “This will be a
good day,” you answer that knock at the door. You
receive the gift of joy God sent to you!
The problem is, some people never answer the door.
The knocking has not been answered for months and
months, years and years: “Come on! Let me in! You
can be happy! You can cheer up! You can enjoy your
life!” I don’t know about you, but I’ve made up my
mind to answer the door. I’m waking up every
morning and saying, “Father, thank You for another
beautiful day. I will be happy. I will enjoy this day. I
will brighten somebody else’s life. I am choosing to
receive Your gift of joy.”
YOU HAVE WHAT YOU
NEED TO BE HAPPY
I’ve found that most of the time we have what we
need to be happy. We just don’t have the right
perspective. For instance, you may not be happy with
the job you have right now. But if you lost that job
and went months without any income, you probably
would be very happy to win it back.
We have what we need to be happy.
We just don’t have the right perspective.
You see? You had what you needed to be happy. You
just didn’t realize it. I know people who are perfectly
healthy, but they’re never really happy. There’s
always something bothering them. They want a
bigger house or a better job. But if they were to lose
their health and then regain it, I’m sure they would
be thrilled. They have what they need to be happy.
I hear women complain and complain about their
husbands and men complain and complain about
their wives: “[He or she] is just too much of this” or
“not enough of that.” But if their spouses were
suddenly gone and they were lonely month after
month; if they didn’t have anybody to talk to; if they
had nobody to eat dinner with, they might be happy
just to get back their “old goats,” I mean, their
husbands or wives.
Keep your life in the right perspective. Every one of
us has something even right now to be happy about:
our health, our jobs, our families, or an opportunity.
I know this couple who were constantly complaining
about their house. It was too small and too far out in
the country. It was a source of frustration year after
year. But when the economy went down,
unfortunately, their income went down as well, and
they came very close to losing that house. Just before
the bank foreclosed on it, they were able to refinance
so they could keep their home.
Do you know they now think that house is the
greatest thing in the world? They show it off like it’s
brand-new. What happened? They changed their
perspective.
I hear people say, “Well, I’ve got to go to work today.”
No, the right attitude is to say, “I get to go to work
today. I have a job. I have an opportunity. That’s
reason enough for me to have a smile on my face.”
“Well, I’ve got to clean this house. It’s so much work.”
No, “I get to clean this house. I’m strong. I’m healthy.
On top of that, I have a house. I’m not living under a
bridge somewhere.”
“I’ve got to take care of these children. All I do is cook
and clean and do the laundry.”
No, “I get to take care of these children. They’re a gift
from God. They’re a special treasure.”
I’ve found there are very few things in life that we
have to do. “I’ve got to pay my taxes.” No, really, you
get to pay your taxes. The fact that you have taxes
due means that you’ve made money. That tells me
God blessed you with opportunity.
“Well, I’ve got to go to the grocery store today.”
No, that means you’re healthy enough to eat. “I get to
go to the grocery store.”
“Well, I’ve got to drive in traffic.”
No, that means God has blessed you with a car. “I get
to drive in traffic.”
“Well, I’ve got to buy my wife a Valentine’s Day gift.”
No, that means God has blessed you with a wife. You
don’t have to buy her a gift. You get to buy her a gift.
And if you don’t, you will be unhappy, because if
Mama is not happy, nobody is happy!
HAPPINESS IS BASED
ON YOUR PERSPECTIVE
I read about these two men who’d been bricklayers
for more than thirty years. They were working on a
huge skyscraper downtown. One man was always
negative, discouraged, constantly complaining, and
dreaded going to work. The other man was just the
opposite. He was excited to show up each day and
had an attitude of faith and enthusiasm about life.
One day a friend came by the jobsite and asked them
separately what they were doing. The first said, “Aw,
we’re just laying brick. We’ve been doing this for
thirty years. It’s so boring. One brick on top of the
other.”
Then the friend asked the second bricklayer. He just
lit up. “Why, we’re building a magnificent
skyscraper,” he said. “This structure will stand tall
for generations to come. I’m just so excited that I
could be a part of it.”
Each bricklayer’s happiness or lack of it was based
on his perspective. You can be laying brick or you
can be building a beautiful skyscraper. The choice is
up to you. You can go to work each day and just
punch in on the clock and dread being there and do
as little as possible. Or you can show up with
enthusiasm and give it your best, knowing that
you’re making the world a better place.
I’ve found we create much of our own unhappiness.
We see what’s wrong rather than what’s right. We
look at what we don’t have rather than what we do
have. We don’t celebrate each day and appreciate the
gift that God has given us.
Years ago, a man traveling by train met a very
successful couple. The lady was wearing expensive
clothing and jewelry. This couple was obviously well-
to-do. The traveler shared their first-class cabin,
which was very comfortable. But from the start the
lady did nothing but complain. She complained that
the temperature wasn’t right, complained that there
wasn’t enough light, complained that the food wasn’t
good, and complained that her seat was dirty. She
made everyone miserable.
During the journey, the traveler struck up a
conversation with her husband. He asked what kind
of business he was in. He said he had been in the car
industry and God had blessed him in a great way. But
he added; “Now my wife, she’s in the manufacturing
business.”
The traveler thought, That’s kind of odd. I mean,
she’s so dignified and dressed so properly. That just
doesn’t seem like it fits.
He asked very curiously, “What does she
manufacture?”
“She manufactures unhappiness,” the husband said.
“She’s unhappy everywhere she goes.”
You may need to change businesses, not physically
but mentally. Get out of the business of
manufacturing unhappiness. Quit dwelling on what’s
wrong. Quit seeing the faults and start seeing the
good. Start being grateful for what you have.
Appreciate the gift of today.
KEEP A SONG IN YOUR HEART
As I walked out of the house early one recent
morning, I heard all these birds singing and singing
so loud and so cheerful. Little birds were chirping
and chirping. Big birds were making a melody. It was
like they were having a big party. I wanted to say to
them, “Hey, birds. Have you read the newspapers
lately? Did you see the stock market last year? You’re
not supposed to be singing, enjoying life. What’s
wrong with you? You’re acting like everything will be
all right.”
What was it with those birds? They know a secret.
They know their heavenly Father is in control. They
know God has promised to take care of them, so they
go through the day singing and enjoying life,
regardless of the circumstances.
Get up in the morning and have
a song of praise in your heart.
That’s how to start off each day. Get up in the
morning and have a song of praise in your heart. Put
a smile on your face. Go out into the day and be
determined to enjoy it. The apostle Paul wrote: “Be
happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted
continually (always)” (1 Thessalonians 5:16 AMP).
How long are we supposed to be glad-hearted? How
long are we supposed to have a smile on our faces?
As long as people treat us right? As long as we feel
okay? As long as the economy is up? No, the
Scripture says, “Be glad-hearted continually
(always).” That means in the good times and in the
tough times, when it’s sunny and when it’s raining.
When dark clouds are over your head and you feel
like life is depressing and gloomy, always remember
that right above those dark clouds the sun is shining.
You may not be able to see the sun in your life right
now, but that doesn’t mean it’s not up there. It’s just
blocked by the dark clouds. The good news is, the
clouds are temporary. The clouds will not last
forever. The sun will shine in your life once again.
In the meantime, keep your joy. Be glad-hearted
continually. Don’t let a few clouds darken your life.
The rain falls on the just and the unjust. That means
we all face disappointments, unfair situations, tests,
trials, and temptation. But know this: Right past the
test is promotion. On the other side of every
difficulty is increase. If you go through adversity
with a smile on your face and a song in your heart,
on the other side there will be a reward.
But so often in the tough times we become
discouraged. “I’m down today because business is
slow.” “I’m upset because I got a bad medical report.”
Or, “I’m worried about this legal situation.”
Human nature tends to turn negative in difficult
times. But the Scripture tells us to do just the
opposite: “Count it all joy when you fall into various
trials” (James 1:2 NKJV). That doesn’t seem to make
sense to some people. “You mean we’re supposed to
be joyful and glad-hearted in the middle of tough
times?” they ask. Yes, that’s right, because when you
lose your joy, you lose your strength.
You need your strength more than ever in the
difficult times, and your strength is dependent on
your joy. When you’re facing a financial crisis,
dealing with an illness, going through a breakup in a
relationship, or raising a rebellious child, you need
your strength. If you go through those challenges
feeling negative, bitter, and discouraged, you will not
have the vitality to stand strong and fight the good
fight of faith.
You can keep your joy by knowing that on the other
side of each test is promotion. On the other side of
every setback is opportunity. On the other side of
every offense is growth. The difficulties you face are
not there to defeat you. They are there to increase
you.
Just keep reminding yourself, Even though this is
hard, even though I don’t understand it, even though
it’s not fair, I’ll keep a good attitude and stay full of
joy, knowing that this is not setting me back. It is
setting me up for God to bring me through to the
other side of this in an even better position.
THE KEY TO HANDLING ADVERSITY
If you complain, you will remain. You’ll stay right
there. If you become negative and soured on life, you
won’t pass the test. There was promotion available.
There was opportunity for new growth, but because
you didn’t count it all joy, you missed out. The good
news is this: God will give you another opportunity.
He can still take you where you need to be. For
instance, when someone offends you, your attitude
should be, I won’t be upset. I’ll count it all joy. I know
this is simply a test, and on the other side of this
challenge I’ll be promoted.
When business is slow, instead of griping, count it all
joy. Tell yourself, This, too, shall pass. I know God is
supplying all of my needs. Or when you face a
disappointment, your negative emotions will tell you
to be down and discouraged. You’ll feel self-pity
trying to set in. But instead of submitting to those
negative emotions, encourage yourself: Get up. Be
strong. There are good days up ahead.
That’s how you pass the test. That’s how you count it
all joy.
In the tough times, don’t be surprised if you feel that
spirit of heaviness trying to overtake you. Don’t be
surprised if you hear those thoughts telling you, It
will never work out. You’ll never get well. It’s over.
It’s done. Don’t believe those lies. You don’t have to
be guided by your emotions. They’re not in charge.
You’re in charge. Instead of letting your negative
emotions talk to you, talk to yourself.
When you wake up in the morning and that negative
thought comes to your mind saying, It’s a lousy day,
don’t just agree and say, “Yeah. It’s a lousy day, I feel
terrible.” Instead, turn it around and talk to yourself.
Make a declaration of faith out loud: “This will be a
great day. I will get well. God will restore health to
me.”
PUT YOUR HOPE BACK
IN THE LORD
This is what King David did. He put his hope in the
Lord. That spirit of heaviness tried to steal his
destiny. He became depressed and very discouraged
during those dark times. But David said, “Why are
you cast down, O my soul?… Hope in God” (Psalm
43:5 NKJV).
He was asking himself, David, what’s wrong with
you? Why are you discouraged? Why have you lost
your joy? God is still on the throne. God still has good
things in store. Put your hope back in the Lord.
When that heaviness tries to come on you, do the
same thing. Look in the mirror and say, “Listen here,
self. Cheer up. Put on a new attitude. We’re not
staying down. We’re not staying defeated. We’re
putting our hope in the Lord.”
There is so much doom and gloom in our world, so
many negative news reports. If you are not careful,
you’ll find it sinking in. The spirit of heaviness will
overcome you, stealing your enthusiasm and
draining your joy.
“Oh, but it’s just so bad,” you might say.
The Scripture tells us what to do when this happens:
Put on “the garment of praise for the spirit of
heaviness” (Isaiah 61:3 NKJV). When you feel that
heaviness is trying to overtake you by telling you,
“There’s nothing good in your future. You’ve seen
your best days,” the first thing to do is take off the old
coat of heaviness. Throw away the coat of self-pity.
Get rid of the coat of discouragement and put on a
new coat of praise.
You cannot give God thanks and
stay down and discouraged.
Thank God for what He’s already done in your life.
Thank Him for the victories in your past. Thank Him
for how far He’s already brought you. And then take
it one step further. Thank Him in advance for the
victories He has planned ahead for you. Thank Him
for the new doors He’s opening. Thank Him for the
situations He’s turning around. Thank Him for the
favor He has in your future.
If you do that, you will feel a new joy rising up on the
inside. You will feel your faith increase. You won’t
have that victim mentality; you will have a victor
mentality. One thing I’ve learned is you cannot
praise and stay defeated at the same time. You
cannot give God thanks and stay down and
discouraged.
PUT ON THE GARMENT OF PRAISE
When you put on the garment of praise, that spirit of
heaviness has to go. Sometimes you won’t feel like
doing it. You won’t feel like having a good attitude.
You won’t feel like being grateful. That’s why God
says to offer up the sacrifice of praise. God knew it
would not always be easy. You will have to dig your
heels in and say, “God, I don’t feel like doing this. It
doesn’t look like it will ever work out. I’m tired,
lonely, discouraged. But God, I know You’re still on
the throne. I know You are good and You are good all
the time, so I choose to give You praise. I choose to
give You thanks anyway.”
When you offer up that sacrifice of praise,
supernatural things begin to happen. Scripture tells
us the story of the apostle Paul and his companion
Silas. They were imprisoned for sharing their faith.
They had been unjustly beaten earlier in the day.
What were they doing at midnight in their jail cell?
Complaining? Having a pity party? Saying, “God, it’s
not fair. Where were You today?”
No, they were singing praises and giving thanks to
God. They were saying, in effect, “God, we know
You’re bigger than our problems. We know You’re
still in control. You are well able to get us out of
here.” Sure enough, at midnight there was a great
earthquake. The prison doors flew open. The chains
fell off, and Paul and Silas walked out as free men.
What started it? Their offering up the sacrifice of
praise.
Really, anyone can have a good attitude when
everything is going well. We can all celebrate and be
grateful when we’re on the mountaintop, but where
are the people who give God praise even as the
bottom falls out? Where are the people who rise up
each morning and prepare for victory and increase
in spite of all the news reports predicting doom and
gloom? Where are the people who say, “God, I still
praise You even though the medical report wasn’t
good” or “God, I still thank You even though it didn’t
turn out my way”?
I believe you are one of those people. I believe you
are of great faith. Your roots go down deep. You
could be complaining. You could be discouraged. You
could have a chip on your shoulder, but instead you
just keep giving God praise. You’ve got that smile on
your face. You’re doing the right thing even though
the wrong thing is happening.
That’s why I can tell you with confidence that you
are coming into greater victories. Enlarge your
vision. Take the limits off God. You have not seen
your best days. God has victories in your future that
will amaze you. He will show up and show out in
unusual ways. You may be in a tough time right now,
but remember this: The enemy always fights you the
hardest when he knows God has something great in
store for you.
You are closest to your victory when it is the darkest.
That is the enemy’s final stand. Don’t be discouraged.
Don’t start complaining. Just keep offering up that
sacrifice of praise.
THE VOICE OF GLADNESS
The Old Testament prophet Jeremiah wrote, “[There
shall be heard again] the voice of joy and the voice of
gladness,… the voices of those who sing as they bring
sacrifices of thanksgiving into the house of the Lord.
… [God] will cause the captivity of the land to be
reversed and return to be as it was at first” (Jeremiah
33:11 AMP). I particularly love two words in that
verse; reversed and return. God is saying when you
stay full of joy, when you learn to offer up the
sacrifice of praise, God will turn things in your favor.
He will reverse negative situations. He will return, or
restore, what’s been stolen.
But notice that restoration doesn’t come from
complaining, being negative, or being sour.
Restoration takes place when you have the voice of
gladness, the voice of joy. That means you get up in
the morning with a song in your heart. You go out
each day with a smile on your face. Things may not
always go your way, but you don’t become
discouraged. You shake it off and count it all joy.
When you live that way, you might as well get ready.
God will be reversing and restoring. He will reverse
finances that have been down. He will reverse a
struggling business. He will reverse a legal situation
in your favor. He will reverse a health issue to heal
you.
Not only that, God will restore what should have
been yours. He will restore the years you lost
because somebody did you wrong. He will restore a
relationship that’s on the rocks. Restoration will
occur because you have the voice of joy, the voice of
gladness, and you keep offering up that sacrifice of
praise.
Learn to count it all joy. Don’t be determined to
never have problems. Be determined to stay full of
joy in the midst of your problems. Arrange your
mind in the right direction.
And no matter what comes your way, don’t lose your
joy. Learn to offer up that sacrifice of praise. If you
keep the voice of gladness, the voice of joy, you
cannot stay down and defeated. God has promised
He will reverse and restore. Not only that, but
because you have joy, you will find the strength to
outlast every attack, to overcome every obstacle, to
defeat every enemy. You will become everything God
created you to be, and you will have everything God
intended for you to have.
CHAPTER TWO
Don’t Give Away Your Power
We can’t control all our circumstances,
but we can control our reactions.
Every day we have plenty of opportunities to be
upset, to be frustrated, and to be offended. Maybe the
day’s plans didn’t work out, or somebody was rude at
the office, or a job that should have taken one hour
took three. Life is full of inconveniences. There will
always be interruptions and difficult people. We
can’t control all our circumstances, but we can
control our reactions.
I’ve heard it said that life is 10 percent what happens
to you and 90 percent how you respond. Go into each
day positive, hopeful, and expecting God’s favor. But
at the same time be realistic, knowing that most days
will not go exactly as you planned. If you become
stressed because you are off schedule, frustrated
because someone offended you, or upset because
your child wouldn’t eat breakfast, you are giving
away your power.
It’s good to have plans, but at the first part of every
day submit those plans to God and just say, “God, this
is what I would like to accomplish today. But I know
You’re in control, so I submit my plans to You. And
I’ve decided in advance that no matter what comes
my way, I will stay in peace, knowing You are
directing my steps and that all things will work
together for my good.”
But too many people these days have the wrong
approach to life. They think they can’t be happy
unless they control all their circumstances and
everything goes their way. But that’s not realistic.
You have to come to the place where you can say, “I
don’t have to have my way to have a good day. My
plans don’t have to work out for me to be happy.
Everybody doesn’t have to treat me right for life to be
enjoyable. I have already made up my mind: No
matter what does or doesn’t happen, I will stay in
peace and enjoy this day.”
The Scripture says that “no one will take away your
joy” (John 16:22 NIV). No circumstance can take your
peace. No interruption can take your enthusiasm.
You have to give it away. The next time you’re
tempted to be upset and frustrated, ask yourself, Is
this worth giving my power away?
Or, This man is rude to me on the phone. I don’t even
know him. Is it worth giving him my joy?
Or, This co-worker left me out of a meeting; is it
worth giving away my peace?
You may not have the victory, not because you can’t,
but because you keep giving it away. Life is too short
to be upset and offended. If you allow your
circumstances to control your joy, there will always
be some reason to be discouraged.
“It’s the economy.”
“It’s the stock market. That’s why I’m so down.”
Quit giving away your power. God is still on the
throne. The economy in heaven is doing just fine. As
long as you’re connected to Him, everything will be
all right.
“Well,” you say, “I had to cancel my vacation this
year.”
Or, “My boss sure is hard to get along with.”
“This neighbor, he really gets on my nerves. I’ve been
praying and asking God to change him.”
One thing I’ve learned is to never pray for God to
change somebody else without first saying, “God,
change me.”
Even if that offensive neighbor were to move away, if
you don’t learn this principle—to never allow others
to steal your joy—two more just like him will move
back in.
YOU HAVE TO BE THE CHANGE YOU SEEK
Jesus put it this way: “Stop allowing yourselves to be
agitated and disturbed” (John 14:27 AMP).
Notice it’s a choice we have to make. He didn’t say, “I
will make sure your circumstances are perfect. That
way you can be happy.”
He said, in effect, “The things upsetting you right
now don’t have to upset you. The people aggravating
you, even if they don’t change, they don’t have to
aggravate you.” If you’ll make adjustments and
change your approach to life, you can be happy in
spite of those circumstances.
I’m asking you today to stop allowing negative people
and disappointments and inconveniences to steal
your joy. You have to put your foot down and say,
“This child gets on my nerves—I love him—but I will
rise above it. I won’t let this control me.” Or, “This
grumpy boss jumps down my throat for no reason,
but I’m not letting him ruin any more of my days.”
That’s what it means to not give away your power.
You have to be determined to enjoy your life.
A woman once told me about her husband’s very
obnoxious relative who repeatedly made cutting and
demeaning remarks to her. Every time they were at
family get-togethers, invariably, this man would say
something that offended her. She would become
upset and it would ruin the whole trip. She reached a
point where she didn’t want to even go to her
husband’s family events. Finally, she told her
husband, “You’ve got to do something about that
man. He’s your relative.”
She was expecting the husband to say, “You’re right,
honey. He shouldn’t talk to you like that. I’ll go in
there and set him straight.” But the husband did just
the opposite. He said, “Honey, I love you, but I cannot
control him. He has every right to his opinion. He
can say what he wants to, but you have every right to
not be offended.”
At first she couldn’t understand why her husband
wouldn’t really stick up for her. Time and time again
she would feel upset. If her husband’s relative was in
one room, she would go to another room. If the man
was outside, she would make sure she stayed inside.
Her whole focus was avoiding this man. Eventually,
she grew weary of allowing him to have such an
impact on her life. One day it was like a light turned
on. She realized that no one took this man seriously
and that she was giving away her power. She was
allowing one person who had issues of his own to
keep her from becoming the woman she was meant
to be.
When you allow what someone says
or does to upset you, you’re allowing
that person to control you.
When you allow what someone says or does to upset
you, you’re allowing that person to control you.
When you say, “You make me so mad,” what you’re
really doing is admitting that you’re giving away
your power. As long as the person knows they can
push this button and you’ll respond this way, and
they can make that remark and you’ll get upset, and
they know if they go outside you’ll go inside—as long
as you keep responding the same way—you are
giving them exactly what they want.
People have a right to say what they want, to do what
they want, as long as it’s legal. And we have a right to
not be offended. We have a right to overlook it. But
when we become upset and angry, we change. If
somebody walks into a room and we grow tense, it’s
because we’re putting too much importance on what
that person thinks about us.
What a person says about you does not define who
you are. His or her opinion of you does not
determine your self-worth. Let that bounce off you
like water off a duck’s back. This person has every
right to have an opinion, and you have every right to
ignore it.
I’ve found that some people feel it’s their calling in
life to point out what others are doing wrong and
where others are missing it. They’re constantly
critical, always finding fault. There is nothing they
love more than keeping someone upset, and arguing,
and always on the defensive.
Rise above that. You don’t need them to agree with
you. You don’t have to win their approval. Let that
go, and just be who God made you to be.
Even the great leader Moses had to deal with
relatives who didn’t like the woman he’d chosen to
marry because she was of a different nationality.
They criticized Moses publicly, saying, “We don’t
agree with this. We refuse to approve of this
marriage.”
But deep down, Moses knew he was making the right
decision. He didn’t argue with them. He didn’t
become upset. He didn’t criticize them. He just kept
his peace. As it turned out, the person who was the
most vocal critic of the bride contracted leprosy and
was soon no longer around.
You don’t have to respond to every critic. You don’t
have to prove yourself to them. Just stay on the high
road and let God fight your battles for you. Some
who will cross your path simply don’t want peace
with you. No matter what you say or do, they will not
be won over. Even if you were to change, they would
still find some reason to be critical. You have to
accept the fact that no matter what you do, some
people will never be at peace with you.
I had a real nice sports car when I first dated my
wife, Victoria. I was in my early twenties and wanted
to impress her, so I kept that car spotless. There
wasn’t a scratch on it. Then I was driving home from
Victoria’s house late one night and I had an accident.
I was proceeding through an intersection. The light
was green. Another car going the same direction
turned right from the wrong lane and hit the back of
my sports car, spinning it around.
After taking a few moments to calm down, I stepped
out of my car. I knew the accident wasn’t my fault.
And I’m naturally easygoing. There is not much that
upsets me. I checked my spotless car. The back end
was totally destroyed.
About that time the other driver climbed out of his
car. It was very dark, but I could see he was probably
in his fifties. He started ranting, raving, and cursing,
and then he said, “Kid, learn how to drive. I am so
mad at you.”
I thought to myself, I’m the one who should be upset.
He just turned from the wrong lane. He was about
thirty yards away. I could see he was working up his
anger. Then he started running toward me like he
wanted to fight.
My first thought was, Do you want some of this?
You know that’s not true. My real first thought was,
How big is he?
When he came within fifteen yards, I saw he was
twice my size. Right then and there I had a
revelation: This was not a battle worth fighting.
I went around to the other side of my car.
You say, “Joel, you mean you were a chicken?”
No, I just wanted to live!
He fit into that category of people who will never be
at peace with me.
When Jesus sent His disciples out into certain homes,
He told them to speak peace over each person in
each house. And He said, in effect, “If they don’t
receive it, then the peace you’re offering them will
come back to you” (see Luke 10:5–6).
That tells me if you do your best to be at peace with
people—even if they won’t take your peace—the
good news is that peace will just come back to you
anyway. You’ll not only enjoy your peace, but you’ll
be given their share as well. When you do the right
thing when the wrong thing is happening, God sees it
and He rewards it.
Two friends walked into a corner store to buy a
newspaper and the store clerk treated them rudely.
One of the friends, after paying, smiled at the clerk
with a grin and said: “I hope you have a great day
today.”
As they were leaving his friend said, “Is that clerk
always that rude?”
“Every single day,” the other said.
“Well, are you always that nice?”
“Every single day.”
This puzzled his friend so he asked why.
“I’ve made up my mind that I’m not allowing one
person to ruin my day,” was the answer.
He had decided not to give control of his mood or
attitude to anyone else. That store clerk had every
right to be rude and obnoxious, but everyone he
mistreated also had the right to go right on being
happy, kind, and friendly.
STRENGTH UNDER CONTROL
When you encounter people who are poisoned
inside, don’t let it rub off on you. If you sink down to
their level and you’re cold and rude back to them,
you’ve allowed them to contaminate you. Rise above
that. Be a part of the solution, not the problem. You
overcome evil with good. If somebody is rude to you,
just bless them, smile, and keep moving forward.
Jesus put it this way: “Blessed are the meek, for they
will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5 NIV). When we
hear the word meek, many times we think of
someone who is weak, shy, and reserved; just a
fearful little person. The image is that meek people
can’t stand up for themselves and everyone runs
over them. That’s not meek at all. Meekness is not
weakness. It’s strength under control.
Meekness is like a wild stallion that has been tamed.
The horse is still strong, still powerful, and has just as
much speed as before he was tamed. The only
difference is, now that strength is under control. You
can walk up to the horse, pet him, lead him around,
probably get on him and ride him. But don’t be
fooled. He has the same power, the same tenacity;
he’s just learned how to control it.
When you’re a meek person, you don’t go around
trying to straighten everybody out. You don’t
respond to every critic. People may be talking about
you, but you don’t let it bother you.
Keep your strength under control. It’s not how proud
you are, or how many people you straighten out, or
how you can prove yourself. If you argue with a
critic and try to prove yourself, all you’re doing is
sinking to his or her level. Don’t fall into that trap.
You are an eagle. You can rise above it.
You may have the power to straighten out your critic.
You may feel like giving them a piece of your mind.
Your emotions may tell you, Get in there. Pay them
back. Get even. Instead, listen to what the apostle
Paul told his protégé Timothy: “Be calm and cool and
steady” (2 Timothy 4:5 AMP). He was saying, in other
words, “Don’t give away your power. Keep your
strength under control.”
A guy was eating a burger in a little country diner
when a motorcycle gang came in. These bikers were
big and tough and mean. Just to show who was in
charge, one of them came to the guy’s table, knocked
his hamburger onto the floor, picked up his water,
and poured it on top of the guy’s head.
“Oh, I’m sorry. It was an accident,” the biker said
sarcastically.
He was trying to pick a fight. The guy sat calmly, took
out his napkin, wiped off the water, stood up, and
walked out of the restaurant. The biker shook his
head and said to the waiter, “Not much of a man, is
he?”
The waiter said, “No, and not much of a driver either.
He just ran over twelve choppers with his car.”
That’s strength under control.
If you are easily upset, don’t continue year after year
that way. If you allow little things like long lines, the
weather, a grumpy salesman, or an inconsiderate
receptionist to steal your joy, draw a line in the sand.
Say, “You know what? That’s it. I’m not giving away
my power anymore. I’m staying calm, cool, and
collected.”
David J. Pollay, author of The Law of the Garbage
Truck, was in a New York City taxicab when a car
jumped out from a parking place right in front of it.
His cabbie had to slam on the brakes, the car
skidded, and the tires squealed, but the taxi stopped
an inch from the other car. The driver of the other
car whipped his head around, and honked and
screamed in anger. But David was surprised when
his cabbie just smiled real big, and waved at him.
David said, “That man almost totaled your cab and
sent us to the hospital. I can’t believe you didn’t yell
back at him. How were you able to keep your cool?”
The cab driver’s response, which David calls “The
Law of the Garbage Truck,” was this: “Many people
are like garbage trucks. They run around full of
garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of
disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look
for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll
dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on
you, don’t take it personally. It doesn’t have anything
to do with you. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and
move on. Believe me, you’ll be happier.”
Keep your lid on.
Successful people don’t allow garbage trucks to
unload on them. If somebody dumps a load on you,
don’t be upset. Don’t be angry. Don’t be offended. If
you make that mistake, you’ll end up carrying their
loads around and eventually you’ll dump them on
somebody else.
Keep your lid on. Sometimes you may need to have a
steel lid. These days, though, so many people are
dumping out poison through criticism, bad news,
and anger, you’ll need to keep that lid on tight. We
can’t stop people from dumping their garbage, but by
keeping our lids on, we can tell them to recycle
instead!
Right after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, I was invited to
a local television station to be interviewed on a news
program. I had to be there early Monday morning
around six thirty. I was already tired after our
Sunday services and weekend events. The day was
cold, and raining, and still dark. I didn’t really feel
like being on television, but I had made the
commitment, so I was on my way. They had told me
beforehand to park right up front in this special lot
reserved for the people on the program. And so
when I arrived, I pulled in there. But when I parked
my car, a woman security guard rushed at me like I
had just committed a major crime. She was not
friendly at all. In fact, she was downright rude.
“Sir, what do you think you are doing?” she said.
“You cannot park here. This is reserved for our
special guests.”
I wanted to say, “Lady, you can’t get any more special
than me.”
I had to bite my tongue.
“Well, ma’am, I am on the program today and they
told me I could park here,” I explained.
“Oh, they don’t know what they’re talking about,” she
said. “I run this lot. You have to park outside the
gate.”
I returned to my car. I couldn’t find anywhere to
park. I had to go into a little neighborhood far away,
and it was still raining. I didn’t have an umbrella.
And as I ran to the station, with every step I thought,
This is not right. I need to tell somebody about that
parking lot lady. I should get her straightened out.
I was about to give away my power, but I walked into
the building and forgot all about it.
A couple of hours later, after the show, I walked out
and the sun was shining. Do you know the same
security guard came up and she was like a different
person?
“Oh, Pastor Osteen,” she said. “If I had known that
was you, I would have let you park there.”
I was so glad I bit my tongue. She went on to say, “Do
you think you would have time to pray for me?”
I wanted to say, “I would if I didn’t have to walk so
far.”
Make up your mind that you will not accept other
people’s garbage. They may dump it, but you don’t
have to receive it. Keep your lid on.
EMOTIONS ARE CONTROLLED BY
CIRCUMSTANCES OR CHARACTER
A small pot boils the quickest. You can tell how big a
person is by what it takes to get him upset. Your
emotions will be controlled by either your
circumstances or your character. If someone is rude
to you, your emotions will tell you, Pay them back.
Get even.
That doesn’t take any discipline. When your strength
is under control, when you’ve developed your
character, you realize, I’m bigger than this. I will not
let them pull me down. I have places to go, goals to
accomplish, dreams to realize.
I think it’s interesting that the apostle Paul never
prayed for people to be delivered from their
problems. He prayed that God would give them the
strength to go through challenges with a good
attitude. At times we think, God, if You would just
change these people who are aggravating me; God, if
You’d just make my child straighten up. Or, God, if
You’d just move my boss to another planet. Or, God, if
You’d deliver me from these people, I could be
happy.
But the truth is, those people may never change. I
hope they do, but even if they don’t change, you can.
If you make an adjustment, they won’t upset you
anymore.
You have the power right now to live a joy-filled,
faith-filled, peace-filled life. But you must say, “God,
even if it never changes, it will not steal my joy. I
know You hold me in the palm of Your hand. I know
You have my best interests at heart, so God, I’m
totally trusting You.”
The enemy can use against you anything you feel you
“have to have” to be happy. If you think you have to
be married to be happy, the enemy can use that
against you. If you think your boss has to change
before you can enjoy your work, you’ll go year after
year dreading it, thinking that’s why you can’t be
happy.
It’s good to have hopes and dreams. It’s good to wake
up each day believing and expecting. But don’t wait
for those things to come before you enjoy your life
and find happiness. This is the day the Lord has
made, not tomorrow, not when all your dreams come
to pass, not when all the negative people are
changed, but today.
Understand, God has you exactly where He wants
you. If you’ll learn to be happy where you are, God
will take you where you want to be. He’s promised
He will give you the desires of your heart. If there is
something you really want, I would encourage you to
put it on the altar. Just say, “God, I would really love
to have this. God, You know the desire You put in me.
I would love to be married. I’d love to see my spouse
change. I would love to be promoted. But God, I’m
not waiting on that to be happy. I’m happy right
where You have me.”
That’s the kind of attitude God is looking for.
CHANGE FOR THE GOOD
I know a man who struggled in his marriage for
years. He and his wife did not see eye-to-eye on
many issues, and she would not come to church with
him. For the longest time this left him feeling down
and discouraged. Then, I saw him awhile back and
asked how everything was going. He seemed to be
very upbeat. He said, “Everything is great. I’m really
enjoying my life.”
I thought for sure that he and his wife were getting
along better and they had resolved all those issues.
But he said, “No, my wife is just the same. We still
don’t see eye-to-eye. She still won’t come to church
with me.”
Then he said something very interesting.
“She hasn’t changed, but I’ve changed. I don’t let our
differences upset me anymore. I don’t let them steal
my joy.”
Find out what is stealing your joy. Take inventory of
your life. What are you allowing to upset you?
What’s causing you to stress out all day? Identify
what it is, and then make a decision to change your
approach in that area. After all, being upset will not
make the situation any better. If someone is rude to
you, being rude in return will only sour your day. If
your plans don’t work out, stay in peace. Instead of
being upset, know that God is still directing your
steps. He’s still got you exactly where He wants you.
It’s liberating when you understand
you don’t have to give away your joy.
I was driving in a crowded parking lot and finally
saw a space, but another driver got in there before I
could, even though it was obvious I was waiting. I
made this decision: “I’ll give him the parking spot,
but I will not give him my joy.”
It’s liberating when you understand you don’t have
to give away your joy. Sometimes we blame other
people or other things for problems that we’ve
created for ourselves. We don’t realize that our
refusal to change is causing the same problem again
and again. I heard about this man who had not been
feeling well. He went to see his doctor. The doctor
said, “What’s wrong?”
He said, “Well, Doctor, lately I’ve been dizzy and I’m
seeing white spots.”
The doctor examined him and put him through some
tests. Several days later, he called the ailing man
back and said, “Sir, I hate to tell you this, but you’ve
got a rare disease and we think you only have about
six months to live.”
The man quit his job and set off to travel the world
and do all the things he’d always hoped to do. He
spent more time with his family, and he bought a
new sports car. One day he was driving by this
famous clothing shop and decided to go in and buy a
tailor-made suit.
The tailor came in and measured his arm length:
“Thirty-three inches.” Then he measured his waist:
“Thirty-two.” Next was his pant length: “Thirty-four.”
And finally the tailor measured his neck and said,
“I’m making you a size sixteen-and-a-half shirt.”
The man said, “No, I wear a fifteen-inch shirt.”
The tailor measured his neck again very carefully.
“No, sir,” he said. “Look, you wear a sixteen-and-a-
half-inch shirt.”
The man was very adamant. “No, sir. I wear a fifteen-
inch shirt,” he told the tailor. “I’ve worn that size my
whole adult life. I want you to make me a fifteen-inch
shirt.”
The tailor said, “Well, fine. I’ll make you a fifteen-
inch shirt, but it will be so tight it will make you
dizzy and you’ll see white spots.”
Often, people become set in their ways and refuse to
change even when they are hurting. If you are
willing to change, if you will make adjustments,
many times you will see your “white spots”
disappear. You will see your frustrations go away.
Recognize the real source of the problem. If it’s you,
make a change. If it’s someone else, don’t let him or
her steal your joy. Don’t give away your power. Keep
your lid on. When somebody tries to dump their
garbage on you, just smile, wave at them, and move
on. If you’ll learn this principle to not give away your
power and focus on developing your character, you
will enjoy life much more.
CHAPTER THREE
Express Your Joy
I went for barbecue one day and the drive-thru lady
was very grumpy. She jumped down my throat
before the first part of my order was out of my
mouth.
“Hold on! I’m not ready,” she barked.
Then I made the mistake of asking her what the side
dishes were. You might have thought I’d asked for
her favorite child.
She screamed the complete list of sides at me.
I had to keep reminding myself to stay calm: You’re
the pastor of a church. Keep your joy. Don’t let her
affect you. Infect her instead.
You have to talk yourself down in the heat of battle.
Giving her a piece of my mind would have been easy.
I’d just repent later. Instead, I remembered that
dealing with challenging people helps build
character.
I placed my order as nicely as could be at the drive-
thru speaker. I said “Please” and “Thank you” and
tossed in a “Have a good day!” at no extra charge.
Then when I drove up to her window, I put on the
most fake smile you’ve ever seen.
“Good to see you,” I said, as chipper as I could
muster.
I was really thinking, You need counseling!
Grumpy turned from the register, looked at me, and
did a double take.
“Pastor Joel, I watch you all the time!”
I wanted to say, “Do you ever listen?”
Then, instead of my barbecue, she handed me one of
my books. (I’m positive she hadn’t read it yet!)
“Would you sign this for me?” she asked, a little nicer
but not much.
I opened it and thought about underlining all the
lessons on joy.
Instead, I signed it, “Keep smiling that beautiful
smile, Joel Osteen.”
THE OIL OF JOY
Hebrews 1:9 says, “God has anointed You with the oil
of gladness more than Your companions” (NKJV).
You and I are supposed to be happier than the
average person. God has anointed us with the oil of
joy. You can’t let anyone’s bad attitude ruin your
good one. Instead, infect them with a smile and a
kind word. God knew you would have to deal with
negative people. That’s why He said, “I’ve given you
an advantage; I’ve anointed you with the oil of joy so
you can be happier than those around you.”
Tap into that joy and don’t hide it. It should be seen.
Studies have proven that a smile on your face is good
for you and everyone around you. In one test, people
were asked to show facial expressions for fear and
anger. Their bodies responded just as if they were
really feeling those emotions, triggering increased
heart rate, raising their skin temperature, and
making them sweat. Those same people were then
asked to smile, and their heart rates settled down,
their temperatures dropped, and they didn’t sweat so
much. They said they felt happy.
Our Creator knows all this, of course. God refers
specifically to our “countenances” more than fifty
times in the Scripture. You see the word rejoice again
and again. To rejoice doesn’t just mean to sing. It also
means to brighten up, to put a smile on your face, to
be cheerful. When you go through the day with a
smile, you are rejoicing. By having a cheerful
countenance, being friendly and fun to be around,
you are giving praise to God.
Too many people drag through the day with long
faces. Some don’t smile for months. Then they’ll
come up with those same sour faces after a service
and say to me, “I’ve got the joy of the Lord.”
I’ll think: You should notify your face!
The Bible says to be sober-minded,
not sober-faced.
The Bible says to be sober-minded, not sober-faced.
You receive back what you project. If you’re sour,
grumpy, and unfriendly, then others will be sour,
grumpy, and unfriendly back to you. Misery loves
company. If you look miserable, you will attract
defeat, negativity, gloom, doom, and discouragement.
But when you smile and project an aura of warmth,
kindness, and friendliness, you will attract warmth,
kindness, and friendliness. Happy people will be
drawn to you.
If you’re not receiving what you like, check what
you’re sending out. No happy person wants to be
around an old stick-in-the-mud. Anyone who is going
places will avoid the company of people wallowing in
the pits. Your happier friends might pull you out of
the pit a few times, but eventually they will find
more upbeat people with whom to share their lives.
You may have many challenges. I’m not making light
of your circumstances, but Jesus said, “In the world
you have tribulation and trials and distress and
frustration; but be of good cheer” (John 16:33 AMP).
I’ve found that sometimes you have to smile by faith.
Instead of being depressed, discouraged, or worried,
say, “I’m not moved by what I see; I’m moved by
what I know, and I know this is the day the Lord has
made. I’m choosing to be happy.”
When you smile, you send a message to your whole
body that says, God’s in control; everything is all
right. This will be a good day. Don’t wait to see how
you feel before you express your joy. Put a smile on
your face first. Then the joy will come.
Smiling improves your attitude. You see life in a
different light. It’s difficult to smile and be negative.
It’s hard to stay in a bad mood if you act cheerful and
friendly. One expert says smiling tricks the body into
feeling good. That’s the way God created us. Smiling
resets your mood.
SMILE POWER
Our church in Houston receives many visitors who
are undergoing treatments from a major cancer
medical center nearby. I have been inspired to meet
many of these patients who have smiles in spite of
their condition. They are at peace. They are still
joyful because they understand this principle: When
you brighten up and wear a cheerful countenance,
your body is assured that everything will be okay.
Smile and you will have more energy, improve your
mood, and get well more quickly. But if you wear a
long face and you’re sad and depressed, your body
will feel tired and run-down.
My sister Lisa experienced this during difficult times
years ago. For months she had no joy. She was so
depressed she wouldn’t leave the house. Lisa prayed
for happier, healthier times. She knew all the
Scriptures. Her friends and family did their best to
cheer her up, but nothing seemed to help.
Lisa’s problem was that she was waiting to feel better
so she could cheer up. But she had it backward. First
you have to cheer up, and then you’ll feel better. Lisa
put on a smile out of sheer determination. She
smiled by faith. She chose to wear a cheerful
countenance.
And her step of faith was the turning point. She
broke free of the chains of depression. If Lisa had not
smiled by faith, she might still be praying for
happiness to find her. She tells this story in her book
You Are Made for More.
Have you heard the saying “You’ve got to fake it till
you make it”? You may have to wear a fake smile, but
if you keep at it, God will turn it into a real smile.
Lisa won back her joy and God paid her double for
her trouble. My sister came out of hard times even
better than before. Her comeback began when she
chose to smile by faith.
We all can find some reason not to smile, whether it’s
high gas prices or low income. But your response
should be, “I’m too blessed to be stressed. My future
is so bright, I need sunglasses.” Or, as one person told
me, “If I was doing any better, I’d be twins.”
PUT ON A HAPPY FACE
Scientists say that humans are programmed to
mirror the facial expressions of others they
encounter, so your smile is contagious. Make a habit
of smiling. Scripture says, “In [God’s] presence is
fullness of joy” (Psalm 16:11 NKJV).
When you lack joy, you are disconnected from God’s
presence. When you’re sad and frustrated and wear
a chip on your shoulder, you’ve detached yourself
from favor, blessing, healing, and promotion. Your
happiness supply line has been disconnected.
You have joy deep within you, but sometimes you
must push it up higher where we can all see it and
share it. Professors at Yale University did a study on
how appearance, personality, and attitude influence
others. After much in-depth research, they
concluded that the single most powerful force of
human influence is not looks, height, or personality.
Instead, your smile is your most powerful tool for
influencing others in a positive way.
That explains the saying “If you’re not smiling, you’re
like a person with a million dollars in the bank and
no checkbook.” Studies have shown that people who
smile frequently are promoted more often and end
up with higher-paying jobs. Why is that? Don’t you
prefer being with those who are happy, good-
natured, and friendly? Of course, we all do!
I’m known for smiling a lot. My brother, Paul, says I
was born with my Happiness Meter set on 98. His
was set on 10, but he’s working on it. My earliest
baby pictures show me smiling. My mother says for
the longest time she wondered if I was up to
something, but she finally decided it was just my
nature!
Years ago, I was in the mall with Victoria and she had
picked out an outfit to buy. She was still shopping,
though, so I offered to take it up to the line at the
checkout counter. When I stepped in front of the
salesclerk I smiled and said hello, just being friendly.
The checkout lady smiled back. She was about to ring
up the clothes when she stopped and said, “Hang on,
I’ll be right back.” She went into the sales office and
came back and said, “This is going on sale this
weekend, and I have permission to give you the sale
price right now.”
I smiled even bigger.
“Thank you so much,” I said.
As she was folding the clothes to put them in the bag,
she noticed this little part of the inside lining of one
item had come undone.
“This looks like a problem. Do you see that?”
“Oh, yeah, that looks really bad,” I said.
“Let me see what I can do,” she said.
She headed back to the office and in a few minutes
came back.
“Okay, I can cut the price to half the sale price.”
I thought, Man, if I keep smiling, they may owe me
money!
Victoria said I should shop with her more often after
that. I told her it all started with a smile. If I’d stood
at the counter looking like an old grouch, I don’t
believe the clerk would have gone out of her way to
be good to me.
ADD A SMILE TO YOUR RÉSUMÉ
I can still remember the first time Victoria ever
smiled at me. I walked into her mother’s jewelry
store and didn’t see her right away. I was looking at
the watches, but then I looked up and Victoria
flashed a 10-carat smile. Within a short time, she had
a ring to match. (Well, almost!) I know smiles are
contagious because she’s kept me smiling for more
than twenty-five years.
Wearing a smile can work wonders whether you are
the buyer or the seller, including when you are
selling yourself. I read that the Holiday Inn hotel
chain was looking to fill five hundred new jobs. They
interviewed five thousand people. They
automatically disqualified any applicant who smiled
less than four times during the interview.
Smilers are workplace winners.
Another study on smiles found that seeing a friend’s
happy face has a greater impact on our moods than
receiving a five-thousand-dollar raise. Did you know
your smile is worth that much? After I read the
results of that study I went around the church office
smiling at the staff. “There’s your raise,” I said. “And
there’s your raise, and there’s your raise.”
Can you believe they told me they preferred cash?
Even so, smilers are workplace winners.
When Alexandra was born, I’d just stepped up to
pastor our church and Victoria was helping me with
all sorts of responsibilities. We needed a babysitter to
help us take care of Alexandra during the day.
Victoria and I talked with a half dozen candidates.
Some were very qualified, with great referrals and
strong credentials. We didn’t hire any of them.
Instead, we hired a sixty-year-old woman without
great referrals or an impressive résumé. She simply
was as warm and sunny as a spring morning. She
had a great smile and she flashed it throughout our
interview.
She was one of the best hires I’ve ever made. Over
the years she filled our house with joy and laughter.
She thought everything Alexandra did was funny. I
thought I knew a thing or two about the power of a
smile. She taught us even more. She taught us that a
smile invites what it expresses: kindness, respect,
friendliness, and caring.
God gave us all a smile. Are you using yours? Is your
joy being fully expressed? How much favor would
you experience if you unleashed your full potential
for happiness and joy?
LIGHT THE WORLD
The Scripture talks about believers representing God
here on the earth. We are Christ’s ambassadors. If
we’re to represent God properly, we should do it with
joy, with enthusiasm, with a smile. People of faith are
supposed to be the lights of the world. I believe the
switch that turns on the lights is a smile. Some who
lack faith may not want to listen to what we believe,
but they certainly watch how we live. We are living
epistles read by all men. Some may not read the
Bible, but they’re reading our lives. As the saying
goes, “Preach at all times; use words only when
necessary.”
When people see you, what kind of message are they
getting? Are you friendly, happy, good-natured? Do
they want the life you have? Or are you uptight, on
edge, stressed, and so grumpy that people run from
you?
One of our church members known for her radiant
smile and personal warmth was shopping one day
when the salesclerk casually asked her how she was
doing.
“I’m doing great,” she said with a smile. “I’m blessed
and I’m believing to have a fantastic year.”
The clerk smiled back and asked, “Do you go to
Lakewood?”
Our member replied yes.
“I should have known,” the clerk said. “Everybody
who comes in here with a smile like yours is from
Lakewood.”
What a great testimony! Yet some critics give me a
hard time because I smile so much. You would think
they’d be happy that I’m happy. A reporter asked me
one time if I was offended because some call me “the
smiling preacher.”
“Not at all,” I replied. “I take it as a compliment. I’m
guilty of being happy. I’m guilty of enjoying my life.
I’m guilty of living with enthusiasm.”
This world needs more joy. If I feel it, I want to share
it.
But when you express your joy and live cheerfully,
don’t be surprised if people are suspicious of you.
They’ll look at you as if they’re thinking, Why’s he so
happy? Or, She must be doing something wrong. Or,
He must be high.
Yes, I’m guilty; I’m high on the Most High. I’m happy,
I’m excited, and I’m full of hope. I want my joy to be
seen.
A LEGACY OF LAUGHTER
Smiling comes easy for me because I was raised by a
happy family. My grandmother’s smile is one of my
favorite memories. Every time I walked into a room
and saw her, she would send a smile my way.
Sometimes I’d run out of the room and come back
just for another helping. She was full of joy, and she
passed it on to me.
My father was the same way, except he expressed his
joy by whistling, too. All day long we could hear him
whistling away. My mother sometimes said, “John,
would you quit whistling for a while?”
“Dodie, I’m just happy,” he would reply. “I’m giving
God praise.”
“That would be fine, John, but you’re whistling the
tune to The Andy Griffith Show, and I’m not sure God
watches much television.”
I don’t know either, but I do know that people who
watch television are more likely to tune into a
smiling face than any other. In 1983, I launched the
television ministry for my father. The first year we
had a veteran consultant come in to help us. He
taught me something I’ve never forgotten.
We were watching Dad’s sermon in the control room,
and the consultant had us turn down the volume. He
said the key to learning how to communicate in
television is to turn down the sound and observe the
speaker’s facial expressions and body language and
then to note the feelings they stir in you.
We tried this with several ministers. Some appeared
very passionate, but without the sound they came off
as angry and intimidating. You didn’t want to watch
them very long. The ministers who smiled and had a
pleasant, unthreatening demeanor were more likely
to draw you in even without sound.
PASS IT ON
People write me all the time and say they can’t
remember the sermon’s message, but they were
touched by the joy in my face. They felt love coming
through on the screen. The same principle applies in
life. When you are kind and friendly, you will be
more effective in most situations, and your smile will
spread joy all around you.
Let your joy be seen and pass it on. Be friendly. Smile
on purpose and without condition. Smile at the
police officers even when they are writing your
ticket. Smile at the grumpy salesclerk. Smile at the
boss who just asked you to work on your day off.
When things are difficult, smile by faith.
When things are difficult, smile by faith. Don’t wait
until you feel better. Smile, and the feelings to
support that smile will catch up. Remember, you’ve
been anointed with the oil of joy. You can live
happily even when those around you are
discouraged.
If you develop a habit of smiling, God will reward
you with His favor. You’ll not only feel better, you’ll
also earn better breaks. You will see increase and
promotion. People will be drawn to you, and I
believe and declare you’ll live that life of victory God
has in store for you.
CHAPTER FOUR
Bloom Where You Are Planted
I was walking through the woods awhile back and
came to this big open area full of large, tall weeds.
For acres and acres, as far as I could see, there were
these dead, dried-up, brown, ugly weeds. As I walked
through the open field, about a hundred yards in, I
saw this beautiful flower. It was so bright, so colorful,
so refreshing. It had bloomed right there in the
middle of acres and acres of old, ugly, dried-up
weeds. And I thought, Really, that’s what God wants
us to do. Just bloom where we’re planted.
You may work around a bunch of weeds, but that
doesn’t have to stop you from blooming. You may be
married to an old weed. But the good news is, you
can still bloom.
Too many people are negative and discouraged
because they don’t like where they are. They don’t
like their spouses. They don’t like their jobs. Co-
workers are hard to get along with. They don’t like
where they live. That’s not where they want to be.
If negative people have to work late, it sours their
day. They are always fighting against something.
They are always trying to go somewhere else. But I’ve
learned that God is more interested in changing me
than He is in changing my circumstances. As long as
I’m sour because I’m not getting my way, discouraged
because I’m single and I want to be married, upset
because the business isn’t growing, that attitude will
keep me right where I am.
If you want to see change, if you want to see God
open new doors, the key is to bloom right where
you’re planted. You cannot wait until everything
becomes better before you decide to have a good
attitude. You have to be the best you can be right
where you are.
SOW A SEED FOR GOD
Put a smile on your face. Be good to people even if
they’re not good to you. Be grateful for where you
live even if it’s not where you want to be. When you
bloom where you’re planted, you’re sowing a seed
for God to do something new.
The Scripture says, “The steps of a good man are
ordered by the LORD” (Psalm 37:23 NKJV). That
means as long as we’re in faith, where we are is
where we’re supposed to be.
“That couldn’t be right,” you say. “I’m uncomfortable.
I’m not in a good place. Somebody is not treating me
right.”
It may be difficult, but God will not allow a challenge
to come into our lives unless He has a divine purpose
for it. I’ve found that nothing happens to us; it
happens for us. If we keep the right attitude, God will
always use it for our good.
That person who is hard to get along with? He’s not
happening to you, he’s happening for you. God is
using him to grow you up. You’re developing
character. You’re learning to be good to people who
are not being good to you. God uses difficult people,
like sandpaper, to rub the rough edges off us. The
next time you see that person, instead of being upset
and all stressed out, just smile real big and say,
“Thank you so much for everything you have done
for me.”
Then you may have to help pick him up off the
ground.
If God removed some of the challenges in your life
right now, you would not be prepared for what He
has in store. When tough times come your way,
instead of being negative and complaining, say: “God,
I may not like this, but I know I’m here in Your divine
plan and You would not have allowed it unless You
had something good for me to get out of it. It may not
feel good right now, but I know it’s helping me to
grow and become all that You created me to be.”
YOU CAN’T FIGHT YOUR
WAY TO HAPPINESS
So often we find ourselves fighting our way to
happiness. We’re always trying to reach somewhere
else to be happy. “If I could just find something
bigger than this small house.” Or, “If I could just
move to a better job or at least change departments.”
Or, “If I could just meet some new friends.”
That sort of thinking will only hold you back from
happiness. A better approach is, “This is where God
has placed me right now, and until He moves me, I’ll
be happy where I am.”
If I’m stuck in traffic, “This is not where I want to be,
but this is where God has me so I’ll relax and stay in
peace.”
If I have to work late, I’m not discouraged. “This is
where God has me, so I’ll be happy and enjoy it.”
If somebody is mistreating me, I won’t allow it to
sour my day and steal my joy. Instead, I’ll say, “This is
where God has me for this season, so I will rise above
it and be happy anyway.”
Wherever you are, know that God
has put you there for a reason.
That’s what I mean when I encourage you to bloom
where you are planted. Wherever you are, know that
God has put you there for a reason. When you
understand that, your mood won’t go up and down
depending on your circumstances or depending on
how somebody treats you. You will be stable. You
will be consistent. You will always wear a smile, be in
a great mood, and be friendly. That’s the sign of a
mature person.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
What I love about this approach is that it takes away
our excuses and puts the responsibility to be happy
on us. I know too many people who don’t like their
jobs. They dread working. They dread driving to
work. They dread dealing with the people at work.
What a shame to be somewhere forty hours a week
and not enjoy your work. “Well,” you say, “you don’t
know these people I work with. You don’t know how
miserable it is.”
Scripture says God has given us the power to enjoy
our work. Quit telling yourself, I can’t be happy here.
I don’t like my job. I don’t like the people. I can’t wait
till God opens up something new. You are making
yourself miserable.
Start telling yourself, I have the power to enjoy this
job. I’ll have a great day. I’ll enjoy the people. I’ll be
productive. I’ll bloom right here where God has
planted me.
Sometimes the reason you are not happy on the job
is that you are being asked to do things you don’t
want to do. But this is important: The person paying
you may like things done a certain way. You may not
agree. You may think you can do something better
another way, but since the boss is approving the
check, you’ll need to do what the boss wants you to
do. You have to be big enough to submit to the
authority and do what you are asked with a good
attitude, without always questioning, without
walking away mumbling under your breath, “They
just don’t know what they’re talking about.”
BE FAITHFUL WHERE YOU ARE
I worked for my father at the ministry for seventeen
years. I was in charge of the television production.
We would do these big television specials and big
concerts and all kinds of exciting things that I really
enjoyed. But toward the end of my father’s life, he
didn’t want to do so much. One time I had all these
radio stations lined up to carry my father’s
broadcasts. I had worked long hours on this big deal.
I asked my dad to come down for an hour a week to
record his part and we would create the openings
and the closings. But he said, “I don’t want to do that.
I’m seventy-five years old. I just want to relax and
pastor the church.”
I was so disappointed. I thought, God, I’m young. I
don’t want to do less. I have big dreams. I want to do
more.
I considered leaving to pursue my own
opportunities. When I searched my heart, I felt
staying with my father was what I was supposed to
do. I made the decision: “This is my father’s vision.
He’s been here for forty years. He founded the place.
He has a right to do what he wants. And so I won’t
lose my joy and pack up and leave just because I’m
not getting my way.”
I kept being my best day in and day out. Two years
later my father went to be with the Lord. I realize
now God put those dreams in my heart for my own
ministry. It just wasn’t the right time. But had I not
been faithful where I was, had I not honored and
submitted to that authority and done the right thing
even though I didn’t feel like it, I would not be
standing here today.
When you pass that test of blooming where you’re
planted and keep a good attitude even when you
don’t feel like it, and stay calm when you don’t get
your way, and honor authority even when you don’t
agree, you are sowing a seed for God to take you
where He wants you to go.
“My boss is difficult. My co-workers get on my
nerves. They’re negative. They complain. I’ve been
praying for three years for God to give me another
job. Why is it taking so long?” you might say.
Have you ever thought that God may have you
somewhere on purpose so you can be a good
example? God may want your light to shine, to
brighten the days, to make a difference where you
are. Why don’t you take a different perspective?
If you pass that test and bloom where you are
planted, God will open new doors. But as long as you
are negative and complaining, nothing will change.
You are not in position for God to promote you if you
are not the best you can be right where you are.
When you are in an uncomfortable situation, realize
that either God is doing a work in you or He is using
you to do a work in someone else. There is a purpose.
There is nothing wrong with asking God to change a
situation. But until it happens, you have to trust that
where you are is where you should be.
I’ve found that sometimes God has us endure a
difficult season to help somebody else. We have to
sow a seed and be uncomfortable, treated unfairly.
We have to be extremely patient and kind and
overlook things just so another person can become
what God has created that individual to be.
GOD WILL USE YOU FOR
THE GOOD OF OTHERS
Many unfair things happened to Joyce when she was
growing up. Her first marriage to an abusive,
unfaithful man didn’t last. She married a second
time and made her husband miserable. She wasn’t
trying to be a bad wife, but she had just been through
so much pain. She was hurt and messed up.
She couldn’t trust anybody. She was very negative,
critical, and hard to get along with. Her second
husband, Dave, wanted to leave her a thousand
times. He had every right to walk away. Nobody
would have blamed him. But deep down he knew he
was supposed to stay. It was the most difficult thing
he had ever done. Month after month, even year
after year, he was uncomfortable.
His situation was unfair and difficult, but Dave kept
blooming where he was planted. He just kept being
his best: kind, forgiving, patient, overlooking things.
He felt like he gave and gave and never received; all
sowing and no reaping.
I’m happy to tell you that today it’s a different story
for this couple. Dave paid the price. He stuck with
her. And now, thirty-five years later, he’s reaping
great rewards. That lady, his wife, is Joyce Meyer.
She’s not only healthy and whole, but they have a
ministry touching people around the world.
Joyce and Dave are incredible people. Good friends
whom I love and respect. Joyce once asked, “What if
Dave would have been like my first husband and
taken the easy way out? What if he had not stuck
with me and paid the price?”
Sometimes God will ask us to put up with things to
help another person. Where are the people unselfish
enough to say, “God, I trust You. It’s uncomfortable.
It’s not fair. I’m not doing it because I want to. I’m
not doing it because I feel like it. But God, I’m doing it
unto You”?
God rewards people like that!
The apostle Paul put it this way: “I have learned to be
content whatever the circumstances. I know what it
is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and
every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether
living in plenty or in want” (Philippians 4:11–12 NIV).
He was basically saying, “I just bloom wherever I’m
planted. I’ll be happy and have a good attitude
knowing that God is directing my steps. He’s in
complete control. And it’s all a part of His divine plan
for my life.”
BE A ROSE AMONG THORNS
Like Dave, you don’t have to allow a bad
environment to affect your happiness. Don’t focus on
the weeds. You may be spending all your time, so to
speak, trying to pull up the weeds. In other words,
trying to fix everything in your life, trying to make
people do what’s right, trying to straighten out all
your co-workers.
You can’t change people. Only God can.
You can’t change people. Only God can. If somebody
wants to be a weed, no matter what you do, they will
be a weed. Spending all your time and energy trying
to change them will keep you from blooming. One of
the best things you can do is just bloom bigger than
ever right in the middle of those weeds. Right in the
middle of those negative and critical co-workers, put
a big smile on your face.
Be kind. Be friendly. When they complain, don’t
preach a sermon to them. Don’t try to stop them.
Your job is not to pull up the weeds. Your job is to
bloom. Just have a good report. The more they
complain, the more grateful you should be. The more
they talk defeat, the more you should talk victory.
If your co-workers come in one morning being sour
and rude to you, don’t be offended and think, Well,
I’m never speaking to them again. That’s the time
more than ever to bloom. Put a smile on your face
anyway. Have a good attitude in spite of that.
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE TO PEOPLE,
NOT FOR THEM
We are responsible for helping and encouraging
others, for guiding them further along. But we are
not responsible for their choices. You cannot force a
good attitude upon someone. If they want to live in
the pits, unhappy, discouraged, and in self-pity, that’s
their choice. Do not allow them to drag you into the
pit with them.
If you spend all your time trying to encourage others,
trying to make them do what’s right, trying to keep
them cheered up, they’ll drain all the life and energy
out of you. You cannot bloom if you spend all your
time trying to keep others happy. That is not your
responsibility.
I learned long ago that not everyone wants to be
happy. Some people want to live in the pits. They like
the attention it brings them. Make the decision to
say: “If you don’t want to be happy, that’s fine, but
you can’t keep me from being happy. If you want to
live in the pits, that’s your choice, but I’m not diving
in there with you. If you want to be a weed, you can
be a weed, but I’m a flower. I’m blooming. I’m
choosing a good attitude. I’m smiling. I’m happy
despite my circumstances.”
When you bloom in the midst of weeds, you sow a
seed to inspire and challenge the people around you
to come up higher, and that’s a seed for God to take
you higher.
You may be in a negative environment right now.
The people in your life may not be going places. They
may lack goals, dreams, vision, enthusiasm. You may
not see how you could ever rise above. It might be
easy to just accept and settle where you are and
think this is your destiny.
Let me challenge you. This is not your destiny. You
were made for more. God has incredible things
planned for your future, but you have to do your part
and bloom where you’re planted. What does that
mean? Develop your gifts and talents. Whatever you
do, whatever your occupation is, do your best to be
the best. Improve your skills. Read books. Take
training courses. Go back to school if you need to.
But don’t you dare just sit back and think, I’ll never
rise any higher. I’ll never get out of this
neighborhood. I guess this is just my lot in life.
Your lot in life is to excel. It’s to go further. It’s to
make a difference in this world. Take a stand and
say, “I will not settle where I am. I was made for
more. I’m a child of the Most High God. I have seeds
of greatness on the inside. So I am rising up to be the
best I can be right here, knowing God will take me
where I’m supposed to go.”
GOD WILL SHOW UP
When you do what you can do, God will show up and
do what you can’t do. He will give you breaks that
you don’t think you deserve. He will cause people to
be good to you for no reason. He will open doors that
no man can shut. That’s His favor shining down on
your life.
Juan Rodriguez grew up in extreme poverty in
Puerto Rico. His family had hardly anything to eat.
Their home was nothing more than a shack. At seven
years old, he was working in the sugarcane fields,
carrying water to the workers. It didn’t look like he
had much of a future or that he would ever escape
poverty.
But near his house there was an old run-down, beat-
up golf course where he took a job as a caddie at the
age of six to earn extra money. Soon, Juan was
hooked on golf. He couldn’t afford clubs, so he began
playing with a stick. He used tin cans as golf balls. All
through the day he would play rounds on his
makeshift golf course.
When one of the local golfers saw how interested
Juan was in the game, he helped Juan get a job on the
course, making thirty-five cents a day. Whenever
Juan wasn’t working he was playing golf, perfecting
his swing, mastering his putting, being the best he
could be right where he was.
At twenty-one years of age, he was hired as a full-
time caddy at a golf course in Puerto Rico. One day a
professional golfer came through and saw how
talented Juan was. This golfer took Juan under his
wing and started working with him, teaching him,
training him.
Today, many years later, Juan Rodriguez is better
known as Chi Chi Rodriguez. He won eight
tournaments on the PGA Tour, and twenty-two
tournaments on the Senior or Champions Tour,
where he was once named Senior Player of the Year.
He started the Chi Chi Rodriguez Youth Foundation to
provide role models and assistance for troubled and
abused children.
Bloom where you’re planted. Don’t make excuses.
Don’t go through life thinking, I’ve got a
disadvantage. I’ve got too many obstacles. I’m the
wrong nationality. I come from the wrong family. I
don’t have the connections. I could never get out of
this environment.
You may not see how you will rise above, but God
sees. He already has a way. Your destiny is not
determined by how you were raised, or by your
circumstances, or by how many odds are against
you; your destiny is determined by the Creator of the
universe. And if you take what God has given you
and make the most of it, like Chi Chi did, God will
open doors. He will give you good breaks, and He
will place the right people across your path.
Either God is doing a work in you or
He’s using you to do a work in someone else.
Get rid of your excuses. Quit waiting for things to
change. Sow a seed and be happy right now. When
you’re in difficult times, remember: Either God is
doing a work in you or He’s using you to do a work in
someone else. As long as you’re in faith, where you
are is where you’re supposed to be.
Quit fighting to go somewhere else. Be the best you
can be right where you are. If you make this decision
to bloom where you’re planted, you pass the test. God
promises He will pour out His blessings and favor.
You’ll not only live happy, but also God will take you
places you’ve never even dreamed of.
CHAPTER FIVE
Enjoy The Journey
A friend of mine received an invitation to visit the
White House and meet with the president. He was
very excited about this great honor. But then his
son’s basketball team won their division and they
kept advancing to higher levels. And it just so
happened that the state championship was on the
same day my friend was supposed to go to
Washington. So he had to decide whether to stay and
see his son play or to meet with the president of the
United States.
He could have thought, Well, I can watch the game
later by video. I can call and get updates. I can
probably hear it on the radio.
Instead, he didn’t think twice. He had his staff inform
the president’s office that he would not be able to
attend. He went to his son’s game and it turned out to
be a very exciting and very close match. The two
teams exchanged the lead several times throughout
the game, and with just a few seconds remaining his
son’s team was down by one point. It looked like they
would come up short. But in the final seconds his son
hit the game-winning shot, and they won the state
championship.
Afterward, my friend said, “I would not have traded
that moment for anything in the world, not even a
meeting with the president.”
Life is not really about getting to a destination. It’s
about how we live along the way. It’s easy to become
so goal-oriented and so focused on our dreams that
we overlook the simple things we should be enjoying
each day. Life is a journey. There is no such thing as
the finish line. Once we accomplish this dream, God
will give us another. When we overcome that
challenge, there will be another. There is always
another mountain to climb.
If you make the mistake of living just for the
destination, you will look up one day and realize
you’ve missed out on the biggest part of life. Most of
life is routine. Most of us get up every morning, go to
work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed, and then do
it all again. There are very few mountaintops; you
graduate from school, you get married, you have a
child. The high times are few and far between.
But many people live only for the mountaintops.
They’re so focused on earning promotions, they work
night and day. They don’t really enjoy their families.
They’re so stressed raising their children, they don’t
enjoy their children. They’re so caught up in solving
daily problems, they don’t enjoy the best moments of
each day.
Slow down and enjoy the journey. This is what I had
to do. Before I was married I traveled overseas with
my father a couple of times a year. I lived for those
big trips. I couldn’t wait. When one trip was over, I
immediately started counting down the months, the
weeks, and hurried through the days to get to the
next trip.
One day I realized I was hurrying through life just
trying to get to my big events. Of course it’s good to
have things to look forward to. It’s good to have goals
in front of you. But don’t put your life on hold until
those things happen. Enjoy each day along the way.
Former football star Deion Sanders had a dream to
win the Super Bowl. That’s what he wanted more
than anything else. He trained and trained, year
after year, working tirelessly. One day his dream
came to pass. His team, the San Francisco 49ers, won
the Super Bowl after the 1994 season. After the big
celebration, he was so disappointed. Is this all that it
is? he thought. I’ve worked and reached the pinnacle
of my career. I thought it would be different. Yes, I’m
happy. Yes, God has blessed me. But it’s just not what
I thought it would be.
Some spend their whole lives trying to reach a goal,
only to find out it’s not what it was all cracked up to
be. My friend, the real joy is in the simple things. It’s
in being with your family, getting up early and seeing
the sunrise, taking a walk through the park, taking
your daughter to lunch, going on a bike ride with
your spouse. Of course, the goals and
accomplishments bring us a sense of satisfaction, but
they’re only temporary.
YOU CAN’T LIVE OFF
YOUR SUPER BOWLS
You can’t live off your big events because after you
savor them for a moment, God will birth a new
dream in your heart, something new to look forward
to.
I’ve talked to many people who have made it to the
very top in their fields. The one common regret I
hear is that they succeeded, but at the expense of
their families. They say, “If I could do it over again, I
would take time to stop and smell the roses. I would
be there for my children’s Little League games. I
wouldn’t live so stressed and uptight, thinking, ‘If I
could just get to the next level, then I’ll slow down
and enjoy my life.’ ”
Slow down and enjoy the journey right now. Take
time for the people God has put in your life. They
won’t always be there. The Scripture says in James
4:14 that our lives are like a mist. We’re here for a
moment and then we’re gone.
Every day, tell your spouse, your
children, those who mean the most
to you, how much you love them.
Every day, tell your spouse, your children, those who
mean the most to you, how much you love them. I
told Victoria the other day how much I appreciate
her coming and listening to me speak every service.
Awhile back we were out of town holding services.
Then we returned to Lakewood Church and did three
services on the weekend. And I figured she had
heard my same message eight times in a row. Listen,
after eight times I’m even tired of it. But she sits
there, three services every week, and she laughs at
my same jokes each time, as though it’s the first time
she’s heard them. I know she’s faking it, but at least
she’s faking it to make me feel good.
I don’t take that for granted. Make sure the people in
your life know how much you appreciate their
sacrificing and supporting you. After all, you
wouldn’t be where you are if somebody wasn’t
paying the price to help you move further down the
road.
My mother is another great example of this support.
Every service when I’m preaching I hear her egging
me on from the front row. Under her breath she’s
constantly whispering, “That’s good, Joel.” It doesn’t
matter what I’m talking about. I’m her son. She
thinks everything I say is great. Why, I can say to the
congregation, “You may be seated,” and my mom will
say, “Oh, that’s excellent today, Joel.”
I wouldn’t be where I am today without those who
have sown into my life. I’ll never take for granted
those closest to me—my family, my friends, my co-
workers—all of those making sacrifices so I can
fulfill what God has put in my heart.
FOCUS ON WHAT IS TRULY IMPORTANT
Many people these days are making a living, but
they’re not really making their lives. They’re working
all the time, living stressed-out, bringing the tension
home, too busy to enjoy what God has given them.
Understand that when you come to the end of your
life, most likely there will still be work to do at the
office. Your in-box will still be full. Your work will
never be finished.
If you don’t make your family and those you love a
high priority to enjoy, to spend time with, to invest
in, then you will miss out on what matters most. In
your final days here on this earth, the job won’t keep
you company. Your family will. But if you spend all
your time just investing in a career, giving the best of
your life and energy to build a business, then your
lack of investment in what matters most—your
family—could leave you a very lonely person.
It’s good to be focused and driven. It’s good to be a
hard worker. But it’s important that you know how
to put your work aside, walk away, and say, “You
know what? This work will still be at the office
tomorrow. So I’ll do my best today. I’m working hard,
but I’m also playing hard. I’m enjoying my family.
I’m having fun with my children.” If you don’t make
this decision, your family will have only your leftover
time and leftover energy. They deserve better.
If you take the stress from the office home with you,
the whole house will tense up. Don’t let mistreatment
at work or what you didn’t get done sour your day so
badly that you take it out on your family. Leave that
at the office.
I don’t know about you, but I would rather make less
money and enjoy my life and enjoy my family than to
be so overworked I never have any extra energy.
There are plenty of opportunities I decline because I
don’t want my life to go by in a blur. I don’t want my
children to grow up without knowing me. I don’t
want to be so busy that I can’t come home and work
out or take a walk through the park or stay up and
look at the stars or get up early and hear the birds
singing.
Please realize that I am a very goal-oriented,
disciplined person, and I do just what I’m asking you
to do. I have trained myself to slow down and enjoy
the journey.
ZIGZAGGING THROUGH LIFE
As a teenager, Frank Lloyd Wright, who became a
famous architect, was walking through a snow-
covered field with his uncle one day. They were
headed to a house. But along the way Frank veered
off and stopped by a barn to see the animals. Then he
went over to a pond and took a look at that. Then he
saw a fort off in the distance. He went out of his way
to see that.
When he finally caught up with his uncle across the
snow-covered field, his uncle said, “Now, Frank. I
want to teach you a lesson. Look back at our
footsteps in the snow. Mine came straight here. I
never ventured off and I arrived here much quicker
than you. But Frank, look at yours. You zigzagged all
over the place and wasted so much time stopping all
along the way.”
Frank Lloyd Wright said that was one of the best
lessons he ever learned. But he took it in just the
opposite way from what his uncle intended. His
philosophy was, “I still arrived at the same
destination, but I enjoyed all the sights along the
way.”
There should always be a balance between working
hard, being focused, accomplishing dreams, and
taking time to stop and smell the roses. Appreciate
and enjoy the great things God has placed in your
life. Some of you are all work and no fun. If you
change your approach, slow down, and enjoy the
journey, you will still arrive where you’re supposed
to be, but your life will be so much more fulfilled.
I learned a lot of this from Victoria’s side of the
family. They love to laugh. They love to have fun.
They enjoy one another. At dinner they can sit there
and talk for hours. I can eat in ten minutes and I’m
done. I’ll think, Let’s get busy. Let’s go do something.
We’ve got goals. We’ve got dreams.
Recently Victoria’s mom, brother, and other family
members came over after church for a late lunch.
After I finished eating, I went to another room and
watched a football game. Two and a half hours later I
returned and they were still sitting at the table, in the
same seats, laughing, talking, having fun. I was so
amazed. I said to Victoria, “What are you all talking
about?”
She said, “Oh, nothing.”
Let me tell you, they can talk about nothing better
than any folks I know. Why is that? They enjoy one
another. They’ve taught me how to take time to smell
the roses.
Think about this: God gives us a sunrise every
morning. Do you ever enjoy it? He gives us stars
every night. Do you ever look up and appreciate
them? Maybe you have your mom and dad living
close by. Do you ever stop by and spend time with
them? Do you ever call them and talk about nothing?
God has blessed many with beautiful children. Do
you enjoy them, or are you so busy raising them and
cooking their dinners, making sure they’re doing
their homework and making sure they’re cleaning
their rooms, that you don’t really appreciate the gift
God has given you? I know most parents love their
children. No doubt about it. But many don’t really
enjoy their children. Some parents let the pressures
of raising them rob them of all the joy their children
have to offer.
SOME THINGS YOU CAN’T GET BACK
When our daughter, Alexandra, was about three
years old, she used to wake up at night and come
down the stairs into our room. Of course, we would
have to take her back to bed. For a few months she
was waking up two or three times a night and
coming down.
This was not long after I took over for my father and
started pastoring. I was learning to minister, and
there was a lot of stress and change just with that, so
I wasn’t sleeping much. One time I was telling
Victoria, “We’ve just got to do something about
Alexandra. She’s coming down so much. You know,
I’m just so tired. I’m not getting enough sleep.” On
and on.
Victoria said something I’ll never forget. She said,
“Joel, just remember, twenty years from now, you’ll
give anything to hear those little footsteps coming
down the stairs. You’ll give anything to have her
wanting to come into your room.”
That changed my whole perspective. I began looking
forward to it. I treasured those moments that we
could spend together. Your children may be a lot of
work right now, but make sure you’re enjoying them.
They won’t always be in the house with you.
You have to realize there are some things you cannot
get back. Your children will be home for only so long.
Take time for the people in your life. Don’t rush out
of the house without giving your spouse a hug. Don’t
be so busy that you can’t go on that promised date
with your child. Don’t come home so tired that you
can’t go to the park and watch your teenager
skateboard.
Make memories together. Twenty years from now
you will look back and say, “Remember when our
baby woke us up every night? Remember when our
child made the game-winning shot? Remember when
I’d take you to the park and chase you around?
Remember when we’d sit around the dinner table
and laugh and tell stories?”
You are living in tomorrow’s good old days.
Don’t take now for granted. Your family needs what
you have. They need your smile, your
encouragement, your support, and your wisdom.
They need to know you care and that they mean the
world to you. It’s important not to just be in the
house. Don’t just show up. Be involved. Be engaged.
I heard someone say, “It’s not the time we spend
together. It’s the moments we ignite to make
memories.”
I know plenty of people who live in a house full of
family but they’re very lonely. Everybody is busy.
Everyone is doing his or her own thing. Nobody is
stepping up to say, “You know what? We’re a family.
We take time to sit together at the dinner table and
catch up. We enjoy the ball game or a dance recital
and cheering on family members. We lift up one
another when we’re falling. We’re enjoying what
God has given us.”
It’s easy to be too busy. It’s easy to become
disengaged. But if you want the most out of life, draw
the line and say, “I’m slowing down and enjoying the
journey. I’m not taking for granted what God has
given me. I’m not being a workaholic, and I’m not
missing the years when my children are growing up.
I’m not living so stressed out that I can’t appreciate
the simple things in life.”
DON’T MISS EVERYDAY MIRACLES
A few years ago I was rounding everybody up at our
house to leave for church, and we were running late.
I was in a big hurry, all stressed out. Our son,
Jonathan, was about eight years old. Somebody had
given us a label maker, one of those little machines
that you can type a message on and print out a label
with a sticker on the back. Jonathan was by the back
door typing in a message.
“Jonathan, put that up,” I said. “We’re late. We’ve got
to go right now.”
He said, “Hang on, Dad. I just need another minute,
just another second.”
I said, “Jonathan, we don’t have another second.
We’ll be late for church. You’ve got to put it up.” I was
getting more and more stressed out.
About that time he printed out the message and
handed it to me.
“You’re the best dad in the world,” it said.
I thought, Well, maybe we can stay here a little
longer, and print out a few more of those.
Sometimes we become so caught up in our goals and
so focused on the end result that we miss the
miracles all along the way. Take time to smell the
roses. Enjoy the different personalities God has put
in your life.
I’ve found it’s the simple things that mean the most.
You don’t have to take an expensive vacation to make
a memory. You can create a memory sitting at the
dinner table. You can experience a memorable
moment watching your children play in the
backyard, or rising early with your spouse and
taking in a beautiful sunrise.
Some of my best childhood recollections were
created when all of us kids—there were five of us—
would sit with my father early in the morning and
drink coffee by the fireplace.
My father would take his first sip of coffee then let
out a long “Ahhh.” All of us kids, from four to
fourteen, would do the same thing. We would have a
contest to see who could do the best “Ahhh.”
We laughed and had so much fun together. My
brother Paul says his children still drink coffee early
in the morning, sip it, and say their “Ahhhs.”
I don’t drink coffee anymore. I’m a little bit holier
than he is!
Our family didn’t have a lot of money when we were
little, but my parents were very innovative.
Occasionally they would drive us to the nearby
airport when it wasn’t busy, and we would ride the
shuttle train together. That was free. We loved it. You
would have thought they were taking us to an
amusement park. We would go back and forth
between Terminal A and Terminal B for an hour or
two.
I’m sure people thought, That family is so lost. They
don’t know what they’re doing. You know what we
were doing? We were making memories. We were
having fun together as a family.
LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE IT
When our children were younger we took them to
Disneyland. Alexandra was about five years old. It
was very much a struggle getting there that day.
There was a lot of traffic. We were in a rental car,
and we had difficulty finding a place to park. There
was a long line just to catch the tram to the park. By
the time we finally arrived in the park, I was very
stressed out. We weren’t there fifteen minutes when
little Alexandra said, “Daddy, I want to go back to the
hotel and go swimming.”
I said, “No, no, no, Alexandra. We can swim
anywhere. We can swim at home. We’re at
Disneyland, the Magic Kingdom.”
“Daddy, I don’t want to be at Disneyland,” she
insisted. “I want to go swimming.”
I tried to win her over by saying we might see Mickey
Mouse or Snow White. I promised her that so much
fun awaited us.
“I don’t want to have fun here,” she said.
I finally had to say, “Listen, Alexandra. I paid fifty
bucks for your ticket. You’ll have fun whether you
like it or not.”
Seriously, it doesn’t take a lot of money to have fun.
Many times it’s the simple things that we remember
the most. Like the hotel swimming pool!
Casey was a huge baseball fan, and for his son’s
eighth birthday he bought him a baseball
autographed by all of the New York Yankees. They
had just won the World Series. He paid major money
for it.
Casey was sure his son, Logan, would treasure it for
years to come. But when he gave the ball to his son,
the boy wasn’t excited about it at all. In fact, he just
looked at it and put it off to the side.
Casey was so disappointed.
“Logan, don’t you like the ball?”
“Yes, Dad. But I’d like it a lot better if somebody
hadn’t written all those names on it.”
Like little Logan, we must learn to enjoy the simple
things in life. Today, everything is so complicated. We
have five hundred channels on TV, the Internet
floods us with information, and now we can access
all these distractions on our cell phones and iPads
and other devices. We can never escape from our
work or our diversions.
If you are not careful, you will fall into the trap of
thinking that you should always be busy, and that
you must always be involved in something big and
exciting. Slow down and enjoy the simple things.
Turn off the TV and spend more time with your
family. Take a walk. Go for a bike ride. Play games
together. Do those special things that you don’t need
to pay for, no ticket required.
Growing up, we played a family game of hide-and-
seek. My mom and dad would let us hide and then
they would track us down and chase us all through
the house. Playing that game with them was a
highlight of my childhood days. My favorite memory
is the time my sister Lisa became stuck in the dryer.
Thank God we had her on permanent press!
SIMPLE PLEASURES ARE THE BEST
You can have great wealth and be miserable and
lonely. Or you can have very little and still be happy
and fulfilled. It’s all in your approach to life.
A wealthy father decided to show his seven-year-old
son how the “poor people” lived. They drove from
their big home in the city to a little farm in the
country where this friend and his “poor” family
lived.
They spent the night with the family in their little
wood-framed house. They had no television, no
fancy furniture, and no carpet. Since there was no
entertainment in the house, this family sat out on the
front porch, where they sang, told stories, and
laughed together.
After being there two nights, the wealthy father and
son headed back home. The father was very curious
to see if his son had learned his intended lesson. So
he asked him how he liked it.
The little boy said, “Oh, Dad, I really loved it.”
“Well, son, do you see how poor people can be?”
“Yes, Dad. I do.”
“Tell me, what exactly did you learn?”
“Well, Dad, I learned that we have one dog at home,
and they have four. We have a swimming pool in the
middle of our backyard, but they have a stream with
no end. We have fancy lanterns on our house, but
they have the stars. We watch TV by ourselves at
night, but they sit around as a family and have fun.”
His dad shook his head, knowing that his plan had
backfired.
But then his son added: “Dad, thank you so much for
showing me how poor we really are.”
VALUE WHAT MATTERS TO YOU
If you have people in your life
to love, you are rich.
If you have your health, you are rich.
If you have people in your life to love, you are rich.
If you can hear your little girl’s footsteps coming
down the stairs, you are rich.
If you can talk with your family about nothing, you
are rich.
Maintain the proper perspective. Slow down and
enjoy the simple things in life. Take more walks
through the park. Look at the stars at night and think
about God’s goodness.
When you wake up in the morning, don’t just drink
your coffee. Sip it and say, “Ahhh.” Ignite that
moment. Slow down and enjoy the journey. There
will always be another dream, another goal, and
another challenge. Take time for what matters most.
Don’t let yourself become so focused and driven, so
busy with what you have to do each day, that you
miss the miracles along the way. Imitate Frank Lloyd
Wright and start zigzagging. Start enjoying the
different things God has put in your life.
Someone said, “It’s not that life is so short, it’s that
we wait so long to begin.”
Why don’t you begin today? Hug your children
before you leave each day. Give your spouse a kiss.
Call your parents and tell them how much you love
them. Go visit those relatives you’ve been meaning to
see.
We’re not here forever. It’s good to work hard, but
learn how to turn it off. Stay in balance and play
hard as well. If you’ll make the decision to slow
down and enjoy the journey, you will experience the
fullness of what God has in store for you.
When you come to the end of your life, you’ll have no
regrets. You’ll be able to say, “I made the most of my
time here. I enjoyed my family. I enjoyed my friends.
I finished my course with joy.”
PART 2
KNOW WHAT TO
IGNORE
CHAPTER SIX
The Right Perspective
It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong in your life, what
you don’t have, and how big your obstacles are. But
if you are not careful, you will lose sight of all the
good things God has done for you. Don’t take for
granted the family, friends, and opportunities He has
blessed you with. If you’re in such a hurry and so
stressed that you fail to appreciate the gift of today,
you’ll lose your joy and your ability to be happy
every day of the week.
It’s all about keeping things in perspective. Business
may be slow, but it’s the wrong perspective to think,
I’ll never make it. The right perspective is to think,
God is supplying all of my needs.
If you are going through a disappointment, the
wrong perspective is, I should have known this
would happen. I never get any good breaks. The right
perspective is to believe that when one door closes,
God will open another.
You can put two people in the exact same
circumstances and one will be complaining, negative,
and just enduring life, while the other will be happy,
grateful, and enjoying life. What’s the difference?
Their perspectives. It’s how each chooses to see the
situation.
Seeds of discouragement cannot
take root in a grateful heart.
We all have burdens that can steal our joy and cause
us to be sour. But if we’re to live life happy, we need
the foundation of a grateful spirit. I’ve learned that
seeds of discouragement cannot take root in a
grateful heart. If you are unhappy today and you’ve
lost your enthusiasm, the quickest way to turn that
around is to be more grateful. Instead of looking at
what you don’t have, thank God for what you do
have. Instead of complaining about what’s wrong,
thank God for what’s right.
I’ve talked to many people who have gone through
disappointments. They’ve lost their jobs, their
marriages, or their health. It’s difficult for them to
see any reason to be grateful. But really, it’s a matter
of perspective.
I heard of a man who complained he didn’t have any
good shoes until he met a man who had no feet. His
perspective changed then and there.
He thought, You know what? Maybe I don’t have it so
bad.
The truth is, somebody in the world would gladly
trade places with you. Somebody would love to be
able to breathe like you. Somebody would love to be
able to walk like you. Somebody would love to be
living where you live. Have you thanked God lately
for your family, your friends, your health, and the
opportunities He’s given you?
YOU COMPLAIN, YOU REMAIN
If you’re complaining about where you are, you
won’t get where you want to be. If you’re
complaining about what you have, I believe God will
not increase you with more.
Complaining about your old car, your small house, or
your spouse won’t get you anywhere. Remember this
phrase: If you complain you remain, but if you’ll
praise you’ll be raised.
To keep your life in perspective, try making a list of
all the things you are grateful for. Write down ten
things that God has blessed you with and put the list
on your bathroom mirror. Every morning read over
that list two or three times. Do the same every night
before you go to bed.
Meditate on the good things God has done. Write
down the times God showed up at the midnight hour
and made a way where there was no way. Write
down the time He protected you from that accident,
the time He had you at the right place and you were
promoted, the time the medical report said you
wouldn’t make it but your health suddenly turned
around. Write down the fact that you have healthy
children, a roof over your head, and a loving spouse.
When you meditate on the goodness of God, it will
help you have the right perspective, and release your
faith, too. When your faith is released, God’s power is
activated. You will see Him show up and give you
something else to put on your list.
A middle-aged man named Nicholas was very down
and discouraged so he went to his minister.
“Nothing in my life is going right,” he said. “I have no
reason to be excited, no reason to be thankful.”
“All right, let’s do a little exercise,” the minister said.
He took out a legal pad and drew a line right down
the middle.
“Let’s list all your assets on this side, all the things
that are right in your life,” the minister said. “On the
other side we’ll list all your challenges, all the things
that are bothering you.”
Nicholas laughed.
“I have nothing on my asset side,” he said, hanging
his head.
“That’s fine, but let’s just go through the exercise,”
said the minister, adding, “I’m so sorry to hear that
your wife has passed away.”
Nicholas looked up abruptly.
“What are you talking about? My wife didn’t pass
away. She’s alive and healthy.”
The minister calmly said, “Oh,” and then wrote down
under assets “Healthy wife.”
Next the minister said, “Nicholas, I’m so sorry to hear
your house burned down.”
“My house didn’t burn down,” said Nicholas.
Again, the minister calmly said, “Oh,” and added
“Place to live” to the list of assets.
The minister was on a roll.
“Nicholas, I’m so sorry to hear that you were laid off
from work.”
“Pastor, where are you getting all this nonsense?” he
said. “I have a good job.”
The minister wrote “A good job” on the list of assets.
“Can I see that list?” Nicholas asked, finally catching
on. After looking it over, he added a dozen more
assets that he’d been taking for granted instead of
being grateful for them. Nicholas left the minister’s
office with a much different attitude.
RECOGNIZE YOUR GIFTS
What was Nicholas’s problem? He just needed to
change his perspective. When he began to focus on
the good in his life, he got his happiness and joy
back.
If you struggle with staying encouraged and staying
grateful, make a list of everything God has blessed
you with. If you have your health, write it down as
an asset. If your vision is good, write it down, too.
The same with your job, your family, your friends,
your children, and all your other blessings. Make
that list and then go over it throughout the day. That
should get you thinking in the right direction.
You have to realize that every day is a gift from God.
What a shame to live this day or any other day
defeated, depressed, negative, complaining, and with
no enthusiasm. We all have obstacles. We all have
things to overcome, but our attitude should be: I
know God is still on the throne. He’s in complete
control of my life. He’s said His plans for me are for
good and not evil. I’m not living this day defeated,
depressed, or focused on what I don’t have. I’m
changing my perspective. Thank God I’m alive.
Thank God I’m breathing. Thank God I’m healthy.
Thank God for my family. I’m living every day to the
fullest.
Some people feel burdened by their duties and
responsibilities, but those, too, are gifts. They
complain because they “have to go to work” or they
“have to take care of the kids.” You don’t have to do
anything. You get to do all those things. God gives
you breath. You couldn’t go to work, take care of the
kids, or mow the yard if God didn’t give you the
strength. You couldn’t go to work if He didn’t give
you the opportunity.
Change your perspective. You don’t have to go to
work; you get to go to work. You don’t have to take
care of your children; you get to take care of your
children.
Do you know how many people would give anything
to have children? Some couples spend thousands of
dollars and go through painful medical procedures
in their efforts to have children. They would give
anything to be cleaning up after their own kids.
Thank God every day for blessing you with children.
They are a gift from God.
Don’t take anything for granted, not even the fact
that you were able to get out of bed this morning
without any help. When you opened your eyes, you
could see. When you told your legs to walk, they
obeyed. When your spouse said, “I love you,” you
could hear it. When your child gave you a hug, you
could feel that embrace. When you ate breakfast, you
could taste the food.
If you’re to have the right perspective, appreciate the
simple things God has blessed you with.
TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED
A congregation member told me that his mentally
challenged sister couldn’t talk or walk or feed
herself. She needed constant attention. Growing up,
he and his other family members helped take care of
her. They learned to distinguish among their sister’s
cries, which were her only way to communicate.
There was a hunger cry and a cry for when she
wanted to get up and a cry for when she wanted to go
to bed, and another cry for when she was thirsty.
The most difficult cry was the sound she made when
she had an itch. You see, she couldn’t tell them where
she felt the itch, so they would go all over her body
scratching and scratching, trying to alleviate that
itch.
Living with his handicapped sister helped this man
appreciate the simple things in life that so many of us
take for granted. Scratching an itch is no big deal,
until you can’t. Then it becomes a very significant
matter indeed. It’s a big deal that we tell our arms to
work and they work. It’s a big deal that we open our
eyes, and without even thinking about it, we see.
When you get up in the morning and you’re tempted
to dwell on your problems—how you don’t want to
go to work and how life’s not been fair to you—why
don’t you turn that around? Instead, thank God that
you can scratch your itch. Why don’t you thank God
that you have no problem breathing? Why don’t you
look out the window and appreciate the simple
things like the sun coming up, the birds singing, and
the flowers blooming?
Sometimes we think, My life is so routine, I just get
up and go to work and come home. Nothing exciting
is happening. I just do the same thing again and
again. But we should be thankful for routine
everyday life. There’s nothing ordinary about getting
up and going to work. There is nothing ordinary
about being able to see, having friends, or having
family. Those are gifts from God.
Too often we don’t realize how great
we have it until something is taken away.
Too often we don’t realize how great we have it until
something is taken away. I used to play basketball
with a young man named Matt until he started
having a problem with his eyes. He had always been
very healthy and very active, but his eyes kept
bothering him so he went to the doctor. After several
tests they told Matt that he had cancer of the eye. The
doctor said there was a very good chance he would
lose his vision.
Matt was so distraught and upset. He went in for an
operation, and, to the doctor’s surprise, they
discovered Matt did not have eye cancer. Instead,
they found an unusual fungus behind his eye that
was affecting his eyesight. They removed it and
saved his vision.
When Matt woke up from the operation and heard
that his vision was restored, he said, “This is the
greatest day of my life.”
Think about it. He didn’t just win the lottery. He
didn’t just buy a big new house. He didn’t just get a
promotion. He simply got the news that his vision
was back to normal.
After his eyesight was restored, Matt told me, “Every
day I get up in the morning and on purpose I look
around. I stare at my children and my wife. I go
outside and look at the trees. I bend down and pick
up an acorn on the ground.”
Because Matt almost lost his vision, being able to see
normally has taken on a whole new meaning for
him. He will never again take his eyesight for
granted. He will be forever grateful for the gift of
sight.
How things changed for Matt when he thought he
might lose something as “routine” and “normal” as
vision. You and I should never take for granted what
God has given us. If you can see, if you can hear, if
you can walk, if you’ve got good health, family,
friends, and a good job, learn to appreciate each of
those gifts.
IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS
Don’t you dare go around complaining about all
that’s wrong. Change your focus. I understand you
may not have your health, but you do have your
family. You can be grateful for that. You may not be
able to walk, but you can see. Thank God for your
sight. You may not have a job right now, but your
mind works, your arms work, your legs work. We all
have something to be grateful for.
Keep the right point of view. If you have a hard time
getting to sleep at night, think about all the homeless
people without beds. If you are stuck in traffic, think
about all the people who can’t afford cars. If you
have a bad day at the office, think about all those
who are unemployed. If you have to walk three
blocks to church, thank God that you are healthy and
able to walk. If your hair is turning gray, be grateful
it’s not turning loose!
Being grateful is a key to staying happy. That’s why
King David said, “I will bless the Lord at all times; His
praise shall continually be in my mouth” (Psalm 34:1
AMP). Notice how often he will praise the Lord?
Continually! David knew a secret. You can’t praise
and complain at the same time.
If you’re constantly thanking God for what He’s done
and praising Him for His blessings while meditating
on His goodness, you won’t have time to focus on
what’s wrong or to complain about what you don’t
have.
We all are tested every day. In your difficult times,
when somebody is rude to you, when you go through
a disappointment, when you get a negative report,
when your child acts up, what will you say?
“Poor old me. I can’t believe this is happening”? Or
will you say, “Father, I want to thank You that I’m
more than a conqueror. No weapon formed against
me will prosper. You always cause me to triumph. I
want to thank You that I’m not only making it
through, but I’m making it through better off than I
was before.”
The Scripture says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In
everything give thanks” (NKJV). It doesn’t say to give
thanks for everything. We don’t thank God for our
troubles, for sickness or accidents. But we do thank
Him for the trouble we’re coming out of. We thank
Him in the difficulty He’s turning around. We thank
Him for bringing us increase and promotion in a
slow economy.
Any time you have an opportunity to complain, let
that be a reminder to give God praise. Just turn it
around and thank Him for working in your life.
Remember, complaining only delays better days. But
when you praise, God steps in to fight your battles
for you!
NUMBER YOUR DAYS
I read recently that more than a million people die
every single week. Think about it. You made it
another week! You’re better off than a million
people. You can thank God that you’re alive.
The article also said that if you have a roof over your
head, you are better off than 75 percent of the
world’s population. And if you have fifteen dollars to
your name, you are in the top 8 percent of the
world’s wealthiest people—fifteen dollars!
Keep the right perspective. I read a poem that said, “I
am thankful for the taxes I pay each year because
that means I have a job. I am thankful for the mess I
have to clean up after the party because that means
friends have surrounded me. I am thankful for the
lawn that needs mowing, the windows that need
cleaning, and the gutters that need repair because
they mean I have a home. I am thankful for sore
muscles and for weariness at the end of the day
because it all means I was able to work hard. I am
thankful for the lady behind me in church who sings
off-key because that means I can hear. And I am
thankful for the alarm that goes off early in the
morning because that means I’m still alive.” It’s all in
your perspective!
Twenty years from now we will look back and
remember these as the good old days. Let me
encourage you to enjoy the moment. Make memories
with those you love. Take time for the people God has
given you. Look around at all the incredible blessings
He’s placed in your life.
Moses prayed to God: “Teach us to number our days”
(Psalm 90:12 NKJV). He was saying, “God, help us to
realize that every day is a gift. Help us to deal with
stress and everyday challenges while still
appreciating the gift of each and every day.”
Let me ask you: If you had only an hour to live, who
would you call? What would you say? And what are
you waiting for?
Don’t take for granted the people God has put in your
life. They won’t always be here. You and I will not
always be here. Yet sometimes we act and live as if
we’re invincible. But life is like a vapor. We’re here
one moment and gone the next. I heard somebody
put it like this: “We forget how fragile life is. We wait
for Thanksgiving to give thanks. We wait for
Christmas to give gifts. We wait for Valentine’s Day to
show love to those we hold dear. We say to ourselves,
Today is just an ordinary day. So we wait, and while
we wait the clock ticks. Precious moments pass by.
But in reality there is no such thing as an ordinary
day.”
Every day is a gift, unique and irreplaceable. Its
hours may be used or misused, invested or wasted.
God, teach us to number our days.
My prayer is that you will keep the right perspective,
focusing on the good, not taking things for granted,
and recognizing that every day is unique and
irreplaceable. Slow down and appreciate what God
has given you. Be thankful for the simple things,
even the fact that you can scratch your own itch. Hug
your children every day. Take time for the people
you love. Find some reason to be grateful.
God promises that when you
praise you’ll be raised.
Look at what’s right, not what’s wrong. Remember,
the seeds of discouragement cannot take root in a
grateful heart. If you’ll keep the right perspective
and like David continually give praise, God promises
that when you praise you’ll be raised. He’ll pour out
His blessings and favor!
CHAPTER SEVEN
Know What To Ignore
Not long ago, a reporter asked me what I thought
about two men he named. I said I didn’t know who
they were and I had never heard of them. The
reporter laughed and laughed. He thought that was
so funny.
“Well, who are they?” I asked.
“They are your two most outspoken critics,” he said.
“They’re always talking about you.”
He couldn’t believe that I had never heard of them.
But I’ve learned this principle: I don’t waste time
engaging in conflicts that don’t matter to me. I’ve
learned that the critics cannot keep me from my
destiny. What they say about me doesn’t define who I
am.
Whatever your critics say about you has no bearing
on your worth. You are a child of the Most High God.
The Creator of the universe breathed life into you.
You have seeds of greatness on the inside. You’ve
been crowned with favor. God has already equipped
and empowered you with everything you need. Don’t
waste your valuable time trying to play up to people,
trying to win over all your critics, or trying to prove
to someone that you’re important.
Accept the fact that some people will never celebrate
you. They will never recognize your gifts. That’s
okay. Don’t be distracted. God has already lined up
the right people to celebrate you, the right people
who will cheer you on and help you fulfill your
destiny.
If you want to live in victory, you have to be very
careful with your time and attention. You have to
know what thoughts to ignore, what comments to
ignore, and, I say this respectfully, what people to
ignore.
If someone at work is always on your nerves, making
sarcastic comments, you could try to straighten them
out, but you’d be wasting valuable time and energy
that could be spent pursuing your dreams. Don’t be
distracted. Ignore such people.
If a family member never gives you any credit, either
you can let that upset and frustrate you or you can
dismiss it and say, “No big deal. I don’t need their
approval. I have almighty God’s approval.”
You don’t have to straighten people out. You don’t
have to pay somebody back. You don’t have to be
offended because of what someone said. You can
ignore it and live happily. I’m convinced we would
enjoy life a whole lot more if we would get good at
knowing what to ignore.
STAY ON THE HIGH ROAD
According to Mark 3:1–5, Jesus was in the temple on a
Sabbath, the day of rest, when He saw a man with a
withered hand. Jesus simply said, “Stretch out your
hand” (v. 5 NIV), and immediately the man was
healed. The religious leaders, the Pharisees, were
there and they didn’t like Jesus. They didn’t
understand Him. They got together and said, “Yes,
Jesus did do something good. He did heal a man. But
you know what? He did it on the wrong day. He
shouldn’t have been working on the Sabbath.”
Like those Pharisees, some will condemn you no
matter what you do. Even if you changed and did
everything they asked of you, they would still find
fault. You could buy them new Cadillacs and hand
them the car keys. They would say, “You know what?
We really want Lexuses.”
Let me pass on a secret to save you heartache and
pain: Ignore your critics. You don’t need their
approval. Stay on the high road. The more they talk,
the more God will bless you. They may try to take
you down. God will take you up.
I talked about this with a minister friend who has
been around a long time and is well respected.
“If you had it to do over again, what would you
change? What would you do differently?” I asked
him.
Without missing a beat he said, “I would ignore a lot
more. I wouldn’t respond to every critic. I wouldn’t
waste time arguing about things that didn’t matter. I
wouldn’t spend so much energy trying to make
everybody understand me and make everybody
accept me.”
I believe many of us would see our lives rise to
higher levels if we just ignored our critics.
Many years ago a young man named Saul was
chosen to be the next king of Israel (see 1 Samuel 10).
The prophet Samuel blessed him and called him up
in front of the people and said, “He will be our next
king.”
Most of those present were very excited and they
congratulated Saul. But when he returned home,
many longtime friends ridiculed him.
“Saul is not our king. He’s not a leader. He doesn’t
have what it takes.”
They were actually jealous of Saul. They were so
insecure, so intimidated, they had to try to push Saul
down so they would look bigger.
Remember this phrase: “When people belittle you,
they are being little themselves.” Small-minded
people won’t celebrate you. Small-minded people
will be jealous. They will gossip to make you look
bad.
But they are not going where God is taking you. My
friend, you are called to be an eagle. You are called to
soar, to do great things. But we all have some crows
squawking at us, some chickens pecking at us, some
hawks attacking us. They are trying to bait us into
conflict. Don’t get drawn into those battles.
You have an advantage. You’re an eagle. You can fly
at heights to which no other birds can soar.
Crows love to pester eagles. The eagle is much larger,
but the crow is more agile so it can turn and
maneuver more quickly. At times the crow will come
up behind the eagle and dive-bomb the big bird. But
the eagle knows this secret: It can fly at altitudes that
the crow cannot fly, as high as twenty thousand feet.
So instead of bothering with the pesky crow and its
squawking, the eagle simply rises higher and higher
and eventually the crow is left behind.
Do the same when someone is pestering you out of
jealousy or spite. Soar above. Leave them behind.
GOD WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU
Use your energy to improve your skills,
to be the best that you can be.
God hears what your critics say, and if you stay in
faith, He will make it up to you. Use your energy to
improve your skills, to be the best that you can be.
And God will bring others across your path who will
celebrate and encourage you.
Saul could have easily lost his focus and wasted time
defending himself. Many had contempt for the new
king: “They despised [Saul], and brought him no
presents” (1 Samuel 10:27 NKJV).
What did he do?
Saul ignored them. One translation says, “Saul paid
them no mind” (v. 27 The Message).
Follow Saul’s wise approach. Pay no mind to jealous
people or those who try to bring you down. They
don’t control your destiny; God does. They are simply
distractions. Just stay focused and do what God has
called you to do.
After all, when you come to the end of your life, you
won’t have to give an account of it to your critics.
Instead, you’ll stand before almighty God, the Creator
of the universe. You will hold your head high and
say, “God, I did my best. I ran my race. I finished my
course. I became who You created me to be.”
That’s true fulfillment. That’s when you will be
rewarded.
DON’T BE ON EDGE
These days it seems we are all touchy and on edge. A
member of our congregation told me recently, “I quit
coming to church for two months because everybody
was talking about me. Everybody was against me.”
I didn’t say it, but I thought, “Ma’am, everybody
doesn’t know you.”
We have a big church. With seats for nearly
seventeen thousand people, the odds of everybody
picking on one person are slim.
This woman was on edge, like so many people today.
She fell into a trap of creating conflict where there
was none. As a result, she stayed home, missed
church, and hurt only herself. The funny thing is, our
church services seemed to be just as good as ever—
matter of fact, a little bit better than normal—in her
absence!
Maybe worse than being on edge is holding a grudge.
What a waste that is! What’s in it for you except
stress and anxiety? I was leaving the mall with a
friend a few years ago when he stopped near the exit
doors to the parking lot. Our car was only about fifty
feet outside the doors.
“Let’s go another way,” he said.
“Why?” I asked. “Our car is right here.”
“I don’t walk by that store,” he said. “They did me
wrong.”
I might have laughed, but he was so serious and
dramatic, I thought maybe they’d accused him of
shoplifting or something worse.
“What happened?” I asked.
“They wouldn’t take back a pair of shoes when I was
in high school.”
Twenty years ago? I thought. I’d imagine that store
manager is dead and gone by now, or retired to
Florida.
I wanted to say, “Just let it go. I’ll buy you some new
shoes!”
My friend had been carrying that grudge around so
long that he’d probably worn out ten pairs of shoes
due to the excess weight of it.
Are you on edge, carrying a grudge, or fighting
battles that are not important but consume your time
and energy and keep you from pursuing what’s
really important—your God-given goals, your God-
given dreams?
You have only so much energy. If you become caught
up in things that don’t matter, when a real threat
comes along—a real Goliath battle that might make a
difference in your drive toward your divine destiny
—you may not have the energy to win that battle.
PEOPLE PLEASER
In my early days as a pastor, I had difficulty ignoring
my critics. I wanted everybody to like me. I’d stepped
in after my father’s death in 1999, and his were big
shoes to fill. He had led his church for forty years.
One of my problems was that I tried to keep
everyone happy. I didn’t want to lose anybody. I
finally decided, I will just be myself and do it the way
God is leading me. Ninety-nine percent of the
congregation was behind me and very loyal. But
there were a few who were not supporters. Some
didn’t like the way I ministered, and some didn’t like
the way I was leading the church.
I felt pressured to fit into their mold and become
who they wanted me to be. But you are anointed to
be you. When you let people squeeze you into their
mold and you bow to pressure by trying to please all
the critics, you lose your identity and uniqueness. It
lessens God’s favor.
So, I stepped into my own anointing. I made some
changes and a few didn’t like them. Some of the
disgruntled members had been with the church a
long time. They criticized me, but I did what I’m
asking you to do. I ignored the criticisms. They didn’t
celebrate me, but I paid them no mind.
I didn’t lose any sleep. I didn’t try to win them over. I
didn’t say, “Just hear my heart.” I just ran my race
with purpose, with focus, and with integrity. I saw
God give me His favor more and more. Eventually
the critics left. But God brought me a lot more
people, some forty thousand more. When you do
things God’s way, you never lose out.
After years of wasting my time and energy trying to
win over my critics, I decided to focus on pleasing
God and those who encourage me and love me. I
accepted that some people would never come around
to the wonder of me!
So I became a professional ignorer, and, I must say,
I’m very good at it. I’m all for treating every person
with respect, kindness, and consideration. But I no
longer try to appease or please my critics.
From Mother Teresa to Nelson Mandela, from the
Wright brothers to Steve Jobs; every person who has
achieved great things has had critics. You will have
yours, too. I’ve heard this said: “If you get kicked in
the rear, it means that you’re out in front.”
Don’t be a people pleaser, be a God pleaser.
The front-runner is always the focus of those who
trail behind. The more success you have, the more
opportunities there will be for distractions. The
higher you go, the more haters will come out. When
you reach a new level by pursuing what God has put
in your heart, the jealous, critical people and the
small-minded people will come out of the woodwork.
But don’t be a people pleaser, be a God pleaser.
THE FIGHT FOR APPROVAL
I met a couple years ago and tried to be a good friend
to them, but they never seemed to warm up to me.
They would greet me and act cordial enough, yet
they kept a distance. I just could not understand that.
I went out of my way to win their approval. I
introduced them to my friends. In fact, one of those
connections led to a business partnership for them.
Still, they were not receptive to my offer of
friendship.
Eventually, they relocated to another city. Don’t ask
me why, but I found people to help them move. I
even gave them a gift for their new home. Despite all
those efforts, this couple remained cool to me.
A few years after they left town, I heard that they’d
said unkind things about me. They thought I hadn’t
done enough for them, and here I’d gone out of my
way and bent over backward to help them.
I recently saw an interesting set of statistics on
friendship. Researchers found that 25 percent of the
people you meet will not like you. The next 25
percent won’t like you but could be persuaded to.
Another 25 percent will like you but could be
persuaded not to, and the final 25 percent will like
you and stand by you no matter what.
If you take those statistics to heart, you should feel
free of any acceptance anxiety. Just realize that some
people won’t like you no matter what you do, so don’t
waste your time and energy trying to win them over.
You could compliment some people every hour, send
flowers every day, mow their lawns every week, but
still they will never like you.
That’s what I decided about that couple I’d done so
much for. I realize now they’re just among the 25
percent who will never like me. I wish I had known
back then what I know now. I wouldn’t have wasted
my time trying to win them over.
If someone doesn’t want to be your friend, just
consider it that person’s loss. Too bad for you; you
don’t know what you’re missing. When I quit fighting
those battles for approval and acceptance as a young
man, God began to bring people into my life who
celebrated me. Not long after, I met Victoria. She
celebrates me. I celebrate her.
Do not waste your valuable time and energy playing
up to anyone who snubs or slights you. Such people
are merely distractions. One friend of mine calls
them “background scenery in the story of my life.”
You don’t need their approval to be who God made
you to be. You don’t need their acceptance. You are
one of God’s children.
Let go of their disapproval and know that God will
send people who celebrate your talents, your
personality, and your accomplishments. With them,
you can just relax and be who God made you to be.
Whatever you do, they’ll think you’re the greatest
thing in the world.
In my grandmother’s eyes I could do no wrong as a
boy. Once, when someone ate her homemade
chocolate-chip cookies before dinner, I was not even
a suspect. Who was it?
“Not my darling Joel,” she said. “It may have been
one of his sisters, but I know Joel would never do
that.” My three sisters would be so aggravated.
They’d say, “Grandmama thinks Joel is a saint.”
I can’t help it. I had favor even back then. That’s the
kind of people God wants to bring you, people who
believe the best of you.
Take on this attitude: I have something great to offer.
I am one of a kind. I have a great personality. I have
the right looks. And I will not waste time trying to
make people love me. I will let that go and trust God
to bring me divine connections, people who celebrate
me just as I am.
When Nehemiah was rebuilding the walls of
Jerusalem (see Nehemiah 4), there were two men at
the bottom of the mountain named Sanballat and
Tobiah. They were his biggest critics, and the whole
time he was up there working they were hollering
things like, “Nehemiah, come down here and fight
with us. You will never finish that wall. You don’t
have what it takes.”
I love the fact that Nehemiah was focused. They were
making a lot of noise, threatening him, calling him
names, but he recognized there was no benefit to
fighting with them.
When God puts a dream in your heart, there will
always be the Sanballats and the Tobiahs trying to
engage you in battles that don’t matter. They may
talk mean and say things behind your back. They’ll
try to lure you into strife. But be disciplined.
Recognize when it’s a battle that’s worth fighting.
BE YOUR BEST, LET GOD DO THE REST
A reporter asked Bill Cosby the secret of success. He
said, “I don’t know the secret of success, but I do
know the secret of failure, and that is to try to please
everybody.” You have to accept that not everybody
will support you. Not everyone will like you. Not
everybody will understand you. That’s okay. Be the
best that you can be, and God will take care of your
critics.
You don’t have time to come down off that wall. You
don’t have time to convince your critics. You don’t
have time to argue. You have a destiny to fulfill. You
have an assignment to accomplish. Learn to ignore
the Sanballats and the Tobiahs. Before long, like
Nehemiah, you’ll complete your wall and your
actions will answer your critics.
Stay focused on the main goals God has put in your
heart. He will do amazing things. Like David, you
will defeat your giants. Like Nehemiah, you will
complete your walls. Ignore the distractions, and you
will accomplish your goals all the quicker.
CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
Many of the challenges that may come your way are
simply distractions meant to lure you from your
destiny. When you are tempted to vent your
emotions because someone has hurt or angered you,
it is best to ask yourself, Is it worth it? Even if I win
this battle, what is the prize? What will lashing out
accomplish?
Choose your battles wisely.
You may miss out on God’s best while distracted by
battles that don’t matter. Maybe you are trying to
prove your worth, trying to win over your critics, or
playing for approval. Those are all needless
distractions. Choose your battles wisely.
In the early years of our marriage, I had a pet peeve.
If Victoria didn’t turn off all the lights when she left
the house, I’d get uptight.
“Victoria, be sure to turn off all the lights!”
A few hours later, I’d come home to an empty house
with all the lights on. I would tell her once again we
were paying too much on our power bills.
I knew she didn’t leave the lights on intentionally.
She just left without thinking to turn them off
because she had other things on her mind. I’m more
of a details person. Victoria is more of a big-picture
person. We just have different personalities and
different strengths.
I harped at her for about five years before I put that
pet peeve down.
After all that time bringing tension into the house,
getting uptight, it finally dawned on me, Joel, this is
not a battle worth fighting. If it costs you an extra ten
dollars a month in electricity, it’s well worth keeping
the peace in your home.
The lower power bills were not worth the higher
stress and heartache. Learn from my mistake. How
much tension are you bringing into the home
unnecessarily? You may win a victory, but will it be
worth the stress?
Have you ever heard the saying “A bulldog can whip
a skunk any day of the week. But sometimes even a
dog realizes it’s just not worth the stink”?
Winning isn’t everything.
BEING RIGHT ISN’T ALL IT’S
CRACKED UP TO BE
I’ve found it’s easy to start a fight, but it’s hard to end
one. The best strategy is to take a step back, draw a
deep breath, and say, “What truly matters here?”
Proverbs 20:3 says, “Avoiding a fight is a mark of
honor” (NLT). If you want God to honor you, if you
want to enjoy your life, be a peacemaker. Be the kind
of person who avoids an unnecessary fight, a fight
that carries no real rewards.
Your home needs to be a place of peace. You and
your spouse need to be in harmony. You are stronger
together than you are apart. Not only that, your
children need to see a good example. They will treat
their own spouses the same way they’ve seen their
parents treat each other.
Fight mode should not be your daily setting. You
likely have friends, family members, or co-workers
who constantly run hot. They are always aggravated
at a spouse, a neighbor, or someone in the office.
Anger consumes their time and energy. They don’t
know when a battle is not worth fighting because
there are no spoils. Even if they win, they’ll be no
further down the road toward happiness or
fulfillment.
If you make the mistake of engaging in every
potential battle that comes along, and you are
constantly defending yourself, proving your point,
straightening out others, then you probably won’t
have the energy to fight the battles that do matter. Be
a warrior, but even a warrior knows when to sit one
out. He saves his energy for the battles that mean
something; those that move him closer to his God-
given destiny.
First Samuel 17 tells the story of David and Goliath.
As a shepherd boy, David was asked by his father to
take meals to his brothers on the battlefield. They
had much more prestigious positions as warriors.
David was stuck tending the family flock. When he
went onto the battlefield on his errand, he heard
Goliath taunting his people. David asked the men
standing around, “What is the prize for the man who
defeats this giant?”
“The reward is one of the king’s daughters in
marriage and no more taxes,” they replied.
David saw great value in fighting this battle. There
were serious spoils. When David’s older brother
Eliab heard David talking about fighting the giant, he
tried to embarrass him in front of the other men.
“David, what are you even doing out here?” he asked.
“And what have you done with those few sheep our
father left you with?”
Eliab tried to make David feel small.
I love the way David responded. The Scripture says
that David turned and walked away from Eliab.
David had feelings just like you and I have. I’m sure
he wanted to say, “Oh, Eliab, you think you’re
something great. You’re nothing at all.”
He could have chosen to take on his brother. But he
didn’t take the bait. He focused on what was truly
important. Had David wasted his time and energy on
his brother, who knows if he would have defeated
Goliath?
You have to ask yourself, Are the battles I’m engaged
in worth fighting? Do they have any rewards? Are
they furthering me toward my God-given destiny?
If a battle doesn’t stand between you and your God-
given destiny, simply ignore it. If somebody doesn’t
want to be your friend or treats you rudely, that’s not
worth a war.
If a battle doesn’t stand between you
and your God-given destiny, simply ignore it.
When you are swept up in petty battles, you risk
missing the Goliath put in your path by God to help
you fulfill your divine destiny. The battles that do
matter will come. Save your strength and energy for
what’s really important.
DISARM THE ARGUERS
Right after I began ministering, this older gentleman
came up to me in a serious state of mind.
“I need to know what you believe about the second
dispensation of the Spirit,” he said.
I thought, Dear God, I must have missed the first one.
My usual tactic in these cases is blatant honesty.
“Sir,” I said, “I don’t know about that at all.”
This approach hardly fazed him. He wanted to
debate, and since I didn’t jump in, he went right
ahead expounding on his own.
“Well, Joel, I believe this… and this… and this.”
I kept my cool.
“You know what? I think you’re right,” I said. “I agree
with you.”
My refusal to take the bait finally gave him pause,
but not much pause.
“Yeah, but I believe this, and this, and this,” he said.
“I agree exactly,” I said.
His face reddened. I was confusing him with my
sinister affability.
“Yeah, but I believe this and this and this and this.”
This poor fellow had won the argument three times,
but he wasn’t happy. He wasn’t satisfied. He wanted
to keep arguing. He was in fight mode.
Finally, he seemed at least halfway convinced that I
agreed. He walked away. One. Two. Three. Maybe ten
steps before I said, “Excuse me, sir. I’m not sure I
agree with… that one thing.”
He whirled around.
“I’m just kidding. Just playing with you,” I said.
Believe me, his dukes were up. He was ready to fight
again, but I was ducking and weaving, staying fast on
my feet.
LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE
Some people are just contentious by nature. They
argue with the image in the mirror. So smile and
walk away, because there will never be a short
supply of people looking to pick a fight or start an
argument.
According to 2 Samuel 16:5–14, King David was
walking down the street and a young man started
making fun of him, calling him names, even
throwing rocks. He followed him everywhere, just
pestering him, trying to pick a fight, trying to
aggravate him.
Finally, King David’s friends said, “Do you want us to
put a stop to him? Do you want us to shut him up? He
is a real pain.”
I love the way King David answered. He said, “No, let
him keep talking. Maybe God will see that I am being
wronged and bless me for it.”
That’s the attitude you need. It takes all the pressure
off. You don’t have to retaliate. In fact, your attacker
has done you a favor because God will serve as your
vindicator. What this person meant for your harm
will be used by God to promote you, and blessings
will come your way.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Silencing The Voice Of The Accuser
Nine-year-old Sam was visiting his grandparents’ big
farm where he loved to walk in the woods with his
slingshot. He practiced shooting rocks at trees and
bottles and cans, but he didn’t hit much. You see,
Sam was still working on his accuracy.
One evening after a day in the woods, he heard the
dinner bell calling him home. As Sam walked toward
the house he spotted his grandmother’s pet duck
walking by the pond. He never dreamed in a million
years he could hit the duck, but just for fun he pulled
the slingshot back, and let it fly. Believe it or not, the
rock hit the duck square in the head. The duck
dropped dead without even one last quack!
Sam was shocked. He’d never hit anything he aimed
at! He felt terrible.
In a panic, he ran to the dead duck and carried it
behind the barn where he buried it in the woodpile.
Sam was headed into the house, feeling terrible still,
when he spotted his twelve-year-old sister, Julie, and
realized she’d watched the whole sordid affair.
That night after dinner, their grandmother said,
“Julie, I’d like you to stay and help me do the dishes if
you don’t mind.”
“Grandmother,” she replied, “I’d love to, but Sam said
he wants to do the dishes tonight.”
As she walked out past Sam, she whispered in his
ear, “Remember the duck.” Trapped, Sam went over
and did the dishes.
The next morning their grandfather invited both
Sam and Julie to go fishing, but his wife had another
plan.
“I really need Julie to stay here and help me do some
chores,” Grandmother said.
Julie countered, “Grandmother, Sam said he’d like to
stay with you and help you out today.”
Once again, his sister walked by Sam and muttered,
“Remember the duck.” Sam did the chores. Julie
went fishing.
After a couple days of hard labor, doing both Julie’s
chores and his own, Sam had had enough. He fessed
up.
“Grandmother, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, but I
killed your duck.”
His kindly grandmother gave him a big hug.
“Sammie, I know what happened,” she said. “I was
standing at the window watching the whole thing
take place. I saw how shocked you were and I’ve
already forgiven you. I’ve just been waiting to see
how long you would let Julie make a slave of you.”
Sam’s grandmother was not standing alone at that
window. God was right beside her. He sees your
every mistake, every failure, every weakness. The
good news is that He, too, has forgiven you. He’s not
holding anything against you. He’s just waiting to see
how long you will allow the accuser to make a slave
of you.
SEEK FORGIVENESS AND MOVE ON
The Scripture says, “There is now no condemnation
for those who are in Christ Jesus… who do not walk
according to the flesh but according to the Spirit”
(Romans 8:1, 4 NASB).
Those last four words are the key. When you make
mistakes, if you are in the flesh, you beat yourself up.
You feel guilty and unworthy. You live depressed and
defeated. But choosing that response will leave you
on a dead-end street.
Instead, embrace the Spirit and say, “Yes, I made
mistakes. It was my fault. But I know the moment I
ask for forgiveness, God will forgive me and forget
my mistakes so I can move ahead.”
Too many people go around feeling bad about
themselves. When they make mistakes, instead of
receiving God’s mercy and moving forward, they
listen to the voice of the accuser. That voice
constantly rails at them about their mistakes, their
blown diets, their temper tantrums, and their
shortcomings. After so long, they are weighed down
with guilt and self-condemnation.
A member of our congregation, Sheila, told me she
felt guilty for giving her baby up for adoption as a
teenage mother. It had been ten years, and she was
still down on herself.
“I feel ashamed, like I’m a terrible mother,” she said.
“I don’t know what was wrong with me.”
Guilt puts you on a treadmill; you’re
constantly working and struggling and
sweating, but you don’t move forward.
Sheila is listening to the voice of the accuser because
of something in her past. Now she is carrying a
heavy load of guilt that could destroy her future even
though she knows that she made the best decision
for her baby at the time.
Guilt puts you on a treadmill; you’re constantly
working and struggling and sweating, but you don’t
move forward.
GUILT IS A DEAD-END STREET
The burden of guilt drains your strength, your
energy, and your enthusiasm. Guilt will prevent you
from forming healthy relationships. It can affect you
not only emotionally but even physically. I’ve known
people who have suffered nervous breakdowns
because of guilt. Year after year, they have carried
the heaviness. They are worn down and can barely
function.
You may have made mistakes and done things that
you’re not proud of, but the moment you asked for
forgiveness, God forgave you. The Bible says in Isaiah
that He remembers our sins no more.
If God doesn’t remember your sins, then that
accusing voice is not God’s. That’s the accuser trying
to sour your future. You have two choices in
response. You can believe those lies, dwell on them,
and allow guilt to weigh you down. Or, a much better
decision is to rise up in faith and say, “No, thanks. I’m
not going there. If God doesn’t condemn me, I’m not
condemning myself!”
There is a difference between God’s voice and the
accusing voice. When we make mistakes, as
believers, we feel a conviction on the inside. We feel
guilty. Our conscience tells us, That’s not right.
That’s the Spirit of God convicting us. The right thing
to do is repent; ask for forgiveness and go forward.
The moment we do that, God doesn’t remember the
mistakes. He has no record of them.
Your mistakes and transgressions are not kept in a
secret database somewhere. But as soon as God lets
them go, the accuser begins working on you. Even
though God has forgotten about your mistakes, the
accuser tries to keep you feeling bad about yourself
and your mistakes. He reminds you of everything
you’ve done wrong and tries to force you to give up
and sit on the sidelines.
The accuser’s goal is to deceive you into living
condemned, to make you feel inferior and unworthy
of God’s blessings. Be keen enough to recognize who
is speaking to you. The accusing voice is not God’s
voice.
Tell yourself, That’s the accuser trying to dump
another load of guilt on me, trying to keep me feeling
bad. But I know better. I don’t have to listen to his
lies. I believe what God says about me. I’m forgiven.
I’m redeemed. My past is erased and my future is
bright.
By not dwelling on those lies, you silence the voice of
the accuser. The Scripture says, “You shall know the
truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32
NKJV). The truth is that the price for your mistakes
was paid two thousand years ago on the cross at
Calvary. You don’t have to pay again.
You have been redeemed. God’s mercy is bigger than
any of your mistakes. So press forward with your
head held high, knowing your best days lie ahead of
you.
TAKE THE SACK OFF YOUR BACK
You can’t do anything about your past, but you can
do something about your future. Receiving God’s
mercy and moving forward is illustrated by a story of
three men carrying two sacks each. A passerby asked
the first man what was in the sacks.
“The sack on my back is filled with all the good
things that have happened to me,” he said. “The sack
in the front is filled with all the bad.”
He was constantly focused on the bad things in front
of him so he couldn’t even see the good on his back.
The stranger asked the second man the same
question but received the opposite response.
“The sack in the back is filled with the bad things,”
he said. “The sack in the front is filled with the good
things.”
At least he could see the good and not focus on the
negative. But both of the sacks being so full still
weighed him down and made life a burden.
Finally, the stranger asked the third man the same
question.
“The sack on my chest is filled with my
accomplishments and victories,” he said. “The sack
on my back is empty.”
“Why is it empty?” the stranger asked.
“I put all my mistakes, failures, guilt, and shame in
that sack, and I cut a hole in the bottom to release
them,” he said. “That way, I’m weighted in the front
more than the back so I keep moving forward. In
fact, the empty sack in the back acts like a sail in the
wind, moving me ahead.”
Like that third man, you have to let go of the bad,
hang on to the good, and keep moving forward
toward your goals.
FOCUS ON WHAT’S RIGHT
One way you know that guilt and condemnation are
not from God is that they don’t help you improve.
Guilt and condemnation don’t make you do better.
When you go around feeling bad about yourself, you
are much more likely to make another mistake. I’ve
seen people on diets despair so much they need a
bowl of ice cream to recover. They give up on their
goals because guilt doesn’t make them do better; it
makes them do worse.
Do not spend time thinking about what’s wrong with
you, but rather, think about what’s right with you. I
told that young lady who gave up her baby for
adoption, “Look at you. You’re beautiful. You’re
talented. You’re successful. You’ve got a great job.
Why are you still so down on yourself? That is over
and done.”
The correct way to handle guilt is to repent and ask
for forgiveness. Move forward. The wrong way is to
hold on to guilt for a week, a year, or a lifetime.
There are some things you cannot undo. You can’t
unscramble eggs. You cannot relive yesterday, but
you can live today. Don’t let the accuser sour your
future any longer. Start dwelling on what’s right with
you, not what’s wrong with you.
Have you noticed how human nature is drawn
toward the negative? I can have a hundred people
tell me after a service, “That was a great message. I
really needed to hear that.” But then one person will
say, “I don’t know if I really understood the point. I’m
not really sure I agree with you on that.”
I used to go home depressed, discouraged, feeling
like a failure. I’ve learned now to shake it off. If
somebody doesn’t like it, my attitude is, I won’t allow
someone else’s opinion make me feel bad about
myself.
I will not allow one bad report to cancel out a
hundred good reports. In the same way, don’t let one
weakness or one mistake made cancel out all the
other great things about you. You may have made a
lot of wrong choices, but you’ve also made a lot of
choices that were right.
Guilt will steal your joy.
Focus on your good qualities. Focus on your
victories. Get off the treadmill of guilt. It’s not taking
you anywhere. Guilt will steal your joy. Don’t live
another moment in regret. The source of your guilt
may have been your fault, but that’s what mercy is
all about. Rise up and say, “This is a new day. I’m
unloading the baggage. I am done feeling wrong
about myself. I’m done feeling condemned. I’ve
focused long enough on what I’ve done wrong. I’m
focusing on what I’m doing right.”
ACCEPT FORGIVENESS
It’s very difficult for most people to accept the fact
that God forgives us so easily. When we make
mistakes, we think we have to pay for them. So we
grow discouraged and get down on ourselves. Sure,
we should be remorseful when we do wrong. We
should be genuinely sorry and not flippant. But we
don’t have to spend month after month wallowing
around in guilt and condemnation.
I know some people who made mistakes years ago
and they are still asking God for forgiveness. They’ve
probably asked a thousand times. They don’t realize
God granted it the very first time they asked. The
problem is they have not accepted God’s gift of
forgiveness. They think they must show God how
sorry they are by giving up their joy and paying some
kind of penance. They live defeated and discouraged.
And they beg and beg, “God, please forgive me. God,
I’m so sorry. Please, God.”
Don’t be a beggar. Be a believer. Believe God forgave
you the very first time. You don’t have to keep
asking.
I love the story of the prodigal son (see Luke 15:11–
32). The young man took his inheritance and left
home, went out partying, living wild, undisciplined,
and making terrible choices. He blew his whole
inheritance. He lost it all. Finally he had no money,
no place to stay.
He ended up working on a farm feeding hogs. He was
so desperate, so hungry. He had to eat the animals’
food just to stay alive. But one day as he was sitting
in the hog pen, guilty, condemned, ashamed, and
depressed, something rose up on the inside.
He thought to himself, Even the servants at my
father’s house live better than this. And here I am
sitting in the hog pen, wallowing in defeat and
mediocrity. He made a statement that changed his
future. Without this statement, we would have heard
no more of this young man. He said, “I will arise and
go to my father.”
He was saying, “Yes, I’ve made mistakes. I brought
the trouble on myself, but I won’t allow one bad
season of my life ruin the rest of my future. I will
arise.”
Maybe today you’ve made some poor choices. You’re
not where you want to be in life. The accusing voice
keeps telling you, It’s your fault. Too bad. You’ve
brought it on yourself.
If you’re to be restored, if you’re to fulfill your
destiny, it’s not up to God. It’s up to you. Do like this
young man and say, “I may be down, but I’m not
staying down. I’ve made mistakes. It’s my fault. But I
know the secret; I will arise and go to my Father.”
I believe one reason this young man could arise was
because deep down he knew who he was. He knew
what family he belonged to. When you understand
your position, you can change your condition.
Understand that you are a child of the Most High
God, who breathed His life into you. You were never
created to live depressed, defeated, guilty,
condemned, ashamed, or unworthy. You were
created to rule, to reign, to be victorious.
Your condition may be down because of poor choices
and mistakes you’ve made. You don’t feel like you
deserve it. You don’t feel like you’re worthy. But
shake that off and say, “I understand my position. I
know who I am; a child of almighty God. I may not
feel like I deserve it. I may not feel like I’m worthy,
but I know because of what Christ did He made me
worthy. He took my guilt so that I can be free. So I
will arise and go to my Father.”
That’s what this young man did. And when the father
saw him coming way down the road, the father took
off running toward him. He gave his son a big hug,
put a ring on his finger, a robe on his back. He said to
his servants, “Let’s celebrate. My son has come back
home.”
God will do the same thing for you when you make
that decision to shake off the guilt, shake off the
condemnation, and say, “I’m moving forward with
my life.” When you make a move, God will make a
move. He’ll come running toward you with mercy,
forgiveness, restoration, favor, increase. God can still
get you to where you’re supposed to be.
But so often when we make mistakes the accusing
voices repeatedly tell us, You can’t ask God for help.
It was your fault. You’ve been a hypocrite. You
brought this trouble on yourself.
No, this is when mercy comes in. When you do
wrong, you ask for forgiveness, and God forgives you.
But when you really understand who you are, you
won’t just ask for forgiveness. You’ll take it one step
further and ask God for His mercy.
ASK GOD FOR MERCY
One who expects mercy says, “God, I believe You will
bless me in spite of these mistakes.”
That’s what Jacob did. He had lived his life as a
cheater, a deceiver, doing people wrong. He grew
tired of living that way. One day he decided he
wanted to make things right. He went down to the
brook so he could be alone.
Genesis 32 talks about how the angel of the Lord
appeared to him in the form of a man. Jacob and the
angel began to wrestle. Their struggle went on all
night. Jacob said to the angel, “I know who you are,
and I’m not letting you go until you bless me.”
When the angel saw how determined Jacob was and
how he would not give up, he reached over and gave
God’s blessing to Jacob. Jacob left there a different
person. God even changed his name from Jacob to
Israel, which means “prince with God.”
But can you imagine the nerve of Jacob? Don’t you
know that took incredible boldness? Here he had
practically lived his whole life making poor choices,
deceiving, cheating, and lying. He should have felt
overwhelmed with guilt, condemnation, all washed
up. Somehow he had the confidence to not only ask
for forgiveness but also to say, “God, I believe You
will bless me in spite of the way I’ve lived.”
Surely God would say, “Jacob, what are you talking
about? Are you crazy? You don’t deserve to be
blessed, not even really forgiven. I’m not blessing
you.”
No, God said, in effect, “Jacob, I love the fact that you
know who you are: My child, redeemed, forgiven,
made worthy. You not only asked to be forgiven, but
you also asked for My mercy. And Jacob, if you’re
bold enough to ask for it, I’m bold enough to grant
it.”
God is not the one condemning you.
That is the accuser.
That kind of faith grabs God’s attention, not when we
drag around guilty, condemned, feeling wrong on the
inside. No, it’s time for us to arise and go to our
Father. God is not the one condemning you. That is
the accuser. Stop dwelling on those thoughts.
You may have failed, but God’s mercy never fails.
The sad thing is, most people accept the
condemnation quicker than they accept God’s mercy.
Don’t let that be you. Shake off the guilt. Shake off
the negative mistakes from the past. Don’t go another
minute in regret, feeling bad about yourself.
The moment you asked for forgiveness, God forgave
you. Now do your part and unload the baggage.
Leave the guilt right where you are. Don’t take it
with you. Leave the bag of regrets. Leave the bag of
failures. Leave the bag of condemnation behind. If
you learn to silence the voice of the accuser, guilt and
condemnation cannot weigh you down. You will live
a life of freedom, rising higher, overcoming
obstacles, and accomplishing dreams!
CHAPTER NINE
A No-Excuses Life
I’m a sports fan. I love the classic and true story of a
boy whose dream was to play professional baseball.
He was extremely gifted. All through junior high and
high school he was by far the most talented player in
his league. Professional scouts were regularly at his
games.
Then one day he had a farming accident. He lost the
whole forefinger and most of the middle finger on
his throwing hand. It looked like his baseball days
were over. But this young man had a “no-excuses”
mentality. He learned to throw the ball without those
two fingers, even though they are usually the main
fingers used to throw a baseball.
He had always been a third baseman, but one
afternoon during practice the coach was standing
behind this young man and noticed some interesting
movement on the ball when he threw from third to
first. The coach asked him to try pitching. Turns out
that was a very good idea.
Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown went on to become
one of the greatest pitchers in the early history of
Major League Baseball. In fact, he played for six
different teams including the St. Louis Cardinals and
the Chicago Cubs, competing until the age of forty. He
helped win two World Series and was inducted into
the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1949.
What many thought would be a liability turned out
to be a great asset. The spin Three Finger Brown
could put on the ball made it very difficult to hit. God
knows how to take what should be a disadvantage
and turn it into an advantage.
It’s often easy to come up with explanations as to
why you can’t do or be your best. Most people think
they have a handicap of one kind or another,
something that is holding them back. It may be a
physical challenge, a personality issue, or maybe a
divorce or a financial problem.
I’ve heard many explanations including “I’m just the
wrong nationality.” And “I was born on the wrong
side of the tracks.”
Each of us has challenges to overcome, but just
because you think you have a “disadvantage” doesn’t
mean you should sit back and settle where you are.
God still has something great for you to do. You may
not look like everyone else. You may not be able to do
what others can do. But if you will stay in faith and
stay positive about your future, you can turn your
liabilities into assets.
If you find yourself apologizing for being different,
why not start looking at yourself as unique instead?
You are not too tall or too short. You are just the right
size. You have just the right personality, just the right
looks, and just the right talents.
When God made you He wasn’t having a bad day. He
made you to be the way you are on purpose. He
finished creating you and then He stepped back and
said, “That was good. I like that; another
masterpiece.” There may be things about you that
you don’t like, but you can’t allow those things to
hold you back or keep you from pursuing your
dreams.
YOU ARE MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE
My mother had polio as a child. She wore braces on
her legs. Today, one of her legs is much smaller than
the other. When she buys shoes she has to pick up
two pairs because her feet are two different sizes.
But one thing I’ve always loved about my mother is
that she never allows her “differences” to stop her
from pressing forward.
She could have shrunk back and tried to hide her
differences and felt insecure, but instead she has a
“no-excuses” mentality. She knows she’s been made
in the image of almighty God. She wore shorts and
dresses growing up, never trying to hide her legs. She
still wears dresses today.
My mother is seventy-seven years old and still
showing off her legs! Don’t let her fool you. She loves
it!
The effects of her polio never stopped her from
working in the yard and around the house or
wanting to help others. She could have thought, I
can’t pray for others to heal. My legs are not well, but
she did not allow her own health issues to stop her
from praying for others in need of healing.
You don’t have to be perfect for God to use you. Take
the hand you’ve been dealt and make the very most
of it. Believe that God turns situations around.
Believe that He’ll bring healing. Even if it doesn’t
happen, you can still honor God by being the best
you can be right where you are.
My sister Lisa was born with symptoms similar to
cerebral palsy. The doctors told my parents that she’d
never be able to walk, never be able to feed herself.
They said, “You might as well prepare to take care of
a disabled child.” Of course, my parents were
devastated. They prayed. They believed. They stood
in faith, and little by little Lisa got better and better.
Today she is perfectly normal. She’s on staff with us
here, and she often ministers for us.
I have another minister friend by the name of David
Ring. Like Lisa, he was born with a form of cerebral
palsy. But God’s plan for his life was different. David
Ring was not healed. When he talks it takes him
three or four times as long to get the words out.
When he walks, his legs and arms don’t function
normally.
David easily could have sat at home and thought, Too
bad for me. I have this disability. My speech is slow. I
can’t get around. God, I thought You wanted me to do
something great. I thought You wanted me to be a
minister. I must have been wrong. I have this
handicap.
Let me tell you about David Ring: Nothing slows him
down. He travels the world speaking to thousands of
people, telling them about the goodness of God and
encouraging them to overcome obstacles. When he
speaks, he is difficult to understand because he
speaks very slowly. But I love the way he always
starts. He says, “My name is David Ring. What’s your
excuse?”
You must take what God gives
you and make the very most of it.
Think about this. Lisa was healed from cerebral
palsy, and she’s honoring God with her life. David
Ring is living with cerebral palsy, and he’s honoring
God with his life. What am I saying? You must take
what God gives you and make the very most of it. You
cannot sit around thinking, Why did this happen to
me?
QUIT FOCUSING ON THE WHYS
Faith is all about trusting God even when you don’t
understand His plan. God could have healed David
just like He restored my sister Lisa. But God is
sovereign. I don’t claim to understand it all, but I do
know this: God is good. He has a great plan for your
life, a destiny for you to fulfill. No matter how many
disadvantages or setbacks you must deal with, if you
shake off the self-pity, stop blaming, and keep
pressing forward, nothing will be able to keep you
from becoming all that God created you to be.
Stop making excuses. Quit dwelling on
disappointments, on the unfairness and hurt
inflicted upon you. Know that God has something
great coming your way. The worst handicaps are
those you place on yourself. Too many people are
waiting for God to make them perfect before they
pursue their dreams and destinies. Go after yours
right now.
Honor God with what you have. He wants to take
your liabilities and turn them into assets. First,
though, you have to accept that God may not remove
your challenge, but He will use it to your advantage.
In the Scripture there is a story of a man who was
born blind (see John 9). Some people were asking
Jesus, “Why was he born this way?” and “Whose fault
was it, his or his parents?”
They were trying to find someone to blame, a reason
or an excuse. We tend to do the same things today.
But I love the way Jesus answered. He said, “It’s not
anybody’s fault, not his or his parents. The reason he
was born this way was so that the goodness of God
could be displayed.”
Jesus was saying when you have a setback, or when
life deals you a tough blow, don’t be bitter. Don’t
settle there. Recognize that you are a prime
candidate for God to show His favor and goodness
through.
If you feel you are disadvantaged or disabled, instead
of saying, “It’s not fair, God,” your attitude should be:
God, I’m ready. I know You have something great in
store. I refuse to live defeated and depressed. I know
this disadvantage is simply another opportunity for
You to show up and show out.
That’s exactly what Tony Melendez did. He was born
without any arms. As a little boy he had a desire to
play the guitar. Something inside said, You’re
supposed to sing and write music. Tony didn’t know
any better. He could have said, “Too bad for me. I’d
love to play the guitar, but I don’t have any arms.”
Instead, his attitude was, I may not have any arms,
but I do have feet. I may not have any fingers, but I
do have ten toes.
Tony learned to play the guitar with his feet. He can
play better with his feet than most people can play
with their hands.
When God puts a dream in your heart, when He puts
a promise on the inside, He deposits in you
everything you need to accomplish that dream. God
wouldn’t have given Tony the desire without giving
him the ability. It just wasn’t the “normal” way. Tony
had to be bold enough to say, “I am living a no-
excuses life. Yes, this may look like a handicap. Yes,
in the natural, I may have a disadvantage, but I know
with God there are no handicaps. I know when God
made me He wasn’t having a bad day. He made me
with a purpose, with a destiny to fulfill, and I will do
my best to bring honor to Him.”
Tony has a “can-do” attitude. Other people are hung
up on what they can’t do or what they don’t have, but
those “disadvantages” are really advantages just
waiting to come to life.
Today, Tony has unprecedented favor. He has
traveled to more than forty countries, singing and
sharing his story of faith. God is using him to do
great things.
Most people never have to deal with anything as
challenging as Tony’s missing limbs. Yet people often
let more common problems like divorce, job loss, or
financial challenges overwhelm them. They need to
adopt Tony’s no-excuses mentality, press forward,
and give God time to turn their liabilities into assets.
PRAY FOR GOD’S GUIDANCE
In my early days as pastor at Lakewood, I felt as
though my laid-back personality was a disadvantage.
My father was a fiery leader. I felt I needed a more
dynamic, outgoing personality when I took charge.
I said, “God, You have to change me. I have a
disadvantage. I’m soft-spoken. I’m more reserved.”
My father could fire up a crowd. I’ve seen other
ministers with powerful voices preach deep
theological messages with great eloquence. They can
move the whole congregation just with their delivery
and enunciation. They are very dramatic. I have a
Southern drawl. I talk softly, in a normal tone.
When my father went to be with the Lord I said,
“God, I don’t know if I can fill his shoes. I’ll see what
happens.” But what I thought would be a liability
turned out to be an asset. I realized that God made
me like this on purpose.
I don’t have the booming voice. I don’t have the
dynamic personality. I don’t preach fancy sermons.
But people tell me my messages are easy to
understand, because my voice is calm and soothing.
In fact, one lady said, “Joel, I listen to you before I go
to bed every night. You put me right to sleep!”
She meant it as a compliment!
What is your handicap? What is keeping you from
believing in yourself and from pursuing your divine
destiny? God knew all the issues you would face,
your struggles, your weaknesses and inadequacies.
You are no surprise to God.
GOD WILL USE YOUR “HANDICAP” TO
DELIVER YOUR DIVINE DESTINY
Luke 19:1–10 tells the story of a man named
Zacchaeus. He had a disadvantage. He was too short.
No doubt, growing up in school the other children
teased him, calling him “Shorty” or “Peanut.” I can
imagine he wanted to be more like everyone else. But
understand, God makes us like we are on purpose.
One day, Zacchaeus heard that Jesus was coming
through his town. All the people were lined up on the
streets trying to get a glimpse of Him. Zacchaeus
didn’t have a chance. He was standing at the back
and could not see over anyone. He could have easily
given up and felt sorry for himself. Instead, he
climbed a tree and had a great view, maybe the best.
His disadvantage turned into an advantage.
When Jesus came down the street He looked above
the crowd and saw Zacchaeus in the tree. Jesus called
out to Zacchaeus and asked to have dinner at his
house.
If Zacchaeus had been “normal” size, he wouldn’t
have climbed the tree and caught the attention of
Jesus in the crowd. But because of his “handicap,”
Zacchaeus climbed higher and reaped one of the
highest possible rewards!
Take a higher perspective as Zacchaeus did. Look at
your supposed liability and consider that it may be
an advantage. I realize now my laid-back, easygoing,
soft-spoken personality is an asset. For me to act like
someone else would not work. I’ve accepted who I
am and so has our congregation.
YOU, TOO, HAVE WHAT YOU
NEED TO SUCCEED
I heard about another young athlete who was born
without a right hand. One day he was at the doctor’s
office having a physical so he could play football. The
doctor asked him what his disability was.
He said, “Sir, I don’t have a handicap. I just don’t
have a right hand.”
I love that attitude. “I don’t have a handicap. I just
play the guitar with my feet.” “I don’t have a
handicap. I just speak a little slower.” “I don’t have a
handicap. I’m just not as tall as somebody else.”
Live without excuses.
I encourage you to live without excuses. Dwell on
what you can do. Focus on your gifts. Refuse to feel
sorry for yourself. Shake off self-pity. Concentrate on
being everything God created you to be.
If you’ll live that way, in faith and unbowed, God will
turn your handicaps and disabilities for your good.
He will take every stumbling block and turn it into a
stepping-stone. Something may look like a liability,
but as with all the examples I’ve cited, God will
transform it into an asset. There are no
disadvantages with your God. You have everything
you need to succeed!
CHAPTER TEN
You Can Have The Last Laugh
Many years ago my father received a letter from
another minister that was very mean, critical, and
hurtful. He accused my father of things that were
totally false. My father was extremely hurt and a
little angry. He wrote his attacker the meanest,
ugliest letter he could come up with. He ripped his
critic apart.
Then, he sealed the scathing letter in an envelope,
walked to the end of the driveway, and put it in the
mailbox for pickup.
As my father walked back to the house, an inner
voice said, You got even, didn’t you?
“Yeah, I got even,” Daddy replied.
You feel better, don’t you?
“Yeah, I feel better.”
You paid him back, didn’t you?
“Yeah, I paid him back.”
Then the voice said, You sure did. You paid him back
evil for evil.
My father gulped. He could feel that conviction. He
knew God was speaking to him. He realized he had
responded in the wrong way.
Daddy returned to the mailbox, retrieved the letter,
and tore it up. He never sent it; never said another
word about it to the man. He chose to let God be his
avenger. He chose to let God make his wrongs right.
Sixteen years later my father received a phone call
from the man who had attacked him. He was
weeping. He said, “Pastor Osteen, that letter I sent
you was so wrong. I feel so bad. Can you forgive
me?”
God knows how to bring justice in your life. It may
not happen overnight, but it will happen.
We all go through situations in which we are treated
unfairly. Maybe somebody is gossiping about you, or
picking on you, trying to make you look bad at school
or work. The natural response is to defend yourself
or to strike back. Human nature wants to get
revenge. We like to get even. But the Lord says,
“Vengeance is Mine” (Deuteronomy 32:35 NKJV).
That means God will make your wrongs right. God
wants to repay you for every unfairness. He is a God
of justice.
The bottom line is this: God wants you to have the
last laugh.
Here’s how it can happen. Romans 12:19 says to
never avenge yourselves, but to let God do it. Notice,
you can avenge yourself, or you can let God be your
avenger; but you cannot have it both ways.
If you take matters into your own hands, God will
step back and say, “You go ahead. You don’t need My
help.” But if you learn to stay on the high road,
control your emotions, and let God be your avenger,
He will show up and say, “All right. Let Me go to
work.”
GOD KNOWS THOSE WHO
HAVE DONE YOU WRONG
He sees every time you are hurt. He keeps the
records. If you learn to stay on the high road and
don’t waste time trying to pay back those who’ve
hurt you, God promises to be your vindicator.
God will release favor and promotion in your life
only when He knows your character can handle it. If
you get upset every time somebody wrongs you and
you try to vindicate yourself, you will not reach the
place where God wants you to be.
David was anointed to be king many years before he
took the throne. He had to go through a period of
testing. During this time, King Saul was trying to kill
him. It was very unfair. David had been good to Saul,
but Saul turned it around. On two occasions, David
had the opportunity to end Saul’s life (see 1 Samuel
24; 26). He could have put an end to his frustration
and misery. But David would not do it.
After the first incident where David had spared
Saul’s life, he told Saul, “May the LORD avenge the
wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not
touch you” (1 Samuel 24:12 NIV).
No wonder David was a champion. No wonder he
was promoted. He knew how to let God be his
avenger.
I wonder how many people, just like David, have
been anointed to do something great in life, to be in a
position of leadership, a place of honor, and to fulfill
their God-given dreams, but they never passed the
test. They were too busy trying to pay back those who
hurt them, the Sauls in their lives. They do not
realize that those who do you wrong are simply
distractions.
Use your time and energy to move toward your God-
given destiny. Avoid the trap of the payback, and
understand you cannot avenge yourself as God can
avenge you. God’s ways are bigger and better than
your own. He can take those who try to hurt you and
use them to promote you.
Your attitude should be: I’ll let God be my avenger. I
know when God vindicates me I’ll come out smelling
like a rose. You may look down on me now, but one
day you’ll look up to me. I may not have much today,
but one day you’ll wish you had what I have.
YOUR TABLE IS SET
God will not only avenge you and
make your wrongs right, but He will
also bless you in front of your enemies.
I love the way David put it in Psalm 23, verse 5: “You
prepare a table before me in the presence of my
enemies” (NKJV). God will not only avenge you and
make your wrongs right, but He will also bless you in
front of your enemies. He could promote you
anywhere, but He’ll promote you in front of those
trying to make you look bad. He’ll give you favor,
honor, and recognition. One day those who stabbed
you in the back will watch you receive the credit you
deserve.
Knowing that God prepares the table for us in the
presence of our enemies keeps me from being
discouraged when people talk unfavorably of me.
You see, I know God just sent the angels to the
grocery store. If somebody lies about you, no big
deal. You can see Gabriel setting the table.
Your critics can see the meal on God’s table, but they
aren’t invited to the party. They’ll have to watch you
enjoy what God has prepared for you. They will
watch as you are promoted.
Be ready. If you’ve done the right thing and
overlooked offenses and negative words and blessed
your enemies, then know God’s table is set. Your
dinner is ready. It’s just a matter of time before
you’re seated at the table.
Your enemies may try to spoil the party by stealing
your joy. They’ll plant doubts, but shake them off.
The dinner bell will ring for you at any moment.
Those hindering you, trying to bring you down, will
see you stepping to a new level. They will see God’s
favor and goodness enter your life in a greater way.
A mechanic at a big diesel shop told me that for
many years he was treated unfairly at work. It was a
very negative environment. His co-workers
constantly made fun of him. They thought he was a
stiff because he wouldn’t party with them after work.
Year after year he had to endure this ridicule.
He was one of the best mechanics at that company,
but in seven years he had never had a promotion,
not a raise, or a bonus—nothing—because his
supervisor didn’t like him. He could have worked
with a chip on his shoulder, but he took the high
road, knowing God was his vindicator.
Then, one day, the owner of the company called him.
They had never met because the owner wasn’t
involved in the day-to-day operations. But for some
reason he called the mechanic and said he was
retiring. He offered to sell his business to the
mechanic.
“I don’t have money to buy your company,” the
mechanic said.
“You don’t need money,” the owner said. “I will loan
it to you.”
Today, the mechanic owns the company free and
clear. God set the table, and he was served. Now
those who had called him names must call him Boss
instead. They used to look down on him. Now they
look up to him. They used to blow him off and not
give him the time of day. Now they have to make an
appointment if they want to see him!
GOD KNOWS HOW TO AVENGE YOU
Don’t take matters into your own hands. If you’ll let
God be your vindicator, He will bring justice and He
will promote you right in front of those trying to
make you look bad.
Proverbs 16:7 says, “When GOD approves of your life,
even your enemies will end up shaking your hand”
(The Message).
I met a man in our church lobby who said, “I was
your biggest critic. I was always talking about you,
blogging against you. And I came to one of your
services to find something else to criticize. But I liked
it so much I came back the next week. It’s been six
months. I haven’t missed a service yet. Now I’m your
biggest supporter.” He reached out and shook my
hand.
God will cause your enemies to shake your hand, too.
You may have people you’re at odds with. You may
have a co-worker or family member who holds a
grudge against you. Maybe you’ve done your best to
be kind and respectful and acted toward them just
the opposite of what they’ve shown you. Maybe the
kinder you are, the more hateful they are.
It would be easy for you to be bitter toward them, but
don’t sink to their level. Keep doing the right thing.
God is a God of justice. He knows how to change
people’s hearts. It may take a week. It may take a
year or twenty-five years. But God promises that one
day those who would hurt you now will reach out
and shake your hand.
YOU WILL RECEIVE THE
RESPECT YOU DESERVE
A friend of mine, Larry, is in the real-estate business.
He is a hard worker who has always given his job 100
percent and maintained a great attitude. However,
the owner of the firm where he started out, Charles,
treated him poorly. He refused to listen to any of my
friend’s suggestions and made things difficult. Larry
continued to do his best, but inevitably the owner
fired him.
To his credit, Larry didn’t become bitter. Instead, he
started his own real-estate company and became
extremely successful. He forgot all about Charles, but
God is a God of justice. He never forgets what you are
owed. You may let it go, but God doesn’t let it go. He
makes sure you get everything you deserve.
Several years later, Charles had to downsize his
business. He needed a new building, and the one he
found was owned by Larry. The former boss nearly
passed out when he walked in and realized that he
was about to rent a building owned by the man he
had fired.
You can believe that this time, Charles listened to
everything Larry had to say. He treated his former
employee with respect and honor. He listened
carefully. He valued his opinion. Today, Charles pays
rent, a very steep rent, to Larry. That’s God causing
your enemies to shake your hand. That’s God giving
you the last laugh.
God wants to promote you in front of your
opponents. Part of His justice is vindicating you so
those who said you would fail see you succeeding
and accomplishing your dreams.
A minister I know spent more than fifty years
traveling the world and doing good. He was beloved
everywhere he went. But the newspaper in his
hometown was always finding something wrong
with his church. He could do a hundred things right.
They wouldn’t report on that. They would find the
one thing he did wrong and make a big deal about it.
This went on year after year.
My minister friend had an interesting perspective.
He said, “If it had not been for that newspaper, I
would not have accomplished so much. They not
only kept me on my knees, they also gave me fuel to
prove them wrong. Their critical spirit, that injustice,
put me in a position to receive God’s favor in a
greater way.”
He went on to build a big university in that town.
Thousands of young people have attended. It seemed
the least likely place for him to be blessed, the least
likely place for him to accomplish his dreams. But
God says, “That’s where I prepare the table. That’s
where I want to increase you. That’s where I want to
show you unusual favor.”
STAY AT THE TABLE
FOR THE BLESSING
According to Genesis 26:1, there was once a great
famine in the land of Israel. For many months there
was a drought that turned the region into a
wasteland. A young man named Isaac was about to
pack up and move to another place. But God said,
“No, Isaac. I don’t want you to leave there. I’m
blessing you right where you are.”
Isaac obeyed God’s command and planted his fields.
The Philistines who lived there didn’t like Isaac and
were already jealous of him. This added fuel to their
fire and their ridicule of him. But Isaac, whose name
means “laughter,” just stayed in peace.
Several months later, all those who had mocked and
criticized Isaac were amazed to see his fields. They
couldn’t believe it.
The Scripture says that Isaac “reaped in the same
year a hundredfold” (Genesis 26:12) more than he
planted right there in the midst of the famine.
Isaac’s critics were dumbfounded, but he knew God
had set the table and blessed him.
God wants to bless you right where you are.
At some point, you may be tempted to run from a bad
situation, but I want you to have a new perspective.
You do not have to leave in order to be blessed. God
wants to bless you right where you are.
Part of His vindication is promoting you so the
opposition can see it. Your attitude should be: They
may be laughing now, but I know this challenge is
preparing the way for God to promote me. They
meant it to hold me down, but God will use it to
thrust me forward!
You may be dealing with critics, naysayers,
backbiters, backstabbers, those who are jealous and
who say you’ll never make it. Let me assure you that
God will give them a clear view of your table. He’ll
make sure they see you promoted, honored, and
accomplished.
Let God be your avenger. Let God right your wrongs.
If you let Him do the avenging, you will always come
out better. He will even cause your enemies to end
up shaking your hand. They may be laughing now,
but know this: God is faithful. In the end, you will
have the last laugh. He will bring justice into your
life.
PART 3
LIVE WITHOUT
CRUTCHES
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Living Without Crutches
When I returned from college to begin Lakewood’s
television outreach, I was nineteen years old. I didn’t
know a lot about television production, so we hired
an experienced producer from California. He was in
his sixties and had produced major-league sports and
network morning shows in a long career.
He was knowledgeable, talented, and had a great
personality. He was fun to be around. We hit it off
from the very start. I would come in early, stay late,
go to dinner with him, and hang out. I watched very
carefully how he put the programs together and how
he chose certain camera shots.
I was learning so much from him. I used to think, I
could never do what he does. He is so creative. He
can write. He can direct. I’m just not that talented.
The veteran producer had been mentoring me for
about a year when he came in one day and
announced that he was leaving in a month.
“No way,” I said. “You cannot leave me with this job. I
don’t know what to do.”
He assured me that I’d do just fine.
“You’ve watched me for a year, and I’ve watched you,
too,” he said. “You can handle the job by yourself
now.”
I wasn’t convinced. I pleaded with him to stay,
offered him a raise and more time off, but he insisted
that it was time to move on.
The first couple of weeks after his departure, I was so
nervous. I didn’t know what I was doing. I called him
every other hour with questions. But in a month I
started to feel more comfortable. In six months I
thought, I’m pretty good at this. A year later I said,
“What did I ever need him for?”
I realize now that my mentor did me a favor by
leaving. He forced me to stretch and to use my God-
given talents. If he had not departed, I never would
have stepped into my divine destiny.
MOVING AHEAD
A crutch is a temporary tool we use for walking
following an injury to a leg or foot. Once the injury is
healed, we put the crutch away and walk on our
own. The word crutch is also used to describe
something or someone we may rely on short-term to
help us get through a period of challenge. The term
takes on a bad connotation, though, when used to
describe something that we’ve become unnecessarily
dependent upon, usually to the detriment of our
physical, mental, or emotional progress.
A crutch is supposed to be temporary, just until we
heal, or until we can get by on our own. It’s not
supposed to be permanent, even when our crutch is
someone important to us. One of the hardest things
to accept is that not everyone is meant to be in our
lives forever. Some people are meant to be with you
for the long-term, of course—your spouse, your
children, your siblings, your parents, and your
closest friends. But then there are those God brings
across your path for a season, maybe a mentor, a
teacher, or a guide of some sort to help you through a
certain stage of life or a difficult time.
If God didn’t move them away, we would become too
dependent. Instead of helping us, they would hinder
us. Their presence might limit our growth.
Just as God supernaturally brings people into our
lives, He will supernaturally move some out.
You have to be big enough to recognize when
someone’s part in your life story is over. It doesn’t
mean the person is bad. You still can be friends. You
still can love and respect each other. But you must
accept that everything changes. To move forward,
you have to let go.
Just as God supernaturally brings people into our
lives, He will supernaturally move some out. When a
person walks away and you think you can’t live
without them, that’s God saying, “It’s time for you to
go to a new level.”
You don’t need someone to constantly think for you,
drive you, believe in you, and encourage you. You
can do that for yourself. If you are to keep growing,
eliminate your dependency on crutches.
Don’t try to talk people into loving you. Don’t try to
persuade them to stay beyond their usefulness. Let
them go.
Your destiny is not tied to your mentor’s. His or her
leaving will launch you ahead. It’s not a step back,
it’s a step up. When someone walks away, it’s not an
accident. God will open new doors. You will discover
greater strength and new talents. God may be
preparing to bring in someone even better for the
future.
THE GIFT OF GOOD-BYE
When my mentor from our television broadcasts left,
I had a choice. I could either mope around in self-
pity or move toward my destiny. I came to realize
that there’s something called “the gift of good-bye.”
You may not realize it at first, but losing your crutch
is a gift from God. Don’t be sad. Rejoice.
I saw this principle in action during my father’s
ministry whenever someone announced he or she
was leaving the congregation. They expected my
father to be down and discouraged that they were
leaving. So the person was often shocked when he
seemed happy at their departure.
He never tried to talk them into staying, or to
convince them they were making a mistake. My
father was always very gracious. He always thanked
them, prayed over them, and then he walked them to
the door. He didn’t say it, but I know what he was
thinking: The sooner you go, the better for both of us.
You want people in your life who are supposed to be
there. When God wants them present in your life,
they don’t find fault in everything you do, and you
don’t have to manipulate them to stay. That’s what I
love about our church members at Lakewood. There
are so many, I can’t know most of them by name. I
can’t call them personally. But I know they don’t
come to church because they need me. They come
because God led them to our church. They don’t need
me to touch them. They need God to touch them.
When God sends people your way, you don’t have to
play up to them and do everything perfectly to keep
them happy. You don’t have to walk on eggshells
trying not to offend them. You don’t need friends
who are hard to please. If someone tries to
manipulate you like that, let go and walk away. You
don’t need anyone else to fulfill your destiny.
I love this Scripture verse: “They went out from us,
but they were not of us; for if they had been of us,
they would have continued with us” (1 John 2:19
NKJV). When people leave your life, they are no
longer a part of your destiny. Their time is over. If
you stay open, God will give you people who are not
just with you, but for you.
That’s a big difference. When you’re only with me,
you’re there as long as I perform perfectly, as long as
I give you everything you need, as long as I don’t
make any mistakes. But when you’re not just with
me but you’re for me, you believe the best in me.
You don’t try to control me. You give me room to
make mistakes. You don’t need my attention all the
time. You give more to the relationship than you take
away. That’s the kind of people God wants to bring
into your life. You don’t have to try to make this
happen. Just be your best each day, and God will
bring you divine connections. And then when the
season for that relationship is over, you don’t have to
be upset. You can let the other person leave with
your blessing, continuing to love and respect him or
her.
I’ve learned this: God will always bring the right
people into your life, but you have to let the wrong
people walk away. The right people will never show
up if you don’t clear out the wrong people.
DRIVING DEPENDENCE
Be wary of people who play up to your weaknesses
as a way to convince you that you need them in your
life. They’ll try to make you think you’re not smart
enough on your own. You’re not talented enough,
and you need them to make up for what you’re
lacking. Don’t believe those lies.
Years ago there was a bright young lady who moved
from a small town to work for our ministry. (I’ll call
her Diana here, but that’s not her real name.) I
noticed she always had a young man drop her off for
work. One day, I asked her if she didn’t have a car.
“Oh, I have a car,” she said. “I drove everywhere in
my small town. But when I moved here, my friend
told me the city is so big and so complicated to drive
in and since I’m not used to driving on the freeways,
he would have to bring me to work every day.”
I asked Diana if she ever planned to get behind the
wheel herself, and she said probably not because her
friend told her traffic is just so congested and
difficult.
She was using this man as a crutch, and it appeared
he might be manipulating her, controlling her for
some reason, so I felt I had to say something.
“Diana, you are extremely talented,” I said. “Do not
allow anyone to convince you that you cannot drive
on our freeways. I know eighteen-year-olds who
drive every day in this city.”
Diana shared with her friend what I’d said, and he
still insisted that the streets were too dangerous for
her and that she would get lost.
I told Diana that it seemed this young man was trying
to make her dependent on him and that if he was a
true friend, he would teach her how to get around so
she could build up confidence enough to drive alone.
About a month later Diana told me that she’d driven
to work on her own for the first time.
“That’s great. I knew you could do it!” I said.
Then I asked how it had been to drive on the
freeways.
“Oh, I don’t drive on them,” she said. “I take the side
streets.”
It should have taken Diana a half hour to drive to
work. Instead it took her an hour. I encouraged her
to keep driving and to work her way up to the
freeways.
You don’t need people in your
life who try to limit you.
A month later she did it. Now Diana drives all over
the city, and, isn’t it interesting that the young man
she was leaning on is no longer around?
He was interested in Diana only if he could keep her
dependent on him and feeling that she owed him
something. People like that are not true friends. They
are not helping you. They are hindering you. You
don’t need people in your life who try to limit you.
Let them go, and God will bring you the right people.
BE A DO-IT-YOURSELF PERSON
God told Moses to tell Pharaoh, “Let my people go.”
Moses said, “God, I can’t do that. I stutter. I’m not a
good speaker. Please send someone else” (see Exodus
4:10, 13). God decided that Moses’ brother, Aaron,
who was a good communicator, should accompany
him. God told Moses: “You’ll speak to [Aaron] and tell
him what to say.… He’ll act as your mouth, but you’ll
decide what comes out of it” (Exodus 4:15–16 The
Message). Moses fully intended to use his brother as
a crutch. He took Aaron with him. But I love what
happened. When they stood before Pharaoh, just as
Aaron stepped up to speak, something rose up inside
Moses. He felt it was his time.
Moses put his shoulders back and held his head high
and, together, they said: “Thus says the LORD God of
Israel: ‘Let My people go’ ” (Exodus 5:1 NKJV).
Moses wanted his voice to be heard, too. You don’t
need your friend to speak for you. You don’t need
your neighbor to drive for you. You don’t need
anyone to tell you what to do. You are equipped. God
wouldn’t have presented you with opportunities if
He had not already given you everything you need.
God has equipped you. You are anointed. You are
empowered. You are well able. Don’t let anyone play
upon your supposed “weaknesses.” Yes, there may be
times when you need help, and that’s fine. But don’t
let someone do for you what you can do for yourself.
Don’t become too dependent on others. Don’t use
crutches when you are able to walk on your own.
God would never have told Moses to go speak in front
of Pharaoh unless He knew Moses could do it. You
may have some limitations, but you don’t need a
crutch. You have been equipped with everything you
need to fulfill your destiny. You can make your own
decisions. God has given you wisdom to run your
own life. You don’t need somebody constantly telling
you what to do and what not to do.
It’s good to hear other people’s opinions. It’s good to
listen to advice. But understand, you can also receive
input from God. You can hear that still, small voice
from God’s Holy Spirit. You have a direct line to the
throne of God. And if somebody is always trying to
tell you what to do, just say, “Thanks, but no thanks.
God and I are on speaking terms.”
YOU HAVE A DIRECT CONNECTION TO GOD
A congregation member once said to my father, “My
friend prayed for me. He said God wants me to go to
Africa and be a missionary. What do you think?”
My father said, “It’s your decision, but if you go to
Africa based on his advice, make sure you take that
friend so he can tell you when to come back home!”
You don’t need someone else to tell you what God
wants you to do! Walk with God on your own. I was
reminded of this when a young lady asked my advice
on a relationship issue.
“This man that I hardly even know is saying God told
him that I was supposed to marry him.”
I had to laugh because she is a beautiful young lady.
Then I told her not to take this guy too seriously,
because every single guy who sees her will think the
same thing. “He’s just the only one bold enough to
tell you,” I said.
You can hear from God for yourself. You don’t need a
crutch. Listen to the still, small voice inside you. God
sometimes speaks to us through an impression that is
always consistent with His written Word, the Bible.
Judges 6–7 tells the story of a man named Gideon
who faced three armies marching against him and
his men. As Gideon prepared for the battle, God said,
“You have too many people with you. If you win with
this many, you’ll be tempted to think you did it on
your own strength and I won’t get the credit I
deserve.”
To trim the numbers, God told him to let everybody
who was afraid go home.
I can imagine Gideon was depressed and fearful he’d
lose the battle because he didn’t have enough
warriors.
But God wasn’t done trimming down his army.
“Gideon, you still have too many people,” God said.
His army dropped from 32,000 to just 300 by the time
God was done. I’m sure Gideon thought his depleted
forces would be wiped out.
But it’s not important how many you have on your
side. What is important is having the right people on
your side. Gideon and his three hundred men
defeated tens of thousands of enemy troops.
QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY, COUNTS
If you’re not willing to let people walk away, you’ll
miss out on God’s best. Don’t be surprised if God
streamlines your own army. If that happens, know
that He is not trying to take you backward. He’s
getting you prepared for a new level. When you quit
depending on others, you will experience victories
that had seemed impossible before, and you will step
into a greater anointing
Years ago, I didn’t think public speaking was a
possibility for me. I’m too shy. But today, almost
every week, I speak to thousands. That tells me God
doesn’t give us half the talent we need. He gives us
all we need.
God did not create you to be dependent on anyone
else as an adult. Do not rely on another person to
pray for you, to speak for you, to believe for you, to
encourage you. Throw down the crutches and walk
on your own. Do not depend on anyone to do for you
what you can do for yourself.
Look inside and tap into the power God put in you.
Like Moses, you will rise up with a new confidence.
Yes, it may stretch you. But you will discover new
gifts and talents. God will bring the right people at
the right time. I believe and declare you will become
everything He’s created you to be.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Don’t Live For The
Approval Of Others
When I announced plans to move our church to the
former Compaq Center, 99 percent of the
congregation supported the move. Most were very
excited. But there was one very vocal opponent. He
made sure I heard about his opposition. Every week
after the service, he would come find me in the
visitors’ reception area. He would say, “You know,
your father said he would never move the church.
You’re making a big mistake. And I just want to let
you know if you move it, I’m not following.”
I thought, Is that a promise?
The easy thing is to play it safe. But be strong
and follow what God has put in your heart.
Everyone has a right to an opinion. But he didn’t
know what I was feeling on the inside. He didn’t
know what God was speaking to me. I could not
allow him to stop the move. The easy thing is to play
it safe. But be strong and follow what God has put in
your heart.
I’ve learned I may have to displease a few people so I
don’t displease God. I never like to see anyone leave
the church, but if I’ll stay true to my heart, I believe
for every one who leaves the church, God will send
me two dozen more in return.
Now when somebody threatens to leave, I just smile
and say, “Can I show you the door? The sooner the
better.” (Okay, I may not say it, but that’s what I
think!)
Too many people base their worth and value on what
other people think of them. They worry if others like
them, approve of them, or think of them as
important. Because of such insecurities, they are
constantly playing up to others, trying to win their
favor and to meet others’ every expectation.
When you do that, you set yourself up to be
controlled and manipulated. You allow others to put
you in a box. Some people do not follow their dreams
because they are so concerned about falling from the
good graces of others. You may lose the approval of
others if you follow your own dreams. But if your
friends approve of you only when you meet their
expectations, they aren’t true friends. They are
manipulators. They are controllers.
There is a real freedom when you realize you don’t
need the approval of others. You have almighty God’s
approval. Don’t try to keep everyone around you
happy. Some people don’t even want to be happy.
You’ve got to be secure enough to say, “I love you, but
I won’t allow you to control me. You may not give me
your blessing, but that’s okay. I have God’s blessing.
And I’m not a people pleaser; I’m a God pleaser.”
Take charge of your life. If you’re being manipulated
and pressured into being someone you are not, it’s
not the other person’s fault, it’s your own fault. You
control your destiny. You can be nice. You can be
respectful. But do not allow anyone to make you feel
guilty for being your own person.
Life is too short to spend it trying to keep others
happy. You cannot please everyone. To fulfill your
destiny, stay true to your heart. Do not let anyone
squeeze you into a mold.
SEEK GOD’S APPROVAL
When my father went to be with the Lord and I
stepped up to pastor the church, an older gentleman
I had known my whole life took me aside and said,
“If this is to work, here’s what you have to do.”
He told me how to run the church, how to minister,
how to lead the staff, how to move forward. I listened
to his advice. I was very open. But nothing he said
matched what I felt on the inside.
I prayed. I searched my own heart about what he’d
told me, but nothing bore witness. I risked falling out
of his good graces by following my own heart. The
decision was difficult, but I went for God’s approval,
not this man’s.
I stepped out and followed my heart, and God
blessed my decision. The church thrived. I did fall
out of the man’s good graces, however. He wasn’t
happy that I did not take his advice.
Those who become upset if you don’t do things their
way are not really for you. They don’t have your best
interests at heart. If they were for you, they would be
mature enough to say, “Even if you don’t do it my
way, even if you don’t take my suggestions, I’ll
support you. I’ll be behind you because I’m your
friend and I want to see you succeed.”
That’s a true friend.
When I didn’t take this man’s advice, he was no
longer on my side. It wasn’t something big and
obvious, just subtle things. I’d walk into a room and I
could feel his sense of disapproval.
Thank God I didn’t need his approval. He wasn’t God.
He wasn’t sitting on the throne. He didn’t write the
plan for my life.
I looked to God instead and said, “He may not be for
me, but I know You are for me. God, I may not have
his approval, but I know I have Your approval. That’s
all that really matters.”
I pressed forward doing what God put in my heart to
do. God not only brought our church through that
transition, but He brought us through bigger and
better and greater than we ever had been. God
knows what He is doing.
BE SECURE IN WHO GOD MADE YOU TO BE
Before you were born, God stamped His approval on
you. You don’t need to buy the friendship of anyone
else. If you start a friendship off by buying it, you’ll
have to continue paying to keep it going. When you
grow tired of doing what your new friend wants you
to do, the friendship will end. They’ll cut you loose.
You are better off trusting God to bring you divine
connections.
God will always give you direction for your life.
Other people may have suggestions. They may have
ideas. But God speaks directly to you. The Holy Spirit
lives inside you. He leads you. He guides you.
Yes, be open and listen to your parents and mentors
and friends, but follow your own heart. There is a
still, small voice; a knowing inside you—that is God
talking to you.
Be careful, though, about those who always have a
word from the Lord to share with you. I grew up in
church. I’ve heard a lot of words from the Lord, some
of them right on, some of them way off. But anytime
someone gives you a “word from the Lord,” it should
simply confirm what you already know on the inside.
When that older man told me how to run the church,
his words didn’t agree with anything that I was
feeling. They were totally foreign. I’ve learned that
God will not tell others what He wants for my life
without telling me Himself. God and I are on
speaking terms. We talk every single day.
If I would have been a people pleaser and run the
church like that man wanted and ministered like he
told me, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I would
have his approval, but what good would that do me?
I would rather have the approval of the Creator of
the universe. I would rather have the God who spoke
the worlds into existence smiling down on me.
TO PLEASE GOD, YOU MAY
HAVE TO DISPLEASE PEOPLE
This was a difficult concept for me because I want to
please everybody. I want to be liked. When you
follow what’s in your heart, though, some may be
unhappy with you. They may not understand. You
may fall out of their favor. You may even lose friends.
When my mother was twenty-six years old, my
father decided to leave the church that he had been
pastoring for many years. The old congregation
wasn’t really behind his new doctrine of faith and
healing and miracles. My mother had longtime
friends in that church. Instead of celebrating my
mother’s new beginning, those friends wouldn’t have
anything to do with her.
If you give up anything for God’s sake, He will
reward you more than you can even imagine.
Lifelong friends walked away, all because my father
decided to launch out on his own. I love what Jesus
said in Luke 18:29–30: “Everyone who has given up
house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for
the sake of the Kingdom of God, will be repaid many
times over in this life” (NLT). Notice it doesn’t say
when you get to heaven God will bless you. It says,
right here on the earth, if you give up anything for
God’s sake, He will reward you more than you can
even imagine.
My mother lost all of her friends. They wouldn’t give
her their approval anymore. But can I tell you God is
a faithful God? My mom found many more new
friends, even more than she could ever have
imagined.
My parents could have played it safe, stayed in that
church, and held on to the approval of those friends.
They could have stayed aboard that boat, but God
asked them to board another.
At some point God will ask you to get out of the boat.
It wouldn’t be as difficult if all of your friends and
family members encouraged you to do that, too. But
most of the time, your friends will advise you to stay
put.
Some gave my parents an ultimatum: “Stay here and
we’ll support you. But if you leave, you’re on your
own.”
That’s when my parents followed the words of the
apostle Paul: “I’m not trying to win the approval of
people, but of God” (Galatians 1:10 NLT).
GOD WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU
Don’t be held back by the fear that people will
abandon you. If they leave you, you don’t need them.
God said He would never leave us or forsake us. So if
they walk away when you truly need them, they
aren’t of God. We know God can’t lie. So you can
draw the conclusion: If they left me, they weren’t a
part of my destiny. If they don’t want to be my
friends, I don’t need them. If they don’t give me their
approval, it’s no big deal. I have God’s approval.
Sometimes a well-meaning person may try to hold
you back. Jesus told Peter that He was going to
Jerusalem “and suffer many things” (Matthew 16:21
NKJV). Peter said, “Far be it from You, Lord; this shall
not happen to You!” (v. 22 NKJV).
Peter loved Jesus. He was concerned about Him, but
he didn’t understand Jesus’ destiny. Others may not
understand what God has put in your heart. You
don’t have to write them off, but you do have to be
strong and follow your destiny, with or without their
approval.
That’s what Jesus did. He looked at Peter and said,
“Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for
you are not mindful of the things of God, but the
things of men” (v. 23 NKJV). He was strong. He was
firm. But He wasn’t disrespectful.
He didn’t say, “I’m never speaking to you again
because you don’t agree with Me.”
Jesus simply spoke the truth in love and went on to
fulfill His destiny without Peter’s approval.
In the same way, you will not become everything God
has created you to be if you must have the approval
of everyone around you. I would love to tell you that
all of your family and friends will be there to cheer
you on and encourage you and support you. Most of
the time, though, somebody will be jealous. Someone
won’t understand. Some will try to belittle or
discredit you.
You can’t please everyone, so let those who
disapprove know you love them and that the only
approval you need is God’s. Tell them, “I have
almighty God’s approval, and He has promised if I
give up anything for His sake, He will reward me
greatly.”
That’s a powerful attitude. When you are secure
enough in who you are, you will be confident in the
destiny in front of you. Keep being your best. Do that,
and nothing will stop you.
The Creator of the universe will break down every
barrier and take you to where you’re supposed to be.
Keep a good attitude. Shake off the negative voices.
Don’t pay any attention to the naysayers trying to
discredit you and make you look bad. If you stay in
faith, the more they talk negatively of you, the higher
God will take you.
FOCUS ON WINNING THE FAVOR OF GOD
The Scripture says promotion doesn’t come from
people but from God. You may not have the approval
of someone “important,” but focus on winning the
favor of God instead.
How do you do that? By being a person of excellence,
by having an attitude of faith, by blessing your
enemies, by being good to people. When you do that,
you curry favor with the Creator. He will fight your
battles. God will bring you those divine connections:
people who celebrate you and cheer you on.
I love loyal people. I love faithful people. I have
friends, family, and staff in my life right now who I
know will give me their approval until the day I die.
God has put people in my life who celebrate me and
give me the freedom to become who He created me
to be. He has put the same type of people in your life
—the right people. So don’t waste your time trying to
win the approval of those who would manipulate
you and put you into a box of their design. Your
destiny is too great for that. You don’t need their
approval. You have the approval of almighty God!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Freedom From Competition
I was out jogging one day and I noticed a person in
front of me about a quarter of a mile. I could tell he
was running a little slower than me and I thought,
Good. I’ll try to catch him.
I had about a mile to go on my path before I needed
to turn off. So I started running faster and faster.
Every block, I was gaining on him just a little bit.
After just a few minutes I was only about one
hundred yards behind him, so I really picked up the
pace and pushed myself. You would have thought I
was running in the last leg of an Olympic
competition. I was determined to catch him.
Finally, I did it. I caught and passed him by. On the
inside I felt so good. I beat him! Of course, he didn’t
even know we were racing. After I passed him I
realized I’d been so focused on competing against
him that I’d missed my turn.
I had gone nearly six blocks past it. I had to turn
around and go all the way back.
Isn’t that what happens in life when we focus on
competing with our co-workers, or our neighbors,
trying to outdo them or trying to prove that we are
more successful or more important? We spend our
time and energy running after them, and we miss out
on our own paths to our God-given destinies.
Many of us would see our lives reach higher levels if
we would quit competing with everyone around us
and focus on our own races to be the best at what
God made us to be. It takes a lot of energy, physical
and emotional, to constantly be in competition with
our neighbors, co-workers, or family members.
When you let go of that need to compete, it’s very
freeing. Tell yourself, I don’t have to impress
anybody today. I have nothing to prove. I’m secure in
who I am. I don’t have to keep up with anyone. I’m
not in that race.
The problem with unhealthy competition is that it’s a
never-ending cycle. There will always be somebody
ahead of you; someone with a better job, a bigger
circle of friends, a nicer car, or more money in the
bank. It’s a very freeing thing when you realize you
are not in a competition with your neighbors,
friends, or co-workers. The only person you are
competing with is yourself.
BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE
Know that the “Best Possible You” may not be as
successful as your neighbor, but that’s okay. The best
you may not be as thin as your sister, but that’s fine.
The best you may not be as talented, as dynamic, or
as outgoing as your co-worker, but that’s all right,
too.
Be comfortable with the person God made you to be.
You can’t get distracted and lose your focus by
comparing yourself to others. Run your own race.
I realize I may not be the best minister in the world.
I’m okay with that. But I’m dedicated to being the
best minister I can be. I may not be as good a father
as some other men, but that’s okay. I’m not
competing with anyone. I’m trying to be the best
father I can be. I may not be the ideal husband.
(Don’t say, “Amen,” Victoria.) But I’m working to be
the best husband I can be.
I have a friend who puts me to shame in the way he
is so romantic with his wife. He plans big weekend
getaways with her. He writes beautiful poetry to her.
He’ll go on for hours about how beautiful she is in
their conversations.
I want to tell him, “Would you quit doing that? You’re
making me look bad.” But I’ve learned I’m not
Romeo. I’m Joel-eo. God made us different on
purpose. You can be inspired by others. You can be
challenged to rise higher. But don’t condemn
yourself if someone else does better at one thing or
another.
Some people are stronger in certain areas, but we all
have our strengths. My romantic friend writes
beautiful poems to his wife, but I’ve written some
pretty good books!
GOD DID NOT CREATE US
TO COMPARE AND COMPETE
Some people are insecure because they pay too much
attention to what others are doing, where they are
going, what they are wearing or driving. Instead,
they should stay focused on their own goals. You’re
not anointed to compete with others. God gave you
the grace to be who He has called you to be.
When you have unhealthy competitive feelings, life is
a constant struggle. You will never be good enough
because as soon as you catch up to one person you’ll
find another ahead of you. That’s not the way to find
happiness in your everyday life, is it?
Ladies may have friends who wear a much smaller
dress size, but their attitude should be, I’m not
feeling inferior because I can’t measure up to those
standards. No, I’m wearing this size 14 like nobody
has ever worn a 14 before. I’ll dress it up. Accessorize
it and strut around like it’s the hottest thing going!
I’ve known ladies who normally wouldn’t stand out
because of their looks, but they make themselves
attractive because they carry themselves with
confidence and seem so secure in who God made
them to be. You meet a woman like that and you
can’t help but think, She’s got it going on.
Confident, happy, and secure people
stand out because what’s on the
inside shows on the outside.
Confident, happy, and secure people stand out
because what’s on the inside shows on the outside.
They are so comfortable in their own skins they’re
not easily intimidated. They don’t feel inferior if they
don’t wear the best fashions or have the perfect
physiques. They understand they’re not in a
competition. They’re focused on being the best they
can be.
Take what God has given you—the height, the weight,
the personality—and make the most of it. Dress it up
and wear it proudly. I see too many people
constantly frustrated and down about their looks,
their height, or their weight. They’re always fighting
to fix what they don’t like about themselves instead
of accepting themselves.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m all for people
improving their health by staying in shape, working
out, and eating right. I’m not saying we should be
sloppy. But we have to realize that genetics plays a
role.
Our parents, grandparents, and God determine our
genes. Those genes, for the most part, determine our
ideal size, weight, and height, as well as how much
hair we have and whether we have strong, athletic,
muscular physiques or one like my brother, Paul!
Most of our features are predetermined by our
genetic makeup. We may be able to adjust that
weight 15 or 20 percent. Still, if your genes are set for
a weight of 150 pounds, no matter what you do, you
can’t maintain your weight for long at 100 pounds.
That’s not who God made you to be.
If you feel you have to compete with someone who is
naturally fifty pounds lighter, you are setting
yourself up for frustration and feelings of inferiority.
You’re competing with someone who is not even in
your race.
STAY IN YOUR OWN RACE
Your race to be the best is yours alone, and it is yours
to win. God will not measure you against others. He
won’t judge you according to what a co-worker
accomplishes, what your neighbor drives, or whether
you are as thin as your best friend.
God will judge you by what you’ve done with the
gifts He gave you. He’ll be interested in how
confident and secure you are. Or did you feel
insecure and beat yourself up while comparing
yourself to others?
I was watching the Indianapolis 500 on television
and admiring the sleek race cars. They’re low to the
ground, extremely aerodynamic. They are equipped
with huge engines that power them at 200 miles per
hour down a straightaway. They can take curves at
100 miles an hour. They’re quick. They’re fast.
They’re precise.
But in spite of all these strengths, the Indy cars also
have weaknesses. They only have room for the
driver. They’re not that comfortable. The inside is all
metal and equipment. No A/C. No stereo. No luxury.
Why is that? The Indy cars are designed for a specific
purpose, to be the best in their particular race.
Victoria and I have a Suburban SUV that can easily
hold eight people comfortably. The trunk area is so
big we can put all of our bicycles and luggage back
there. The SUV has air-conditioning and a nice stereo
system and sits so high you feel like the king of the
road.
But if you took our Suburban out on the Indianapolis
500 track, the race cars would run circles around us.
The SUV would be lapped again and again. If you
tried to take a turn at 100 miles an hour, you would
hear the angels say, “Welcome to heaven.” The
Suburban couldn’t handle the Indy track. The big,
comfortable vehicle would be competing in a race it
was never designed to run.
On the other hand, if Victoria and I traded our SUV
for an Indy race car and tried to use it every day, we
might draw a lot of attention—those cars have a lot
of sizzle—but I don’t know where we’d put the kids
or the groceries. If you hit a pothole in one of those
things, you’d feel like you were in an earthquake. In
a few days we’d be asking for our SUV back.
Each type of car is designed for a specific purpose.
The Suburban won’t be winning any races on the
track at the Indianapolis 500, and the Indy race cars
aren’t any soccer mom’s choice for an everyday
vehicle. Still, both types of cars have incredible
strengths. The key is to make sure you run each of
them in the right race.
Today, you may be the human version of that Indy
car with the speed, the agility, and the looks. If that’s
you, go for it. Be the best you can be. Run your race.
If you’re not an Indy-model person, don’t feel bad
about it. There is nothing wrong with saying, “Those
are not my strengths. I’ll never be that fast. I’ll never
be that agile. I don’t look that sporty, but I’m okay
with that.” After all, the SUV may not have as much
sizzle, but there are far more of them on the road
than Indy cars.
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE AND
WHAT YOU ARE NOT
In the New Testament, John was baptizing hundreds
of people and making a name for himself when
someone asked him: “Who are you?” (John 1:19
NKJV).
John knew what they were really asking, and without
missing a beat, he said, “I am not the Christ” (v. 20
NKJV).
John knew what he was, and he also knew what he
was not. It’s just as important to know what you’re
not because if you don’t realize your limitations, you
may be drawn away from what God anointed you to
do. Then you will be in a constant struggle.
Pride and competition can make it hard sometimes
to admit what you are not. It takes a secure person to
say, “I’m not gifted in that area, but I have my own
talents.”
When I hear our Spanish pastor, Marcos Witt, preach
and then burst into song at the end of his sermon,
I’m in awe of him. Of course, he is a musical person.
He’s won several Grammys, but he makes it seem
effortless when he sings. I heard him the other day,
and his singing gave me chill bumps up and down
my arms.
My first thought was, God, that’s not fair. How come
he’s got two good gifts? He can minister and sing.
Then I realized, I’ve got two good gifts, too. I can
minister, plus I’m good at picking Spanish-speaking
ministers with many talents!
You see, there is always a way for us to feel good
about ourselves without comparing or competing.
You can feel good about yourself right where you
are. You have an anointing to be you. The good news
is, nobody can be a better you than you.
BE THE BEST YOU!
I read about a seven-year-old boy, Joey, who was
never content with himself. He always was much
more impressed with Billy. He walked like Billy and
talked like Billy.
Well, Billy didn’t like who he was either. He admired
Corey. So Billy walked like Corey and talked like
Corey. So, Joey was copying Billy, who was copying
Corey.
It turned out that Corey had an inferiority complex,
too. He was much more impressed with Frankie. So
he walked like Frankie and talked like Frankie.
Thus, Joey was copying Billy, who was copying Corey,
who was copying Frankie.
You’ll never guess what happened next. Frankie
wasn’t happy with himself either. He admired Joey.
So he was walking like Joey, talking like Joey.
All right, let me see if I’ve got this straight: Joey was
copying Billy, who was copying Corey, who was
copying Frankie, who was copying Joey! Joey was
copying himself!
Run your own race. You have
something great to offer.
This story points out the truth that the people you
want to be like, very often, want to be like you. They
may admire you just as much as you admire them. So
there is nothing wrong with looking up to people. It’s
good to show respect and admiration. But don’t give
up your identity for theirs. Run your own race. You
have something great to offer.
YOU ARE ANOINTED
IN YOUR OWN WAY
The first time Victoria and I went to Billy Graham’s
home to visit him and Ruth, we were so honored.
When we walked into the living room and saw Billy
Graham sitting in a chair, it was like seeing Moses.
He is one of the heroes of our faith. I’ve always had
the utmost respect and admiration for him. I have
looked up to him and held him in awe. It was an
honor to meet this giant of our faith.
As I shook his hand, he said, “I love watching you on
television, and I just so admire how you can take that
message of hope around the world.”
That is so amazing, I thought. I’ve admired him my
whole life, and somehow he’s found something in me
to appreciate.
Billy has a very gracious personality, but we all need
to believe that we are special. You are anointed in
your own unique way. You are gifted. You have
accomplishments.
You may tend to see how great everybody else is, but
let me tell you, there is something great about you.
Somebody thinks you’re amazing. Someone else is
inspired by your life. Some even wish they could be
you. You are a person to be celebrated. So put your
shoulders back. Hold your head up high. You don’t
have to compete with anyone else. Just be the best
you can be.
ACCEPT THE GIFT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU
This is one of the things that threw King Saul off-
track. He was doing fine. Samuel had anointed him
to be king. His future looked very bright. But he
didn’t understand this principle.
One day he and David were in a battle. They defeated
the Philistines. Everything was great until some of
the women said, “Saul has slain his thousands, and
David his tens of thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7 NIV).
First Samuel 18:9–10 says Saul was very angry and
jealous; he never again looked at David the same
way. Saul was so insecure that David’s success made
him feel inferior. (Saul wasn’t comfortable being an
SUV. He had to be that Indy race car.)
You’d think King Saul would be thrilled to have
someone as skilled as David on his team. But it takes
a secure person to say, “Even though I’m ahead of
you, I will let you shine. I’ll let you rise higher.”
One of life’s tests requires learning to celebrate the
successes of others. You may be tempted to be jealous
or critical when someone rises higher, passing you
up, whether it’s in the office, on a team, or in an
organization. The Scripture says, “Having then gifts
differing according to the grace that is given to us, let
us use them” (Romans 12:6 NKJV).
The real test as to whether God continues to promote
you is how well you handle the successes of others.
Can you celebrate what God is doing in their lives
and not be jealous and critical, or feel you are in
competition with them?
Saul lost the kingdom, in part, because he could not
tolerate anyone being celebrated more than him. A
spirit of competition, pride, or jealousy will cause us
to do things we never dreamed we would do.
Prior to that jealousy, Saul loved David. He treated
him like a son. He took him into the palace. David ate
dinner with Saul and his family every night. Saul
never dreamed that one day he would throw a
javelin at David and try to kill him. He never
imagined that one day he would hunt him down in
the wilderness.
What was his problem? Saul couldn’t handle being
number two. He couldn’t stand the fact that David’s
reputation as a warrior had grown greater than his.
Saul should have been like John the Baptist and said,
“Hey, this is what I am, and this is what I’m not, and
I’m okay with that.”
If Saul had just been satisfied with his gift and run
his race, he could have fulfilled his God-given
destiny. But instead, he grew distracted. He wasted
his time and energy competing with someone who
was not even in his race. God had already ordained
David to go further.
You have to be big enough to recognize your limits
and be the best you can be. Run your race.
Understand, there is nothing wrong with being who
you are. Quit thinking that you have to measure up to
somebody else to feel good about yourself.
My brother completed twelve years of college and
became a skilled surgeon. I finished my first year of
college and returned to work in our father’s church.
Paul and I aren’t in competition with each other. We
respect each other because we know who we are and
we focus on being God’s best.
Don’t compare yourself.
Celebrate yourself.
You are in a class all by yourself. When God made
you He threw away the mold. So don’t compare
yourself. Celebrate yourself. You have everything you
need to fulfill your God-given destiny. Be comfortable
in your own skin.
Remember, you don’t have to impress anybody. You
don’t have to prove who you are. You are a child of
the Most High God, anointed, equipped, empowered.
Keep your shoulders back. Keep your head held high.
Be secure in who God made you to be. If you will stay
free from a spirit of competition and just run your
race, you’ll not only enjoy your life more, but you’ll
also see your gifts and talents come out to the full.
Because when you celebrate others, God will
celebrate you.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Connecting With The Right People
Your destiny is too great to reach on your own. God
has already arranged supporters to speak faith into
you. He has placed others in your path to inspire you,
to challenge you, to help you grow and accomplish
your dreams. But some people never reach their
highest potential because they never get away from
the wrong people.
Not everyone can go where God is taking you.
Connect with those who understand your destiny,
friends who appreciate your uniqueness,
encouragers who can call forth your seeds of
greatness. You do not need those who push you
down, tell you what you can’t become, and never
give their approval even when you do well.
GOD WILL REPLACE THE NEGATIVE
WITH THE POSITIVE
If you remove the negative people from your life,
God will bring positive people into it. Is your inner
circle of friends holding you back? Are those closest
to you with you but not for you? If you find that it
takes constant effort to win their support and
encouragement, they likely don’t understand your
destiny.
The Scripture says, “Do not throw your pearls before
swine” (Matthew 7:6 NASB). You could say your pearl
is your gift, your personality. It’s who you are. When
you get around true friends, people who really
believe in you, they won’t be jealous of your gifts.
They won’t constantly question who you are. They
won’t try to talk you out of your dreams. It will be
just the opposite. They’ll help you polish your pearl.
They’ll give you ideas. They’ll connect you with
people they know. They’ll help push you further
along.
Do not waste time with people who don’t value your
gifts or appreciate what you have to offer. That’s
casting your pearl before swine. Those closest to you
should celebrate who you are and be happy when
you succeed. They should believe in the very best of
you.
If that doesn’t describe those in your inner circle,
move them out. You can be nice. You can still be
friends from a distance. But your time is too valuable
to spend with people who are not 100 percent for
you. It’s not the quantity of friends that’s important;
it’s the quality of friends. I would rather have two
good friends who I know are for me 100 percent than
have fifty friends who are only for me 80 percent.
Scripture shares the story (see Mark 5:22–24, 35–43)
of a man named Jairus who pleaded with Jesus to
come to his house where his daughter lay dying and
heal her. Jesus and the man were on their way when
word came by messenger: “You don’t need to come.
She has already died.”
But Jesus replied, “Don’t worry about it. She’ll be
okay. We’re coming anyway.”
Jesus would not let anyone go with Him except Peter,
James, and John. They were members of His inner
circle. Now, the others with Him were good people,
too. They loved the Lord. But Jesus said, “I only want
these three to go.”
Why was that? Jesus knew when He entered the
room where the little girl was dead, He needed to be
surrounded by true believers who would not
question who He was or what He intended to do.
Jesus did not need doubters or skeptics asking, “Are
You sure You’re the Son of God? Have You ever done
this before? What if it doesn’t work? Do You have a
backup plan?”
When you are in the heat of the battle and need
God’s favor, you can’t afford to have naysayers
and doubters in your inner circle.
When you are in the heat of the battle and need
God’s favor, you can’t afford to have naysayers and
doubters in your inner circle. Jesus did not need to
hear things like, “Do You really think she’ll get well?
My grandmother died of that same thing.”
We all need people who are joined in spirit with us
and say, “If you’re bold enough to believe, count me
in. I’m bold enough to agree with you.”
You need supporters who will come into agreement
with you and release their faith, not doubters who
tell you what you can’t do.
When Jesus entered the child’s room, all those
gathered were distraught and weeping.
“Don’t be upset. She’s not dead,” Jesus said. “She’s
only asleep.”
Some mourners turned on Jesus, mocking Him.
His response is one of the keys to living a life of
victory. Mark 5:40 says, “They laughed and jeered at
Him. But [Jesus] put them all out” (AMP).
Jesus showed them the door. His attitude was, “I
don’t need your doubt.”
If you find yourself surrounded by people who mock
and doubt you, show them the door just as Jesus did.
He didn’t allow anyone into the room except the
girl’s parents and His inner circle. He then spoke to
the child and she came back to life. Jesus could have
healed her in front of the laughing and mocking
crowd. He’s the Son of God. He could do anything.
But I believe Jesus wanted to make the point that
your inner circle is extremely important. If Jesus
took the time to weed out the doubters, surely you
and I should be that concerned about our own inner
circles.
EVALUATE YOUR TEAM
Who’s speaking into your life? Who are you giving
your time and energy to? Who are you meeting for
lunch every day? Who are you texting?
Are those in your inner circle building you up or
tearing you down? Are they inspiring you to go
further, or are they telling you what you can’t do?
Are they modeling excellence, integrity, generosity,
and godliness?
Or are they lazy compromisers, going nowhere?
Don’t waste your time with anyone who drags you
down instead of making you better.
I once worked with a man who just wore down the
entire office. He spoiled every fresh idea that came
along. He was a “fun sponge,” soaking up all the
enthusiasm and laughter and draining us dry. When
he announced after many years that he was leaving,
we held a farewell party, but I have to admit I was
celebrating something different than he was. His
departure lifted a burden off our entire staff. I did
my best to act sad, but on the inside I was jumping up
and down. Once he was gone, it was like night turned
to day. We didn’t realize how much one negative
person in our inner circle could affect the rest of the
team.
You may not be aware of the draining effect a
negative person is having on you. How much more
could you accomplish, grow, and enjoy if you moved
out those who are with you but not for you? Make
sure the people in your inner circle believe in you.
They should celebrate your gifts and push you ahead,
not hold you back.
I can’t think of anything worse than to come to the
end of life and realize that someone you trusted kept
you from becoming the person God created you to
be. You may be fearful of losing a friend and being
lonely, but you never give up something for God that
He doesn’t make up for by giving you something
better in return.
If you’ll make the change, God will not only give you
new friends, He will give you better friends. Friends
about whom you don’t have to wonder, Are they for
me or against me? Friends who don’t try to
manipulate you into who they want you to be, but
rather they celebrate you and help you become who
God has created you to be.
BEWARE THE NEGATIVE AND NEEDY
As a minister, I expect that people in need will come
to me. I welcome them and try to help any way I can.
That said, there are some people who just keep
coming back for more. These negative, needy people
constantly dump their problems on your doorstep
and expect you to clean them up. They know only
one song, and it’s sad. After crying with them
through eight or nine verses, you realize they don’t
want to be helped or encouraged. They just want to
unload on you. They bask in the attention. They suck
the energy right out of you. Spend an hour with
them, and you’ll feel like you’ve run a marathon.
Needy people can abuse your kindness. Sometimes,
you have to put up with their difficulties and love
them back to wholeness, but you can’t spend your
whole life knee-deep in their troubles. You have a
God-given destiny to fulfill. I’ve found that in some
cases the best help you can give negative, needy
people is to not help them at all. Otherwise, you are
just enabling their dysfunction.
IRON SHARPENS IRON
Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one
person sharpens another” (NIV). Are your friends
making you stronger? Are they challenging you to
become a better parent, a better spouse, a better co-
worker, a better member of your community?
You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you’re
hanging out with the turkeys. So rid yourself of
relationships that drain you, drag you down, or leave
you feeling the worse for wear.
When I was in my early twenties, just a couple of
months ago (Don’t laugh!), I regularly went to a very
nice, good-hearted young lady for my haircuts.
Unfortunately, every snip of the scissors brought
another tale of woe. She unloaded on me even as she
trimmed me up. Month after month, year after year,
she poured into my ears her stories of being
mistreated by her bosses, her relatives, and her
girlfriends, and on and on.
Every time I left her shop I had less hair, but my
head felt heavier. I was depressed. She was a very
good sad storyteller. She reminded me of the guy
who was about to jump off a bridge and end his life.
A good Samaritan ran over to save him, saying,
“Don’t jump! Don’t jump! Tell your troubles to me
instead!”
Two hours later, they both jumped.
That’s the way this young lady was. I did my best to
encourage her. I would pray with her. I gave her
money. I sent her customers. It was never enough.
One day I realized what I’m telling you: I could not go
where God was taking me with her in my life. I love
her. I pray for her. I miss her good haircuts, but I
couldn’t fulfill my God-given destiny with her putting
poison in my ears month after month.
So, I made a change.
You, too, may have to change where you do business,
where you play ball, where you work, where you
shop. Your time on this earth is brief and valuable.
You have a destiny to fulfill, and you can’t make it
happen if you are carrying needy and negative
people on your back. The solution is found in Mark
5:40. Show them the door. Be kind. Be polite. But pull
away.
MAKE A LEAP TOWARD YOUR DESTINY
In the Scripture, you’ll find the story of Elizabeth,
who was struggling to have a baby. In those days a
lady was despised if she couldn’t produce a child.
Finally, late in life, Elizabeth conceived. She was so
excited about being able to have this baby.
For the first few weeks Elizabeth was just on cloud
nine. Her dream was coming to pass. Then, as the
delivery date approached, she began to worry. She’d
never had a baby before. She was hoping and
praying that everything was okay, but three months,
four months, five months passed and she hadn’t felt
any movement.
The longer it went, the more concerned she became.
Then one day there was a knock on her door; an
unexpected guest. It was her younger cousin Mary, a
teenager. Elizabeth opened the door. Mary gave her a
great big hug and said, “Elizabeth! Congratulations!
I’ve heard the great news that you’re having a baby.”
The Scripture says in Luke 1:41, “When Elizabeth
heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb”
(AMP).
At that moment Elizabeth knew the child was alive.
She knew the promise would come to pass!
God has designated people to come into your life to
make your baby, your dream or promise, leap. These
are positive, faith-filled people who will help bring
your dreams to life and your promises to pass.
Mary, of course, was a divine connection. She was
ordained by the Creator of the universe to bring
hope, faith, and vision into Elizabeth’s life. She didn’t
even have to say anything profound. She just said
hello, and the promise within Elizabeth came to life.
God has already lined up your Mary. When you meet
the right people, they can simply say “Good
morning,” and your dreams will leap. That’s a
supernatural connection.
If you keep answering the door and
your dreams never leap, you’re answering
the door for the wrong people.
But here’s a key: If you keep answering the door and
your dreams never leap, you’re answering the door
for the wrong people. Don’t answer the door for a
gossiper, a complainer, or a user. Answer the door
only for those who inspire you, encourage you, and
challenge you to fulfill your God-given destiny.
Mary was pregnant with Jesus, the Son of God.
Elizabeth was pregnant with John the Baptist. When
the promise in Mary connected with the promise in
Elizabeth, there was an explosion of faith. When you
meet and mix with the right people, when you
connect with big dreamers and big doers, then the
promise in you will connect with the promises in
them. You will see God show up and do something
supernatural in your lives.
Like Elizabeth, you are carrying a promise. You
know God has spoken to you, but maybe it’s been a
long time. Maybe you haven’t felt any movement on
the inside. Now you’re thinking, Did I hear God
right? Is the promise still in me? Am I still giving
birth to this promise?
I believe God sent me today to be one of your Marys.
Concerning that dream or hope of yours you’re about
to give up on, God is saying, “It will come to pass.”
The promise is in you. It’s alive and well. You may
not see anything happening. You may feel that you
didn’t hear God correctly. But God is still on the
throne.
Right now He is arranging things in your favor. What
He promised you, He will bring to pass. If you will
receive those words by faith, you’ll feel something
down in your spirit; a kick, a push, a shove. What is
that? That’s your promise coming alive.
You are a child of the Most High God. You have seeds
of greatness on the inside. There is no mistake you’ve
made that is too large for the mercy of God. There is
no obstacle too high, no sickness too great, and no
dream too big. You and God are a majority.
When you hear words like that, let them take root
and you will feel faith springing up. That’s your baby,
your promise, starting to leap. Before long you’ll be
convinced that you can achieve all that you desire
through God’s plan. But if you are to become all He
created you to be, you must fill your inner circle with
people of vision, faith, and encouragement.
It’s not too late. You’re not too old. You haven’t made
too many mistakes. The promise is still alive. Now it’s
up to you to eliminate those who are holding you
back and replace them with those who lift you up.
God has already sent them to your door! Let them in,
then as iron sharpens iron, you will cut through your
challenges and rise higher. I believe and declare that
just like with Elizabeth, you will give birth to every
promise God put in your heart, and you will become
everything God created you to be!
PART 4
TRAVEL LIGHT
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Forgive So You Can Be Free
We all have unfair things happen to us. We can
choose to cling to that hurt and let it destroy our day-
to-day happiness and poison our futures, or we can
choose to release the hurt and trust God to make it
up to us. You may think you can’t forgive those
who’ve hurt you, whether friends, a spouse, or co-
workers. But you don’t have to forgive them for their
sakes; you forgive for your own sake.
When we forgive others, we take away their power to
hurt us. The mistake we make so often is to hold on
to hurt. We go around bitter and angry, but all we’re
doing is allowing those who hurt us to control our
lives. The abuser, bully, or critic isn’t hurt by our
anger and bitterness. We’re just poisoning our own
lives with it.
I know people who are still mad at others who are
long dead and gone. They’re still bitter at their
parents or a former boss or an ex-spouse who is no
longer living. It’s bad enough that someone hurt you
once; don’t let them continue to hurt you by staying
angry. When you forgive someone, you set a prisoner
free. That prisoner isn’t the person who hurt you; the
prisoner is you.
Someone may have lied about you, betrayed you, or
mistreated you, but what they did was not enough to
keep you from your destiny. You cannot let one
divorce, one betrayal, or one bad childhood
experience keep you from the awesome future God
has in store for you.
Joseph’s brothers betrayed him. They sold him into
slavery. He could have been angry and let that one
bad break, that one injustice, steal his destiny, but he
let it go and moved forward to claim his rewards.
There is no telling how many people in Joseph’s time
were kept from God’s best because they went for
revenge instead.
Forgiveness is not about being nice and kind;
it’s about letting go so you can claim
the amazing future that awaits you.
Don’t let that be you. Your destiny is too great to let
what someone did to you keep you from moving
forward. Forgiveness is not about being nice and
kind; it’s about letting go so you can claim the
amazing future that awaits you.
I know there are valid reasons to be angry. Maybe
you were mistreated at a young age. It wasn’t your
fault. You had no control over it, and what was done
to you was wrong. Forgiving doesn’t mean you’re
excusing anything or anyone. It doesn’t mean you’re
lessening the offense. I’m not saying you have to go
be friends with someone who hurt you. I’m simply
saying to let it go for your own sake. Quit dwelling on
the offense. Quit replaying it in your memory. Quit
giving it time and energy.
You have a destiny to fulfill. You have a joyful life to
claim. Every time you let past hurts consume your
thoughts, you are just reopening an old wound.
LET YOUR BRUISES HEAL
When you hold on to a hurt, you never let it heal. It’s
like a bruise that won’t go away. If you’ve ever hit
your arm and bruised it and then had someone
bump it, you know how it hurts. You pull back
because the bruised area is very sensitive. You
become overly protective and you make sure no one
gets close. In the same way, when you’ve been
bruised emotionally, you tend to be overly sensitive.
If your hurt isn’t allowed to heal, the smallest bump
will cause you to be defensive. You can’t develop
healthy relationships while your emotional bruises
remain unhealed.
I know women who don’t trust any men because one
man hurt them. One messed-up male did them
wrong, and they’ve never let it go. What’s the
problem? They’re still bruised. They’re defensive and
distrustful and they think every man is out to hurt
them, so they can’t have healthy relationships.
It’s not just women, of course. I had a man tell me a
few months ago that he liked listening to me speak,
but he didn’t really trust me. I asked him why and he
said twenty years earlier he was on the committee
for his church and the pastor wronged him. He was
hurt and he left the church. He’s been holding on to
that hurt year after year. Now he thinks all ministers
are bad.
He is still bruised. The Scripture says that Jesus was
sent “to announce release to the captives… to send
forth as delivered those who are oppressed [who are
downtrodden, bruised, crushed, and broken down by
calamity]” (Luke 4:18 AMP). This indicates that when
we’re bruised, we’re not free. Unfair things happen
to all of us. If you want to see that bruise go away and
walk into the freedom God has in store for you, you
have to forgive the wrongs. You have to let go of what
somebody did and move forward with your life.
There’s nothing the enemy would love any more
than for you to let one bad thing that happened—one
messed-up person who did you wrong, or one
injustice—ruin the rest of your life. Put your foot
down and say, “My destiny is too great, my future is
too bright, and my God is too big to let an old hurt
cause me to be sour and bitter and stuck where I am.
No, I’ll shake it off and press forward into the bright
future God has in store for me.”
A woman recently told me that when she was a child,
she was abused by her father. It was very unfair. She
grew up confused and ashamed. She thought it was
her fault. She didn’t trust men. But she would do
anything to try to win their approval. That’s all she
had known. On the inside she was bitter and angry.
She had a chip on her shoulder.
For twenty-six years, she did not speak to her father.
She hated him. Every time she thought about him,
she became angry and bitter. But one day she heard
me talking about forgiveness. She took it to heart
when I said no hurt or offense should keep us from
our destinies because when we forgive, it frees us to
move forward.
At thirty-six years of age, she traveled to another city
and found her father. When he answered the door
and saw her, he didn’t know what to do. She said,
“Dad, I’ve hated you every day of my life, but I can’t
live with that poison in me anymore. I’m not
allowing you to mess up my life. I’m forgiving you for
everything you’ve done.”
She told me that when she walked away from her
father that day, it was like she’d been released from
prison. Up to that point she had floundered in life,
jumped in and out of relationships, and failed at
several jobs. But today, ten years later, she is happily
married with three beautiful children. She owns her
own business and she is very successful. She says life
could not be any better. Her recovery began when
she let her hurt go.
GOD WILL SETTLE THE ACCOUNT
Forgive so you can be free. Don’t let the person who
hurt you keep you in prison. If you let the wrong go,
then God will do for you what He did for the woman
mentioned above and what He did for Joseph. He’ll
take what was meant for your harm and He will use
it for your advantage. What happened to you may
have been painful, but don’t waste your pain. God
will use that pain to promote you.
Hebrews 10:30 says God will settle the cases of His
people.
You may need some of your accounts settled. Maybe
somebody stole your childhood, or somebody walked
out and left you with a bunch of children to raise, or
somebody cheated you in a business deal and you
lost a lot of money. You could easily live angry and
upset with a chip on your shoulder. Instead, be
encouraged. God is a God of justice. He knows every
person who hurt you and left you lonely and afraid.
Nobody else may have seen it, but He saw it and He
knew it wasn’t right and He’s saying today, “I’m
settling your accounts. I’m making your wrongs
right. I’m paying you back not just what you deserve
but double.”
God said in Isaiah, “Instead of your shame you shall
have double honor, and instead of confusion they
shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land
they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be
theirs” (61:7 NKJV). If someone lied about you and
tried to make you look bad, let it go and double will
come your way. Those who hurt you? Forgive them
and double is on its way. The business partner who
cheated you out of money? Get over the resentment
and double is coming. The spouse who was
unfaithful? Forgive and you will see double the joy,
double the peace, and double the fulfillment.
GOD NEVER BRINGS YOU
OUT THE SAME
You may feel guilty about something that wasn’t your
fault. Maybe someone mistreated you and you
blamed yourself. But if someone abused or took
advantage of you, there is no reason to feel ashamed.
Don’t feel guilty. Hold your head up high. You’re a
child of the Most High God.
Your value doesn’t go down because
someone mistreated you.
Your value doesn’t go down because someone
mistreated you. You are still the apple of God’s eye.
You are still His most prized possession. That
situation may have been unfair, but if you shake off
the shame and the blame and do not let bitterness
take root, God will make the rest of your life better
than it would have been if the bad things had not
happened. He will pay you back with more.
God will not allow one of His children to be
constantly taken advantage of. If you’re in a situation
where somebody is doing you wrong or has done you
wrong, don’t be depressed, don’t give up and think
life is over. Keep believing because your payday is
coming.
If your husband packed up and ran off with another
woman, you don’t have to be ashamed. Don’t believe
those voices telling you that you’re not good enough
or you’re not attractive enough. Those are all lies.
There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s something
wrong with him. You don’t have a problem, he does.
If he hurt you, he will hurt the next woman, too.
Keep your head held high, knowing that God will
bring justice into your life. He will settle that case.
OURS IS A GOD OF JUSTICE
It will help you to forgive if you’ll realize that the
people who hurt you have problems. Hurting people
hurt others. When somebody lashes out at you or
treats you unfairly, they’ve got unresolved issues of
their own. There’s no excuse for hurting you, but
they are part of a chain that needs to be broken.
Somebody hurt them, so in turn they hurt you. Take
a merciful approach and say, “God, I know what they
did was wrong. They hurt me and it was not fair, but
God, I’m not looking for revenge. I ask you, God, to
heal them and give them what they need.”
When you can pray for your enemies and even bless
those who do you wrong, as the Scripture says, God
will settle your accounts (Matthew 5:44; 18:21–35).
Les was raised in a very abusive environment. His
father was an alcoholic and he would come home in
these violent rages. Les was afraid his dad would
hurt his mom or him. He was afraid for his life.
There was no peace in his home. He lived constantly
on edge. One night his dad came home drunk and
started abusing his mother, not only verbally but also
physically. Les was fourteen years old. He stepped up
and told his dad to leave his mom alone. They fought
and in the end his dad threw him out of the house.
“I don’t want to ever see your face again,” his father
told him. “If you ever set foot in this house again, it
will be the last time you ever do it.”
Les was devastated, so despondent he considered
ending his life. He was standing on a bridge in the
middle of the night about to jump when something
unexpected stopped him. Les had never been to
church. Religion was not part of his life. But suddenly
he heard a voice say, “Don’t do it. I’ll be your Father.
I’ll be your Protector. I’ll take care of you.”
At that moment he felt as though warm oil was
pouring all over him. It was like something he had
never felt before. That was his heavenly Father
showing up to bring about justice. The psalmist said,
“Although my father and my mother have forsaken
me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His
child]” (Psalm 27:10 AMP).
Les was on his own from that day forward. He was
filled with all these hurts and pain, so much
rejection. But he made a decision at the very
beginning that he would no longer hate his father. He
forgave him and went on with his life.
He became a minister. Les had reached out to his
father through the years, but the father wouldn’t
have anything to do with him. Then, one Sunday
morning twenty-two years later, Les was standing in
the pulpit and out of the blue in walked his father. It
was the first time Les had seen his dad since that
night when he was fourteen years old.
At the end of the service, his dad walked down to the
altar with tears running down his face. He asked his
son for forgiveness and also gave his life to the Lord.
God is a God of justice. I don’t know how long it will
take, but God has promised He’ll make the wrongs
right. He’ll restore what the enemy has stolen. It
doesn’t matter how badly someone has hurt you. It
doesn’t matter how wrong they were. If you’ll let it
go, God will settle your accounts. God will pay you
back.
At the end of that service, this dad and son sat down
and talked. The father told his son things Les had
never known before. The father said his own father
was an alcoholic. He’d fought with his own mother
growing up. The father’s childhood home was so
unstable that by the time his dad was six years old,
he had already lived with four families.
There was no excuse for his father’s behavior, but
what I want you to see is that hurting people hurt
others. Les’s father had all that anger and abuse on
the inside, and he made the mistake of carrying it
around. He didn’t realize he was passing it on to the
next generation.
FORGIVENESS WILL FREE YOU
When Jesus rose from the dead and came back to talk
with His disciples, He said, “If you forgive the sins of
any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of
any, they are retained” (John 20:23 NKJV). When you
retain a sin, you hold on to it. God was saying that
when you hold on to the wrongs people have done to
you, then the poison contaminates you. When you
don’t forgive, it’s easy to become what you hate.
Sharon hated her father because he ran around on
her mother. Sharon didn’t have a good childhood.
She always resented the fact that her father wasn’t
faithful and he wasn’t there for her growing up. She
couldn’t stand to be around him.
But do you know that when Sharon grew up she ran
around on her husband and broke up her own
home? She was not there for her own children. She
became exactly what she hated in her father.
That’s why it’s so important to forgive and let things
go. The bitterness, the sin you retain, can produce
the same results that hurt you. If you were raised in
an abusive environment, if you come from a family
filled with anger and dysfunction, instead of
becoming bitter and angry, why don’t you be the one
to put an end to the negative cycle?
You can be the one to make a difference. Are you
holding on to anger and unforgiveness and passing
poison down to the next generation? Or are you
willing to let it go so your family can rise to a new
level?
I realize it can be very hard to forgive, especially
when someone has hurt you, but God will never ask
you to do something without giving you the ability to
do it.
Forgiveness is a process.
It doesn’t happen overnight.
Forgiveness is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight.
You don’t snap your fingers and make a hurt go
away. That’s not realistic. But if you’ll continue to
have the desire to forgive and ask God to help you,
then little by little those negative feelings will fade.
One day they won’t affect you at all.
GOD WILL COMPENSATE YOU
The Lord’s Prayer is found in Matthew 6. In verse 12
Jesus says, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our
debtors” (NKJV). When God talks about debts, He’s
not just talking about monetary debts. He’s talking
about the times when people hurt you, the times
when people do you wrong. God refers to that as a
debt because when you are mistreated, you may feel
you are owed something.
Human nature says, “I was wronged. Now I want
justice. You mistreated me. Now you’ve got to pay me
back.” But the mistake many people make is in trying
to collect a debt that only God can pay. The father
can’t give his daughter’s innocence back to her. Your
parents can’t pay you back for not having a loving
childhood. Your spouse can’t pay you back for the
pain he caused by being unfaithful. Only God can
truly pay you back.
If you want to be restored and whole, get on God’s
payroll. He knows how to make things right. He
knows how to bring justice. He’ll give you what you
deserve. Leave it up to Him. Quit expecting people to
make it up to you. They can’t give you what they
don’t have.
Jesus told a parable about a man who owed ten
thousand talents (see Matthew 18:23–35). And the
Scripture says, “He could not pay” (18:25 AMP). It
doesn’t say that he didn’t want to, but that he could
not. He didn’t have the means to pay. If you’re always
looking for people to pay you back for the wrongs
they’ve done, you will lead a life of frustration.
I’ve seen more than one person go through a bitter
divorce, start a new relationship, and then make the
mistake of trying to make the new person pay for
what the previous spouse did. They’re always trying
to collect a debt, and it ends up ruining the
relationship. Don’t punish the person you’re married
to now for something that happened years ago in
another relationship. They can’t pay you back. Get on
God’s payroll.
I spoke with a man who was wronged and lost his
business. It happened years ago, but he’s still mad at
the world. He’s been with three different companies.
He can’t keep a job. He is bitter, and he thinks he’s
owed something. He’s waiting to be paid back.
What’s the problem? He’s on the wrong payroll.
Your attitude should be, God, You know what I’ve
been through; You’ve seen every wrong, every hurt,
every tear; and God, I will not be bitter, trying to get
people to give me what they don’t have. God, I’m
leaving it up to You. I know You promised You would
settle my cases. You said You would pay me back
double for every injustice. So I’m letting all my
family, my friends, my co-workers, my neighbors off
the hook, and I’m putting my trust, my confidence,
my hope in You.
When you get on God’s payroll, He’ll make sure you
are well compensated. If you would let people off the
hook and stop thinking they owe you something,
your life would go to a new level. They may have
done wrong, and it may have been their fault, but it’s
not their fault that they can’t pay you back.
If you spend your life trying to get from them what
only God can give, it will ruin that relationship, and
the sad thing is, you’ll take that same problem into
the next and the next and the next.
MARK IT PAID IN FULL
Sometimes when I’m looking over the bills I’ll see
these big red letters that read “Paid in Full.”
Somebody has stamped it with one of those big
rubber stamps. See your accounts, your hurts, as
paid in full. Instead of trying to collect from those
who hurt you and thinking they owe you, get that big
red stamp out and mark the account as paid in full.
When you see the person who did you wrong, stamp
the account paid in full in your imagination. It’s very
freeing to say, “Nobody owes me anything. They may
have hurt me, they may have done me wrong, they
may have stolen my childhood, they may have
cheated me out of money, but I’m not looking for
people to pay me back. I’m on God’s payroll. The
good news is, God never misses a payment.”
Mark your accounts paid in full. Let it go. God will
settle your cases. Forgive so you can be free. Forgive
so God can pay you back double.
Many airlines now charge you for baggage. It’s the
same way in life. You can carry around baggage, but
it will cost you. You can carry unforgiveness, but it
will cost you the day-to-day happiness and joy you
desire. You can carry bitterness, but it will cost you
peace. You can haul that bag of “They Owe Me
Something” around with you, but it’s not free. If you
do it long enough, there will be a very heavy price. It
will keep you from your destiny.
You may say those who have hurt you don’t deserve
to be forgiven. Maybe not, but you do. If you don’t
forgive them, your Father in heaven can’t forgive
you. Why don’t you let go of the baggage? Why don’t
you mark some accounts paid in full?
You have to forgive so that you can be free to live
each day with happiness in your heart. If you will let
go of the hurts and pains and get on God’s payroll,
God will settle your case. He will make your wrongs
right. He will bring justice into your life. You will get
what you deserve, and God will pay you back with
double the joy, double the peace, double the favor,
and double the victory.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Overcoming Discouragement
The people of Israel were headed toward the
Promised Land, but they “became very discouraged
on the way” (Numbers 21:4 NKJV). What’s interesting
is God was leading them, so it’s not like they were
actually lost. Yet, since they were so easily
discouraged, they felt lost.
Little by little, they were worn down. They were
good people who loved the Lord. They had seen great
victories in the past. Deep down they knew they
were headed toward the Promised Land, but over
time they lost their passion for life.
Finally they said, “Forget it. Let’s just go back to
Egypt. It will not work.”
What happened? They didn’t pass the
discouragement test. No matter how successful you
are or how many victories you’ve had in the past,
sooner or later there will be an opportunity to give
up your happiness and become discouraged.
I see too many people who’ve allowed life to wear
them down. They once were joyful. They walked
with a spring in their steps. They greeted each day
with excitement. But over time, they’ve allowed their
happiness to give way to heaviness. Just like a dark
cloud, it follows them everywhere they go. Unless
they learn how to pass the discouragement test, it
will keep them from God’s best.
You may face problems and setbacks, but
remember, God is still leading the way.
You may face problems and setbacks, but remember,
God is still leading the way. He has given us the
strength to be where we are with a good attitude.
When that discouraging spirit comes knocking on the
door, you don’t have to answer. Just say, “No, thanks.
I’m keeping my joy. I know God is in control of my
life. He will allow me to go where I’m supposed to
be.”
There will be opposition on the way to your destiny.
It may take longer than you had hoped. It may be
more difficult than you’d thought. You can easily feel
discouraged and think it will never work out,
whatever the challenge might be. But you have to
realize, on the other side of that discouragement
awaits a new level of your destiny. When you pass
the test, there will always be promotion.
If you are to become everything God has created you
to be, you must be willing to say, “I have come too far
to stop now. It may be tough. It may be taking a long
time. I may not understand it, but I do know this: My
God is still on the throne, and what He promised, He
will bring to pass.”
Have a made-up mind, and resolve that no matter
what comes your way, no matter how long it takes or
how impossible it looks, you are in it for the long
haul. You will not lose your passion. You will pass
these discouragement tests. Your victory is already
on the way.
Galatians 6:9 puts it like this: “Let’s not get tired of
doing what is good. At just the right time we will
reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up” (NLT).
GOD WILL LIFT YOUR HEAD
Like the people of Israel, you are right next door to
your promised land. Your due season is right around
the corner; that breakthrough, that dream coming to
pass, meeting the right person, and overcoming that
obstacle.
God has already put it on His schedule. He has
already set the time and the date to make it happen.
So now is not the time to be discouraged. Now more
than ever is the time to be a believer. It’s the time to
stay in faith.
The Scripture says, “Lift up your heads… and the
King of Glory shall come in” (Psalm 24:9 NKJV). If you
want God to come in and show you His favor, you’ve
got to lift up your head. That’s where your help
comes from. The psalmist said, “I look up to the
mountains; does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from GOD, who made heaven,
and earth, and mountains” (Psalm 121:1 The
Message). We cannot go through life looking down,
thinking about our problems, and dwelling on how
bad it is, reliving every negative thing that’s
happened and expect to have God’s best. Lift your
head. Create a fresh new vision for your life. There
are greater victories in your future than you have
experienced in your past. But as long as you are
looking down wondering why it’s not working and
why it’s taking so long, you will not rise higher.
David says in Psalm 3:3, “You, O Lord, are a shield for
me, my glory, and the lifter of my head” (AMP).
Sometimes circumstances may convince you to keep
your head down. You may feel you have too many
problems, but God is the Glory and the lifter of your
head.
The word glory means “favor.” The enemy tries to
weigh you down with heavy burdens and convince
you to stay focused on your difficulties. Before long
that discouragement is like a heavy weight you are
dragging around. But if you will allow God to be the
Glory and the lifter of your head, and work with Him
to shake off that discouragement, the only thing that
will weigh on you is the favor of God.
Instead of being heavy with discouragement and
depression and burdens, you’ll be heavy with joy,
heavy with favor, heavy with blessings, heavy with
victory. He is the Glory and the lifter of our heads.
When you can’t lift your head on your own strength
or when circumstances have overwhelmed you,
that’s when God will show up as the Glory and the
lifter of your head.
David experienced this lifting power. He said in
Psalm 40:1–3, “[God] brought me up out of a horrible
pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock.
… He has put a new song in my mouth” (NKJV).
There is some lifting going on today in your life. The
Creator of the universe is saying, “If you put your
trust in Me and shake off the discouragement, I will
lift you to places that you could not reach on your
own. I will lift you out of trouble into victory. I will
lift you out of sickness into health. I will lift you out
of lack into abundance.” God will lift you out of
unfair situations and give you beauty for ashes.
In those times when you begin to feel discouraged,
it’s good to just look up and say, “Father, I want to
thank You that You are the Glory and the lifter of my
head.”
Psalm 30:5 reads, “Weeping may endure for a night,
but joy comes in the morning” (NKJV). Morning
starts at 12:01 a.m. What’s interesting is, even though
it’s a new morning, at midnight it’s still dark. At 1:00
a.m., 2:00 a.m., 3:00 a.m., 4:00 a.m., it’s still dark. It
doesn’t look like anything is happening. But as dark
as it remains, the light is coming. You’ve entered a
new day.
Usually between 6:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m., you will see
the sun break forth over the horizon. Things will
start to brighten up. In other words, business will
increase. Health will be restored. Dreams will come
to pass. In these discouraging seasons you’ve got to
remind yourself that the One who lifts your head, the
Most High God, has promised that joy is coming. Just
because it’s dark doesn’t mean joy is not on its way.
You’ve entered a new day. It’s just a matter of time
before you see the sun break forth.
STRETCH OUT YOUR HAND
I see too many people become discouraged along the
way. They start out fine, but then they hit a setback.
Instead of shaking it off and creating a new vision,
they let life wear them down and they lose their
passion. They end up settling for less than God’s best.
In the Scripture there is a man who did this. We are
never given his name, but he was one of the many
sick people at the pool of Bethesda. He’d been sick
for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him, he
realized he had been ill for a long time and asked
him, “Would you like to get well?”
The man said he couldn’t get well because there was
no one to put him into the healing waters of the pool
and he was too weak to make it on his own. Jesus told
him to “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” (John
5:1–15 NLT).
The man had to make a decision right then and
there. Could he do what he had never done before?
I’m sure there was a battle going on in his mind.
There were strongholds that had been there for years
that had convinced him he would never be better. He
could have made plenty of excuses, but he did not
offer any.
He dared to take a step of faith and he was instantly
healed.
Stretch into a greater vision for
the possibilities in your life.
Life may have weakened and discouraged you over
time, but God is saying to you what He said to this
man. If you want to be healed, stand up. Believe you
can go places you’ve never been before. Stretch into
a new way of thinking. Stretch into a greater vision
for the possibilities in your life.
Where you are is not where God wants you to stay.
Just because your dream hasn’t happened in the past
doesn’t mean that it cannot happen in the future. If
you join in agreement with God and stand up, so to
speak, God will have new seasons of promotion and
increase coming your way.
I was in my backyard talking to Manny, who helps
with our landscaping. This was the middle of winter
and the grass was very brown. It looked dead. I told
Manny that I feared the lawn was dead and he said,
“It doesn’t look very good, but the truth is the grass is
not really dead. It’s just not in season. In the spring,
this same grass will be lush and green.”
That’s the way it is in life. Sometimes our dreams
appear to be dead or dying. But you have to realize,
they are not really dead. They are just not in season.
They are coming back. New seasons of growth are
coming. New health. New relationships. New
opportunities. Just because something looks dead,
don’t write it off.
Our God is a God of new beginnings. When you go
through these disappointments and setbacks, instead
of being down and discouraged and giving up, have
the attitude of It may not look good, but I know the
truth. It’s not really dead. It’s just not in season. I’m
in wintertime, but I know springtime is coming. So
I’m lifting up my head to get ready for the new things
God is about to do.
NOTHING REMAINS THE SAME
If you want to overcome discouragement, learn how
to transition into the different seasons of life. The
Scripture tells us of a lady named Naomi who didn’t
do this very well. She failed to realize that just
because a season was over, it didn’t mean her life
was over.
Often we want a certain season to last forever, but
that may not be how God has it planned. You have to
be open and willing to adapt and adjust when
changes come. Do not be bitter when something
happens that you don’t like or don’t understand.
Of course, no one likes to go through traumatic
changes or loss or disappointment, but it’s all a part
of life. In those difficult seasons, you have to remind
yourself that God is still on the throne, and the fact
that the grass looks dead doesn’t mean it will never
be green again.
Naomi was going along just great. Life was good. But
over time she went through a series of losses. Her
husband died. Later, her two sons died. It’s difficult
to go through a loss. There is a proper time for
grieving. But you have to make sure you don’t let a
season of mourning turn into a lifetime of mourning.
Naomi made the mistake of letting the bitterness and
the discouragement remain inside her. She despaired
and lost all happiness. She didn’t think the grass
would ever be green again. She actually changed her
name to Mara, which means “sorrow,” because she
wanted to be reminded of her pain and misery every
time someone called her name.
Naomi’s attitude was, “All my dreams have been
shattered. I’ll never be happy again. Just leave me in
my trouble and heartache.”
Obviously, I do not recommend you follow the path
taken by Naomi. When you suffer a loss, a
disappointment, an unfair situation, you have to
make sure that you don’t let your circumstances rob
you of happiness for the rest of your life.
Remember, God is good. If you refuse to live in
discouragement, if you lift your head and rise from
your despair, you will discover, as Naomi did, that
just because one season is over, it does not mean
your entire life is over.
After suffering so much, Naomi moved back to her
hometown with her daughter-in-law Ruth. There,
Ruth met a man, fell in love, and was married.
Eventually, Ruth had a son. By then Naomi was an
old woman. But when she saw that little baby boy,
something lit up on the inside. She felt a new sense of
purpose, a new sense of destiny. As she was holding
the baby, something amazing happened. Milk began
to be produced in her body. The Scripture says this
older woman, way up in her senior years, was able to
nurse the little baby. Naomi was just as happy and
fulfilled as could be. She discovered that spring
always comes after winter. Bad times do not last
forever. (You can read Naomi’s story in the book of
Ruth.)
GOD PREPARES YOU FOR HIS TESTS
You wouldn’t be alive if God didn’t have a purpose
for you. You may have been through a
disappointment, a good season may be over, but if
you’ll shake it off and keep moving forward, you will
come into another good season. God will reveal to
you a new purpose, with new friends, with new
opportunities. It doesn’t matter if you’re thirty, or
fifty, or ninety-five. God still has something for you to
do.
A young lady named June lost both her legs in an
accident. She was naturally distraught and
depressed. For a time, she didn’t think she had any
reason to be alive. She didn’t see anything good in
her future. But I love what she did. She would refer
to Jeremiah 29:11, and say, “God, even though I don’t
have any plans and I’m too overwhelmed to see
anything good, I know You have plans and they are
good to give me a future and a hope.” If you ever find
yourself overwhelmed and you don’t see anything
good in your future, I would encourage you to do like
June and just get in agreement with God and say,
“God, I know You’ve got a good plan. You’ve got a
purpose for me. You’ve got brighter days in store for
me up ahead.”
Sometimes when we’re being tested by
discouragement, it seems God is silent. We pray and
we don’t hear anything. We read the Scripture and
still come away feeling like God is a million miles
away. But remember, this is a test. When you’re in
school, teachers never talk during tests. They stand
up at the front of the room very quietly just watching
all of the students taking the exam.
The teachers have been preparing you in the days
and weeks prior to the test. Often, they’ve put in
extra hours making sure everyone has the
opportunity to succeed. On test day, they want to see
if you’ve learned the lessons. They know that you
have the information you need. They know you’re
prepared. You’re ready. Now all you’ve got to do is
put into practice what you’ve learned.
God works the same way as your teachers here on
earth. When He is silent, don’t assume He has left
you. He is right there with you during the test. The
silence means only that God has prepared you, and
now He is watching to see if you have learned. He
would not give you the test unless He knew you were
ready.
God is not mad at you when He is silent. He has not
forsaken you. His silence is a sign that He has great
confidence in you. He knows you have what it takes.
He knows you will come through the test victoriously
or He would not have permitted you to be tested.
If you don’t allow the enemy to discourage you,
one of his greatest weapons has been lost.
The key is to remain upbeat and not be discouraged
or bitter. Put into practice what you’ve learned. Stay
in faith. Hang on to your happiness. Treat others
kindly. Be a blessing. If you do that, you will pass the
test and flourish in a new season. God will bring
things out of you that you didn’t even know were in
you. Understand, if you don’t allow the enemy to
discourage you, one of his greatest weapons has been
lost.
Today is a new day. God is breathing new hope into
your heart and new vision into your spirit. He is the
Glory and the lifter of our heads. Look up with a
fresh vision, and God will do for you what He
promised David. He will lift you out of the pit. He will
set your feet on a rock. He will put a new song in
your heart. You won’t drag through life defeated and
depressed. You will soar through life full of joy, full
of faith, full of victory.
If you have struggled with discouragement,
depression, and heaviness, I declare right now, in the
name of Jesus, that the spirit of discouragement is
broken in your life. I declare that the spirit of
heaviness and depression is broken off you, off your
family, off your future. It will no longer have any
effect on you. Happiness will be yours to claim each
and every day of the week. I declare this so and I
believe it.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Dealing With Unexpected Difficulties
I was on a flight to India with my father years ago
when the friendly skies turned mean. We had been
flying for about thirteen hours. We had another
couple of hours to go. Up to that point the flight had
been very smooth and comfortable. But at one point
we hit some turbulence like nothing I had ever
experienced.
This was worse than the worst roller coaster. The
plane was going every which way. Food and bags
went flying, hitting the ceiling, passengers, and the
floor. For ten minutes it was the wildest ride of my
life. People were hollering. Babies were crying. That
plane was shaking so violently, we were sure the
whole thing was breaking apart.
Being the great man of faith that I am, I thought, This
is it. It’s over. There is no way we will survive.
Yes, I surrendered my happiness and joy to sheer,
unadulterated panic.
The turbulence seemed to last an eternity, but sure
enough, in about ten minutes we were through it and
returned to a calm and smooth ride. Two hours later
we landed safely at our destination.
That’s the way it is in life. One minute you are happy
and filled with contentment, doing just fine. You
have a good job, healthy children, and you are
feeling blessed. Then you hit some turbulence. Your
routine medical tests turn up a problem. Your
relationship becomes rocky. A lawsuit is filed.
The challenge is to keep looking ahead, knowing that
the turbulence will not last forever, that one day
soon, happiness will be possible. At the time, you
may feel the good life is over, but take it from me,
this, too, shall pass.
God is still on the throne. He has brought you this
far. Your life may have taken a plunge, and you may
feel like you’ve been put in a giant mixer. Others
around you may be panicked. But sooner or later,
calm will be restored.
My theory is that every person has at least ten
minutes of turbulence in life. Usually, the scary
moments don’t come all at once. You may experience
a minute here, five minutes there, a couple of
minutes down the road. In those tough times when
you feel like the plane is breaking apart and panic
overwhelms you, go to your faith. Trust that the
Creator of the universe is piloting your plane. The
Most High God is directing your steps. Remember
that He said no weapon formed against you will
prosper. God said not to be surprised by these fiery
trials. Do not panic. Go to that place of peace even in
the midst of turbulence.
I’ve heard that “trouble is inevitable, but misery is
optional.” Trouble descends on all of us from time to
time, but we can decide whether to fall apart or to
pull it together. We have that power even when we
are blindsided.
GOD HAS THE SOLUTION
It’s one thing to know that you are entering a
challenging season and facing a test of
discouragement. You can mentally prepare for those
trials. But what about the difficulties you do not see
coming? What about life’s earthquakes, tsunamis,
and tornadoes; the unexpected illnesses, sudden
deaths, divorces, and other tragedies and crises that
catch us totally unprepared and off-guard? They can
be overwhelming, even devastating. They come out
of nowhere and suddenly our lives are turned upside
down.
Our family has had its share of unexpected hits, but
probably the most shocking was the mail bomb that
exploded and injured my sister Lisa in January 1990.
The package contained a pipe bomb packed with
seven-inch nails. Lisa opened it in her church office,
holding it in her lap. Miraculously, she was not
seriously injured. She had minor burns and cuts. To
this day, we don’t know who sent the package
addressed to our father.
Lisa was just opening the morning’s mail, a daily
routine. Her life was spared. She did not suffer long-
term injuries. Yet, you can imagine how it turned her
life upside down. We were all affected to some
degree, but she dealt with both the physical and,
even more, the emotional impact for many, many
years. In the end, the power of her faith pulled her
through.
We all have to deal with unexpected tragedies and
trauma. Being a believer doesn’t exempt you from
life’s turbulent times.
The Scripture says rain falls on the just and on the
unjust. When you find yourself facing a crisis, it’s
easy to give up your happiness, panic, and fall apart.
But you have to realize that crisis is not a surprise to
God. It may be unexpected to us, but God knows the
end from the beginning. God has solutions to
problems that we haven’t even had. And God would
not have allowed the difficulty unless He had a
divine purpose for it.
GOD WILL TURN YOUR
TEST INTO A TESTIMONY
You have to remember, you are in a controlled
environment. It may seem that your circumstances
are out of control, but the Creator of the universe is
in complete control. He has you in the palm of His
hand. Nothing can happen to you without God’s
permission.
In fact, God is even in control of our enemies. The
Scripture talks about how God caused Pharaoh to
harden his heart and not let the people go. Notice
that God caused him to be difficult. Why was that? So
God could show His power in extraordinary ways.
When something unexpected happens and catches
you off-guard, instead of falling apart and blaming
God and panicking, your attitude should be: God, I
know You are still on the throne. This is not a
surprise to You. I know You wouldn’t have allowed
this unless You had a purpose. The surprise may look
like a setback, but I know the truth. It’s a setup for
You to show Your power in a greater way. It’s a setup
for You to show my unbelieving co-workers Your
greatness.
God’s purpose in crises is to show not just us His
power but to show other people what He can do. If
you will view that adversity as an opportunity for
God to display His greatness, God will use you as an
example. He wants your neighbors to say, “How in
the world did she make it? The medical report said
‘impossible,’ but look at her today. She’s as strong
and healthy as can be.” Or, “He was laid off at the
worst possible time, but look at him now. He has an
even better job than before.”
God wants to turn your
test into a testimony.
God wants to turn your test into a testimony. That’s
why God will allow you to face adversity. Being a
believer doesn’t make you immune to difficulty. But
God promises if you will stay in faith, He will take
what was meant for your harm and use it not only to
your advantage but to display His greatness to other
people.
When something unexpected happens, instead of
falling apart and panicking, expect God to show up
and turn the situation around. Expect God’s favor.
Expect His supernatural power.
It is true that the rain falls on the just and the unjust.
But here is the difference. For the just, for the
believers—that’s you and me—the Scripture says no
weapon formed against us will ever prosper. It
doesn’t say that challenges will never take form.
Instead, it says you may face difficulties, but because
you’re a child of the Most High God, they will not
prosper against you. They will not get the best of you.
You will get the best of them. God will bring you out
better off than you were before.
YOU ARE ADVANCING THE KINGDOM
When you face an unexpected challenge, it’s easy to
get down on yourself and think, I’m trying to do my
best, trying to honor God. I must be doing something
wrong. I must just not be doing good enough.
Often, you have difficulties not because you’re doing
something wrong but because you’re doing
something right. It’s because you are making a
difference. It’s because you are taking new ground
for your family. It’s because you are a threat to the
enemy. He would leave you alone if you weren’t
advancing the kingdom. He wouldn’t bother you if he
didn’t know God had something amazing planned for
you in your future. That’s why he is trying to make
you discouraged and bitter and blaming God, to keep
you from the new levels that God has in store for
you.
Darkness never likes the light, but don’t worry about
it. Light will always overtake the darkness. Just keep
shining. Keep smiling. Hold on to your happiness and
your joy. Keep treating people well even though they
mistreat you. Do the right thing even though the
wrong things happen to you again and again. Your
troubles are a sure sign that God has something
amazing planned in your future. Your happiness will
be restored, in abundance.
The enemy will not roll out the red carpet and allow
you to fulfill your destiny unopposed. He will throw
out unexpected challenges, unexpected trouble, and
unexpected difficulties. But know this: The God we
serve has unexpected favor, unexpected healing,
unexpected breakthroughs, and unexpected
turnarounds.
YOUR WEEDS WILL BECOME WHEAT
In Matthew 13:24–30, Jesus tells a story about a man
who planted wheat. He sowed good seed, doing the
right thing, honoring God, being good to others. But
while he slept an enemy came and planted weeds in
his soil. He was expecting to have a great harvest of
wheat. He had sown good seed, but when it came
time for harvest, weeds sprang up among his wheat.
Don’t be surprised if things turn bad on you even as
you do the right things, honor God, and work to be
your best every day. It may not seem fair, but the
enemy is spreading weeds among your wheat, just as
was done to this farmer.
The workers said to the farmer, “Where did these
weeds come from? We saw you. We know you sowed
good seeds.”
The farmer said, “An enemy has come in and sown
these destructive seeds.”
The good news is, those weeds do not have to keep
you from your God-given destiny. Scripture says
when the wheat was ready for harvest, the weeds
sprang up unexpectedly. The message is that when
you are close to victory, when you are on the verge of
your greatest accomplishment and your greatest
breakthrough, when you’re about to go into the
harvest season, that’s when the unexpected
challenges will pop up as the enemy tries to keep you
from moving forward.
The parable of the weeds and the wheat ends with
the workers asking the farmer, “Should we go out
and pull up the weeds?”
“No. Just wait, and at the right time the weeds will be
destroyed,” the farmer said.
That’s what God is saying to us. You don’t have to
spend your life constantly trying to pull the weeds
that pop up. If you do that, you will destroy the
harvest, too.
JUST WAIT AND LET GOD
TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOU
A dog bit a man on his walk one day. He went to the
doctor and discovered the dog had rabies. When he
learned he would have to have a series of painful
antirabies shots, the man went into a rage.
The doctor left him to prepare the shots. When he
came back, he found the man writing out a list. He
thought his patient was writing a will.
“Sir, it’s not that bad,” the doctor said. “You won’t die
from this.”
“This is not my will,” his patient said. “This is a list of
all the people I’m planning to bite.”
I know people like that. They encounter some
turbulence, and they become mad at the world. They
spread poison everywhere they go. Don’t let that be
you. When unexpected challenges appear, your
attitude should be: This, too, shall pass. God will help
me handle this. It’s just another step on the way to
my divine destiny.
Joseph had to have this attitude in the Bible. He was
constantly dealing with unexpected difficulties. He
never expected his own brothers to throw him into a
pit and sell him into slavery. He could have said,
“God, that’s not fair. I thought You put a dream in my
heart.”
Instead, Joseph understood this principle. He knew
God would take care of the weeds, so he just kept
being his best. He never expected Potiphar’s wife to
lie about him and have him thrown into prison. He
never expected the cellmate he had helped to turn
his back on him.
Joseph was hit with one bad break after another. He
could have turned bitter and angry. Instead, he kept
being his best, and he ended up second in command
of a whole nation.
“What was meant for my harm, God used to my
advantage,” he said (see Matthew 50:20).
You may be in one of your ten minutes of turbulence
right now. Your situation may look very difficult, but
I’m here to tell you, “This, too, shall pass.”
God did not bring you this far to fail you now. It may
be rocky. But God is saying, “I still have a way. I am
Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord Your Provider. I’m Jehovah-
Rapha, the Lord Your Healer. I am El Shaddai, the
God Who Is More Than Enough.”
If you’re alive and breathing, you can still
become everything God has created you to be.
If that unexpected crisis you are facing could stop
you, be assured God would have never allowed it to
happen. If that sudden challenge could have kept you
from your destiny, the Most High God would not
have permitted it.
If you’re alive and breathing, you can still become
everything God has created you to be. Don’t allow a
crisis to steal your joy or keep you from pressing
forward.
Remember Romans 8:28: “All things work together
for good to those who love God” (NKJV). The key
word is together. A difficulty on its own may not
make sense, but when it all comes together one day,
it will make sense.
Nothing in life is wasted. God will use even your ten
minutes of turbulence to your advantage. You’ve
heard the saying “Bad things happen to good people.”
That is true. But it’s also true that good people
overcome bad things and come out better off than
they were before. God will turn your test into a
testimony. Your unexpected troubles are a sure sign
that God has something amazing planned in your
future. Remember, our God has unexpected favor,
unexpected breakthroughs, and unexpected
promotion!
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Don’t Have A Critical Spirit
A couple moved into a new neighborhood, and one
morning while they were eating breakfast the wife
looked out the window and saw her neighbor
hanging wash on the line to dry. She noticed the
wash was dingy and dirty. She said to her husband,
“That neighbor lady doesn’t know how to wash. Her
clothes aren’t clean. I wonder if she’s even using any
detergent.”
Day after day went by and she would make the same
comments: “I can’t believe the neighbor doesn’t
know how to wash. I can’t believe they wear those
dingy-looking clothes.”
A few weeks later the woman looked out the window
and the clothes were as clean and bright as could be.
She was so surprised. She called her husband in and
said, “Look, honey, I can’t believe it. She finally
learned how to wash. I wonder what happened.”
The husband smiled and said, “Honey, I got up early
this morning and cleaned our window.”
How dirty the neighbor’s clothes appear depends on
how clean your window is. The Scripture says, “To
the pure, all things are pure” (Titus 1:15 NIV). If you
can’t see anything in a positive light, if you drive up
and down the freeway and see only the potholes, if
you see only the scratch in the floor and never the
amazing house, if you see only what your boss does
wrong and never what he does right, then my advice
is to clean your window.
The problem is not with everyone else; you have an
internal problem. It’s like the man who had an
accident driving to work. He got out and said, “Lady,
why don’t you learn how to drive? You’re the fourth
person who has hit me today.”
At some point look in the mirror and say, “Maybe I’m
the one who needs to change. If I’m always critical,
maybe I’ve developed a habit of seeing the bad
rather than seeing the good. If I’m always skeptical,
maybe I’ve trained myself to be cynical and sarcastic
rather than believing the best. If I’m always finding
fault, maybe my filter is dirty. Maybe I’ve become
judgmental and condemning instead of giving people
the benefit of the doubt.”
This is especially important in relationships. You can
train yourself to see people’s strengths or you can
train yourself to see their weaknesses. You can focus
on the things you like about your spouse and
magnify the good qualities, or you can focus on the
things you don’t like and magnify the less-desirable
characteristics that annoy you.
This is why some relationships are in such trouble.
People have developed a habit of being critical. They
can’t see anything good. I heard about a man who
asked his wife to make him two eggs, one fried and
one scrambled. She made them and put them on a
plate. When he saw the meal, he shook his head.
“What did I do wrong now?” she asked. “That’s
exactly what you asked for.”
“I knew this would happen,” he said. “You fried the
wrong egg.”
Some people have become so critical-minded that no
matter what is done for them, it’s not right. They
never see the good their spouses are doing. They’ve
forgotten the reasons they fell in love. It’s because
they’re magnifying the wrong things.
If you struggle in this area, make a list of the
qualities you like about your spouse. Write down the
good things your spouse does. He may not be a great
communicator, but he’s a hard worker. Write it
down. She may have some weaknesses, but she’s a
great mother. She’s smart. She’s fun. Put that on your
list and go over it every day.
Start focusing on those good qualities. Your entire
outlook is poisoned when you operate out of a
critical spirit. You won’t communicate properly. You
won’t want to do things together. It will affect you in
every area. You have to make a shift. Start
appreciating that person’s strengths and learn to
downplay the weaknesses.
Everyone has faults and habits that can get on your
nerves. The key is to recognize what you are
magnifying. You are magnifying the wrong thing
when you let the critical spirit take over. That’s when
you’ll start complaining that the wrong egg was fried.
There are relationships today where two good people
are married. They have great potential, but a critical
spirit is driving them apart. When you are critical
you start nagging: “You never take out the trash. You
never talk to me. You’re always late.”
People respond to praise more than
they respond to criticism.
People respond to praise more than they respond to
criticism. The next time you want your husband to
mow the lawn, instead of nagging, “Why don’t you
ever mow the lawn, you lazy thing?” say instead,
“Did I ever tell you that when you mow the lawn you
look really good out there, and when your muscles
bulge out of your shirt and that sweat drips down
your face you look so handsome and so attractive?”
You praise him like that, and he’ll mow the lawn
every day! People respond to praise.
A CRITICAL SPIRIT TAINTS EVERYTHING
Here’s what I’ve learned: A critical spirit follows you
everywhere you go. You can’t get away from it. You
can leave one job bitter, angry, and upset, saying,
“They didn’t treat me right.” But if you don’t deal
with the root of the issue, you’ll have the same
problem at the next job. Because your window is
tainted, you’ll think everybody is against you and
they can’t do anything right and your boss doesn’t
know what he’s doing.
I grew up with a woman who has been critical as
long as I’ve known her. Even as a teenager she
complained about things at school that I didn’t even
think about. I never knew I had it so bad until she
told me. I heard just the other day (and this is thirty
years since high school) that she just left another job
upset, saying the people didn’t treat her right. The
sad thing is, she will go through the rest of her life
bitter and frustrated if she doesn’t clean that
window.
She’s looking through a filter that’s been clouded by
years and years of criticism and judgment. Parents,
it’s important that we deal with these issues
ourselves and break any critical, faultfinding spirit
so we don’t pass it down to our children. That’s what
happened with this young lady. I remember going
over to her house when we were kids. Her parents
were the same way. They were always critical about
something; critical of the city, critical of their
neighbors. The father was critical of his employer.
The mother was always complaining about the place
where she worked.
A critical spirit taints everything. What’s the
solution? Number one, recognize when your window
is dirty. Number two, just as you’ve developed a
habit of seeing the worst, retrain yourself to see the
good. Don’t go to work focused on all the things you
don’t like about your employer. Focus on the fact that
you have a job. Be grateful that you’re not
unemployed.
Don’t drive up and down the freeway and see only
the potholes and construction and traffic. Train
yourself to see the things that are good. Be grateful
that you have a freeway to drive on. Be grateful that
you live in a place where there’s law and order and
you don’t have to fear for your safety. Look out at the
beautiful trees, look up at the sky. Breathe in the
goodness of God.
GIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
When the temptation comes to be critical, catch
yourself. You have to deal with negative thoughts one
at a time. If you see something or someone you don’t
understand or you don’t agree with, don’t be quick to
judge. Don’t allow that critical spirit to come out.
Switch over and say, “You know, I may not
understand them, and I may not agree, but I will not
be a faultfinder. I’m giving this person the benefit of
the doubt.”
A few months ago I met a young man with his
girlfriend after a service. They had more piercings
and tattoos than any two people I’ve ever seen. The
man had tattoos up and down his arms, all over his
neck, and even on his face. The young lady must
have had a hundred piercings.
They definitely did not look like our usual visitors.
When you see people whose appearance is out of the
ordinary, that critical spirit tries to rise up and make
you think, Why do they look like that? They must
have some real issues.
But instead of seeing them through my critical eyes, I
looked at them through God’s eyes. When I did that I
had a different perspective. I was glad they felt
comfortable coming to our church. I was glad they
took time to honor God.
When I talked to them, I realized they weren’t
anything like I’d expected. They were the kindest,
most respectful people you could ever meet. On the
outside you could find a thousand reasons to be
judgmental or critical. A religious attitude wants to
point out all the faults and ask: Who do they think
they are, and what’s their problem?
But what better place for them to be than in church?
Come to find out, this young man was the leader of a
very successful heavy-metal band. They’d had a big
concert at the arena the night before. He looked to be
about thirty years old. He said, “I’ve never been to
church in my life. This is my first time to ever set foot
in a place of worship.”
He gave me one of his CDs and told me to listen to
track seven.
“That’s a song I wrote from listening to you,” he said.
Don’t judge people by their outside appearance.
When you’re tempted to be critical and find fault,
remember that the enemy is called “the accuser of
our brethren” (Revelation 12:10 NKJV). Recognize the
source of your criticism. That’s who’s giving you the
desire. I don’t know about you, but I’m not getting on
the side of the accuser; I’m staying on God’s side. I’m
believing the best.
There may be a thousand things wrong, but I will
search until I find the one thing that’s right. I’ve been
forgiven much, so I try to love even more. If I err, I’m
not erring on the side of judgment; I’m erring on the
side of mercy.
I’ve learned that somebody may look rough on the
outside, but you can’t judge a book by its cover. Give
people the benefit of the doubt. After all, if it were
not for the mercy of God, how do you know you
wouldn’t be just like that person?
If I hadn’t been brought up in church by good
parents, who knows where I would be? I’m not
judging. I’m not finding fault. I’m keeping the
Windex handy. I’m keeping my window clean.
But people today are quick to criticize, quick to
condemn, quick to judge. If somebody is not just like
them, if they’re a little different, some don’t
understand. Instead of giving a person the benefit of
the doubt, instead of believing the best, they look
him or her up and down and pick out all the faults
they can find.
I would never dress like that. I don’t know why they
drive that kind of car. If I were them, I wouldn’t take
a vacation in this economy. If I were them, I wouldn’t
send my kids to that school. If I were her, I wouldn’t
wear that much jewelry.
A visitor told me last week that his pastor had taken
six weeks off to go on an around-the-world cruise. He
just couldn’t understand that. He was complaining
and going on and on, telling me how that just wasn’t
right. The whole time he complained I was thinking
the reason his pastor went on the cruise was to get
away from people like him.
How someone spends money, what they drive, how
they raise their children, where they go on vacation,
what neighborhood they live in—that is all none of
my business.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
I don’t know about you, but I have a hard enough
time trying to run my own life without trying to run
somebody else’s. One of the best ways I can keep my
windows clean is to mind my own business. If a
neighbor takes four vacations a year, it’s none of my
business. If a friend wears a ring on every finger and
two on every toe, it’s none of my business. If a
Lakewood member drives around in a limousine or
comes to church in a boat, it’s none of my business.
Nosey people are critical people.
Don’t be nosey. Nosey people are critical people.
They want to know all the details and all the latest
scoops, not so they can pray about it, not so they can
help the person, but because they know there might
be something in there that’s juicy. It will feed their
judgmental nature.
They’ll go to work and say, “Did you hear what I
heard? Did you hear what they said? Did you hear
the latest?”
Your answer should be, “No, and I don’t want to hear.
I don’t want to be poisoned. My ears are not trash
cans to fill with garbage.”
Don’t sit there and be passive; a gossip wants to tell
you something bad about another person. “I couldn’t
help it. They wanted to tell me,” the gossip says.
Before they tell you anything bad, just say, “You
know what? I just remembered I have an important
appointment to go to.”
If you can’t leave, just be bold enough to say, “You
know, instead of talking about this person, let’s pray
for him.”
BE ON THE OFFENSIVE
Don’t let people poison you. If your friends are
critics, faultfinders, and busybodies, find some new
friends. That critical spirit can poison you. Don’t go
to lunch with co-workers who sit around and
criticize the boss and talk about the company and
gossip and complain.
“But I’m lonely,” you might say.
Yes, but I would rather you be lonely than poisoned. I
would rather you be lonely than allow people who
are not going anywhere to keep you from your
destiny.
“Well, if I don’t go to lunch with them, they might
start talking about me.”
Let me tell you a secret: Most likely they’re already
talking about you. If they’ll talk about other people
when they’re not there, they’ll talk about you when
you’re not there.
I have a friend who worked for a well-known
ministry years ago. He was very young when he
started there. They were on the road in another city
holding a conference. One night after the meeting,
the two main staff members for this large ministry
invited the young man to stop by their hotel room
and have some snacks. He went and was just hanging
out, watching a ball game, and these two men began
to talk about their boss, a well-known minister.
They were so critical and so negative toward the
minister, the young man was shocked. He was right
out of college. These men had been with the minister
more than twenty years. When they started talking
poorly of the minister, the young man felt something
deep down inside saying, Get out of here. This is not
right.
He very politely excused himself. He never said a
word about it, but the next week the minister called
those two staff members in and said, “I was praying
today, and I feel in my spirit that you are not on
board with me and so it’s time for you to leave.”
Today this young man is an extremely successful
minister. He preaches all over the world. He said, “I
know if I had not left that night, if I had allowed
them to poison me and become critical and
judgmental, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”
Those two men were just as gifted. They had all kinds
of potential, but they just floundered around.
Because of their critical spirits, they never walked in
the fullness of what God had in store for them.
When people are stirring up trouble around you and
talking negatively about their leaders, their family
members, or their friends, don’t sit there and be part
of it. Their critical spirits can keep you from your
destiny.
God will not promote a critical spirit, a backbiter, a
gossip, or someone sowing discord. If you have a
problem with someone, talk to the person face-to-
face, not behind his or her back. You may not agree
with everything. You may have things you don’t
understand, but don’t be a gossip.
BAD WORDS CAN BOOMERANG
Matthew 7:1 tells us to not pick on people, jump on
their failures, and criticize their faults, unless, of
course, we want the same treatment. A critical spirit
has a way of boomeranging back to us.
Moses’ sister, Miriam, criticized him because she
didn’t like the woman he married (see Numbers 12).
The bride wasn’t from the same nationality, so
Miriam criticized and stirred up trouble and gossip.
All the while, Moses was just as happy as could be. It
didn’t bother him. He rose above it. But his sister the
critic came down with leprosy. Her skin was totally
covered with disease.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not talking badly
about people. I may not understand someone. I may
not agree. I may not choose to associate with that
person, but I’m not bad-mouthing anyone, trying to
ruin anyone’s reputation or make anyone look bad. I
need God’s protection. I want to stay under His
covering.
Make a decision with me that you won’t have a
critical spirit. Train yourself to see the best. There is
good in every situation if you’ll look for it. Start with
your relationships. Make a list of the qualities you
like in your spouse and in your children. Start
focusing on the good. Magnify the good. Give people
the benefit of the doubt. Don’t be a faultfinder. Being
critical can keep you from your destiny.
I believe your windows are getting cleaner. You are
wiping away judgment, no longer criticizing or
finding fault. Habits like that may have held you
back for years, but today is a new day. I declare a
critical filter will no longer cloud your vision.
You are viewing the world with clean windows,
believing the best, seeing the good, minding your
own business. If you do that, God will fight your
battles for you. He will defeat your enemies, make
wrongs right, and you will live the life of victory He
has in store for you.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Seeing Through Eyes Of Love
Too often we judge people without knowing their
stories. We haven’t walked in their shoes. We don’t
know the struggles they’ve been through. We don’t
know how they were raised. We don’t know the
challenges they face. All we know is, “He sure is
unfriendly.” Or, “She wears strange clothing.” Or, “He
has some hang-ups.”
The truth is, people are the way they are for a
reason. If we took time to know their stories, we
would be much more forgiving. If we understood the
battles they’ve fought, the pain they’ve endured, the
people who’ve done them wrong, we would give
them a lot more mercy.
We shouldn’t be critical because they went through a
divorce or they have an addiction or they were
unfriendly and didn’t speak. You and I don’t know
what’s going on behind the scenes. We don’t know
the stress someone else is under.
Instead of being critical and writing others
off, take time to get to know them.
For too long, we’ve seen people through eyes of
judgment. My challenge is to start seeing people
through eyes of love. Instead of being critical and
writing others off, take time to get to know them.
Find out what they are all about.
I remember in high school a young man moved to
our city and joined the basketball team. He was a
very good athlete, but he was extremely quiet. He
had a different personality. We all thought he was
odd. He never laughed with us. He just stayed over in
the corner and did his own thing, never really
joining in.
One day it was just him and me in the locker room. I
had never really spoken to him before. Just to be
friendly I said, “Hey! Where did you come from?
Where did you grow up?”
I’ll never forget how sincere he was. He opened up
and told me how he had come from a very
dysfunctional home. He had been passed from family
to family, six different foster homes in three years.
He had all this hurt, pain, and insecurity. Once I
understood where he was coming from, I saw him in
a whole new light. After that, my friends and I made
sure to include him in activities. We went the extra
mile to make him feel loved, accepted, welcomed,
and part of our team. Over the years, I watched him
come out of his shell, become more confident and
more secure. By the time we graduated, he was just
like the rest of us, as happy and friendly as could be.
When you understand people’s stories, it’s very easy
to understand their outward demeanor. When I
found out why my new teammate was the way he
was, it changed my perspective. I realized how easy it
was for me to be secure and happy. I was raised in a
good environment. It was easy for me to be confident
and expect good things. I’d been surrounded by
loving people all my life. But if I hadn’t had that
loving family, I don’t know how I would have
responded.
Too often we judge people based on our own
backgrounds and on the experiences we’ve been
through. If we are strong in an area where somebody
is weak it’s easy to think, I would never do that. I
would never be as unfriendly as that young man. I
would never have been divorced. I would never have
married that person in the first place.
You don’t know what you would have done in their
situation. You haven’t walked in their shoes. You
weren’t raised in their environment. You haven’t
been through the experiences they’ve been through.
BELIEVE THE BEST
All of us have strengths, and we all have weaknesses.
We are strong in certain areas not because we’re
great and we just decided to be strong, but because of
the grace of God in our lives. I am secure and
confident because God blessed me with great
parents. I cannot judge the actions of someone who
was not blessed in that way. If my situation and the
new teammate’s situation had been reversed, I don’t
know if I could have handled the situation even as
well as he did.
Instead of being holier than thou and judging people,
our attitudes should be But for the grace of God, that
could be me. If not for God’s goodness, I could be
struggling with an addiction. I could be insecure,
angry, and dealing with all kinds of issues. I’m not
judging. I’m showing mercy. I won’t be critical. I’ll be
understanding. After all, we don’t know what people
are going through. We should give people room.
A good friend told me that his boss jumped down his
throat for no reason. He said he hadn’t done
anything wrong and his boss just let him have it in
front of the whole sales staff, embarrassing him. He
was understandably upset about it.
I told him what I’m telling you: Just give the boss the
benefit of the doubt. Something else is going on. He
found out two weeks later that his boss was going
through a divorce. It gave him a whole new
perspective. Now he understands why he was so
uptight, why he was on edge. Instead of taking his
boss’s criticism personally, he is making allowances.
He is showing him mercy. He is doing what he can to
help lighten the load.
GIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
Most of the time if someone is not up to par, there is
a very good reason. We don’t know what’s going on
behind closed doors. We don’t know the heartache or
the pain the person may be pushing down. Maybe
they are doing the best they can to just keep it
together. The last thing they need is for someone to
dump another load on them. God puts people like
that in our lives not to be judged, condemned, or
criticized. God puts them there so we can help love
them back into wholeness.
Where are the healers? Where are the sensitive
people who recognize when someone is hurting?
Who will step up and say, “I can tell you’re stressed
out. I can tell you’re not feeling up to par. Is there
anything I can do to help? Can I pray for you? Can I
buy you dinner? Can I come over and encourage
you?”
Let’s stop judging people and start healing people.
I was in a long grocery store checkout line of about
nine people, and the young woman running the cash
register seemed to be stressed out. She was very
short with people and some of them were short with
her in return. She made no bones that she did not
want to be working.
The mood was tense and only worsened when she
had a problem with her register. She had to call the
manager, causing further delays. Then she needed a
price check on someone’s groceries. It was taking so
long my bananas were no longer green!
Customers in line were grumbling about her bad
attitude, which seemed to only make her more rude.
The checkout clerk was wrong. She should not have
been rude to the customers, but her actions were so
out of line I knew something else was bothering her.
I’d been put off at first by her rudeness, but there
was obviously a deeper problem than work stress. I
decided to be part of the solution rather than part of
the problem.
When my turn finally came to check out, I smiled
and encouraged her.
“Hey, I can tell you’re stressed out about something
and people are aggravating you, but I’m here to tell
you that whatever the problem is, it will work out.
Everything will be all right. God has you in the palm
of His hand. He knows what you are going through.
He has the solution.”
Big tears streamed down her cheeks. At first she
struggled to say anything, biting her lip, but then the
words poured out.
“My baby is in St. Joseph’s, the hospital, and I’ve been
so worried,” she said. “Then yesterday, my husband
was laid off. I don’t know how we’ll make it.”
I’ve been known to offer a prayer in all sorts of
situations, but this was my first time in the grocery
checkout line.
“Let me pray for you,” I said to her.
Right there in Express Lane #2, we prayed. When we
finished, the lady in line behind me walked around
and gave the checkout clerk a big hug.
A man back in the line said, “My good friend is the
head nurse at that hospital. I will call her and ask her
to go check on your baby.”
The whole atmosphere changed because once we
heard her story, we understood. Instead of looking at
her with a critical view, we looked at her with the
eyes of love. Instead of responding to her rudeness,
we responded to her sadness and concern. We
understood and we empathized after realizing why
she was so uptight.
Before I left she said, “You’ll never know what this
has meant to me.”
A FEW KIND WORDS WORK WONDERS
It’s amazing what a few kind words can do.
Proverbs 15:4 says a gentle tongue brings healing. It’s
amazing what a few kind words can do. It’s amazing
the impact you can have when you tell somebody,
“Hey, everything will be all right. I’m praying for
you. I believe in you. You’ve got good days up ahead.”
Those words have healing power. But when
somebody is rude to you, it’s easy to respond the
same way. Instead of judging that person, if you first
step into his or her shoes, it will help you put on the
right set of eyes: eyes of love and not of judgment.
This doesn’t mean you are excusing the person’s
behavior. What they are doing may be wrong. It may
be their fault. They may have brought the trouble on
themselves. But I’ve learned I’m not the judge. God is
the Judge. I’m not here to straighten everybody out.
I’m here to help bring healing.
Our job is to pour the healing oil on the wounds. Our
job is to lift the fallen, to be a friend to the lonely, to
encourage the discouraged. When you take this
merciful approach, instead of giving them what they
deserve, you start the healing process. You say, “I
understand. They’re not having a good day. I
understand they’re under a lot of stress. I
understand life is not treating them fairly.”
There was an older farmer who had puppies for sale
so he put a sign on his fence. A boy about eight years
old from across the road came over and said he
wanted to buy a puppy. He then pulled out a
pocketful of change and said, “I’ve got thirty-nine
cents; is that enough?”
The farmer laughed. “I don’t know,” he said. “Let me
count it.”
He counted coin by coin. “That’s exactly the right
amount,” he told the boy.
He called to his farmhand and told him to let out the
puppies. Four of the cutest little fur balls you could
imagine came scurrying toward the little boy. He
reached down and played with them, trying to figure
out which one he wanted to buy.
Then he looked up and saw that a smaller pup was
just coming down the ramp from the puppy cage in
the barn. There was something wrong with this
puppy’s back legs. It tried to run, but the best it could
do was hobble along.
The little boy was immediately drawn to it. Without
hesitation he said to the farmer, “That’s the puppy I
want.”
The farmer was puzzled. He said, “No, son. You don’t
want this puppy. It will never be able to run and play
like the rest of the litter. There is something wrong
with its back legs.”
The little boy reached down and rolled up the legs of
his jeans to reveal steel braces on his legs. For the
first time, the farmer noticed he wore specially made
shoes.
He said to the farmer, “You see, I don’t run well
either. This puppy needs someone who understands
it.”
TAKE TIME TO KNOW THEIR STORIES
This world is full of people who need to be
understood. We don’t know what others are going
through. We don’t know the hurt or the pain they
have endured. They may be different and have hang-
ups and do things we wouldn’t do, but that’s okay.
Give them a little room.
If you took time to know their stories, you wouldn’t
be critical. If you would first attempt to walk in their
shoes, you would find out why they are the way they
are.
The puppy story reminds me of the dancing man
who attended my father’s church when I was
growing up. This member of the congregation was in
his thirties, and he was always dancing during the
service. As soon as the music began, he’d be up on
his feet, hands in the air, dancing without inhibition.
I was ten years old or so and I’d sit with my friends
making fun of the dancing man. We just thought he
was so odd. We would even look for him before the
service so we’d know where to get a good view of
him dancing. We’d do a play-by-play when the music
started. “There go his hands! There go his legs!”
We just couldn’t understand why he was always so
excited, why he was dancing. My father, being the
man he was, called the dancing man up on the
platform one Sunday and asked him to tell his story.
You can believe our young ears were tuned in.
Finally, we were to find out what made him so
strange, why he danced all the time in church. Our
attitudes, and our perspectives, changed as he spoke.
He explained that he’d never known his father and
that his mother committed suicide at an early age.
He’d grown up angry and bitter, with no direction
and no purpose.
He’d always felt lost and alone until he’d found
Lakewood Church, he said. In our church, he’d felt a
sense of belonging for the first time. He felt loved
and supported. That encouragement helped him turn
his life around. He found a good job and married a
woman who loved him. My father’s church gave him
the foundation that his life had lacked, something he
could build upon and draw strength from.
“When I think about all God has done for me, I just
can’t be still. My arms go up in the air,” he said.
“When the music starts, my legs just go to dancing.
I’m so happy I’ve just got to give God praise.”
When my friends and I heard his story we felt about
two inches tall. We never made fun of him again. We
learned that when you imagine walking in
somebody’s shoes, when you hear their entire story,
you gain a new and deeper perspective.
HELP THE HURTING
Could it be the person you’ve been judgmental
toward has a good reason for the way he is? Maybe
he has an addiction. You’re tempted to write him off,
to be critical, but have you imagined walking in his
shoes? Do you know how he was raised? Do you
know what battles he has fought?
Most of the time we don’t know all the facts about
the people we judge and criticize. Even if they are in
the wrong, God did not put us here to condemn
them. They need our mercy, our forgiveness, and our
understanding to get back on the right track. Being
hard and critical doesn’t bring healing. We aren’t
lifting people up. We just push them further down.
In dealing with thousands of people over the years,
one thing I can tell you is that 99.9 percent are not
bad people. They may make poor choices, but deep
down they have good hearts. Most want to do what’s
right. If you will just see them through eyes of love,
you could be one of those to help them come up
higher and still fulfill their God-given destinies.
The longer I live, the less judgmental I become. I had
a man tell me after the service awhile back, “Joel,
that was a hell of a sermon today.”
Do you know that didn’t offend me? I thought the
sermon was good, too! His choice of words just told
me he wasn’t raised the way I was. The way I grew
up, if you said “hell,” that meant you were going
there. But I found out that his parents owned bars.
So when I grew up as a little boy hanging out in the
church, he was hanging out in the bars.
I’m not holier than thou. I know if it were not for the
grace of God, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
GIVE PEOPLE ROOM TO GROW
Our churches should not be museums to
display perfect people. They should be
hospitals to help the hurting and the lonely.
If a girl with a bad reputation walks into my church,
my feeling is that I would rather her come to
Lakewood than be out on the street or in a club
somewhere. Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who
need a doctor, but the sick” (Luke 5:31 NIV). Our
churches should not be museums to display perfect
people. They should be hospitals to help the hurting
and the lonely.
Before you judge that young lady or anyone else, let
me ask, “Have you walked in her shoes? Do you
know her story? Did she have good parents who gave
her wisdom and guidance? Did they make her feel
valuable and loved, or was she taken advantage of?
Have you tried to see life from her perspective?”
Give people a little room while they’re in the process
of changing. Maybe the girl who walks into my
church is trying to turn her life around. Maybe God
put that co-worker next to you not so you could judge
him, but so you could help love him back into
wholeness.
Your attitude should be, God, how can I help this
person come up higher? What can I do to inspire
them to become better? How can I make them feel
more loved, more accepted, more valuable, more
secure?
The closest thing to the heart of God is helping
hurting people. The amount of love, mercy,
understanding, and compassion you give to others
will be given back to you by God.
Romans 15:1 says, “We who are strong ought to bear
with the failings of the weak” (NIV). You will have to
put up with flaws and overlook faults. You have to
make allowances for the weaknesses of others.
Bottom line is this: Be generous with your mercy.
Show acceptance to everyone, not just those who are
like you.
Bill was a college student known for his wild hair
and sloppy dress. Every day he wore the same T-shirt
with holes, blue jeans, and sandals. He didn’t care to
dress well, but he was a very sharp young man, a
straight-A student. He was just a little different.
One day he went to a campus ministry event. His
heart was touched, and Bill gave his life to Christ. The
campus ministry encouraged him to get into a good
church. There just happened to be one across the
street from the university campus. This was a small
and very formal church, very conservative, and
members of the congregation dressed up for
services.
You can imagine what they thought when Bill walked
in late for a service the first time. The little church
was packed and he couldn’t find a seat. He walked
down the center aisle toward the platform. He was
wearing his usual tattered old T-shirt, blue jeans, and
sandals. He went row by row and couldn’t find a
seat.
Finally Bill reached the front row, and found there
still was no place to sit, so he plopped down right on
the floor in the center of the altar area. He wasn’t
trying to be disrespectful. He just didn’t know any
better. He was acting as if the church were a college
classroom with no seats.
About that time the head deacon came up from the
back of the church and walked down toward Bill.
This deacon was in his eighties, a very distinguished
gentleman, silver hair, glasses, wearing a very
expensive suit. He walked slowly down the aisle with
his cane. There was such a commotion that the
minister had to stop his sermon and wait for the
head deacon to reach the front.
Everyone was thinking that he was planning to ask
the strange young man to find another seat or leave
the church. The expectation was that the disciplined
eighty-year-old man would have little understanding
of the ways of an undisciplined young college
student.
Imagine their surprise when the head deacon
stopped next to wild Bill, laid his cane down beside
him, and with great difficulty lowered himself to the
floor and sat next to him so he wouldn’t have to sit
there all alone.
At the sight of the two of them sitting side by side on
the altar, the whole church erupted in applause. The
minister said, “The sermon you hear me speak today
is one you’ll remember maybe for a week or two, but
the sermon you just saw will be remembered for the
rest of your lives!”
When you see people through eyes of love, eyes of
compassion, and eyes of understanding, you won’t be
nearly as critical. Instead of being quick to judge, you
will be quick to give people the benefit of the doubt.
That deacon realized, Bill wasn’t raised like me. He
doesn’t come from my same background. He didn’t
come out of my same value system. Once he
imagined stepping into Bill’s shoes, he understood
where he was coming from.
BE THE ONE TO LIGHTEN THE LOAD
Teddy was a fifth grader struggling in school. He
wouldn’t participate. He was moody and hard to deal
with. His teacher, Ms. Thompson, always said that
she loved all of her students, but later she would
admit that she hadn’t cared for Teddy at first. She
couldn’t understand why he was so unmotivated and
unwilling to learn.
At Christmas the students brought Ms. Thompson
presents that she would open in front of the class.
Most were wrapped in fancy holiday paper with
sparkling bows, but Teddy’s present was wrapped in
brown paper from a grocery bag. When she opened
it up, out fell a very plain-looking bracelet that had
half the rhinestones missing, plus a bottle of cheap
perfume, half of which was gone.
Some of the students giggled at Teddy’s present, but
Ms. Thompson hushed them and acted pleased,
dabbing on some of the perfume and placing the
bracelet around her wrist. She then held it up and
said, “Oh, it’s so beautiful.”
After class Teddy came up to the teacher and said
very quietly, “Ms. Thompson, that bracelet looks as
beautiful on you as it did on my mother. And with
that perfume you smell just like she did.”
After Teddy left, Ms. Thompson rushed to the files to
find out more about his family. She found the
paperwork. It read: “First grade: Teddy shows
promise but has very poor home situation. Second
grade: Teddy could do better but mother is seriously
ill. Third grade: Teddy is a good boy but distracted.
Mother died this year. Fourth grade: Teddy is a slow
learner. Father shows no sign of interest in him.”
After reading the reports, Ms. Thompson wiped away
the tears and said, “God, please forgive me.”
The next morning when the students went to class
they had a new teacher. You see, Ms. Thompson had
become a new person. She exchanged her critical
eyes for the eyes of love. She’d come to understand
why Teddy was so distracted and unmotivated.
She made the boy her personal project, showing him
love and encouragement, tutoring and mentoring
him. The empathy and acceptance of Ms. Thompson
changed the course of Teddy’s life. Years after he’d
moved on to high school, the teacher received a letter
from her former student Teddy.
“Ms. Thompson, thank you for all you did for me in
grade school. I’m about to graduate from high school
second in my class.”
Four years later, another letter: “Ms. Thompson,
thanks again for all of your encouragement years
ago. I’m about to graduate from college first in my
class.”
Then came one final letter: “Ms. Thompson, thank
you. I am now Dr. Teddy. I just graduated from
medical school. Also, I’m about to be married and I
wanted to see if you would come to the wedding. I’d
like to seat you where my mother would have been if
she were still alive.”
What a difference it makes in your happiness and
the joy of others when you take time to hear the
stories of others. It’s easy to be critical. It’s easy to
write people off. But I’m convinced, like Ms.
Thompson, if you will make an effort to find out
what they’re all about, it will be a lot easier to show
mercy.
Make sure you see people through eyes
of love, not eyes of judgment.
Make sure you see people through eyes of love, not
eyes of judgment. Don’t be critical, and don’t write
people off. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Go the
extra mile. Consider that they might be going
through incredible difficulties and they are doing the
best they can. Be a person who helps lighten the
load.
All it takes for some is just one person stepping up or
lending a hand. You can be the Ms. Thompson in
someone’s life. You can be the difference-maker.
Take an interest in that co-worker who is so
discouraged. Find out what’s going on with that
relative who has lost his passion.
You can be the catalyst for change. If you see people
through eyes of love and do not judge them, you will
live as a healer, lifting the fallen, restoring the
broken. Let me assure you, when you help others
come up higher, God will make sure you come up
higher. He will pour out His blessings and His favor.
PART 5
LAUGH OFTEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
The Healing Power Of Laughter
When my father was seventy-five years old, he still
laughed and kidded just like he did when he was
twenty. He was a responsible and serious man, but
he knew how to have fun. One time we were in
Mexico, walking down the main street of a little
town, when an American couple approached my
father.
They asked him, “Do you know where the post office
is?”
My dad looked at them real strange and said, “No
comprende. No comprende. Español, amigo.”
They thought, Oh, no. He only speaks Spanish, too.
So they said it real dramatically: “Post office.”
Daddy shook his head. “No comprende.”
Frustrated, the tourist said it even more
dramatically: “Post office. Mail a letter.”
Daddy brightened up and said, “Post offeece?”
They got real excited. “Yes! Yes! Post offeece!”
Then Daddy said, “If you’re looking for the post
office, it’s right around the corner.”
That man said, “Boy, I ought to whoop you.”
We all had a good laugh at that.
My father believed that the world would be a
healthier place if we stressed less and laughed more.
He never lost that youthful spirit.
He knew that when people are uptight and on edge,
headaches, digestive problems, and lack of energy
are just some of the results. They don’t sleep well.
Much of this would go away if they would just learn
how to properly deal with stress.
One of the greatest stress relievers God has given us
is laughter. It’s like medicine. Laughing makes us feel
better and releases healing throughout our systems.
When we laugh, the pressures of life fade and we feel
restored and rejuvenated.
When was the last time you had a good hearty laugh?
If it’s been awhile, maybe your laugher is rusted and
needs to be overhauled! You don’t know how much
better you would feel and the energy you’d pick up if
you’d just lighten up and learn to laugh more often—
not once a month, not once a week, but every single
day.
Many people are too stressed to have fun. They need
to restore balance. All work and no play is not
healthy. Developing a sense of humor and looking for
opportunities to laugh can make a big difference in
the quality of your life. You may not be a jovial
person by nature. God made us all unique. But I
recommend training yourself to laugh as often as
possible.
HOSPITAL HUMOR IS NO JOKE
Medical science is catching on to the benefits of
laughter as therapy for patients and to improve
patient-caregiver relationships. There is even a
“humor-in-hospitals movement” that includes using
“clown care units” to entertain patients and improve
their moods. Some hospitals now have “humor carts”
that are wheeled into patients’ rooms with funny-
movie DVDs, cartoon books, games, and funny props
to provide comic relief from stress and pain.
St. Joseph’s Medical Center in Houston, where I live,
had one of the first “humor rooms” in the country.
These are special rooms set aside where patients and
their families can laugh and have fun without
disturbing others. The St. Joseph’s staff found that
visits to the humor room led to many patients leaving
the hospital sooner because it helped relieve pain
and other symptoms.
Another hospital had a humor program in its
pediatrics ward. When there was a shortage of beds,
a depressed seventy-year-old man with cancer was
put in the pediatric ward temporarily. He felt so
much better after staying there he asked to be with
the kids the next time he was admitted.
I heard about another hospital that takes some of its
long-term patients to a park several hours a week so
they can watch children playing. The original
purpose was to get them out of the hospital and into
a more relaxing environment. But doctors
discovered that watching the children play and
hearing them laugh stimulated the body’s natural
healing process.
Just watching and listening to children at play helped
change the patients’ outlooks and they recovered
more quickly. If just watching children laugh and
play helps bring healing and joy and a better
attitude, imagine what laughing and playing yourself
can do for you.
LAUGH LIKE A CHILD
Know how to work, but also know how to play.
I read that the average child laughs more than two
hundred times a day, but the average adult laughs
fourteen to seventeen times daily. The pressures of
life, stress, and more responsibilities steal our joy
little by little as we grow older. Just because we are
no longer children doesn’t mean we’re supposed to
be solemn and never have any fun. Most adults are
borderline grumpy a good part of the time. But every
healthy adult should hold on to that child inside.
Know how to work, but also know how to play.
A study said that one of the traits shared by those
who live into their nineties is that they take joy in
everyday life. Laughter is their best medicine. A
friend of mine had a good-humored grandmother
who lived to be 103 years old. When she went into
the hospital at the age of one hundred, my friend
called and asked her what was wrong.
“Well, so far they’ve ruled out pregnancy,” she said.
I met someone just like her in our church visitors’
line a few years ago. She was a very healthy and
sharp ninety-six-year-old lady. Her skin was
beautiful. Her eyes were bright. But what struck me
most was how happy she was.
It appeared she’d never met a stranger. Everyone
around her was her best friend. She was hugging all
the people in the line. She was wearing a bright,
colorful dress and was a breath of fresh air. After we
talked, I hugged her. As I was leaving, I just said in
passing, “I believe when I’m ninety-six years old I
hope to look just like you.”
She leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Just don’t
wear the dress.”
I thought, No wonder she’s so healthy. She still has a
sense of humor. She still knows how to laugh.
Her good humor was like a healing light flowing
through her body. I want to follow her example as I
grow older. I’ve made up my mind that I’ll never be a
grumpy old man. I will not let myself grow more and
more sour the older I become. I’m staying full of joy.
When it’s my time to go, I’m leaving with a smile on
my face, a laugh in my heart, and a joke in my
pocket.
LAUGHTER KEEPS YOU YOUNG
Every time you laugh, you reduce the stress hormone
and increase production of the human growth
hormone, also known as the “youth hormone,” by as
much as 87 percent, according to some sources.
That’s the hormone that slows down the aging
process and keeps you looking younger and fresher. I
laugh all the time, and I don’t look seventy-seven
years old, do I?
I heard a story about Joey Grimaldi, a comedian in
the early 1800s who kept people laughing during his
forty-year career. Joey was known to turn angry
mobs into applauding audiences, but he wasn’t such
a happy man himself. He was a workaholic. He felt
pressured to always be funnier and funnier. He was
a perfectionist, never satisfied with his routines or
his success.
Later in his life he became ill, but he kept
performing. He went to a doctor he’d never seen
before. Joey had aged because of overwork and self-
imposed stress. This doctor didn’t recognize Joey as
the famed comedian. After examining him, the
physician told his new patient that there was no
medical reason for his illness, other than stress from
overwork and possible depression.
“I don’t know what you do for a living, but I suggest
you just take some time off from work and relax. Go
see that great comedian Joey Grimaldi who’s in town
this week. I hear he’s hilarious and laughter will do
you some good.”
Joey looked at the doctor and sadly replied, “But
Doctor, I am Joey Grimaldi.” A few weeks later, in
March 1823, Joey collapsed and died from
exhaustion. Sadly, he could make others laugh, but
he never took the time to laugh himself. Don’t let that
be you.
I’m sure you’ve known stressed-out people like Joey
Grimaldi who seem to age rapidly because of their
challenges. When we’re stressed and serious and
grumpy, the chemicals that God designed to keep us
young, to relieve stress, to reduce blood pressure, to
make our immune systems stronger, sit unused. God
has given us everything we need to live healthy and
whole, but it’s up to us to tap into those things
through laughter and seeing the humor in life.
PLAYFULNESS IS AS
IMPORTANT AS SLEEP
Dr. Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist, is the founder of the
National Institute of Play. He became interested in
the effects of laughter and play in our lives when the
governor of Texas asked him to investigate the tower
shootings on the University of Texas campus in 1966.
As he studied the life of the troubled young man who
had killed sixteen people and wounded thirty-two
others, one thing that stuck out was that this young
man had never played normally as a child.
He grew up in such a dysfunctional, high-stress
family that his “play life” was very limited as a child.
This so interested Dr. Brown that he went on to
interview other death-row inmates. He discovered
that a high percentage of them also had not played
normally or freely as children. Dr. Brown concludes
today that the opposite of play isn’t work. It’s
depression. He believes we need play as much as we
need sleep if we want to be physically and
emotionally healthy.
Proverbs 17:22 supports this as it says, “A happy
heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works
healing” (AMP). When you’re in a good mood and
full of joy, taking time to laugh and play, it’s like
taking vitamins or good medicine. In fact, medical
science tells us that laughing boosts our immune
systems. Laughter reduces blood pressure. People
who laugh regularly are 40 percent less likely to have
a heart attack than those who don’t, some sources
say.
DON’T TAKE A PILL, TAKE A JOKE
When you have a good laugh, you activate
the body’s natural tranquilizers that
calm you and help you sleep better.
Laughter also triggers the right side of the brain,
which helps creativity and decision making. When
you have a good laugh, you activate the body’s
natural tranquilizers that calm you and help you
sleep better. Many people today suffer from
insomnia, but maybe laughing more would help
them relax and rest.
One poor lady, Virginia, was constantly taking
tranquilizers because she hadn’t been able to sleep
well for so long. But she took the tranquilizers so
often they hardly helped. Virginia tried different
diets, doctors, and herbs, too, but nothing seemed to
work.
Then a doctor gave her a very unusual prescription.
He said, “Every night before you go to bed, watch
something funny—a funny movie, a funny video, a
funny sitcom—something that makes you laugh.”
Virginia followed his advice night after night. She
slept better and better. Finally, she was totally off her
sleep medications and snoozing every night like a
baby.
What happened? Virginia needed man-made
tranquilizers because she wasn’t releasing God’s
natural tranquilizers. Maybe you, too, would feel
better if you lightened up and laughed more often. It
could be that your headaches, backaches, migraines,
chronic pain, or fatigue might ease if you played,
laughed, and enjoyed life more.
When my mother was diagnosed with terminal
cancer in 1981, she made sure she kept taking
healthy doses of laughter. She was in pain and
worried, but instead of staying in bed feeling sorry
for herself, she watched cartoons on television. She
would sit there and laugh and laugh.
My wise mother was releasing the healing God put
on the inside. If she couldn’t find something funny to
watch, she’d just go look at my brother, Paul. That
always made her laugh.
In case you missed it, my mother is still laughing
today. Doctors had given her only a few months to
live, but more than thirty years later she is cancer-
free. That’s the miracle of faith with a healthy dose of
laughter.
NATURAL-BORN HEALER
Our immune systems are made up of millions of
cells. The only purpose for some of these cells is to
attack and kill anything foreign to the body. They’re
called “NK” or “natural killer” cells. They’re
responsible for searching out certain harmful
bacteria and viruses and destroying them. One of
their main functions is to attack the cells that
commonly cause cancer. Researchers have found
that every person develops these abnormal
cancerous cells on a regular basis. Our natural killer
cells usually go to work and make sure they are
destroyed. But negative emotions like stress, worry,
fear, anxiety, and depression weaken the natural
killer cells.
Studies have shown that those who are happy and
laugh regularly not only develop more of these
natural killer cells than the average person, but the
cells’ activity is increased. So when you’re good-
natured, see the humor in life, and aren’t stressed
out, these beneficial cells function at their highest
level.
With so much sickness and sadness in the world
today, I don’t know why people don’t tap into the
healing power of laughter more. It’s a free cure with
no side effects. You can take it as often as you’d like.
I’m no doctor, but I’ll write you a prescription today.
Here it is: At least three times a day, every day, take a
strong dose of humor. Find something funny that
makes you laugh out loud. No chuckling. No laughing
on the inside. Release that joy into the atmosphere so
everyone can hear it. Trigger those endorphins, your
natural tranquilizers.
A doctor friend told me about a woman with a severe
case of fibromyalgia. This disorder of unknown
origins causes widespread and chronic pain
throughout the body. This woman spent many hours
in bed suffering. She also had chronic fatigue and
was very depressed.
Her doctor treated the pain with medications, but he
felt the pills were treating only the symptoms and
not the cause. In talking to her, the doctor realized
how depressed she was. Then he asked her an
interesting question: “How long has it been since
you’ve had a good, hearty laugh?”
The lady had to think about it a moment.
“Doctor,” she said, “I haven’t laughed that way in
more than thirty years, since I was a child.”
“Well, here’s your prescription,” he said. “ Go watch
every funny movie you can find. Go read every
humorous book you can get your hands on, and
laugh as much as you possibly can.”
She followed his prescription and little by little, her
joy returned. The pain subsided. Her energy was
restored. Three months later she returned to the
doctor for a checkup. The moment she walked in, he
could see the difference. There was a sparkle in her
eye, a spring in her step, a smile on her face.
“Doctor,” she said, “I’ve never felt so good in all my
life.”
In the months that followed, she continued to laugh
more and more. Her laughter cleansed her body of
whatever was causing her pain.
Let me ask you what the doctor asked her: How long
has it been since you’ve had a good, hearty laugh? A
day? A week? A month? A year? Ten years? Make
sure you’re taking your medicine.
I know when I’ve had a hard, pressure-filled day: I
have a backache down the center of my spine. I
know it’s from tension. To relieve that pain, I do just
what I’m asking you to do. I’ll go play with my
children. They always make me laugh. Or, I’ll watch
something funny on television.
Invariably, after a few minutes of laughing, that pain
is totally gone. It’s just like I had a good massage but
cheaper. The medicine of laughter will save you
money. No more buying sleeping pills, tranquilizers,
and antidepressants!
GOD HAS FIXED THE FIGHT
FOR YOUR HEALTH
Psalm 2:4 says that God sits in the heavens and
laughs. Can you envision that? Right now God is on
the throne. He’s not mad. He’s not worried about the
economy. He’s not upset with you and me. God is on
the throne, full of joy.
Psalm 37:13 explains why He’s laughing: “The Lord
laughs at [the wicked], for He sees that their own day
[of defeat] is coming” (AMP). In other words, the
reason God laughs is because He knows the end of
the story. He knows the final outcome. The good
news is, you and I win. God always causes us to
triumph!
It’s just like we are in a fixed fight. The outcome is
predetermined by God. Imagine you knew who’d win
the Super Bowl before the kickoff. No matter how far
behind the eventual winner fell, no matter how bad
it looked for them, you wouldn’t worry. You had
inside information. You knew the final outcome.
When it gets tough and things don’t look like
they’ll work out, you can laugh by faith, knowing
that God has already written the final chapter.
That’s what God is saying: When it gets tough and
things don’t look like they’ll work out, you can laugh
by faith, knowing that God has already written the
final chapter. God has already recorded the victory
in your favor.
He’s saying: In famine, when it gets tough, look that
trouble in the face and say, “Ha, ha, ha! I know the
outcome. God has destined me to win. He’s already
put my name on the trophy. He’s already seen me
standing on the podium as a winner.”
God gave Abraham a promise that he would father a
child. In the natural it was impossible. He was much
too old. But the first thing Abraham did when he
heard God’s promise was to laugh (see Genesis
17:17). His was the laugh of faith. He said, in effect,
“Ha, ha! God, I know You can bring this to pass. I
know You are a supernatural God.”
And so often when God puts a promise in our hearts
it looks impossible. Maybe you’re sick and God has
assured you you’ll be healthy again. Or maybe you
are struggling financially, but God is saying you’re
coming into overflow. He will prosper you. Perhaps
your family is pulled apart. God promises to heal the
bonds.
Your mind may have doubts. But remember to laugh
in faith like Abraham, because it’s just a matter of
time before those promises come to pass. You are in
a fixed fight.
I’m asking you today to get in the habit of taking your
medicine on a regular basis. Every day, find some
reason to laugh. Look for opportunities. If you don’t
think you have a reason, then just know you can
laugh by faith. Keep a happy heart and a cheerful
mind, and you will enjoy life more; even better, you
will feel God’s natural tranquilizers flow through
you.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Smile, And The World Smiles With You
I knew a steep charge was coming when I went to the
airline counter to change the dates on four round-
trip tickets. After I handed the tickets to the agent,
she confirmed my fear.
“That will be fifty dollars extra per ticket,” she said.
I laughed and smiled. “Yeah, I figured there would be
a charge,” I said.
My reaction seemed to surprise the ticket agent.
“Why are you laughing?” she said. “Most people
would be upset.”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “I guess I’m just a happy
person.”
She shook her head and went to work on her
computer. A few seconds later she handed me my
new tickets and said, “I’m not charging you anything
extra. We need more happy people around here.”
The rest of that day I went around smiling and
laughing at everybody who crossed my path! I’d
always heard that being happy paid off, but this was
the first time I’d actually pocketed some cash.
My guess is that the airline ticket agent had dealt
with all sorts of cranky and stressed-out people
before I walked up to her counter. I wasn’t happy
about the thought of paying extra for changing my
tickets, but I’d decided that the ticket agent didn’t
make the rules, so why should she have to deal with
my unhappiness? I made the decision to treat her
with good humor instead.
The old saying claims you attract more flies with
honey than vinegar. I never knew why anyone would
want to attract flies, but I get the point: Being nice
will take you further than being a grouch.
Is there always a payoff for wearing a smile instead
of a frown? I think so. As I mentioned earlier, you’ll
enjoy better health with a positive approach to life,
and also you will attract more friends, supporters,
encouragers, and well-wishers.
When faced with unpleasant situations and
challenging times, we need one another more than
ever. Yet, too often, stressed-out people circle the
wagons and isolate themselves. They become uptight
and cranky, driving people off even though they need
support more than ever at that point. The more
pressure you feel and the more isolated you become,
the more you should look for opportunities to smile
and share a laugh to draw people to you.
SHINE YOUR JOY IN THE DARKNESS
These days you hear constant reports of doom and
gloom. More trouble in the economy. Higher taxes. A
soaring deficit. Home foreclosures. A tight job
market.
If you are not careful, you can fall into a trap of
thinking, This is no time to enjoy my life. This is
certainly no time to laugh, no time to have a sense of
humor.
But in hard times, more than ever, activate your joy.
In fact, Job 5:22 says, “You shall laugh at destruction
and famine” (NKJV). At first that may not seem to
make sense. We’re supposed to laugh at famine?
We’re supposed to laugh at destruction?
Yes, that’s exactly right, because in tough times you
run a greater risk of losing your joy, so consciously
keep your good humor and optimism up in the worst
of times. If you become depressed, your brain shuts
down, you lose your creativity, and you isolate
yourself from friends and family. But the darkest
days are when you need all of those assets the most.
Being joyful by laughing and enjoying even the small
things reduces the effects of stress, increases brain
activity, and heightens creativity, all of which can
help you overcome your challenges in difficult times.
We use the left side of the brain in most situations,
but when we laugh we light up the right side.
Research shows that people who’ve been struggling
with a problem and feel stuck tend to do much better
if they take a break and enjoy a good laugh. The
experts say that without laughter, our thought
processes can become stuck, our focus narrows, and
our ability to solve problems is limited.
The bottom line is this: If you have a sense of humor
and you laugh regularly, your mind lights up. You
come up with fresh ideas and make better decisions.
As a result, your problem-solving abilities are
increased.
Being serious all the time isn’t good
for us or for those who look up to us.
Sometimes, especially as leaders and as parents, we
think being serious and solemn shows our maturity.
We want to set a good example at home and at the
office. We want to be responsible role models, but
being serious all the time isn’t good for us or for
those who look up to us. Sure, there are times that
call for being serious and focused, but there are also
times when we need to lighten up, to demonstrate
that we can handle pressure and stay in good humor
so that creative solutions can be found.
Laughter and good humor offer a common
denominator and a shared language. They build
bonds that hold social networks together. A friendly
smile draws people to you. Personal warmth melts
away social barriers and eases natural reserve. How
many times have you shared a laugh with a total
stranger? How many times has that laugh sparked a
conversation or led to a friendship? A romance? A
working relationship?
LAUGHTER BUILDS BONDS
A smile brings down the walls. Humor attracts
people and bonds them to one another. That’s one
reason I start every sermon with a joke. It makes
people more receptive. When I was growing up, my
father’s church held an annual Christmas banquet in
the ballroom of a Houston hotel at the Galleria Mall.
A thousand people attended those banquets.
Each year, the highlight of our Christmas banquet
would be a fifteen-minute blooper film of funny
things that had happened in church. We’d show clips
of people sleeping and yawning through my dad’s
sermons. We might have other clips of kids acting up
that we’d show in slow motion. Then we’d edit
together various clips from my father’s sermons, but
we’d make him say funny things, or we’d speed him
up and make him repeat the same phrase again and
again so he sounded like a rap artist.
The audience would laugh for fifteen minutes
nonstop. They’d still be laughing when the show
ended and the lights came on. I’ll never forget how
all the serving crew from the hotel would come out
to watch this video. The waiters, the cooks, and the
busboys would line up along the walls around the
ballroom to laugh with us.
Since the hotel was part of a mall, shoppers would
hear the laughter, too. Within a few minutes, there
would be a couple hundred people gathered at the
doors, looking in and enjoying the fun.
Every now and then, I’d hear about a new member
of the congregation who went shopping at the mall
and found a place of worship with us, thanks to our
ability to laugh and have fun while being strong in
our faith. I guess it’s no surprise that blooper shows
and specials are so popular on television. Year after
year, while other more polished and more
sophisticated shows fade away, people still watch the
bloopers because they are so funny.
According to Psalm 126:2, “Our mouth was filled with
laughter, and our tongue with singing. Then they said
among the nations, ‘The LORD has done great things
for them’ ” (NKJV). When you’re filled with laughter,
others notice. You bring honor to God when you live
a joy-filled, faith-filled happy life.
There is too much sadness in our world. Many people
have lost the joy of living. They’re burdened down by
problems, heartache, and disappointments. Make it
your business to bring joy wherever you go.
There are already enough sour people. You and your
smile should stand out in the crowd. One of the best
examples you can set is to smile so brightly and
laugh so warmly that others just want to share in
your joy. They’ll want to leave the dark bondage of
sadness, depression, and no hope to stand in the light
of your optimism and upbeat attitude.
GOD FAVORS THOSE OF GOOD HUMOR
I’ve also found that when you are positive and
friendly, you attract more of God’s favor. When you
are a blessing to others, God brings blessings your
way. He rewards those who reflect His goodness and
make the world a more welcoming place.
I recently met an older man who appeared to be in
his seventies. I was surprised when he told me he
was 106 years old. It wasn’t just his unlined face or
healthy appearance that threw me off. He was just so
happy, so mentally sharp, and so engaged with
everyone around him. He stood in the line nearly
forty minutes waiting to visit with me. I told him we
could have pulled up a chair for him so he would not
have had to stand.
“I don’t need to sit down,” he said. “When I grow old,
I’ll sit down.”
He was a good-natured, handsome African American
fellow.
“I can’t believe you’re 106. You don’t have a wrinkle
on your face,” I said.
“Joel,” he replied, “black don’t crack.”
Then he ran off two or three more jokes. We laughed
and laughed. I normally don’t like it when someone
in my church has better jokes than me, but I forgave
him.
When he walked away, he turned around and said to
everyone, “I’ll see you next year.”
I had no doubt that God would reward him with
another year because he was spreading so much joy
everywhere he went. I thought to myself that it was
no wonder he seemed so healthy; he was so full of
joy. He had a great sense of humor. He loved to
laugh. Think about all of God’s natural healing that
had been released and flowing in him all those years.
Sometimes we think the older we are, the more
somber we should be and the less fun we should
have. But I don’t believe that’s God’s plan. The
Scripture says, “If only I may finish my course with
joy” (Acts 20:24 AMP). If you don’t have joy, laugh
regularly, and take the time to play, you will not
finish life the way God wants you to finish.
LAUGH AT YOURSELF
Being willing to laugh at yourself and
at life’s ups and downs may be one
of the greatest gifts you can have.
One of the things about the 106-year-old man that
struck me was that he enjoyed poking fun at himself
and his advanced age. He saw the humor in growing
old, and he laughed at the same things that might
frustrate others in their later years. Being willing to
laugh at yourself and at life’s ups and downs may be
one of the greatest gifts you can have.
We’ve all known people who throw fits when they
make mistakes. Some throw golf clubs. Others throw
their bats and helmets. A few throw punches. How
much fun are they to be around? But the person who
laughs at mistakes, flubs, and goofs is someone
people want to share their time with.
When we first moved into the former Compaq
Center, the security folks gave me a key to the back
area where we park our cars. This was a very
strange-looking key. It was small and oblong, kind of
fat, and plastic. I had never seen anything like it
before. I went to try it on the door, but I could not
figure out where to insert it. There was no slot for it.
I tried to fit it in the doorknob key slot, thinking
maybe it would open up more and take it. No luck.
After ten minutes of trying, I gave up and went to the
security station and told the guard I couldn’t figure
out how to open the door.
He offered to go to the parking area and show me. So
I gave him the key and back we went. When we
arrived at the door, he reached up to the side of it
and touched an electronic panel. I didn’t even know
it was up there!
When he just touched the panel, the door
automatically opened because the “key” he’d given
me put out an electronic signal to it, like a garage
door opener or a remote car key.
When I told the guard how I’d tried to use the key in
the doorknob, he laughed and laughed.
I thought, I’m glad you think it’s funny, because
we’re going to miss you!
You’ve heard the saying “If you can’t beat them, join
them.” That really was pretty dumb, so I laughed
along with him.
The other day I had breakfast alone in a hotel room
and when I was done I wheeled the breakfast cart
out into the hallway so they could pick it up. I forgot
until the last moment that I only had my shorts on.
Not gym shorts, underwear.
I’d already opened the door and had the cart halfway
out when it hit me. I peeked my head out into the
hall and nobody was out there, so I pushed the cart
all the way out, but the back legs got stuck on the
threshold.
I had to pick up the rear of the cart, lift it out of the
room, step out into the hall, and push it against the
wall.
As I did that, I heard a click.
That was the sound of my hotel room door closing
and locking, with me in my underwear still out in the
hallway.
Have you heard the phrase “All dressed up with no
place to go”?
Well, I was not dressed at all, and there was no place
to go!
My heart sank.
I saw a housekeeping cart about five doors down. I
ran to it as fast as I could and got a towel and
wrapped it around me. The cleaning lady came out,
and I asked her if she could let me into my room.
“I need your ID for that,” she said.
“It’s in the wallet in the pants I’m not wearing,” I
replied.
I kept smiling, remembering how it had helped with
the airline ticket clerk. The housekeeper went for it,
too. After a few minutes, she opened the door, stared
at me strangely, and said, “You know, you look
different on TV.”
“Yes, I usually wear clothes for my broadcasts.”
To tell you the truth, she laughed some at that, but I
laughed louder than she did. It takes a secure person
to laugh at himself, especially when he is pants-less
in public.
LAUGH AND LOVE
People around me tend to laugh a lot. Since smiling
attracts people, they probably make many friends on
my account, but that’s okay. I’ve spent more than
twenty-four years keeping Victoria healthy and
surrounded by friends because of my ability to make
her laugh—even when I’m not trying.
That’s a good thing, because research has also shown
that the couples and families who laugh together stay
together. They have stronger relationships and
tighter bonds. As you might suspect, we are a very
tight family.
A few years ago, right before I stepped onto the
platform to minister, Victoria told me that my hair
was sticking up in the back.
“Put a little hair spray back there,” my wife said.
I didn’t know where the hair spray was.
“It’s back in the bathroom, on the shelf, in a red can.”
I was in a big hurry so I hustled back and grabbed
the red can off the shelf. Then I sprayed and sprayed
that little sprig of stand-up hair, but it would not stay
down. So I sprayed it a couple more times and
headed out the door.
After the service that day, Victoria said, “Why didn’t
you spray your hair? It was still sticking up.”
“Victoria, I did spray. But that hair spray you gave
me doesn’t work. I sprayed and sprayed.”
She then kindly offered to show me how to use hair
spray. I brought the red can out and handed it to her.
She studied it for a second and then broke up
laughing.
“Joel, this isn’t hair spray. This is air freshener.”
I just smiled and said, “You know what? Even if it
does stick up, I’ve got the best-smelling hair around.”
HOUSE OF HUMOR
Laughter is a great addition to every home. The
enemy cannot stand the sound of joyful laughter. He
cannot stand the sound of husbands and wives and
family members having fun together. He wants there
to be so much strife, tension, and pressure that we
never have any joy in our homes.
Don’t fall into that trap. That’s one thing I appreciate
about Victoria. She loves to laugh. She keeps a fun
atmosphere in our home. When Victoria laughs she
doesn’t laugh to herself. She doesn’t laugh under her
breath. When she laughs it fills the whole house with
joy.
Her laugh is so contagious I can be sitting on the
other side of the house, minding my own business,
watching television, but when I hear her laughter, I
feel like laughing, too. Before long I find myself
laughing just because she’s laughing.
Usually, I just have to go find out what’s tickling her
so much. That happened recently and I found her
holding a photograph of our son, Jonathan, when he
was just a baby, maybe six or eight months old.
We hadn’t looked at that photo in a long time. I’d
forgotten about it entirely. But one day we’d put a
wig and sunglasses on him, and our son looked like a
little baby Elvis. We had a good laugh at that,
especially since Jonathan is now a very good guitar
player!
Don’t get so caught up in all the pressures of
parenting that you don’t take time to enjoy your
children and see the humor in what they do.
If you have small children, there’s no reason not to
laugh every day, not just at them and their antics, but
with them, too. Don’t get so caught up in all the
pressures of parenting that you don’t take time to
enjoy your children and see the humor in what they
do.
When Jonathan was about two years old, I heard this
loud screaming coming from his bedroom. I knew he
was having a nightmare. I ran up there as fast as I
could, opened the door, and Jonathan was sitting up
in his bed, his eyes as big as saucers.
“Jonathan, what’s wrong?”
“Daddy,” he said, “the Holy Ghost is under my bed.”
I assured my son he had nothing to fear from the
Holy Ghost.
Our daughter, Alexandra, is equally entertaining.
When she was about that same age, I’d work on my
weekend messages for church in an office right
outside our bedroom.
One day Alexandra strolled in and said, “Daddy, can
we go play?”
“No, Alexandra, not right now. It’ll be another hour
or so before I finish this.”
Every five minutes she returned.
“Daddy, is it time yet?”
Again and again, she’d ask me.
I felt a little frustrated with her so finally, when she
showed up at my office door again, I said,
“Alexandra, listen, I’m trying to concentrate. Please
don’t come back in. I’ll come get you when I can
play.”
Five minutes later, the door creaks open and this
sweet little-girl voice says, “Daddy, are you still trying
to constipate?”
“No, honey,” I said. “I’m actually pretty regular!”
COUPLES THERAPY
Friends often ask Victoria and me about the secret to
a healthy marriage. We always tell them two things:
Number one, respect. Always be respectful, even
when you disagree. And number two, laughter. Don’t
ever stop laughing together. Make sure your house is
full of joy and happiness. We don’t have to work at
that; it seems to happen on its own.
The other day I walked into our bedroom and
Victoria was over in the corner reading something
with her back to me. I had come home much earlier
than I had planned. I realized she hadn’t heard me
walk in. I debated whether to say something, but
instead, I decided to just quietly wait for her to notice
me. I thought that might be better than startling her.
I thought wrong. When she turned around and I was
there, she must have jumped three feet in the air. I
know they say white people can’t jump, but Victoria
got some air.
She had this shocked look on her face, and I could
not help but laugh and laugh.
There was one problem with that.
Victoria was not joining in. In fact, she looked upset.
I tried to stop laughing. Really, I tried to zip it, but the
harder I tried, the funnier it hit me, and the louder I
laughed.
After a minute or so of watching me laugh, Victoria
finally gave in and began laughing, too.
But by that time, I was over it.
I was done, but she couldn’t stop laughing. So, I
joined in for a few more minutes just to keep her
company.
If your relationship isn’t what you’d like it to be, I
recommend a good dose of humor, laughter, and joy.
I know the pressures of life can weigh on the best of
marriages and test the love of even the most devoted,
but it might help you to remember why you fell in
love in the first place.
Remember the things you enjoyed doing together, the
fun and the laughter that made you always want to
be together? Forget what’s pulling you apart. Go back
to the laughter that made you want to go from being
single to being a couple.
If you would bring that joy back into the home, you
would see a freshness, a new life in your
relationship. That is what some friends of mine did.
They were good people who were struggling in their
marriage. They loved each other, but they were
under a lot of pressure, and it was pulling them
apart. They needed a break from their troubles so
they decided that once a week, they’d put all the
struggles aside and watch a funny movie together.
The first night, they sat there and laughed and
laughed some more. It was the first time either of
them had shed tears of joy, instead of sadness, in a
long time.
The next week, the same thing happened. After a
month or so of this, they noticed that their troubles
didn’t seem quite so heavy. They found that their
focus shifted from problems to solutions.
When I saw them next, they marveled at how
something as simple as a “Funny Movie Night” could
have such a major impact on their relationship and
their lives.
Their laughter altered the atmosphere of their home.
Their tears of joy washed their relationship clean of
its tarnish. They were no longer struggling. They
were snuggling.
FREE-FLOWING LAUGHTER
Laughter will help your relationships, too. Welcome
it into your home. Make room for it. Clean out the
spare bedroom if you have to. Open the doors and
windows and let it fill your house.
In the Old Testament, enemies took over rival cities
by clogging the wells that provided water to
residents. They filled the wells with stones. This
forced the people in the towns to leave the protection
of the city walls in search of water. The enemy would
then attack them.
You and I have wells of joy inside. As children, those
wells flowed freely. We played and laughed and
enjoyed each moment. But too often our wells
become clogged as we grow older. Stones of
disappointment, hurt, unforgiveness, stress, and
doubt pile up and block the flow.
Genesis 26:18 says, “Isaac dug again the wells of
water,… for the Philistines had stopped them up”
(NKJV). It’s interesting, in part, because the name
Isaac means “laughter.” I believe it’s significant that
Isaac dug new wells. God is saying to unclog your
wells with laughter so His goodness can once again
live within.
When one of our sinks clogs up at home, I buy some
Drano, pour it down the drain, and wait fifteen
minutes. When I come back, the sink is unclogged.
Laughter works like Drano. It cleans out whatever is
clogging our lives. When you laugh regularly it’s just
like you are cleaning out those pipes.
Welcome joy into your home as
a permanent resident.
The instructions on the Drano bottle say to use it on a
regular basis to keep the pipes free and clear. The
same holds true with laughter. Pour it in, whenever
you can. Find the humor in everyday moments.
Make laughter a lifestyle choice. Welcome joy into
your home as a permanent resident.
Job 8:21 says, “He will yet fill your mouth with
laughter” (NIV). God’s dream is for you to be filled
with laughter. He gave laughter the power to heal
your body, soothe your spirits, attract admirers, and
mend your relationships.
Don’t take humor lightly. Dare to laugh openly,
especially at yourself. Give your loved ones the gift of
your laughter. When you do all that, you honor God,
and He will reward you. You will finish your course
with joy!
PART 6
BE A DREAM
RELEASER
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Help Others To Win
I’ve heard it said, “You will always have what you
want if you help others get what they want.” If you
want to be happy and joyful, use your influence to
help others succeed. Take time to give good advice.
Introduce others to helpful people you know. Make a
phone call and put in a good word whenever
possible.
When you help others to win, you are sowing a seed
for yourself to rise higher. Cheryl, who works at a big
corporation, told me that her supervisor refused to
train her on a new computer program. The company
had sent this supervisor to a class so she could learn
how to run the program, but when she came back
she wouldn’t share any of the information. She was
afraid if she helped others, they might get promoted
over her. So she kept the knowledge and training to
herself.
But the truth is, when you hold others back, you are
really holding yourself back. If you will live
unselfishly and help others reach your level, God will
make sure somebody is there to lift you higher, too.
Alec, a professional mountain climber, was on his
way to the top of a peak when a snowstorm hit. It
was very cold and hard to breathe. Even some of the
most experienced mountain climbers couldn’t make
it.
A little farther up the mountain, the storm turned
into a blizzard. They were still six hours from the
top. Climbing was extremely difficult. Each step was
a struggle. Then Alec saw another climber lying
along the trail curled up, asleep or passed out. He
was in danger of freezing to death. He had a faint
heartbeat and was barely strong enough to breathe.
Several other climbers had passed by. Alec’s team
told him to keep going.
“If you stop and try to help him, you could lose your
own life,” they said.
Alec could not leave him there to die. He told the
team to go on. Alec knelt beside the fallen climber.
He massaged the man’s arms and legs and face to get
the blood flowing and keep him awake. His efforts
revived the stricken man enough that Alec was able
to get him on his feet and walk him down the
mountain, saving his life.
The doctor who examined them both told Alec that
he’d done more than save a life. He’d likely saved
two.
“Your arms and legs show early signs of frostbite,”
the doctor said. “You wouldn’t have made it much
higher before you’d have been in serious trouble
yourself. Your efforts to save the fallen climber
probably benefited you as much as him because it
increased your circulation and forced you to head
down the mountain.”
It’s easy to get so caught up in your climb to the top
that you don’t want to stop and help someone else.
But when you take time to help others in their
struggles, you set yourself up for even greater
victories.
SHARE YOUR INFLUENCE
The apostle Paul would never have become such a
major figure of faith without the support of another
disciple, Barnabas. As you may know, Paul was not
always a believer. In fact, he’d once been known as
Saul, a persecutor of believers.
Saul’s attitude changed dramatically on the road to
Damascus when God touched his life and
transformed him into the apostle Paul we all know
and love.
But it took awhile for the apostle Paul to convince the
other followers of Jesus that he wasn’t the same old
Saul. In Acts 9:26, we are told of this fear and
suspicion toward the new apostle.
The next verse says that Barnabas stood up for Paul.
Barnabas put in a good word for him. He said, in
effect, “Hey, I can vouch for Paul. I know who he is.
He is the real deal.”
If it had not been for Barnabas using his influence,
Paul probably would not have been in a position to
write more than half of the New Testament. We don’t
hear a lot about Barnabas. Paul greatly
overshadowed him. But if you were to talk to Paul, he
would say, “I succeeded because Barnabas dared to
take a risk and opened a door that I could not open
on my own. Barnabas believed in me when nobody
else did.”
There is no greater legacy than
to help someone else win.
Even more powerful is the fact that every life Paul
touched later would mean a reward for Barnabas as
well. There is no greater legacy than to help someone
else win.
God has so blessed me, I am constantly looking for
ways to use my influence to help others come up
higher. I recently received a call from a pastor in
another city. He explained that his church was trying
to buy a building from their city. I happened to know
a person in a position to help, so I put in a good
word. This isn’t someone you’d find in the phone
book. He doesn’t have his own business. But I was
able to reach him, and I was glad to help someone
else secure a win. I’ve learned that when you do for
others what they cannot do for themselves, you will
never lack God’s favor. You will never lack God’s
blessing.
AFTER YOUR CLIMB, REACH BACK
Michael is a talented musician who plays guitar for
our services at Lakewood Church. He has performed
with great musicians from around the world. He is at
the top of his game, yet he is generous with his time
and shares his talents with others. I know this well
because Michael took our son, Jonathan, under his
wing several years ago when Jonathan expressed an
interest in playing the guitar.
We never asked Michael to teach Jonathan, and he
has never requested payment, even though they’ve
been working together more than eight years now.
It’s obvious Michael is a great teacher because he’s
helped Jonathan become a great guitar player.
There is something more to know about Michael and
his willingness to help others. Before he came to
Lakewood, Michael led a different lifestyle than the
one he leads today. He used drugs and partied. That
lifestyle led to challenges, but Michael no longer uses
drugs. He’s not out partying on Friday nights
anymore.
Now he is leading worship in our Celebrate Recovery
classes. Michael has won, and now he is helping
other people get free from addictions.
Our son, Jonathan, will always remember that
Michael helped him develop his gifts as a great guitar
player. Seventy years from now, he will still
remember, I’m successful in part because of Michael.
He helped me to win. He brought the best out in me.
When you help someone win, you become a friend
for life. You will always have a special place in their
heart.
A letter came to me early in my days as pastor of our
church. I’d stepped onto the platform but still didn’t
feel at home there. I was very unsure of myself on
Sunday mornings. I found the envelope on my desk
during that period of self-doubt, and when I saw the
name on the return address I recognized it
immediately.
The letter was from John Maxwell, a former pastor
and best-selling author.
I had never met him before. I had only admired his
writing and teachings. I opened that letter as quickly
as I could, and then I was touched by what he’d
written.
“I watched you on television on Sunday and you
were outstanding,” he wrote. “I’ve got to tell you,
you’ve got what it takes.” He went on to list several
things that he liked. “You keep it simple. You’ve got a
good personality.” He also offered several
suggestions: “Here’s some advice. Here’s what you
can do to be less nervous. Here’s what I do when I’m
getting prepared.”
John Maxwell, a pastor and best-selling author, was
sharing his secrets with me. Giving his
encouragement. He had forty years of experience,
and he was voluntarily pouring it into a young man
he’d never even met before. He didn’t have to do
that. He’d already won. But John understands this
principle: True success is when you reach back and
bring somebody along with you.
I arranged to meet with John a few weeks after I
received his note, which I still have. Because of what
he did for me, John will be a friend of mine for life.
He spoke encouragement into me at a very critical
time on my journey.
Look around this week. Who has God put in your
life? They’re not there by accident. God brings people
across our paths on purpose. We each should live
with this awareness: I am here to add value to
people. I am here to help others succeed.
Don’t go around thinking, I wonder what they can do
for me? I wonder what they have to offer? Your
attitude should be to think of what helping hand you
can offer others, what you can teach them, and what
connections you can share. Like John Maxwell, look
for opportunities to call out the seeds of greatness
God has planted in each of us.
BE A DREAM RELEASER
Even as you work to accomplish your goals and build
your own happy life, be sure to use your talent, your
influence, and your experience to help those around
you in need of a lift. There is nothing more
rewarding than to end a day with the knowledge that
you’ve helped someone else move closer to a dream.
You may have fulfilled your own goals for the day,
but even better, you also took time to invest in
someone else. It may have been just a two-minute
phone call to encourage a friend or a younger
person, or five minutes after work to help a co-
worker, or lending a hand to help a child with a
school project.
When I look back over my life, outside of my family, I
can think of four or five dream releasers; people who
took special interest in me. A coach in high school
spoke faith into me. I was the smallest on the team,
but somehow he convinced me that I was the biggest,
baddest, toughest player since Michael Jordan.
Another dream releaser, my Sunday school teacher
Larry, invested in me. Larry, who still attends
Lakewood Church, taught me and the other boys like
we were paying attention! He made it fun. He didn’t
just go by the lesson. He always went the extra mile. I
can say now, “I’m successful in part because Larry
helped me to win.”
You may not see my coach or Larry or my other
dream releasers up here on the platform, but let me
tell you, they are up here with me. John Maxwell is
up here with me, too. I’m happy and successful
because so many people reached back to me. They
knew the value of helping someone else succeed and
find joy.
What makes you great is when you reach back
and help somebody else become great.
Being successful doesn’t necessarily make you great.
What makes you great is when you reach back and
help somebody else become great. Greatness is
saying, “God has blessed me not to just sit on my
throne and let everybody see my accomplishments.
No, I know God has blessed me to become a blessing.
God has helped me win so I can help someone else
win.”
Greatness comes to those who say, “God helped me
overcome this addiction, now I’ll find somebody
who’s addicted and help them overcome.” “God has
blessed me with a happy, healthy family. I’ll find a
family that’s struggling and help them get back on
track.” Or, “God has helped me pass this course in
high school. Now I’ll go to my friend and help him
study so he can pass, too.”
REACH BACK AND REACH OUT, TOO
Even better than reaching back is reaching out to
those who are side by side with you and giving them
a hand up. In 1936 the Olympic Games were held in
Berlin, Germany. Hitler was in control, and he didn’t
want any blacks to compete, much less win. One Nazi
leader called blacks “non-humans.” There was a
young black American athlete by the name of Jesse
Owens in the competition. Despite Hitler’s wishes,
Jesse already had won three gold medals, and he was
about to compete for his fourth.
This event was the broad jump, now known as the
running long jump. Jesse felt hostility from the haters
in the crowd, and he began to lose focus. On his first
attempt he faulted. The judges claimed he crossed
the line before he jumped. He was faulted again on
his second attempt.
One more fault and he would be disqualified. This
was very much out of character for Jesse, but he’d let
the crowd’s boos and name-calling get to him. They
were still jeering at him and shouting against him.
He was very rattled.
Jesse’s main competitor was a tall German athlete
named Luz Long. They did not know each other.
Jesse may have assumed that Luz Long, who was a
sports hero in his country, was his enemy, too.
But in front of tens of thousands of people, Luz Long
did what seemed unthinkable in that setting. He
walked up, put his arm around Jesse Owens, and
offered some advice.
He said, “Jesse, the qualifying distance is only
twenty-three feet. You’ve jumped twenty-six feet
many times before. Just move your starting mark
back three inches, and that way you’ll make sure to
jump before the line so they can’t disqualify you.”
Jesse took his advice, and on the next jump he
qualified. The black American went on to break the
world record and win his fourth gold medal. He beat
out Luz Long on his final jump, but Long was the
first to congratulate him.
Jesse Owens later said of his German dream releaser,
“It took a lot of courage for him to befriend me in
front of Hitler. You can melt all the medals and cups I
have, and they wouldn’t be a plating on the 24-carat
friendship I felt for Luz Long at that moment.”
I’ve heard the saying “No one stands taller on their
climb for success than when he bends down to help
somebody else.” If you will live unselfishly and be
willing to give advice as Luz Long did, you will
always have God’s blessings. When you are a dream
releaser, God will make sure your dreams come to
pass.
I’ve found the greatest legacy is not what we leave
for people, but what we leave in people. Luz Long,
who died during World War II, left Jesse Owens with
a memory of courage and friendship that he never
forgot—and neither did the rest of the world.
INVEST IN THE SUCCESS OF OTHERS
Here’s a key: Learn to believe in people before they
succeed. Anybody can be a friend after someone is
successful, after they win, after they are promoted,
after they break the addiction. But when they need
us the most is before they are successful.
Many people need only a little help, a bit of advice, a
word of encouragement. Do for them what you
would want somebody to do for you. You may have
experiences that could save others heartache and
pain. Don’t keep your knowledge to yourself. Pick up
the phone. Call them. Help someone grow into
greatness.
If you want God’s continued blessing on your life,
you can’t be selfish. You must go out of your way to
help others. You must make some sacrifices to teach,
to train, to share what you know to help others find
their happiness and joy.
I have a friend who is black and grew up in poverty
in a housing project. His mother raised him on her
own. His future looked bleak, even though he was
very bright. But he worked hard, and with God’s
favor he earned a scholarship to an Ivy League
college.
Most of his fellow students were from white, well-to-
do families. His roommate was a sharp young white
man from an upper-income family who had traveled
the world. My friend had rarely left his
neighborhood. Their lives were very different, yet
they became best friends. He told his roommate that
his dream was to become a television news
journalist. He’d dreamed of that job since childhood.
His roommate supported him but said, “You’ll never
become a journalist with your vocabulary like it is.
It’s too limited. We’ve got to do something about it.”
The roommate saw his potential and invested in it.
They worked on his vocabulary together, studying
the dictionary and practicing pronunciation.
This went on day after day, week after week. For four
years the roommate taught my friend a new word
every day. The roommate was a dream releaser. He’d
been blessed with a good upbringing and far more
resources. Now he passed on the blessings, investing
in the success of another person from a far less
privileged background.
Today that young man from the projects, Byron Pitts,
is an award-winning journalist seen by millions of
people every week on 60 Minutes, the number one
news program in America. He told me, “I would
never be where I am if it were not for my roommate.
I would have never made it this far if he had not
taken the time to invest in me.”
GIVE THE GIFT OF A DREAM
True success comes when you unselfishly bring
somebody up with you, just as Luz Long and my
friend’s college roommate did.
Shay was ten years old and both physically and
mentally challenged, but he loved baseball. One day
he and his father walked by a baseball field where a
bunch of young boys Shay’s age were playing a game.
“Do you think they would let me play on one of their
teams?” Shay asked his father.
Shay’s dad knew that he couldn’t play at the same
level as the other boys, but he didn’t want to
disappoint his son. The father asked one of the boys
in the dugout if Shay could play. The little boy looked
around at his friends, trying to get some advice.
Finally he said, “Well, sir. There are only two innings
left, and we’re down by three runs. Sure, he can
come play. We’ll put him in the outfield.”
Shay was so excited. He took the field with joy, just
radiating happiness. In the last inning their team
was down by one run. There were two outs, with a
runner on third, and it was Shay’s turn to bat.
His teammates considered using a pinch hitter in
hopes of winning the game, but they decided it
wouldn’t be right to take Shay out. They sent him to
the plate with little hope that he could hit the ball.
They thought they’d already lost the game. The other
team had a very good pitcher.
The star pitcher wound up and threw the first pitch
so fast, Shay didn’t see it coming. He swung late and
missed it by a mile. At that point the pitcher realized
that Shay had some physical challenges. The next
pitch he threw at about half the speed of the first. But
once again Shay swung and missed.
This time the pitcher stepped off the mound and
walked closer to home plate. He threw the ball as soft
as he could, and believe it or not, Shay hit it. The ball
dribbled about five feet and stopped in front of the
pitcher’s mound. The pitcher ran and picked it up.
Just out of instinct he was about to fire it to first base
and win the game, but out of the corner of his eye he
saw Shay struggling to run the best he could. The
pitcher’s heart took over for his instincts. He threw
the ball over the first baseman’s head into the
outfield.
Shay’s dad yelled, “Run, Shay! Run!”
The runner on third scored while Shay rounded first
and headed toward second. By this time all the other
boys knew what was going on. The outfielder threw
the ball over the shortstop’s head. The player backing
up the shortstop let it go through his legs.
Shay rounded third base and the whole crowd was
cheering his name. He scored the winning run while
his father watched in tears. Shay was nearly bursting
with joy when he crossed the plate and was hugged
by his teammates.
Shay’s team won the game, but all of those boys won
God’s favor that day. Sometimes you have to give up
winning one thing to win something even bigger. In
this case, those boys on the opposing team won a
friend for life. They gave something to Shay that he
will never forget.
Sometimes you have to put your own
dreams on hold temporarily so you can
help release a dream in somebody else.
Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to let
someone else step ahead. Sometimes you have to put
your own dreams on hold temporarily so you can
help release a dream in somebody else.
What you make happen for others, God will make
happen for you. When you live unselfishly and you
help somebody else get ahead, God will make sure
someone is there to help you get ahead.
My challenge to you is to make every day a Shay day.
Find somebody to invest in, a person you can help
come up higher. Don’t go to bed without knowing
you did something for someone to help them win.
I’m asking us all to become dream releasers. Believe
in people before they succeed. Call out those seeds of
greatness.
When you do for others what they cannot do for
themselves, you will always have God’s favor. You
will accomplish your dreams, and then God will take
you higher and higher.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Be A People Builder
Helen, a junior high math teacher in Minnesota,
spent most of the school week teaching a difficult
“new math” lesson. She could tell her students were
frustrated and restless by week’s end. They were
becoming rowdy so she told them to put their books
away. She then instructed the class to take out clean
sheets of paper. She gave each of them this
assignment: Write down every one of your
classmates’ names on the left, and then, on the right,
put down one thing you like about that student.
The tense and rowdy mood subsided and the room
quieted when the students went to work. Their
moods lifted as they dug into the assignment. There
was frequent laughter and giggling. They looked
around the room, sharing quips about one another.
Helen’s class was a much happier group when the
bell signaled the end of the school day.
She took their lists home over the weekend and spent
both days off recording what was said about each
student on separate sheets of paper so she could pass
on all the nice things said about each person without
giving away who said what.
The next Monday she handed out the lists she’d
made for each student. The room buzzed with
excitement and laughter.
“Wow. Thanks! This is the coolest!”
“I didn’t think anyone even noticed me!”
“Someone thinks I’m beautiful?”
Helen had come up with the exercise just to settle
down her class, but it ended up giving them a big
boost. They grew closer as classmates and more
confident as individuals. She could tell they all
seemed more relaxed and joyful.
About ten years later, Helen learned that one of her
favorite students in that class, a charming boy named
Mark, had been killed while serving in Vietnam. She
received an invitation to the funeral from Mark’s
parents, who included a note saying they wanted to
be sure she came to their farmhouse after the
services to speak with them.
Helen arrived and the grieving parents took her
aside. The father showed her Mark’s billfold and
then from it he removed two worn pieces of lined
paper that had been taped, folded, and refolded
many times over the years. Helen recognized her
handwriting on the paper and tears came to her
eyes.
Mark’s parents said he’d always carried the list of
nice things written by his classmates. “Thank you so
much for doing that,” his mother said. “He treasured
it, as you can see.”
Still teary-eyed, Helen walked into the kitchen where
many of Mark’s former junior high classmates were
assembled. They saw that Mark’s parents had his list
from that class. One by one, they either produced
their own copies from wallets and purses or they
confessed to keeping theirs in an album, drawer,
diary, or file at home.
Helen the teacher was a “people builder.” She
instinctively found ways to build up her students.
Being a people builder means you consistently find
ways to invest in and bring out the best in others.
You give without asking for anything in return. You
offer advice, speak faith into them, build their
confidence, and challenge them to go higher.
All most people need is a boost.
I’ve found that all most people need is a boost. All
they need is a little push, a little encouragement, to
become what God has created them to be. The fact is,
none of us will reach our highest potential by
ourselves. We need one another. You can be the one
to tip the scales for someone else. You can be the one
to stir up their seeds of greatness.
DRAW OUT THE BEST IN OTHERS
Reggie Jackson, the Hall of Fame baseball player,
said, “A great manager has the ability to make a
player think that he is better than he is. He convinces
you to have confidence in yourself. He lets you know
that he believes in you, and before long you discover
talent that you never knew you had.”
That’s what happens when we believe the best in
someone. We draw out the best. The Scripture says in
1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Encourage one another and
build each other up” (NIV). The word encourage
simply means “to urge forward.” Every one of us
should have someone we believe in, someone we’re
urging forward, someone we’re helping to achieve
goals and dreams.
How do you encourage someone? You study that
person and identify what he or she does well. What
excites him? What are her strengths? An encourager
sees things in others that they often can’t see in
themselves. A simple compliment, a single word of
encouragement, can give a person the confidence he
or she needs to take that step of faith.
A young man who’d been struggling with finding
direction in his life was home for a visit from college
in 1975. He visited his mother’s beauty shop and
found a regular customer, Ruth Green, was having
her hair done. He greeted her and sat down, but
grew nervous because she was staring so intently at
him.
Finally Ms. Green lifted the hairdryer off her head
and said, “Somebody get me a pen and a piece of
paper.”
She wrote down a vision she’d had about the young
man when he walked into his mother’s shop. She
handed it to him and it said: “Denzel, you will speak
to millions. You will travel the world and you will
make a positive difference.”
Young Denzel Washington put that prophecy in his
wallet and in his heart. In the years that followed,
whenever he became discouraged in his acting
career, he pulled out Ms. Green’s prophecy. It
reminded him that someone believed in him.
To this day, the Academy Award–winning actor
carries around that prophecy. Who knows where he
would be if Ms. Green hadn’t taken the time to bless
his future. Who knows if he would have been such a
success if she hadn’t planted those seeds of faith in
his heart. You never know the impact a small note, a
kind word of encouragement, can have.
We can either draw out the best in people or we can
draw out the worst. I read that 75 percent of people
in prison reported that either their parents or their
guardians had predicted in childhood where they
would end up. The wrong seeds were planted. Low
expectations were set.
When a child is told to expect the worst, the child
becomes the worst. I often wonder what would have
happened if somebody would have told those people
in prison that they might one day be doctors or
entrepreneurs or great teachers. There’s no telling
where those inmates might have ended up if only
they’d had people builders in their lives.
If only someone had believed in them and taken the
time to draw out their gifts, to listen to their dreams,
to see what they were good at, and then encourage
them to be the best they could be. If only someone
had given them permission to succeed instead of a
prediction that they would fail.
PERMISSION TO SUCCEED
A friend of mine, Robert, had an uncle who set him
on a path to success early in life. This uncle had been
in China since his birth, but when he returned they
met on the front porch of the Iowa farm where
Robert grew up.
He’d watched the uncle’s car driving toward the
family’s home on their dusty lane and Robert was so
excited to finally meet this uncle. When he pulled in
the gate, little Robert ran out there to meet him. The
uncle got out, gave him a big hug, and swung him
around and around.
“You must be Robert. I’ve heard so much about you,”
the uncle said.
Then the uncle stepped back and looked at him. And
out of the blue he said, “You know what, Robert? I
think one day you will be a minister. In fact, I think
one day you will be a great minister.”
Why did the uncle say this? There were no ministers
in this family. He simply felt something inside, and
he was bold enough to speak it out by faith. He
planted a seed in little Robert’s heart. That night as
Robert lay in his bed he secretly prayed, “God, let
what my uncle said be true. Let me be a minister one
day.”
As you may know, Robert Schuller, who grew up in
Alton, Iowa, became one of the great ministers of our
time. Isn’t it amazing what a simple word of
encouragement can do? Look what it did in his life.
You have the ability to stir up someone’s dreams by
giving them permission to succeed. You can light a
fire on the inside that glows joyfully for a lifetime.
When you take time to believe in someone, and you
speak faith into the heart of another, your words can
become the seed God nourishes.
I’m asking you to grant others the permission to
succeed. Be a seed planter. Be a people builder. Don’t
become so focused on your own dreams, your own
goals, that you grow only yourself. Be on the lookout
for those you can urge forward. Learn to speak faith
into them. Give them a greater vision. Speak the
blessing over others’ lives.
I know an older gentleman who is great at this. Any
time he sees a small child, he’ll ask the parents’
permission to call them over and say, “Young man (or
Young lady), I have a very special talent, something
only a few people can do. I have the ability to pick a
winner.”
The child’s eyes usually grow big. He’ll ask the child
if he can do an evaluation. Of course, the parents are
playing along. He’ll stand back and look at the child,
walk around very slowly, saying, “Uh-huh. Yes. Okay.
I see . . .”
When he finishes the “evaluation,” he’ll say, “I have
great news. I’ve never been wrong. I’m right every
time. You, my friend, indeed, you are a winner!”
The child lights up with a smile, runs back to the
parents, and says, “Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Guess what?
I’m a winner.”
My friend is building up those children, urging them
forward, bolstering their confidence, and instilling
self-esteem.
Everyone needs to be valued.
Everyone needs to be appreciated.
This is such a simple thing to do, yet so many people
benefit. I’m sure there are many in your life—people
you work with, play sports with and live near—who
could use an encouraging and approving word.
Someone around you is craving your blessing.
You can’t imagine what it will mean to those you
affirm when you give them your approval and let
them know in no uncertain terms that you are proud
of them and you think they are destined to do great
things. Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone needs
to be appreciated. Every person needs that blessing.
CAST YOUR VOTES OF CONFIDENCE
Even Henry Ford benefited from encouragement in
his early days, and one of his boosters was none
other than Thomas Edison. The pioneering
automaker was introduced to Edison as “the man
trying to build a car that ran on gasoline.” When
Edison heard this, his face lit up. He slammed his fist
on the table and said, “You’ve got it. A car that has its
own power plant; that’s a brilliant idea.”
Up to that point, Henry Ford had dealt with many
naysayers and discouragers. He had just about
convinced himself to give up, but along came Edison
and spoke faith into him. That was a turning point in
Henry Ford’s life.
“I thought I had a good idea, but I started to doubt
myself,” he once said. “Then came along one of the
greatest minds that’s ever lived and gave me his
complete approval.”
A simple vote of confidence helped launched the
automotive industry. We don’t realize the power we
hold. We don’t always realize what it means when
we tell somebody, “I believe in you. You’ve got what
it takes. I’m behind you 100 percent.”
Cast your vote. Step up and volunteer to be
someone’s number one fan. Encourage them. Lift
them up when they are down. Celebrate when they
succeed. Pray when they are struggling. Urge them to
keep pressing forward. That’s what it means to be a
people builder.
We all need someone to believe in us more than we
believe in ourselves, to see our potential, to look
beyond where we are now and guide us to what God
has planned for us.
Jesus didn’t focus on the faults of those around Him.
He saw their potential. His disciple Peter, in
particular, was rough around the edges, hot-
tempered and foulmouthed. Yet Jesus looked beyond
all that and saw Peter’s potential. Jesus spoke faith
into Peter and helped him form a vision of himself
rising higher and overcoming obstacles. His
encouragement helped Peter become what he was
created to be.
It says in Proverbs 12:25 that a word of
encouragement works wonders. When you help
people expand their thinking to create a real vision
of victory for their lives, they will accomplish things
that they never could have before. Their success will
come, in part, as the result of your faith, your
confidence in them, and the seeds you planted to
help them grow.
WE RISE TO EXPECTATIONS
The principal in a California high school conducted
an experiment in which he told three teachers that
they’d been judged the brightest and most effective
educators in their school district. As a result, they’d
been selected for a new program.
“We are giving you the top ninety students, the
smartest students with the highest IQs, and you will
teach them accelerated courses,” the teachers were
told.
The students and the teachers naturally were excited
and proud to be selected as “the cream of the crop.”
Their performances improved dramatically in the
new program. At the end of that school year, those
three classes had learned 30 percent more than the
other students. They were 30 percent further along
in their educations.
Imagine their shock when the principal informed the
teachers that this was only an experiment, and in
reality their students had been randomly selected
and were not high achievers. Still, the teachers were
amazed at how well the students had performed and
they congratulated themselves. Then the principal
broke the rest of the news.
They were not the top three teachers in the district.
They, too, had been randomly selected. The
principal’s experiment confirmed that we rise to the
level of our expectations. When you build up those
around you, they rise to your expectations.
You may not realize it, but my books are sold to only
the smartest, the brightest, the most creative, the
most talented, the most generous, and the happiest
readers in the world! You, too, are the cream of the
crop. I have incredible confidence in you. I know you
will do great things. You will fulfill your God-given
destiny.
Now that I’ve built you up, pass it on. Look around
and see whom God has put in your life to inspire and
motivate. Even small gestures like a kind word, a
note of encouragement, or recognizing a person’s
gifts can make a difference to someone in need of a
boost.
KIND WORDS CAN CHANGE LIVES
A teen girl struggled with anorexia. She stood nearly
six feet tall but weighed less than one hundred
pounds. She wouldn’t eat but a couple hundred
calories a day. She became depressed and
disillusioned. She cut off ties to friends and family.
Starvation seemed like a reasonable option to her
because she felt she had no purpose.
One day a longtime friend from school called and
asked if she would help her with math homework.
She pleaded for help, so the anorexic teen agreed to
help her. They worked together on the problems and
afterward the friend said, just in passing, “You are so
smart and you have such a way of explaining things.
You would make a great math teacher one day.”
That simple comment planted a seed within this
troubled teen. The encouraging words gave her a
sense of purpose. She realized that she had talent,
and that she had something to give others. Her
perspective changed, and so did the course of her
life. Twenty years later, she is a healthy and happy
mother of three and an award-winning math teacher
who works with underachieving children. She
credits the turnaround in her life to the words of the
girl she’d helped with her math homework.
A simple affirmation, an encouraging comment, or a
bit of praise can make a huge difference. When you
bless people with your words, you speak faith into
them.
Growing up, we had a tradition my mother began on
our birthdays. Before we could eat any birthday
cake, we each had to come up with one nice thing to
say about the birthday boy or girl. In my younger
days, I dreaded that tradition. For one thing, I could
never think of anything good to say about my
brother, Paul. The only thing I came up with was,
“You sure have a good-looking brother!”
As I grew older, though, I began to realize the
importance and the value of not only hearing those
words but saying them, too. Simple affirmations can
do so much for our confidence and our self-esteem.
Even just a few words of praise can make someone’s
day or plant a seed of hope. “Your drawings are
amazing.” “You have such a way with words.” “Your
voice has so much character.”
One thing you can be certain of, people never grow
tired of hearing compliments and encouragements.
You can go on and on about how wonderful they are
and they’ll never be bored! That’s proof of just how
much we hunger for praise and direction in our
lives.
John Wooden, the late basketball genius, told his
players, “After you score a basket, always look for the
player who made the pass to you and acknowledge
them. Nod your head. Smile. Point your finger. But
do something to express your appreciation.”
One of the players said, “What if he’s not looking?”
Wooden replied, “Don’t worry. He’ll be looking.”
The point is, we all love to be appreciated. We love to
be valued, to feel encouraged.
Who can you give the gift
of encouragement to?
Mark Twain said, “I can live for a whole year off of
one good compliment.” Who can you give the gift of
encouragement to? Don’t leave out even those who
seem to have accomplished more than most.
Everyone wants to be appreciated. Abraham Lincoln
was carrying several things when he was killed that
are on display now at the Smithsonian Institution in
Washington, D.C. He had a handkerchief with his
initials on it. He had a five-dollar bill, and he had a
newspaper article folded up. The headline read
“Abraham Lincoln—One of the Greatest Statesmen
That’s Ever Lived.”
Why would he carry around an article like that?
Lincoln served during difficult times of civil war and
upheaval over slavery and other major issues
troubling our young country. He was criticized,
ridiculed, and constantly put down. So even this
great man needed to be reminded now and then that
someone appreciated and believed in him.
I don’t know about you, but I want to be a dream
releaser and a wallet filler. I want to speak much
vision, much faith, and many blessings to inspire
others and give them encouragement. You have the
power to help someone go to a higher level. The
people in your life are not there by accident. Are you
believing in them? Are you urging them forward?
Are you speaking the blessing?
I have an assignment for you. Find at least one
person you can build up. You may have four or five
different people. Write their names on a sheet of
paper. List what you like about them, their strengths.
Pray over that. Ask God to show you ways to bless
them. And then speak favor into their lives. Write
them encouraging notes. Let them know you believe
in them.
As they succeed, so will you. Your bringing out the
best in others will also bring out the best in you.
Remember, an encouraging word works wonders. Be
free with your compliments. Tell people what they
mean to you. Get in the habit of building up those
around you. When you sow those seeds, God will
make sure you go higher, too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Living As A Healer
A well-dressed man stopped me on a busy sidewalk
not long ago. From his appearance, you’d think he
was on top of the world, but behind the facade, he
was in much pain. He and his wife had separated. He
was so discouraged.
“I don’t have a reason to live anymore,” he told me.
He sobbed and sobbed. My coat was wet with his
tears. I didn’t have all the answers. I couldn’t solve
all of his problems right there on the sidewalk. But I
could pour in some healing oil. I offered words of
encouragement.
“God has you in the palm of His hand,” I said. “Our
meeting is not an accident. That’s God’s way of
saying, ‘Everything will be all right.’ ”
That’s all some people need to hear. You don’t have to
preach a sermon. You don’t have to quote twenty-five
Scripture verses or counsel them for eight hours. Just
a few kind words can start the healing process.
After I prayed with the man on the street, he noticed
how wet my suit was from his tears. He was
embarrassed. “Oh, Joel. It looks like I’ve ruined your
jacket.”
I didn’t tell him, but I wore those tears like medals on
my jacket. You’re never more like God than when
you’re helping those who are hurting. One of our
assignments in life is to help wipe away the tears.
Everywhere we go there are people in need. There
may be smiles on the outside, but on the inside there
is pain. Many are quietly hurting and they need
healing. We all have a ministry. It may not be in the
pulpit, but God is counting on each of us to reach out
to others and bring healing wherever we go.
Are you sensitive to the needs of those around you?
Your friends? Your neighbors? Your co-workers?
Many times, like the man who stopped me on the
street, someone may be hurting, but they hide it
because of shame or embarrassment. Often, they
don’t know how to reach out for help, so be prepared
to reach out to them. Be a healer. Be a restorer. Take
time to wipe away the tears.
Your job is not to judge. God wants you to lift the
fallen, restore the broken, and heal the hurting.
Too often we focus on our own goals and our own
dreams, hoping for a miracle, but I’ve learned that I
can become someone’s miracle. There is healing in
our hands. There’s healing in our voices. We are
containers filled with God’s love.
You are full of encouragement, mercy, restoration,
and healing. Everywhere you go, dispense the
goodness of God. You can say to those in need:
“You may have made mistakes, but God’s mercy is
bigger than any mistake you’ve made.”
“You may have wasted years of your life making poor
choices, but God still has a way to get you to your
final destination.”
“You may have had an addiction, but the power of
the Most High God can break any addiction and set
you free.”
That’s what it means to dispense good. You lift the
fallen. You encourage the discouraged. You take time
to wipe away the tears.
GIVE UP YOUR COMFORT
TO COMFORT OTHERS
Jesus told about the good Samaritan who was riding
his donkey and saw a man who had been beaten and
left for dead on the roadside. He lifted the injured
man onto his donkey and took him to a place where
he could recover. I love the fact that the good
Samaritan let the injured man ride while he walked
because sometimes to comfort others, you may have
to give up your own comfort. Sometimes you have to
trade places with those who are hurting.
To be a healer, you will be inconvenienced. You
might have to miss dinner in order to wipe away a
tear. You might have to skip a workout to help a
couple work through their challenges. You may even
have to drive across town and pick up that co-worker
struggling with an addiction and then bring him to
church.
A true healer doesn’t mind inconvenience,
or taking risks in the course of reaching
out to those who truly need a hand up.
A true healer doesn’t mind inconvenience, or taking
risks in the course of reaching out to those who truly
need a hand up. Jim Bakker, the fallen minister and
cohost of The PTL Club television show, went to
prison for five years on fraud convictions. When he
was about to be released, Franklin Graham, Billy
Graham’s son, contacted him and said his family had
rented him a house and provided a car for him.
“Franklin, you can’t do that,” Bakker told him. “I
have too much baggage. You’ll be criticized. Your
ministry can’t be associated with me.”
Franklin said, “Sure we can, Jim. You were our friend
before, and you will be our friend afterward.”
The first Sunday after his release, Jim Bakker was
living temporarily in a halfway house as a condition
of the court. Ruth Graham, Billy Graham’s wife,
called the place and asked the man in charge if Jim
could have permission to leave and come to church
with the Grahams that Sunday. The judge agreed.
When Jim entered the church, they ushered him
right down to the very front row and sat him next to
Franklin Graham.
The Grahams had ten or fifteen family members
there. There were two vacant seats next to Jim
Bakker before the service started. He didn’t know
who they were for. But when the music kicked up, a
side door opened and out walked Billy and Ruth
Graham. They sat right next to Jim Bakker. He had
been out of prison only forty-eight hours, but the
whole world was put on notice that the Grahams still
considered Jim Bakker a friend.
What were the Grahams doing associating with a
convicted criminal? They were loving him back into
wholeness. They were acting as healers.
I heard somebody say, “A true friend walks in when
everybody else walks out. A true friend doesn’t rub it
in when you make a mistake. They help rub it out.”
That’s a question to ask yourself when someone you
know falls off the path. Are you rubbing the mistake
in or rubbing it out? Are you a healer and a restorer,
or are you critical and judgmental?
HEALING GOD’S CHILDREN
The Scripture says that Jesus was a friend of sinners
(see Luke 7:34). I don’t know about you, but I’m
determined to live as a healer. When someone falls
and makes a mistake, I’m showing up to help rub it
out and not rub it in.
That doesn’t mean you overlook wrongs and act as if
they never happened. But you understand if it were
not for the grace of God, you, too, could be in need of
healing. When you show mercy to the guilty, when
you encourage the discouraged, when you lift people
up as everyone else is pushing them down, your
actions touch the heart of God in a very special way.
As a parent, I appreciate it if someone helps me, but
if someone helps one of my children in a time of
need, there is nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for
that person. It’s the same way with God. When you
make it your business to help His children, His sons,
His daughters, by wiping their tears or lifting them
when they are down, be prepared: You will not be
able to outrun the goodness of God.
Singer Tammy Trent went to Jamaica with her
husband, Trent Lenderink, shortly after their
eleventh wedding anniversary. They rock-climbed
and went to the beach for several days and then, just
before they were supposed to leave, Trent decided to
check out the blue lagoon, a favorite diving spot on
the island. Trent was an avid scuba diver, but he
didn’t have his gear this time. Instead, he dove into
the lagoon with just fins and a snorkel while Tammy
watched. She didn’t worry because Trent often dove
like this. He could stay underwater for up to ten
minutes free diving.
Ten minutes or so went by and Tammy began looking
for her husband. He had not yet come up for air, and
she grew worried. Fifteen minutes—still nothing;
twenty minutes… panic set in. Tammy called the
authorities. Trent had drowned, tragically. They
recovered his body the next day.
Tammy, who had been with Trent since high school,
was in shock, totally devastated, and she was alone in
this foreign country. She called her parents and they
said they would come immediately. The first
available flight was the next morning, which just
happened to be September 11, 2001, the day the
terrorists struck in the U.S. All flights were grounded.
Tammy’s parents could not go to her, and she could
not leave Jamaica.
Tammy was so distraught. She prayed, “God, if You’re
up there anywhere, please send somebody to help
me, somebody to let me know that You care.”
A little later there was a knock on her hotel door
room. It was the housekeeper. She was an older
Jamaican woman. She said, “I was cleaning the room
next door. I don’t mean to bother you but I couldn’t
help but hear you crying, and I was wondering if
there is anything that I could pray with you about.”
Tammy told her what had happened. That older
Jamaican woman put her loving arms around
Tammy and held her like she was her very own
daughter. That moment, thousands of miles from
home, Tammy Trent knew that God was still in
control.
The Jamaican housekeeper was living as a healer.
She was sensitive to the needs of those around her.
She heard the cries for help coming from another
room. She could have thought, Oh, I’ve got a lot of
work to do. I’m busy. I’ve got problems of my own.
Instead, she dropped what she was doing and
embraced one of God’s children. She knew her
assignment in life was to help wipe away the tears.
That moment, she poured the healing oil onto
Tammy’s wounds.
She simply let her know that she cared. She was the
first step in Tammy’s long period of healing.
FOLLOW THE FLOW OF COMPASSION
It’s great to go to church and
celebrate God’s goodness. But your
work continues when you step outside.
The Scripture says that one day God will wipe away
all the tears (see Revelation 21:4). There will be no
more tragedy, no more sickness, and no more pain.
But in the meantime, God is counting on you and me
to wipe away the tears. It’s great to go to church and
celebrate God’s goodness. But your work continues
when you step outside. Always be ready to step up
and offer healing.
You can sense when someone is hurting. All of a
sudden, you feel a flow of compassion and you think,
I need to go pray for them. I need to go encourage
them.
Don’t ignore those instincts. That’s God wanting you
to bring healing. There’s a tear that needs to be
wiped away.
Victoria called a friend named Shannon awhile back.
A young lady answered and seemed somewhat
troubled. Victoria said, “Shannon, is this you?”
The voice was muffled and said, “Yes, this is me and
I’ll be okay.”
Confused, Victoria gave Shannon’s full name and
asked again if she had the right number. The young
lady said, “No, you must have the wrong number.
This is a different Shannon.”
Victoria was about to hang up, but she felt this flow
of compassion toward the person on the line.
“Shannon, I know this may sound strange, but can I
pray with you about something?” she asked.
The woman began to weep.
“Would you please? My father just died, and I’m so
depressed I don’t know what to do.”
Victoria prayed and spoke faith to her. She comforted
her as best she could, assuring her that God was at
her side. Before she hung up the young lady said,
“You’re my angel. Now I know that God still has a
plan for my life.”
God will bring people across our paths so we can
restore. Be sensitive and follow that flow of
compassion.
I was at the hospital visiting with a friend when a
mother and daughter recognized me in the hallway.
They asked if I would go down the hall and pray for
the woman’s husband, father of the young woman.
I agreed, and when we arrived at his room they said
they would wait outside.
I thought that was a little strange, but I went in. The
man was about sixty years old. I did not know him,
but we visited for ten or fifteen minutes. Then I
prayed over him. I gave him a big hug.
When I walked out, the mother and daughter were
grinning from ear to ear.
“What is so funny?” I asked them.
“We can’t believe he let you pray for him,” the
mother said. “He doesn’t even like you.”
I thought, Oh, thanks a lot. That’s why I went in by
myself.
“When we watch you on television, he always makes
fun of you and tells us to turn you off,” she added.
I thought: If I had known that, I might have prayed a
little bit differently.
But when you take time to care, you never know
what God will do. That was years ago, and today, do
you know that man and his family come to services
at Lakewood every week? They never miss a Sunday!
When you live as a healer, you break down the walls.
You soften hard hearts. Love never fails. Come to
find out, that man used to be a deacon in another
church, but he’d been mistreated and hadn’t gone to
any church in thirty years!
HEALING FAITH
The book of James talks about how we need to go
after the prodigals (see 5:19–20). We need to go after
those who have fallen away. If you know of people
who were once strong in faith but have weakened, go
after them. Write them a letter. Track them down.
Call them. Stop by their houses and say, “Hey, where
have you been? We miss you. We need you. Why
don’t you come back home?”
Go after the prodigals. They need healing, too. They
need their happiness and joy restored. Your attitude
should be: I’m on a mission from God. If you fall
away, you’re on dangerous ground because I will
track you down. I will help bring you back into the
fold.
Years ago, my father went to a service across town at
a friend’s church. He arrived late so he sat in the
back row. After a few minutes, a young man walked
in looking very troubled. My father felt that flow of
compassion and made a note to reach out to him
after the service.
But midway through, the young man walked out. My
father felt so strongly that he went after him. He
looked in the lobby and couldn’t find him. Daddy
went out into the parking lot, searched and searched.
Still nothing. He came back in and checked the
restroom, and sure enough, there he was.
My father looked the young man in the eyes and said,
“I don’t know you, but I want to tell you God’s hand is
on your life. He’s got a destiny for you to fulfill. Don’t
give up on your future.”
The young man wept.
“My life is so messed up,” he said. “I’m addicted to so
many drugs. I decided to come to church one more
time, and then I was going home to take every pill I
could find.”
Later, this young man recalled that when he walked
into the church, one of the first things he noticed was
my father’s shoes. Then, when he’d walked out, he’d
seen my father following him, and “Everywhere I
went I saw those shoes following me.”
My father wore the shoes of a healer. The shoes of a
restorer. The shoes of a minister tracking down
prodigals and healing hearts.
That night was a turning point in the young man’s
life. Today, more than thirty years later, he’s the
pastor of a very successful church. But I wonder
where he would be if my father had not been living
as a healer?
A hundred years from now, if someone were to
remember me, I don’t want them to say, “Oh, yeah.
Joel, he’s the guy that had a big church. He wrote
some nice books. He was kind of popular.”
No, I want them to say, “That man was a healer. He
was a restorer. He lifted the fallen. He encouraged
the discouraged. He gave mercy to the guilty. He
spent his life wiping away the tears.”
I received a letter just recently from a lady who said
that for more than forty years she’d felt beaten down
by life and abandoned by her religion. She was told
that God loved her only when she kept all the rules
and followed all the man-made laws.
“I suffered under religion,” she said. “I could never
be good enough.”
She ended up dropping out of church depressed and
confused. Twelve years later she was flipping
through the channels, and she heard me talking
about God’s unconditional love and how God has a
great plan for all of us.
For the first time, she felt a freedom on the inside,
she said. It was like God had breathed new life into
her spirit.
“Joel, sometimes, because you don’t condemn people,
others criticize you and say you’re just preaching
‘Christianity lite,’ ” she said. “But let me tell you, I
lived under ‘Christianity heavy’ for forty-two years. I
was broken. I was defeated. I was depressed. But
today I am healthy. I’m happy. I’m whole. I’m helping
others.
“I will take ‘Christianity lite’ over ‘Christianity heavy’
any day of the week,” she said.
Religion likes to beat people down. Religion will
criticize you because you’re not hard enough on
others. But I love what Jesus said: “My yoke is easy
and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:30 NKJV).
I encourage you to be a healer
and a restorer of dreams.
I don’t see the need to beat anyone down. Life does
that enough to people. I encourage you to be a healer
and a restorer of dreams. Look for those you can lift
up instead. Help them reclaim their happiness and
joy.
You are a container filled with God. Release His
healing wherever you go, and I can assure you, God’s
face will always shine down upon you.
PART 7
CELEBRATE
YOURSELF
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Encourage Yourself
One of the battles we all have to fight is the battle
with discouragement. Our dreams don’t always come
true on our timetables. We go through
disappointments and adversities. It’s easy to lose
enthusiasm, happiness, and joy and zeal for life. In
those times, it’s good to have family and friends who
encourage us. It’s good to have a coach, a teacher, or
a pastor to cheer us on.
But one thing I’ve learned is that other people cannot
keep us encouraged. Other people cannot keep us
cheered up. They may give us a boost. They may help
us from time to time. But if we really want to live in
victory, that encouragement has to come from the
inside. We must learn to encourage ourselves.
This is especially true when times get tough and
things aren’t going your way. At those moments, you
may not feel like pursuing your dreams. Your mind
may be telling you, It’s not worth it. It’s never getting
any better. You might as well just settle where you
are. Deep down in your spirit there has to be a
resolve, a strength on the inside that says, I refuse to
settle where I am. I know God has a great plan for
my life, and I’m pressing forward and becoming
everything that He’s created me to be.
This is what King David had to do, according to
Scripture. He had just suffered a major setback. It
was one of the most difficult times of his life. His city
had been destroyed. His family had been kidnapped.
And now his own men had turned against him. The
situation looked impossible. He could have easily just
given up and faded off into the sunset, defeated and
depressed. But the Scripture says, “David encouraged
himself in the LORD his God” (1 Samuel 30:6 KJV).
David understood this principle. He wasn’t
depending on his family, his friends, or his
colleagues. He knew how to draw strength and
encouragement from within. Sometimes when you
need encouragement the most, those you’re counting
on to cheer you up won’t be there, unfortunately. The
friend who normally calls may be out of town. Your
spouse may be having a tough month. Your co-
workers and your parents may be preoccupied with
their own challenges. But when you learn to dig
down deep and encourage yourself, there is a real
freedom.
This is one of the secrets to David’s success. He knew
how to draw encouragement and strength from the
inside. How did he do it? He began to replay the
victories God had given him in the past. He
remembered how God chose him from the other
brothers when he was a shepherd boy. He
remembered how he killed the lion and the bear
with his bare hands. He remembered how God
helped him defeat Goliath and how God protected
him when King Saul was trying to kill him.
As David rehearsed over and over in his mind the
goodness and faithfulness of God, strength began to
fill his heart. He created a new vision of victory. He
thanked God for what He had done. He thanked God
that He could turn the situation around. David went
from being depressed and defeated to rising up with
a warrior mentality.
A HALL OF FAME ENCOURAGER
When you look at how successful and celebrated
Emmitt Smith is today, you might be tempted to think
that he never needed to encourage himself. The
former Dallas Cowboys running back holds the
record for most yards rushing in NFL history. He has
three Super Bowl rings. He was inducted into the Pro
Football Hall of Fame in 2010. A few years before
that, he won the Dancing with the Stars competition!
And he’s married to a beautiful woman, a former
Miss Virginia.
But Emmitt grew up in a low-income family and
spent his first few years living in public housing. He
made a name for himself as a football player in high
school and college. But there were many who
thought he’d never make it in the National Football
League. Many scouts and coaches felt he was too
short at five feet nine inches tall. Others said he
wasn’t fast enough to play in the pros.
On his NFL draft day, Emmitt waited with his family
and friends for his name to be called. But after
fifteen others were chosen in the draft, he still had
not received a call. Emmitt began to doubt himself.
He questioned his decision to leave the University of
Florida before his senior year. Nervous and
discouraged, he went for a walk on the beach outside
a friend’s Florida condominium.
As Emmitt walked alone, he didn’t let himself think
of the fifteen other players who’d been called before
him. Instead, he encouraged himself by thinking of
all that he’d accomplished so far. In high school, he’d
led his football team to two state championships and
set the state record for rushing yards. In just three
seasons of college football, he’d set fifty-eight school
records and was named an All-American.
After raising his spirits by remembering his victories,
Emmitt prayed, “God, it’s all in Your hands.” Then he
returned to the condo where everyone was gathered.
They informed him that he hadn’t been the sixteenth
pick in the NFL draft either.
Just then the phone rang. It was Jimmy Johnson, then
the coach of the Dallas Cowboys.
“Emmitt, would you like to wear a star on your
helmet?” said Coach Johnson.
“Yes, Coach, I would love to wear a Cowboys star,”
said Emmitt.
Maybe you are discouraged and doubting yourself
right now. Maybe you’ve lost your fire and your
enthusiasm because of a disappointment or setback.
Stay focused on encouraging thoughts—
thoughts of hope and thoughts of faith.
Encourage yourself as Emmitt did. Encourage
yourself as David did. Look back on past
accomplishments and victories and draw inspiration
from them. Stay focused on encouraging thoughts—
thoughts of hope and thoughts of faith.
REPLAY THE VICTORIES
When you’re in difficult times and you’re tempted to
get down—whether it’s a bad medical report, a
relationship problem, or you are struggling in your
finances—don’t dwell on the negative and replay
over and over all the reasons why things won’t work
out and how impossible your situation is. Instead,
change the channel. Get the remote control. That’s
not the only channel. Start replaying in your mind,
like David and Emmitt did, all the times that God
helped you, the times God protected you from those
accidents, and the times God gave you a promotion
even though you weren’t the most qualified.
You were disappointed when it seemed doors were
closed to you, but looking back now, you know things
worked out for the best. How about the time you lost
a loved one? You could have felt defeated. You didn’t
think you could make it through. But eventually you
felt a peace and a strength like you’ve never felt
before.
Every one of us has seen the hand of God at work in
our lives. A key to encouraging yourself is to replay
your personal trials and accompanying victories. As
you remember the great things God has done, faith
will fill your heart. Strength and courage will come
from the inside. No matter what you’re facing, no
matter how difficult it looks, you’ll know deep down,
God did not bring me this far to leave me here. If He
did it for me in the past, He’ll do it again for me in
the future.
You can get your joy back if you just change the
channel. If you are remembering only the negative,
remembering what didn’t work out, and who hurt
you, and how unfair it was, then it’s not surprising
you’re feeling down. You are watching the wrong
channel. God has done something great for every one
of us. Maybe God has given you a child. The day that
little baby was born you were so excited. Why don’t
you replay that miracle in your mind? Maybe God
has given you a house, He’s given you a promotion,
or maybe you received a good medical report. You
were so thrilled. You were on cloud nine. Learn to
replay those victories in your mind.
To keep yourself encouraged, make sure you’re
watching the right channel. You cannot stay down
and defeated as long as you’re thinking about the
goodness of God. I try to do that, in fact, every time I
drive near Lakewood Church. Whether I’m driving
by on the freeway or pulling up to a service, I always
say, without fail, “Thank You, Lord, for our beautiful
building.”
I’m still amazed at what God has done. Whenever I
see our church, I don’t even have to think about it
anymore, my thank-you to the Lord just comes out of
me naturally. I guess I’ve developed a habit. I’ve
probably said that phrase ten thousand times. Every
time I do, you know what’s happening? I’m
encouraging myself. My faith is increasing. I can feel
strength on the inside. I know if God gave us this
building, He can do anything.
Our son, Jonathan, was in a car driven by our friend
Johnny when they passed Lakewood Church on the
way home one day. As they were driving by,
Jonathan said to Johnny, “Let me say it for my dad:
‘Thank You, Lord, for our beautiful building.’ ” He’s
heard me say it so often, now he’s saying it. The
Scripture says we should tell our children and our
grandchildren the great things God has done!
EVERY SETBACK IS A
SETUP FOR A COMEBACK
I see too many people today who have just settled
where they are. Giving in to the spirit of
discouragement steals dreams. The attitude of those
who settle for less is: It’s not worth it. My marriage is
not worth fighting for. It’s never working out. Or, I’m
tired of dealing with this child. It’s not worth the
struggle. I’m tired of doing what’s right; I’m never
getting ahead. No, don’t believe those lies. That is the
spirit of discouragement trying to steal your dreams
and keep you right where you are.
Let me tell you something you already know deep
down in your spirit. Every promise God has put in
your heart, every dream He’s planted on the inside,
is well worth the fight. Your child is worth it. Your
marriage is worth it. Your health is worth it. Your
dreams are worth it.
Don’t you dare settle where you are. You may have
suffered a setback. Like David in the Bible, you’ve
been through a disappointment. Maybe a
relationship didn’t work out. Maybe you’re facing a
major health issue right now. Remember this: Every
setback is a setup for a comeback.
You may have been knocked down, but you weren’t
knocked out. You’ve got to get back up, dust yourself
off. God has you in the palm of His hand. He said if
you would stay in faith, He would not only bring you
out, He would bring you out better off than you were
before.
This is what David had to do. He was down, but he
didn’t stay down. He mentally replayed his victories.
He thanked God for what He had done in the past.
When he changed the channel and took on an
attitude of faith and expectancy, David went from
being a victim to being a victor. He said to his men,
“Get up, guys. We’re attacking the enemy.”
The Scripture says they not only recovered
everything that had been stolen from them, but they
came out with more than they had before (see 1
Samuel 30). That’s what God wants to do for every
one of us. But it all started when David encouraged
himself. He recognized the main battle wasn’t taking
place on the outside. It was taking place on the
inside.
When all the odds were against him—his family
wasn’t there, his friends had turned on him, the
news wasn’t good, the economy was low, gas was
high—his attitude was, “I’m not worried about any of
that. I know the God I serve is well able to deliver
me.”
David said, in effect; “I’ve seen God lift me out of the
pit before. He set my feet on a rock, put a new song
in my heart. And if He did it for me back then, I
know He’ll do it for me right now.” That’s the kind of
attitude that gets God’s attention.
I know you can look back in life and say with David,
“If it had not been for the goodness of God, where
would I be?” In other words:
“I should have had a nervous breakdown when I
went through that divorce, but God filled me with His
strength.”
“I should have given up and been depressed when
my loved one died, but God gave me a new
beginning.”
“I shouldn’t be here today, according to the medical
report, but because of the goodness of God, I’m still
alive and well.”
“My business should have gone bankrupt a long time
ago, but because of God’s favor it turned around.”
“I should be messed up in my mind because of all the
addictions I had. But because of the mercy of God,
my chains are broken and I’m totally free today.”
“My family should be torn apart, but because of
God’s goodness we’re still here together.”
You cannot stay down and defeated as long as you’re
meditating on the goodness of God! Switch off the
Defeat Channel. Switch off the Who Hurt Me
Channel, the I Come from the Wrong Family Channel,
and the Gloom and Despair Channel.
Remember the good things God has done,
and faith will fill your heart.
Turn them off and switch to the Victory Channel, to
the All Things Are Possible Channel, to the God Is
Well Able Channel, to the My Best Days Are Ahead of
Me Channel. Remember the good things God has
done, and faith will fill your heart.
CREATE AN ENCOURAGEMENT FILE
Another thing that can help you stay encouraged is
creating an “Encouragement File.” Whenever
someone sends you a kind note or a compliment, put
it in a file in your home or office. Then when you’re
tempted to be down, pull out those letters and notes
and read them again. Let those words lift your
spirits. Many times, after just five minutes of being
reminded how much people love you and of
remembering some of the good things you’ve done,
your attitude will totally change.
I started an Encouragement File when I first began
ministering. Whenever someone sent me a kind note,
a nice letter, or even when someone just gave me a
compliment, I’d put it in the file. Back in those days,
if someone said something even halfway
encouraging, I put it in there. I remember this
elderly man I’d see at the gym was always kidding
me about something. But one day he wrote me a note
that said, “I watched your sermon on television
yesterday. All I can say is, ‘Better luck next time.’ ”
I was so happy that he at least watched the sermon; I
put his note in my Encouragement File. Sometimes
you can’t be picky. Thank God, today his note is in
“File 13.” I don’t need that one anymore.
Shortly after I became a minister, this little boy about
five years old came up after my sermon and said: “I
really love listening to your stories.”
I was feeling so good.
Then he said, “But if I were you, I’d leave out all that
other boring stuff.”
You need an Encouragement File, too. In my file I
have letters, compliments, and birthday cards. Not
long ago one of my third-grade teachers wrote my
mom a note about what a good student I was, and
how friendly I was, and how I smiled so much even
back then. That encouraged me. I put my teacher’s
note in my file. And now, at least every couple of
months, I’ll pull out that file and flip through some of
those letters.
What am I doing? I’m encouraging myself. It’s like
being on a good maintenance program. Be
encouraged on a regular basis.
SELF-ENCOURAGEMENT WORKS
If you are worried that no one has sent you nice
notes, given you credit, or offered a compliment that
you can put in an Encouragement File, I have a
solution. Write yourself some nice letters. Write
down what you like about yourself. List your
strengths. List your accomplishments. List some of
the good things you’ve done for others.
When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate
yourself. When nobody else compliments you,
compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to
keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. It should come
from the inside.
This is what God did. He praised Himself. We’re told
in the book of Genesis that God created the waters
and He said, “That was good.” He created the sky and
He said, “That was good.” He created the fish and the
animals and He stepped back and said, “That was
good.” He created you and me and said, “That was
really good.”
I love the fact that God praised Himself. Most of the
time we are so critical of ourselves, and so focused
on what we’ve done wrong, we never even think
about complimenting ourselves.
I’ve got these faults. I’m struggling with this
addiction. Or, I’m not nearly as talented as my co-
workers.
That’s not the way to think. Find something that
you’re doing right so you can say, “You know what?
That was good.”
Even when you walk out of church, you can pat
yourself on the back and say, “I did something right
today. I took time to honor God by coming to church.
I must say, ‘I did good.’ ”
When I walk off the platform at Lakewood Church
each week, I look at myself in the mirror and say,
“You did good today.” I may not have done as well as
somebody else, but I did the best that I could do, and
that’s all that really matters.
Here’s my point: If you don’t compliment yourself,
you will never become everything God created you to
be. Feel good about who you are. I’m not talking
about being arrogant and going around thinking you
are better than everybody else. I’m talking about
learning to accept and approve yourself. Happiness
is an inside-out proposition. If you aren’t happy with
yourself, you will never be able to find joy in each
and every day.
Instead of always catching yourself doing something
wrong, I want you to get in the habit of catching
yourself doing things right. I hear people who are
always condemning themselves. “There I go again—
spent too much money.” “There I go again. I ate
something that I shouldn’t have.” “There I go again—
lost my temper.”
They always see the wrong, never the right.
“I’m just down on myself ’cause I didn’t work out one
time last week.”
Maybe not, but you did take the stairs instead of the
elevator. That was good.
“Well, I didn’t clean my house yesterday like I
wanted to.”
Maybe not, but you did go to your child’s ball game.
That was good.
“Well, I didn’t take my friend out to lunch like I
promised.”
No, but you sure were kind to that security guard.
Quit catching yourself doing something wrong and
start catching yourself doing something right.
CHANGE THE CHANNEL
Some of you have never once said out loud to
yourself, “I’m a good mother.” “I’m a good father.”
“I’m talented and creative.” “I’m kind and
considerate.”
I don’t say this arrogantly, but I like who God made
me to be. I love to compliment other people, but I’ve
learned even to compliment myself. I like the gifts
God has given me. I like my personality. I like my
height. I like my age. I like what I’m able to do.
One of the recordings playing in my mind all through
the day is: You’re a good father. You’re a good
husband. You’re talented. You’re creative. You’re
kind. You’re fun to be around.
It is easy to stay encouraged when you learn to
compliment yourself. Sometimes we think it’s
humble to compliment somebody else while putting
ourselves down.
“Man, you’re so good at that. I could never do
anything like you.”
No, you can do exactly what God has created you to
do.
People often tell me, “I could never speak in front of
large crowds like you do.”
Maybe not, but I could never fly an airplane like you
do. I could never design houses like you do. I could
never teach children like you do. The fact is, every
one of us is good at something. We shouldn’t look at
somebody else and think, Man, they are so talented.
They are so creative. They are so disciplined. They
are so good-looking. I don’t know what in the world
happened to me.
No, start looking in the mirror and saying, “You are
so talented. You are so creative. You are so
disciplined. You good-looking thing.”
You’ve got to compliment yourself. Try it. It may
work. It didn’t for my brother, Paul! But you try it
anyway.
A young lady named Brittany moved to a new school
in junior high. Most of the students had grown up
together and been friends for years and years. She
was having a tough time breaking in and really
connecting with anybody.
This school had a tradition that during the week
before Valentine’s Day, students could buy 25-cent
carnations to send to one another. The carnations
were all delivered during homeroom on Valentine’s
Day in front of the whole class. So it was a big deal to
see how many carnations everyone received.
Well, Brittany knew she would not receive any
carnations. She was new to the school and didn’t
have any friends. She was dreading that day,
thinking she’d be left out and embarrassed.
But then Brittany came up with a great idea. Instead
of just sitting back and watching everybody else get
flowers, she decided to send some to herself. She
took five dollars down to the school office where she
asked for twenty carnation delivery forms. Then she
filled them out in private so nobody would know she
was sending them to herself.
On Valentine’s Day, most of the young ladies received
three or four carnations. The real popular girls might
have five or six or seven delivered to them. But in
Brittany’s homeroom, it seemed every other
carnation came to her. Her homeroom classmates
looked at her, thinking, Who in the world is this girl?
She has so many friends.
One after another carnation was delivered to her.
Her classmates would ask, “Who’s that from?” And
Brittany would look at the note and say, “Oh. They
are so special. They love me so much. I can’t wait to
tell them thanks.”
They had no idea she was talking about herself. You
would have thought Brittany was the most popular
girl in school. By the end of Valentine’s Day, she was
the envy of the whole class. She had more carnations
than anybody else.
You need Brittany’s attitude: If nobody else is
celebrating me right now, I’m celebrating myself. If
nobody is asking me out to dinner, I’m dressing up
and taking myself out to dinner. If nobody is sending
me a birthday gift, watch out. I’m buying myself a
present.
If you’ve lost your happiness, your joy, your fire, and
your enthusiasm, maybe it’s because no one is
celebrating you, cheering you on, or encouraging
you. So do as David did in the Bible and encourage
yourself. Draw that line in the sand and say, “That’s
it. This is a new day. I am done living negatively,
discouraged, and with no enthusiasm. I know this is
the day the Lord has made. I’m choosing to live this
day with faith and with expectancy.”
You may have gone through a setback,
but prepare for a comeback.
You may have gone through a setback, but prepare
for a comeback. God did not bring you this far to
leave you where you are. He has you in the palm of
His hand. He had the solution before you ever had
that problem. He already has a way out. God knows
the end from the beginning. Everything you’re facing
right now is subject to change. That means one touch
of God’s favor can turn any situation around. You’ve
got to dare to do like David. Shake off that spirit of
discouragement and say, “I may be knocked down,
but I’m not staying down. I’m rising back up and
going again.”
Encourage yourself so that you can find happiness in
every day. When the negative voices start up and say,
“Well, the economy is bad. Aren’t you afraid?”
Say, “No, I know God is my provider. He supplies all
of my needs.”
“Well, gas is high.”
“Yes, but God is well able to take care of me.”
“Well, your child is not doing right.”
“That’s true, but I know he’s subject to change.”
“Well, you were laid off. I heard you lost your job.
Aren’t you frustrated?”
“Not at all. I know God is about to open up another
door. I know He has something better in store for
me.”
“Well, you look like you’re not feeling well.
Somebody said you received a bad report from the
doctor.”
“Yes, I did, but I know God is in complete control. He
said that nothing would snatch me out of His hand.
So I believe I will live out every second He’s planned
for me.”
That’s what it means to encourage yourself. Get up
every morning thinking about the goodness of God.
Replay in your mind the victories that He’s given you
in the past. Don’t remember the negative. Change the
channel and remember all the times God has
brought you through.
If you don’t have an Encouragement File, start one.
When you’re tempted to get down, go get those
letters out. Let them lift your spirit. And don’t wait
for others to compliment you. Compliment yourself.
Learn to celebrate who God made you to be.
It’s up to you to keep yourself encouraged. Don’t put
pressure on your friends and family to encourage
you all the time. You can draw strength from the
inside. When you learn to encourage yourself, that’s
your faith at work. By encouraging yourself, you will
enjoy your life more and you will overcome every
obstacle. You will restore your happiness and your
joy. You will help every desire, every promise put in
you come to pass.
Even when you do get knocked down and suffer a
setback, just as God did for David in the Bible, He will
make sure you not only come back but that you come
back better off than you were before.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
The Voice Of Victory
There are all kinds of thoughts and all kinds of voices
we can tune in to just like with a radio station. There
are hundreds of different frequencies in the air right
now all around you. If you had a receiver, you could
tune in to station after station. In the same way, you
can tune out a station. You’ve been in your car when
a song or a talk show that you don’t like comes on the
radio. It’s no big deal. You don’t make yourself listen
to it. You don’t sit there and endure it. You just push
a button and switch over to a different station. The
same principle works with your thinking.
All through the day there are thoughts coming into
your mind. Many of these are negative and
discouraging thoughts like You’ll never be healthy.
You’ll never accomplish your dreams. You’ll never be
married. You’ll never overcome your problems.
Many people are unaware that you don’t have to stay
on that station. Just because a thought comes doesn’t
mean you have to dwell on it. If that thought is
negative, discouraging, or depressing, you simply
need to tune out that frequency and find a different
station or channel.
There’s a channel I recommend called the “Voice of
Victory.” It originates from God’s Word. It says, “You
have a bright future.” It says, “You are blessed. You
are healthy. You are forgiven. You have favor. You
can overcome any obstacle. You can accomplish your
dreams.”
If you want to live in victory, in happiness and joy,
stay tuned to the right channel. You can’t go around
all day thinking things like I can’t stand my job and
I’m so overweight and I’m never getting out of debt.
Thinking those thoughts is draining your energy,
your joy, your happiness, and your zeal. You are
losing all the good things God has put in. You would
be amazed at how much better you would feel if you
got up each day and went on the offensive instead of
being passive and entertaining every negative
thought that comes to your mind. Think positive
thoughts on purpose. Get up in the morning and
make a declaration of faith. Say out loud to yourself,
“This will be a great day. God is directing my steps.
His favor is surrounding me like a shield. I’m excited
about this day.”
When you do that, you will be stronger and happier,
and you will see God’s favor in a greater way. Pay
attention to what you’re thinking. Some people have
been tuned in to the Worry Channel so long they
could be lifetime members. They could own stock in
that channel they are so full of worries.
“I’m just worried about my child, worried about my
health, worried about my finances.”
There is a better way to live. When those negative
thoughts come, you have to make a choice to not
dwell on them. Instead, use the arrival of negative
thoughts as a reminder to thank God that He’s at
work. Just switch the channel and thank Him for
changing things in your favor.
YOU CONTROL THE DOORWAY
TO YOUR MIND
When somebody does you wrong, there’s a voice
inside that says, Get even. Hold a grudge. Never
speak to them again. If you dwell on those thoughts,
they will poison your life. But there’s another mind
frequency you can tune in to. It says, God is my
vindicator. He’ll make my wrongs right. What was
meant for my harm, He’ll use to my advantage.
That’s the Voice of Victory. When you make a mistake
one voice says, You blew it. You’ll never be blessed.
Don’t expect anything good. Another voice says, I’m
forgiven. God’s mercy is bigger than any mistake. My
best days are still ahead. It all depends on what voice
you choose to tune in to. Our thoughts set the
direction for our lives. What station or channel are
you tuned in to?
I’m just an average person. I’m just ordinary. I’ll
never do anything great.
No, you’re on the wrong channel. If you’ll switch
over to the Voice of Victory, you’ll hear, I am one of a
kind. I’m a masterpiece. I have seeds of greatness. I
will leave my mark on this generation.
Pay attention to your thoughts. Make sure you’re
tuned in to the right channel. Maybe you’re driving
through a nice neighborhood and you see a beautiful
home and that thought tells you, I will never own a
nice house like that. I will never get ahead. I’m so in
debt. Nobody in my family is really successful.
You’ve got to guard your mind.
Change the channel. You’ve got to guard your mind.
If you believe those lies long enough, your own
thinking will keep you from God’s best. Just switch
over to the Voice of Victory in your thoughts: God,
You said if I keep You first, You will give me the
desires of my heart. You said no good thing will You
withhold when I walk uprightly. You said in due
season I would reap if I didn’t give up, so I want to
thank You that my due season is on its way. I know
my time is coming.
That is what it means to be tuned in to the Voice of
Victory.
Some people are so trained to expect the negative
that when a thought comes telling them something
discouraging about themselves or their future, they
just swallow it hook, line, and sinker. It drags them
down and they go around defeated.
But then there are others who train themselves to
latch on to positive, hopeful thoughts. They can have
a thousand negative thoughts bombarding their
minds, but then one positive thought comes—one
little phrase that says, Everything will be all right—
and they weed through all those other thoughts and
choose to latch on to the one faith-filled thought.
TRAIN YOUR EARS
That’s the way to be, so disciplined in your thoughts
that you can weed out discouragement and grab hold
of encouragement. You have to train your ears to do
that.
We have two shih tzu dogs, Daisy and Spirit, who are
amazing pets. Spirit has supersensitive hearing. She
is so tuned in to her surroundings, she can hear
people coming to the front door long before they get
there. She’ll start barking ten or fifteen seconds
before they ring the doorbell. She has trained herself
to hear what she wants to hear.
Spirit loves cheese, and she can hear when we’re
opening a bag of it, even if she’s out in the yard.
Spirit immediately comes running into the kitchen,
sits at our feet, and waits for her piece of cheese.
When the whole family is in the kitchen, there are all
kinds of noises, all kinds of sounds. Jonathan is
pouring cereal. Alexandra is opening chips. I’m using
the blender. Victoria is wrapping up food. Spirit sits
as calm as can be; she never even flinches. But the
moment anyone touches the cheese, she goes on
alert.
Her attitude is: It’s my time now. I am ready for my
snack.
There have been times when I have tried to sneak a
piece of cheese out of the refrigerator without her
hearing it. I’ve told my children, “Watch this.” I’ll
open the refrigerator. I don’t even pull the cheese
out. I leave it there so it won’t make any noise. Very
quietly and delicately I open that ziplock bag. Spirit
is in another room, thirty feet away, sleeping, but you
cannot fool that dog. She either has supernatural
revelation or she has superdog hearing.
It is impossible to keep her away. Why is that? She
has trained herself to hear what’s important to her.
She doesn’t care if I get the bread out. She doesn’t
care if I open the chips or unwrap the lettuce.
Everything else goes in one ear and out the other. All
she’s concerned about is the cheese, and she is
keenly aware of that sound.
SELECTIVE HEARING
What sound are you tuned in to? Some people have a
habit of tuning in to the negative. They’re drawn to it,
almost like they feed off it. If a thought comes that
says, It’s a lousy day, they just take the bait. “Oh,
yeah, it is a lousy day.”
They wake up and the thought comes, You’re
depressed today.
“Oh, yeah, I am depressed.”
Don’t let that be you. You’ve got to retrain your ears.
You’re hearing the wrong things. Tune out the
negative and start listening for faith-filled thoughts.
When you wake up after you ignore all the negative
thoughts, eventually you will hear, “This is the day
the Lord has made. This will be a great day.”
If you trained yourself to hear the bad, you can train
yourself to hear the good. Next time a negative
thought comes just say, “No thanks, that’s not for
me.”
Well, it’s not getting any better. You’ve reached your
limits.
“No thanks. I’m not dwelling on that.”
You’ve made too many mistakes.
“No thanks. I hear another sound. It says I’m
forgiven.”
You’re never getting well. It’s over.
“No thanks. I believe I hear something else. It says
God is restoring health to me.”
You’re never paying off that house.
“No thanks. That’s not for me. I will lend and not
borrow.”
You may have to weed through a thousand negative
thoughts until you hear another positive sound. The
Voice of Victory channel saying, “You can do all
things through Christ. Your best days are ahead. This
situation is about to turn around.”
Latch on to the good. When you hear those faith-
filled thoughts, act like Spirit our dog and come
running. “That’s for me. I believe. I receive. I’m well
able.” Play those thoughts over and over. The battle
is taking place in your mind.
Let the negative thoughts bounce off you like water
off a duck’s back. Just like Spirit sat there unfazed by
the sound of the chips and the cereal and the bread.
Dismiss those thoughts that are not productive and
positive.
Eventually you will hear the right sound. Something
will open up positive thoughts like I’m talented. It
will be just like an alarm going off in your spirit. Rise
up and say, “Yes, I’ll take that one. I am talented.”
The thought will come up, I am blessed.
“Yes, that’s for me. I am well able. I am more than a
conqueror.”
FOCUS ON THE GOOD
I watched a television documentary about a jungle
bat that eats certain small frogs, but not all small
frogs. Some of the jungle frogs are poisonous. They
look just like the nonpoisonous frogs. But this bat can
tell the difference by the sounds made by the frogs.
The bat tunes in to only the sound made by the
nontoxic frog.
At night all the frogs make this high-pitched chirping
sound, but the poisonous frogs chirp in a slightly
higher pitch than the nontoxic frogs. These bats have
hearing so keen, they just listen intently for five or
ten minutes, and then they tune in.
The documentary showed twenty jungle frogs packed
into a little bitty area. Then the jungle bat tuned in
and swooped down. For its dinner, the bat picked out
the one nonpoisonous frog from the midst of all its
poisonous cousins. How could the bat do that? He
had trained his ear to tune in to the right frog
frequency.
Be so trained in your thought life
that you don’t take the enemy’s bait.
That’s the way to be when selecting which thoughts
to tune in. Be so trained in your thought life that you
don’t take the enemy’s bait. You tune in to only
hopeful, positive, faith-filled thoughts.
When a jealous thought comes saying, Why do they
get everything? They’re so smart? That’s not fair,
recognize that thought is making the wrong sound. It
may look good, you may be tempted to dwell on it,
but your instincts should tell you that’s a toxic
thought.
If a thought comes telling you, You’re so sloppy.
You’re undisciplined. You can’t do anything right, it
may be tempting to get down on yourself, but don’t
take that bait. Recognize those are poisonous
thoughts. They will keep you from your destiny.
I’m asking you to be extremely aware of what you’re
dwelling on. What thoughts are you allowing to take
root? Poisonous or nonpoisonous? Helpful or
hurtful? Have you trained your ear like little Spirit
the dog to have selective hearing? Are you being
perceptive like those bats to leave the poisonous
thoughts alone?
GUARD YOUR MIND
You control what you think about. The Scripture tells
us in Philippians to “fix your thoughts on what is
true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely,
and admirable. Think about things that are excellent
and worthy of praise” (4:8 NLT).
You have to program your mind with the right
software. If you’ll keep your mind filled with the
right thoughts, there won’t be any room for the
wrong ones. Purposefully think good things about
yourself and your future. It’s not enough to just avoid
negative thoughts. If you don’t fill your mind with
these faith-filled thoughts, the negative ones will try
to take over. It’s much better to stay on the offensive.
The Bible says, “You will keep him in perfect peace,
whose mind is stayed on You” (Isaiah 26:3 NKJV).
Meditate all through the day on what God says about
you: I’m strong. I’m talented. I’m forgiven. Good
things are in store for me. My best days are in front
of me. When your mind is full of positive thoughts,
negative thoughts will find a NO VACANCY sign when
they try to enter. They won’t be able to get in.
That is a powerful way to live. You decide the
direction of your life. You decide your moods. You
determine your attitudes.
You may need to clean house to rid your mind of all
the negative condemning thoughts so you have room
for the can do thoughts, the all things are possible
thoughts, the I am well able thoughts. There’s not
room for both the negative and the positive.
Deuteronomy 30:19 says to choose blessings or
choose curses.
When you keep your mind filled with positive
thoughts, you choose blessings; you are choosing to
live with happiness each day. You choose joy and
victory. But when you are passive and accept
whatever negative thoughts come to mind, that’s
when you miss out on God’s best.
I want you to get in the habit of filling your mind
with praise and thanksgiving. I want you to go out
expecting good things. When you have setbacks and
disappointments, you have to be especially on guard.
Instead of complaining and being depressed, just say,
“I know God is about to turn this around. It may be
difficult, but this, too, shall pass. It’s only temporary.”
Keep that NO VACANCY sign up to lock out negative
thoughts. Your thoughts control your life. You lock
your house because you don’t want strangers coming
in. That’s your home. That’s where you live. Have the
same attitude with your mind. “This is who I am.
This is my future. I’m not letting just anything come
in. I will make sure my thoughts are positive. I’m
staying tuned to the Voice of Victory.”
I heard somebody put it this way: If you owned an
apartment complex and you rented 80 percent of the
apartments to drug dealers and thieves and cheaters,
and then you rented the other 20 percent to normal
law-abiding citizens, after a few months the drug
dealers and cheaters would run off all the normal
people. It’s the same way in controlling what lives in
your mind. If you dwell constantly on your problems
and what you don’t have and how the future looks
tough, all those negative thoughts will run off any
positive thoughts.
Quit renting space in your mind to your problems.
Don’t rent that valuable space to self-pity. Don’t rent
it out to can’t do it, not able to thoughts, or never
going to happen thoughts. You have only so much
space. Take inventory of what’s occupying your
mind.
Serve an eviction notice to negative thoughts: I’m
sorry, but your time here is up. Your stay has
officially ended. I’ve rented to you long enough, and
now I’ve got a new renter coming in. It’s called the
Voice of Victory, and it needs all the space that’s
available.
DETOX YOUR MIND
We hear a lot about detoxing our bodies and how
there are chemicals in our food that can be harmful,
certain hormones and bacteria that can build up,
even pesticides in the air. Many people don’t realize
their bodies are full of harmful toxins and that’s
what’s causing them to feel bad. Most experts
recommend you go through a deep cleansing where
you put yourself on a fast and then eat a certain diet,
staying away from things that are harmful. They say
over time you’ll rid yourself of those toxins and begin
to feel better.
In the same way, there are all kinds of toxins that can
build up in your mind. When you dwell on what you
can’t do and the hurts you’ve felt and the challenges
you face, you are focusing on toxic thoughts that can
do as much damage as toxins in your body.
Toxic thoughts build up and become like toxic waste
that will eventually contaminate your whole life.
They affect your attitude, your self-esteem, and your
confidence. They become part of who you are. That’s
why the Scripture says in Proverbs 4:23, “Above all
else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows
from it” (NIV). Make guarding your mind a priority,
put it at the top of your to-do list. If your mind is
polluted, your whole life will be damaged.
You probably know someone who is bitter, cynical,
and has a sour attitude. They expect the worst. Why
is that? They’ve allowed toxic thoughts to take root.
These negative thoughts are poisoning their future.
What’s the solution? They need to go through a
detoxification—not a physical cleansing but a mental
cleansing. The only way they will be free, the only
way they will return to who God made them to be, is
to detox the mind.
You may need to detox the bitterness, the low self-
esteem, the negative words spoken over you, the
condemnation from past mistakes, and the
discouragement that’s trying to become a part of you.
How do you detox? You make a decision that you will
not dwell on those thoughts anymore. You starve
those toxins. Every time you dwell on that negative
thought, that condemnation, that bitterness, that low
self-esteem, you are feeding it. You’re giving it new
life, making it stronger.
Those thoughts come saying, You will never get well.
You heard what the doctor said. You will never be
happy. You’ve been hurt too many times. You will
never accomplish your dreams. But instead of
dwelling on them, just say, “No, I’m not going there.
I’m not dwelling on my hurt, or what I don’t have, or
my mistakes. I’m dwelling on what God says about
me. He says I’m forgiven. He says He will pay me
back double for every wrong. He says I am well able
to fulfill my destiny. He says my best days are still in
front of me.”
If you ignore toxic thoughts and keep your mind
filled with thoughts of hope, thoughts of faith, then
those toxic thoughts will grow weaker, and before
long they won’t have any effect on you.
CLEANSE YOUR MIND
I know people who go on fasts so they can detox their
systems. They won’t eat for a period of time or they
just won’t eat a certain type of food. I have a friend
who is trying to be healthier and he won’t eat any
kind of meat. He’s not drinking anything but water.
He won’t eat after a certain time at night. I saw him
the other day and offered him a soft drink and he
didn’t think twice.
“No, that’s not a part of my eating program,” he said.
He was on a strict diet. That’s the way to be when
toxic thoughts come to mind, those thoughts of
worry, low self-esteem, and not able to thoughts.
When they arise, just say, “Thanks, but no thanks.
That’s not a part of my plan. I don’t dwell on
thoughts of fear. I don’t dwell on thoughts of defeat. I
don’t dwell on thoughts of inferiority. Toxic thoughts
are not a part of my program.”
If you don’t have the joy, the happiness, or the
victory, maybe it’s because of an unhealthy diet. Not
physically, but mentally. There is too much mental
junk food polluting your mind.
I’m just average. I’ve reached my limits. I’ve missed
so many good opportunities. I’ve been too hurt to
ever really be happy.
Cleanse your mind and put
it on a healthier diet.
Cleanse your mind and put it on a healthier diet.
Those toxic thoughts are not a part of your program.
I’m asking you today to go on a fast. Not a fast from
food (although that probably wouldn’t hurt you), but
a fast from negative thinking, a fast from
condemnation, a fast from resentment, a fast from
can’t do it thoughts, a fast from undernourished
dreams.
Starve those toxins. Do not give them any power over
you. Every morning when you wake up, go through a
mental cleansing. Release any bitterness, forgive the
people who hurt you, and let go of every
disappointment. Start the day in faith. Start the day
believing. Don’t let those toxins build up.
When you’re lying in bed in the morning before you
get up, just say to yourself, “This will be a great day.
I’m expecting God’s favor. I know I’m well able to
fulfill my destiny. I’ve been empowered to overcome
every obstacle. I have the strength to overlook every
offense. I have the grace to rise above every
disappointment. Even if things don’t go my way
today, I know God’s in control, and I’m making up my
mind right now to be happy and enjoy this day.”
You are cleansing your mind. You are cleaning out all
the toxins, all the negativity, and all the
condemnation. During the day when opportunities
arise to be offended, to be upset, to be discouraged,
don’t accept those thoughts. Banish them from your
daily mental diet.
If somebody is rude to you or offends you and
negative thoughts arise, instead of dwelling on them,
learn to say, “I’m not getting upset. I know this day is
a gift from God, and I’m making a decision to stay in
peace.”
When you do that, you are staying with a healthy
mental diet. That toxic thought can’t poison you if
you don’t dwell on it.
DETOX NEGATIVE THINGS
PEOPLE SAY TO YOU
Don’t accept their hurtful words about what you
can’t do and what you can’t become and that you
aren’t as smart as someone else. Don’t allow those
lies to take root. You are not who other people say
you are. You are who God says you are. And He says,
“You are talented. You are creative. You are anointed.
You are strong. You are determined. You are
confident. You are a victor and not a victim.”
A woman told me recently about the negative
environment she grew up in. The people who raised
her were constantly putting her down, and she didn’t
feel like she measured up to her sister. She couldn’t
seem to catch any good breaks and couldn’t keep any
good friends. She finally said, “It’s like these people
have cursed my future. It’s been one disappointment
after another.”
I told her what I’m telling you: Before anyone could
put a curse on you, God put a blessing on you. And
no matter what they’ve said about you, no matter
how they’ve tried to make you feel, the blessing
always overrides the curse.
Get in agreement with God and start shaking it off.
Just say, “Thanks, but no thanks. That’s not on my
diet. I know who I am. I’m a child of the Most High
God. I am blessed and I cannot be cursed. I am
surrounded with favor. I’m wearing my crown of
honor. I’m equipped with everything I need to
succeed.”
If you go around thinking and speaking like that,
those toxic thoughts won’t have a chance. Always
remember, you are not who people say you are, you
are who God says you are. People may say you’ll
never be successful. God says whatever you touch
will prosper.
People may say you’ll never get well. God says with
long life He will satisfy you. People may say you will
never overcome that challenge. God says He will
always cause you to triumph. People may say your
family will never get on the right track. God says that
you and your house will serve the Lord.
I believe there’s a cleansing taking place as you read
this book. I can see through my eyes of faith right
now that your toxic thoughts are starting to dissipate.
I can see strongholds that have held you back for
years being broken. I can see you stepping into a new
freedom, rising to a new level.
I see you shaking off negativity and coming into
faith. I see you breaking free from condemnation
and stepping into confidence. I see a mind-set of
poverty and defeat giving way to an abundant life
mentality. As you get rid of those toxic thoughts, God
will take you places you’ve never dreamed of.
YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD
I read about this young boy raised by a single-parent
mom in the hills of Tennessee. Back then, especially
in that area, children born to unwed mothers were
subject to extreme discrimination. In fact, when this
boy was just three years old, the neighbors wouldn’t
allow him to play with their children. They said
things like, “What’s he doing in our town? And who
is his father, anyway?”
They treated him like he had some kind of plague.
On Saturdays he would go with his mom to the local
store and invariably people would make disparaging
comments. They would say hurtful things loud
enough on purpose so they could hear: “There they
are again. Did you ever figure out who his dad is?”
This little boy grew up insecure, ridiculed, always
feeling that there was something wrong with him.
When the boy turned twelve, a new minister moved
into the town. He was a young man, very gifted and
very passionate. He created quite a stir. People were
excited.
The boy had never been to church a day in his life,
but one Sunday he decided to go hear a sermon by
this new minister everybody was talking about. He
got there late, snuck in, and sat toward the back so
no one would notice him. As the boy listened that
day, he felt a love and an acceptance that he had
never felt before. He had planned to leave early, but
he was so engrossed in what the minister was saying
that the service was over before he knew it.
The boy was caught up in the crowd. As the young
minister greeted everyone who was leaving, he saw
the boy. He had never met him, and he didn’t know
anything about him. But the minister noticed the boy
wasn’t with anyone. He was by himself.
The minister said to him in a very friendly tone,
“Young man, whose child are you?”
The room grew completely silent. The minister had
asked the question everybody else wanted to ask.
The boy didn’t know what to say. He had heard all
the talk that he was the outcast and a child with no
dad. So he just put his head down.
The minister noticed something was wrong,
something he obviously didn’t know anything about.
But God gave him wisdom. He was quick on his feet.
He looked at the boy and said, “Oh, I know who your
Father is. I can see the resemblance so strongly; why,
you’re a child of almighty God.”
That day was a turning point in the boy’s life. Those
who had been talking about him put their heads
down and walked out of the room. The stronghold of
insecurity and inferiority was broken. He began to
see himself not as the inferior outcast people said he
was but as a child of almighty God.
You have been chosen and set apart
before the foundation of the world.
The boy went on to become very successful and live a
blessed and happy life. Many people grow up
without fathers. I wish it were not so, but if that’s the
case for you, let me tell you what the young minister
told the boy. Your Father is almighty God. You have
been chosen and set apart before the foundation of
the world. You didn’t get here by accident. You didn’t
just happen to show up. God breathed His life into
you. He put seeds of greatness on the inside. You
have a destiny to fulfill, an assignment, something
that no one else can accomplish.
Don’t let what people say about you or what they
don’t say about you cause you to feel less than whole.
Your earthly father may not be around as much as he
should; maybe you don’t even know him. But your
heavenly Father says, “I am proud of you. You have a
bright future. You will do great things.”
FEED YOUR MIND GOD’S THOUGHTS
I remember after the service a couple of years ago
this young lady came up with two small children, a
girl and a boy. They were so loving. The little boy
hung on to me and didn’t want to go. He was about
five years old. I hugged him back and we talked for a
little while and finally we high-fived and they walked
away.
A couple of minutes later, the boy came back and
said he wanted to whisper something in my ear. I
leaned down, and I’ll never forget what he said.
“I wish you were my dad.”
That almost broke my heart. I told him what I’m
telling you: Every morning, look up and just imagine
your heavenly Father is smiling down on you. He’s
saying, “You’re the apple of My eye. You’re My most
prized possession.”
The Scripture says God is “a father to the fatherless”
(Psalm 68:5 NIV). Many people are not reaching their
full potential because of a lack of identity. Their
minds are full of thoughts that say, You’re not from
the right family, or You don’t even have a father. No
wonder you can’t succeed.
Don’t believe those lies. Those thoughts are not on
your program. Stick with your diet. It’s found right
here: “I am who God says I am. I may not have an
earthly father, but I have a heavenly Father. People
may have spoken negative things over me, but I
know before anybody could curse me, God put a
blessing on me. That’s what I’m dwelling on.”
If you have had these negative things spoken over
you and they are poisoning your future, go back to
the roots of those thoughts. Who said you were not
smart enough to go to college? Who said you would
never be successful? Who told you that you don’t
have what it takes? Who said you would never be
married? Who told you that you would never
overcome this obstacle? Who said your best days are
behind you?
I can promise you it was not God who put those
thoughts in your mind. Detox that garbage. Detox
what your ex-husband said about you. Detox what
that teacher said you couldn’t do. Detox what that
manager said you would never become. Detox what
those critics said about your ability.
I’m putting you on a new diet today. This diet will
clear out all the toxins. It will free you from all the
negativity, all the can’t do it thoughts, all the not good
enough thoughts. This is faith food. When you eat
this food, it’s like Popeye eating spinach. It’s like
Clark Kent stepping into the phone booth and coming
out as Superman. A transformation takes place when
you get rid of negative condemning thoughts and
feed your mind what God says about you.
TREAT THE ROOT
We have a couple of rabbits at home, and awhile
back we noticed one of them looked like he wasn’t
feeling well. He kept rubbing the side of his face like
something was bothering him. We checked it out and
didn’t see anything. He looked fine. A few days later
that area had really swollen up. It looked like he had
a big growth on his face.
So we took the rabbit to the vet. They gave him some
antibiotics and said he should get better. We tried
that for a week, but he didn’t improve. In fact, he
looked really bad. We took him back and they
examined him again. This time they discovered the
real problem was that a fly egg had somehow
entered the rabbit’s nasal passage. The fly larva was
growing and about to hatch. That’s why the rabbit’s
face was so infected.
No matter how many antibiotics the vet gave the
rabbit, they didn’t work. They had to get to the root
of the problem. Once they found the source of the
infection and removed it, the rabbit was fine.
This is the way the enemy works. He tries to plant
these lies in your mind that infect your thinking. So
often we deal with the surface problem and try to
have a good attitude and a good self-image, but it’s a
constant struggle, like we’re always going uphill.
Could you be like our vet and the rabbit, treating the
symptoms but not dealing with the real issue? Are
you treating the outside but missing the root cause, a
negative mind-set toward yourself? Your thinking in
some area may be infected.
Maybe you are trying to break an addiction, but deep
down you still hear the words, You’ll be an alcoholic
just like your father. Maybe you are trying to make
your marriage work, but that thought keeps playing:
You’ll get a divorce just like your parents.
Maybe you want to step out and start a new business,
or you want to take a promotion, but something
inside you says, You don’t have what it takes. You will
fail. You remember what the high school counselor
told you. You remember what those ladies said about
you.
Those are lies, and they are infecting your thinking.
The way to get rid of those thoughts is to meditate on
what God says about you. The Scripture says to
“meditate on [God’s Word] day and night” (Joshua 1:8
NIV). In other words, continuously have positive
thoughts playing in your mind: I am talented. I am
creative. I am anointed. I am equipped. I am
empowered. I am blessed. I am prosperous. I am
disciplined. I am free from every addiction. I walk in
divine health. I have the favor of God.
When you play thoughts like that, the toxins can’t
stay. Your mind is being renewed. Imagine a glass of
cloudy water with all kinds of dirt and sand particles
in it. If I pour clean water in it continuously and just
keep letting it overflow and overflow with this new
clean water, eventually all the dirty water will be
gone and the water will be perfectly clear.
If you’ll develop a habit of putting the right
thoughts in, thoughts of faith, thoughts of hope,
encouraging thoughts, can do thoughts,
eventually your mind will be transformed.
I didn’t have to try to get rid of the dirty water. I
simply had to keep putting the right thing in, and
before long the wrong thing was gone. It’s the same
way in our thinking. If you’ll develop a habit of
putting the right thoughts in, thoughts of faith,
thoughts of hope, encouraging thoughts, can do
thoughts, eventually your mind will be transformed.
You will find yourself positive, hopeful, strong, and
courageous.
FOCUS ON YOUR BEST
I just read about this child whose parents moved
from Germany to the United States a few years
before he was born. The father was an international
businessman and very successful. He wanted the boy
to join him in business one day.
But the boy struggled terribly in school. He tried and
tried, but he had great difficulty in reading and
writing and arithmetic. His mother and father were
hard on him. In German, they called him a “dumm
hund,” which translates to “dumb dog.”
The boy, whose severe dyslexia would not be
diagnosed until he was in his thirties, was devastated
by their harsh words. He grew up insecure, thinking
he was stupid. The only thing that saved him in
school was a sense of humor. He was good at making
the other kids laugh.
He told jokes about himself. He became popular with
the other kids. He really shone in his speech and
drama classes so he pursued those subjects, much to
the horror of his parents.
They thought he’d never amount to anything. Of
course, they changed their minds when their son
Henry became a huge television star. They couldn’t
believe it when their insecure boy, a graduate of Yale
Drama School, became the star of a hit television
show by playing a tough high school dropout.
It was ironic that the name of his first big show was
Happy Days, because Henry Winkler, now a famous
actor, writer, director, and producer, really does
remember those days on his first hit television show
as some of the happiest of his life.
Those were the days when he finally rejected the
toxic thoughts of others and became the talented and
creative man that his heavenly Father intended him
to be. He focused on God’s best within him, not on
what others said about him.
In the Bible, God called Gideon a mighty man of
(fearless) courage.
Gideon looked around and said, “Who’s He talking
to? That’s not me.” God had an assignment for
Gideon, something great for him to accomplish, but
Gideon had not renewed his mind. He had these
toxic thoughts. God saw him as strong, but Gideon
saw himself as weak, defeated, not able to.
God wanted him to lead the people of Israel and to
defeat an opposing army, but Gideon said, “God, I
can’t do that. I’m the least one in my father’s house. I
come from the poorest family. I don’t have the
education, the skills, the courage.”
Notice how Gideon perceived himself compared to
how God saw him. God said he was a mighty man of
fearless courage. If God were to call your name
today, He wouldn’t say, “Hello, you weak worm of the
dust. Hello, you failure. Hello, you ol’ sinner. How’s
My loser doing today?”
God would say the same sort of thing to you that He
said to Gideon: “Hello, Mary, you mighty woman of
fearless courage.” Or “Hello, Bob, you mighty man of
fearless courage.”
I wonder if you would be like Gideon and say, “God,
who are You talking to? Don’t You know what family
I come from? Haven’t You seen the mistakes I’ve
made? Let me remind You of some of them. God, You
know I’m not that talented. Why are You calling me a
mighty man?”
The problem is, you have allowed these wrong
thoughts to infect your thinking. But thank God this
is a new day. You are beginning a new diet. You are
starting a fast by cutting out every negative,
discouraging, can’t do it thought.
When those wrong thoughts come up, instead of
saying like Gideon, “I’m not able. Who am I?” Turn it
around and say, “I know who I am. I am well able.
I’m ready for my assignment. God, I am who You say
I am.”
I believe in the coming days God will present you
with new opportunities. New doors will open. New
people will come across your path. Maybe there will
even be a new career opportunity. If you are to reach
a new level, you must have a new way of thinking.
You have to clean out the old so you’ll have room for
the new. I’m asking you to detox all the garbage
telling you what you’re not and what you can’t do.
Remove all those strongholds. Detox little dreams.
Detox low self-esteem. Detox the negative words. Stay
on your diet.
Every morning go through a good cleanse. Start the
day off in faith. If you’ll guard your mind and instead
of letting it get toxic keep it full of faith-filled
thoughts, God promises you’ll overcome every
obstacle, you’ll defeat every enemy, and every dream
and every desire God has put in your heart will come
to pass.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Wear Your Blessings Well
A few years ago, a well-known reporter referred to
me as “the smiling preacher.” That story caught on
and went all over the world. But some people use
that term in a derogatory sense, as in, “Why does he
smile so much? What’s wrong with him? He couldn’t
be that happy.”
I was young and new to the ministry, and at first I
thought, Well, maybe I shouldn’t smile so much.
People are making fun. Then I realized I don’t have
to hide God’s blessings. I don’t have to apologize
because I smile all the time. I’m wearing my
blessings well.
When you keep God in first place and do your best to
honor Him, the Scripture says, “all these blessings
shall come upon you and overtake you”
(Deuteronomy 28:2 NKJV). That means you will come
into happiness, increase, promotion, and good
breaks, even some that you didn’t necessarily
deserve. That’s God rewarding you for walking in His
ways.
We see this principle in the Old Testament with Ruth.
She was out in the fields following behind the
workers and gathering up the leftover wheat they
had missed.
One day the owner of the fields, Boaz, told those
workers to leave handfuls of wheat on purpose for
Ruth. Now Ruth didn’t have to struggle anymore. She
didn’t have to work night and day. Ruth came into
blessings that were simply dropped at her feet.
Don’t apologize for God’s goodness.
Every one of us can look back and see times where
God has left us handfuls of blessings on purpose,
something we didn’t deserve, we didn’t have to
struggle for, we didn’t even ask for it. We just
stumbled into it. Now here is my challenge: Don’t
apologize for God’s goodness. Don’t downplay what
God has done in your life. Don’t make excuses
because a friend might be jealous. Don’t try to hide
God’s blessings because a co-worker might judge you
and think it’s not fair.
One key to happiness is to wear your blessings well.
You may not feel you deserved a blessing, but favor is
not always fair. It’s just the goodness of God. The
moment you start apologizing for what God has done
and downplaying His goodness, God will find
somebody else to favor.
I’m not saying you should show off and brag on what
you have and how great you are. But you should brag
on how great God is. We used to sing a song growing
up called “Look What the Lord Has Done.” That’s the
song to sing. All through the day, praise God’s
goodness. When you’re bragging on God’s goodness,
when you’re giving Him all the credit, you are
wearing your blessings well.
David said in Psalm 118:23, “This was the LORD’s
doing; it is marvelous in our eyes” (NKJV). That is a
great attitude. Give Him credit for every good thing
that happens: “This was the Lord’s doing.”
“You know what this beautiful building is? It’s the
Lord’s doing.”
“My mother is still enjoying life thirty years after
being diagnosed with terminal cancer. You know
what that is? That’s the Lord’s doing. It’s marvelous
in our eyes.”
If you always see the promotion, the good break, the
healing, the new, and the opportunities coming your
way as the Lord’s doing, you won’t have any problem
wearing your blessings well.
I used to feel kind of guilty that God has given me
such a great life. I’ve always been happy and blessed
to have great parents and grandparents, a beautiful
wife, and wonderful children. Again and again
Victoria and I have seen these handfuls of blessing
on purpose.
We’ve just been blessed, and it’s the Lord’s doing. But
when I used to see people dealing with hardships
and struggling to overcome, I tried to downplay how
God has blessed me so they wouldn’t feel badly. But
I’ve learned that doesn’t bring any honor to God. God
wants us to be an example of His goodness. I don’t
have to apologize if I get a handful of blessings on
purpose and somebody else doesn’t.
NO APOLOGIES NECESSARY
You don’t have to hide your happiness, your peace,
your victory, or your possessions. You don’t have to
dress down and look poor and pitiful and depressed
to show people you are humble. When you wear
your blessings well, giving God all the credit, talking
about His goodness, thanking Him for what He has
done, that’s what really brings honor to our God.
If God has blessed you with financial success or
helped you through a challenge in a relationship, a
job, your health, or your finances, wear that blessing
well. Tell everyone what God has done for you. If
they make fun of you like they make fun of me and
ask why you are so happy, just tell them, “I’m
wearing my blessing well. God has been so good to
me I can’t keep it to myself. I’ve got to tell somebody.
I once was lost, but now I’m found. I should be dead,
but I’m still alive. Look what the Lord has done.”
Some critics and doubters may tell you to calm down
or chill out on the happiness stuff. Let that go in one
ear and out the other. Keep wearing your blessings
well, and over time, instead of them affecting you,
you will infect them. You will help them come up
higher.
When you dress your best, you’re wearing your
blessings well. When you step up and take that
promotion, you’re wearing your blessings well.
When God opens the door and you move into that
new house you’ve been believing for, others may be
critical. But don’t allow those who are negative,
jealous, judgmental, bitter, angry, and nonsmiling to
bring you down.
If you want to please God and live in happiness, don’t
drag around broke, defeated, or depressed. Wear
your blessings well. Step up to a new level. Enjoy
God’s favor. Be proud of who you are and of what
God has done in your life.
LIVE FOR THE MOST HIGH GOD
The Scripture says, “Let the LORD be magnified, who
has pleasure in the prosperity of His servant” (Psalm
35:27 NKJV).
I say this respectfully, but we have to fight the
religious spirit that says we’re supposed to be poor,
broke, and defeated to prove to everyone that we’re
really humble. When we’re poor, broke, and
defeated, all that proves is that we’re poor, broke,
and defeated. Nobody will want what we have. I can
be poor, broke, and defeated without serving God.
We’re supposed to be examples of what it means to
live for the Most High God.
We should be so blessed, so prosperous, so kind, so
generous, so happy, and so peaceful that people will
want what we have. If you think you’re showing God
how holy you are and how humble you are by not
wearing your blessings and not taking that
promotion, your own thinking is what is keeping God
from doing something new in your life.
ENLARGE YOUR VISION
You have to enlarge your vision. God owns it all.
God’s blessing you in a greater way will not bankrupt
heaven. God makes streets out of gold. If you want to
bring a smile to God’s face, embrace an abundant-life
mentality.
Victoria and I found these two acres we wanted to
buy for a home some day. It was a great piece of
property close in to the city. God has blessed us
through our books and other avenues. We tithe our
income and we give generously, but we also believe
in making good investments. I was praying and
debating whether we should buy this property. I
thought, You know what? We don’t really need two
acres to live on. We’re fine where we are.
But deep down I wanted it. It was a desire of my
heart, but I felt guilty, like it was more than we
needed. Then one day I was on an airplane thirty-
five thousand feet in the air. It was a clear, beautiful
day. I was sitting by the window looking out toward
the ground.
I heard God say something to me, not out loud, but
just down inside me; an impression. He said, You
wonder if it’s okay to buy that property. What do you
think those two acres look like to Me? What do you
think it looks like from My point of view, from My
perspective?
Well, from where I was, thirty-five thousand feet in
the air, two acres looked like a little dot, just like you
took your pen and touched the earth. It was nothing.
I felt God say, I give you permission. It’s okay to have
enough land the size of a pinhead from My
viewpoint!
WEAR YOUR BLESSINGS WELL
Sometimes, we think so small. We limit our
possibilities and our potential. God owns it all. “The
earth is the LORD’s, and the fullness thereof” (Psalm
24:1 KJV). We have to enlarge our vision.
So often we think, Is it wrong for me to want to live
in a nice house? Is it wrong for me to want a bigger
piece of property? Is it selfish for me to want to drive
a nice car? Is it okay for me to want to bless my
children and leave them an inheritance?
God says, “It’s okay.
Wear your blessings well.”
God says, “It’s okay. Wear your blessings well.” As
long as you’re keeping God in first place and you’re
not living selfishly and you’re not making material
things your idols, then God wants to give you the
desires of your heart. He takes pleasure in blessing
His children.
A young man in our congregation came to me after
he was promoted to a high position at a major retail
company. He was the youngest ever to hold the job
overseeing a large region. He was very excited. He
knew it was God’s favor.
But he was promoted over co-workers who had been
there much longer and were more experienced. They
had been his friends, but he felt they were avoiding
him since his promotion. He sensed that they were
trying to make him look bad by talking about him
behind his back.
“I know you’ve quoted Ephesians 3:20 in situations
like this,” he said to me. “This is just what you’ve
been talking about, but I feel guilty, like I’ve done
something wrong.”
I told him what I’m telling you: That is the goodness
of God. Wear it well. The Scripture tells us that
promotion doesn’t come from people; promotion
comes from the Lord (see Psalm 75:6–7).
If you don’t step up and wear that blessing well with
a grateful attitude, do you know what will happen?
God will give it to somebody else! Don’t worry if
others are jealous or turn against you. I’ve learned
some people will be your friend until you get
promoted. Co-workers may go to lunch with you as
long as you’re at the same level, but the moment you
see increase, the moment you come into a handful of
blessings on purpose, jealousy takes hold and they
try to make you look bad. Don’t worry about it. God
will take care of your enemies. Be grateful for the
goodness of God.
We see an example of this in the Scripture when
Isaac was in the famine. There had been a great
drought in the land for some time. It didn’t look like
there was any end in sight. Isaac went out to his land
and he planted crops, right in the middle of the
famine. It didn’t make any sense, but somehow in
that same year, without the proper amount of water,
Isaac received one hundred times what he had sown
because the Lord blessed him (see Genesis 26:12).
Notice where the blessing came from: almighty God.
It was a handful of blessings on purpose;
supernatural increase. But what’s interesting is when
Isaac’s crops came up, when God blessed him, the
people he was living around, the Philistines, his
friends, all of a sudden became jealous of him.
They were fine as long as Isaac was hungry, too. As
long as they were at the same level it was no big deal,
but when he stepped up to a new level, when he
began to wear his blessings well, the Scripture says,
“the Philistines envied” Isaac (Genesis 26:14 NIV)
DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE BACKBITERS
If you worry constantly that not everyone likes you,
you’ll have a long-term problem with being blessed
because when you’re blessed, the haters come out.
When you step up to a new level, the backbiters
show up. When you wear that blessing well and you
take one of those handfuls of blessing on purpose,
don’t be surprised if it draws jealousy out of people.
When they come at you, simply say, in a humble way,
“I’m wearing this blessing well, despite criticism and
jealousy. If my friends aren’t happy for my blessings,
then it’s time to find new friends who will celebrate
with me as I celebrate with them.”
A friend of mine is pastor to a small church that
meets in a high school auditorium. Every Sunday
they have to move their equipment in and out. It’s a
lot of work. His dream is to one day build his own
auditorium.
When he visited us at Lakewood Church, I had some
concerns about showing him around because it is so
big. I didn’t want to seem like I was bragging and I
didn’t want him to feel badly. I was tempted to
downplay the size of our church, even to apologize
for it.
Then I realized I would not be bragging on anything
we’ve done. I’d be bragging on what God has done. I
had to shake off that guilt and when we toured
Lakewood, I said, “Here it is. Look what the Lord has
done.”
Before he left I reminded him, “If God did it for us,
He can do it for you as well!”
DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR GOD’S GOODNESS
My parents sowed seeds for forty years before I ever
took over the Lakewood ministry. I’m reaping the
rewards of a generational blessing. My paternal
grandmother made ten cents an hour washing
clothes for other people during the Great Depression.
She worked twelve hours a day and made $1.20. My
father went to school with holes in his pants. He
would put cardboard in the bottom of his shoes
because the soles were so torn up.
My grandparents and parents made great sacrifices
to get us where we are today. So I’m wearing my
blessings well. People may criticize us. They may
judge. They may find fault, but they don’t know what
it took to get where we are today.
They weren’t there when the kids in our family
would sweep out the old church and clean buildings.
They weren’t there when my father traveled for
weeks doing missionary work around the world
while my mother took care of five children on her
own. They weren’t there when my mom was
diagnosed with terminal cancer and we fought the
good fight of faith. They weren’t there when my
father went to be with the Lord and I stepped up to
pastor the church practically scared to death.
Some people come in after the struggle and they see
you as you are now: blessed, prosperous, healthy,
sober, free, and happy. They want to judge you and
criticize, but the problem is, they missed seeing the
years of struggle. They didn’t see the sacrifices made.
They didn’t see the battles fought—the times you felt
like giving up but you kept pressing forward, the
nights you stayed up and prayed and believed and
gave and served. They didn’t see the price that was
paid to get you to where you are.
A blessing may look free, but the truth is it cost you
something. Ruth’s blessing, her handful on purpose,
came after she had buried her husband and after her
father-in-law had died. She had suffered great
heartache and pain.
I’m sure some of those workers said, “Hey, it’s not
fair. Why is this lady getting all this free wheat when
we have to work?” They didn’t realize Ruth had paid
the price. She had proven herself as being faithful.
She was taking care of her loved ones. God was
rewarding her.
Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for the favor,
the honor, the joy, the peace, the victory that God has
given you. Somebody paid the price. The Scripture
talks about this: “I have given you a land for which
you did not labor and cities you did not build, and
you dwell in them; you eat from vineyards and olive
yards you did not plant” (Joshua 24:13 AMP). Those
are generational blessings; God rewarding us for
seeds other people have sown.
Just last week a gentleman stopped me and told me
about bumping into my father on a street in
downtown Houston back in the 1970s. My dad didn’t
know this young man, but he was at one of the lowest
points in his life. He had just dropped out of school
and didn’t have any direction. My father came up to
him and gave him one hundred dollars and said,
“Young man, I don’t know you, but God has got a
great plan for your life. You keep moving forward.”
That was a turning point in the young man’s life. He
went back to school and earned a degree. Today he is
a medical doctor with a very successful practice.
God takes pleasure in the
prosperity of His children.
When I wear my blessings, I’m not only honoring
God, I’m also honoring my earthly father who spent
his life helping others. I’m honoring my mother, who
has cared for so many. I’m honoring my
grandmother, who worked tirelessly. I’m honoring
my grandfather, who gave and served.
When you see me happy, healthy, blessed, and living
well, I make no apologies. It’s the goodness of God
being passed from generation to generation. I won’t
downplay it. I won’t make excuses. I know God takes
pleasure in the prosperity of His children.
BRAG ON THE GOODNESS OF GOD
Our attitude should not be Look how great I am.
Look at what all I have. No, turn it around: Look at
how great God is. Look at what the Lord has done in
my life, in my family.”
All through the day we should be bragging on the
goodness of God. We may not have deserved it. We
didn’t earn it. Many times it’s just another handful of
blessing on purpose. Now, don’t let some negative,
judgmental, jealous person, or even your own
thoughts try to convince you to not wear the
blessings God has given you.
If you will wear your blessings well, being quick to
always give God the credit, then there is no limit to
where He will take you. God will make you an
example of what it means to live a joyful, blessed,
prosperous, and abundant life.
As I noted in the opening chapter, we all have the
power to choose happiness each and every day. That
doesn’t mean we ignore our challenges or that we
can always control everything that happens to us, but
it does mean that, with God’s help, we can choose to
respond to life’s inevitable setbacks and hard times
with a positive attitude. You have the power to focus
on solutions, to surround yourself with supportive
people, to rise above criticism and discouragement,
and to put your faith in God and trust His plan for
your life. Be happy with who God created you to be
and enjoy each day you are given as His gift. If you
do this, I believe you will make every day a Friday.
